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FieryOpal -> RE: Advice from a switch guy to a sub girl please? (10/2/2014 8:09:07 AM)
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First of all Submis, I can tell that you're a special woman because you have the desire to please your (Switch) partner to the extent that you would move outside of your comfort zone to service Top him. Whether he is the type of Switch who wants to be dominated on occasion is hard to tell. He may not actually want to be dominated per se. In other words, he may just be a kinky bastard! [sm=lol.gif]
Since I am not a S/switch, I can't really say whether any particular S/switch will feel fulfilled suppressing either his/her Dominant or submissive tendencies to play one role to the exclusion of the other. That would be up to the individual. I suppose the same would go for bisexuality as well.
There are bondage bottoms who may or may not be masochistic. Having a penchant for bondage doesn't necessarily make someone submissive. Like ExiledTyrant's masochistic Dom friend, being a masochist is not the same as being submissive. There are even Sadistic subs, although that is very rare. I know of just 3 (one is female, one is male - both straight - and the other is gay).
I have a male sub buddy who had done service Topping before with impact play. He told me that he never felt as submissive as when he did this because 1) He didn't enjoy it but wanted to please his partner, and 2) the whole time he was service Topping, he was wishing that it were he at the other (receiving) end.
Personally, I don't consider *regular* vanilla-ish sexual relations to be Topping/bottoming activities because it's just having sex, not BDSM. I may only want to get Topped once in a blue moon, and this is not uncommon with Dominants. Some of them want to get spanked, flogged, bound, participate in a take-down, what have you. There are Doms who enjoy strap-on play, other Dominants may have a fetish they want indulged. It is also problematic for some subs to serve their Dominant in this manner. The advantage that you have is that you are willing to do what it takes so that your partner doesn't have to seek gratification elsewhere. [;)]
As long as the two of you keep communicating openly, you'll do fine. If you feel uncomfortable, don't hesitate to discuss this with your partner or assume that it would make you less of a submissive to voice your concerns. Everybody is entitled to their limits, setting limits, redefining their preferences, or withdrawing consent at any time (either by safewording or on a permanent basis). It doesn't matter whether you are Dominant, submissive, S/switch, Top or bottom, each partner is entitled to be treated as equally important within their chosen dynamic.
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