quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50


So I want to know what other sub/slaves have been told and what they think...and what their experience is....do you feel "less pressure"?

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

One of my sub friends hates the question "What should we have for dinner" so now He decides.
Someone else had a television break, they had the money to fix it, or save the money and fix it later when they had more- he decided what to do.

Largely though- I agree with you.
I'm a "bottom"- I'm incredibly dominant in work, and we're equal outside the bedroom in our relationship, because I LIKE making decisions? I like having control over myself. I don't need a firm and guiding hand...I do just find on my own.

I mean...sure do I need someone to kinda nag my ass into doing laundry? Sure...but its not like I'm not feeling pressured to make that decision, I'm just not doing it right then, cause I don't want to...cause there is something better or more important to do.

I don't know...I also don't feel he needs to care for me...control everything...etc.
I've said it over and over before- TPE is not for me, bottoming is. A FEW doms I know have told me its just because I don't have the right person- or direction...but I disagree. I think I'm pretty firm in this.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko

quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50


So I want to know what other sub/slaves have been told and what they think...and what their experience is....do you feel "less pressure"?

Yes. I over-think a lot of things. Not everything. But there are certain times when I know I'm doing more harm just by overanalyzing what avenue to take than whatever harm taking action could possibly bring. I do a little bit too much risk analysis in certain areas of my life (though in other areas, I just close my eyes and jump).

What decisions? Well, for example, I've been tossing around the thought of adding on another volunteer role in an organization I already volunteer with. I've been knocking it around for a week, wondering about the additional responsibilities. And then...he said no. There. Problem solved.

I struggle with taking medication. I hate it. I will analyze the risk of taking an Advil for two hours before I actually take one. He tells me to take one. Problem solved. Done.

Two small ones. There are bigger, but more personal, that yes -I do feel less pressure. I think that many people can feel this way, though, even if not in a D/s relationship. Isn't it nice to have someone to bounce things off of? To talk things over with? That alone would relieve some pressure. I, being who I am, happen to do well if someone gives me direction, but no matter how it is achieved, a partnership can relieve pressure in a few ways.

quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50
Hmm....like I said....I don't really come across any situations in my life where I need to make a decision that is difficult. If I have a medical ailment, I take medicine for it. If I'm thinking about buying something, chances are my budget will make the decision for me. Well...my budget and how important I think the item might be. For example....I "just" got a new TV a few months ago....it replaced the TV I've had since 1989. The pic on the old TV finally started to fade and I found a replacement for less than $100. Problem solved. If I didn't have the money...I wouldn't have bought it...problem solved.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

There are women who exists who find it stressful to make even the simplest decision. So they prefer not to have to think about what they prefer, as they have no preferences, and just leave it to the dom to decide and they are happy to just follow his blueprint for everything.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

There are women who exists who find it stressful to make even the simplest decision. So they prefer not to have to think about what they prefer, as they have no preferences, and just leave it to the dom to decide and they are happy to just follow his blueprint for everything.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

There are women who exists who find it stressful to make even the simplest decision. So they prefer not to have to think about what they prefer, as they have no preferences, and just leave it to the dom to decide and they are happy to just follow his blueprint for everything.

It really is a matter of personality. OP apparently is not an indecisive person when it comes to making everyday decisions. Other people are, and Dominants are used to hearing these types of submissives tell us they want to be relieved of the "burden" of decisionmaking. Personally, this isn't the type of submissive that I want. This Dom assumed that you are, whether it was an automatic assumption on his part or whether you may have sent him mixed messages by being uncertain what degree of TPE you want, your desire to be more submissive than when you were a bottom. (In your profile you express uncertainty whether you want to be a submissive or a slave.)

You may not even realize that you do send mixed messages at times, based on many of the posts you have made. There's nothing wrong with wanting to retain control over various aspects of your life. It doesn't have to be an all or nothing deal. In general, irrespective of D/s,

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

This is a fast reply.

I think the whole, "I will make the decisions for you to relieve that pressure from you" is basically bunk. Certainly, there are a few who crave this type of dominance, but I would believe the majority would not. I think it stems from reading some profiles out there that claim they want the man to take over entirely, every area, and make the decisions for the sub/slave. Quite honestly, I wouldn't want that pressure. If my partner has a brain I am going to expect her to use it and not turn to me for the final say on everything. "Honey? Should I clip my toenails or just file them?" is a decision I don't give a shit about. If she needs help with making a decision, I can help her make it, but I am not about to control every area of her life.... she is not a puppet but rather a human being.

In micromanaging every decision, I would feel as if I were raising a child... and those days are done for me. I want someone that can think on their own, someone who has the confidence to have control over their life. Now, if she specifically asks me to take over an area of her life for her, I will do so, but she is free to handle things the way she sees fit otherwise.

quote:

you will rarely be unsure of what you are doing, because you are doing what He said.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

This is a fast reply.

I think the whole, "I will make the decisions for you to relieve that pressure from you" is basically bunk. Certainly, there are a few who crave this type of dominance, but I would believe the majority would not. I think it stems from reading some profiles out there that claim they want the man to take over entirely, every area, and make the decisions for the sub/slave. Quite honestly, I wouldn't want that pressure. If my partner has a brain I am going to expect her to use it and not turn to me for the final say on everything. "Honey? Should I clip my toenails or just file them?" is a decision I don't give a shit about. If she needs help with making a decision, I can help her make it, but I am not about to control every area of her life.... she is not a puppet but rather a human being.

In micromanaging every decision, I would feel as if I were raising a child... and those days are done for me. I want someone that can think on their own, someone who has the confidence to have control over their life. Now, if she specifically asks me to take over an area of her life for her, I will do so, but she is free to handle things the way she sees fit otherwise.

Thank goodness that it doesn't have to be one extreme or the other, then, yes? As you say yourself, if there is a certain area of her life that she asks for your help in, then that's fine. How would that be any different than, say, what I do? I can clip my toenails, thanks. I view micromanagement to such a level to be a nuisance, not a help, to him. But when I need more, and he see's it as worthwhile to provide more, then I do turn to him.

Example: As I said, medical decisions spool me up. I'm that person that weighs the risks and successes of every medicine, every procedure, and I second guess every doctor's advice. (History has taught me to do so.) Having someone to straighten my perspective and give me guidance on how not to be such a freak about it is helpful for me. It is a weakness of mine, it is a strength of his. We complement each other. Couples do this dance of how to help each other all the time. In our case, we're just very upfront about how we approach it - I will do as he says. Simple. (Which, on a totally separate topic, is probably the only real difference between TPE and some "vanilla" relationships - the acknowledgment of it.)

I'll also add, as a general reply, from the OP:

quote:

you will rarely be unsure of what you are doing, because you are doing what He said.

1. Was he necessarily assuming this is what you want? Or was he saying that this is what he can offer?

2. This, in my opinion, is complete surrender. I would even remove the "rarely." A surrendered woman will not be unsure of what she's doing, because she's doing what he has said to do. I've mentioned it in some other posts, it's intriguing to think about. Again, it is not about micromanaging a basket-case so she can make it through her day without having a meltdown. It's about submitting to the will of another with complete faith and surrender - acting as a vessel of service - which possibly is what this man is looking for and obviously is not what you are looking for. Just incompatible, but maybe not necessarily an assumption of all submissive women.

quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

What he said was:

"...yes there are times that you will have to do things you find distasteful, or that you just plain don't want to do. But in return you get so much more. you have someone who will take the pressure off you for making decisions. you will rarely be unsure of what you are doing, because you are doing what He said."

I have heard so many Dominants (surprisingly....not all that many subs or slaves) say this. But I don't get it....What "pressure" is there?? What decisions? What am I so unsure of that I need someone else to decide for me?

So I want to know what other sub/slaves have been told and what they think...and what their experience is....do you feel "less pressure"?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

This is a fast reply.

I think the whole, "I will make the decisions for you to relieve that pressure from you" is basically bunk. Certainly, there are a few who crave this type of dominance, but I would believe the majority would not. I think it stems from reading some profiles out there that claim they want the man to take over entirely, every area, and make the decisions for the sub/slave.

quote:


Quite honestly, I wouldn't want that pressure. If my partner has a brain I am going to expect her to use it and not turn to me for the final say on everything. "Honey? Should I clip my toenails or just file them?" is a decision I don't give a shit about. If she needs help with making a decision, I can help her make it, but I am not about to control every area of her life.... she is not a puppet but rather a human being.

In micromanaging every decision, I would feel as if I were raising a child... and those days are done for me. I want someone that can think on their own, someone who has the confidence to have control over their life. Now, if she specifically asks me to take over an area of her life for her, I will do so, but she is free to handle things the way she sees fit otherwise.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

Interesting replies. I decided I want another label, beyond bedroom sub but less than TPE. I'm thinking "relationship sub". When it comes to health decisions, finances, work, hobbies, friendships, I not only don't feel pressure around making these decisions; I regard it as a privilege of freedom and I'm grateful for it.

In a relationship, I get my satisfaction by being focused on his. In the bedroom, out of it, D/s structure, his choices for what we do, where we go. That makes me happier than figuring out what I want and focusing on getting that.