RE: The Female Orgasm

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: The Female Orgasm

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: The Female Orgasm

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: The Female Orgasm - 10/19/2014 11:09:39 AM

littleladybug

Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline

At the risk of smashing some Dom egos, I don't believe that *anyone* can be conditioned to orgasm from the infliction of pain. No matter how "expertly" it's administered.

I used to be way more of a pain slut than I am now (and, actually, as I think about it, I don't think I ever "liked" most pain-- I just endured it because "he liked it"). Now the thought of certain things that I used to tolerate (and even sometimes enjoy) makes me shudder. From my own experience, I believe it just comes down to the way that people are wired, regardless of how uberly proficient their partner is.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 41

RE: The Female Orgasm - 10/19/2014 12:30:16 PM

shiftyw

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

At the risk of smashing some Dom egos, I don't believe that *anyone* can be conditioned to orgasm from the infliction of pain. No matter how "expertly" it's administered.

I used to be way more of a pain slut than I am now (and, actually, as I think about it, I don't think I ever "liked" most pain-- I just endured it because "he liked it"). Now the thought of certain things that I used to tolerate (and even sometimes enjoy) makes me shudder. From my own experience, I believe it just comes down to the way that people are wired, regardless of how uberly proficient their partner is.

I agree with this statement.

The reason I take this SO personally:

current man a while ago, like a year or so, thought it would be GREAT if I came on command. We worked REALLY hard at it. I honestly put forth so much effort. We tried all kinds of things, and doing some Pavlov's dog stuff. Eventually he started just not finishing me because he thought it would help me cum from nothing touching me.
After like two weeks of this- I lost my mind. I was trying so hard. We were doing everything we'd learned about. I told him that if he wanted a chick who could learn this- it wasn't going to be me- and he had best leave me because I'd never achieve what he needed. I cried and cried over it, because I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. He apologized and hasn't forced the issue since. He calmed me down and reassured me.

BUT I still a) feel weird that I couldn't do it, and that a major part of my sexual identity as a "good slut" was taken away from me. and b) that he wanted so badly for me to do it so he could be lazier (he is lazy sometimes and suffers depression- I'm sure he'd feel great if I could just cum on command and not need to have sex to do it). I just feel really insecure that I can't come on command, and I realize that is an outrageous thought. But to me, he should've left me for a girl who came from sucking dick, anal, or just out of thin air, because how can I compare to them?

I promise we worked VERY hard at it. I didn't like the implication that your slave had made about women who haven't had an orgasm maybe just didn't "try hard enough"- some people are just wired differently.

ETA- I realize she didn't directly say that. But I felt it was the undertone of that.

< Message edited by shiftyw -- 10/19/2014 12:31:58 PM >

(in reply to littleladybug)

Post #: 42

RE: The Female Orgasm - 10/19/2014 1:09:16 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

At the risk of smashing some Dom egos, I don't believe that *anyone* can be conditioned to orgasm from the infliction of pain. No matter how "expertly" it's administered.

I used to be way more of a pain slut than I am now (and, actually, as I think about it, I don't think I ever "liked" most pain-- I just endured it because "he liked it"). Now the thought of certain things that I used to tolerate (and even sometimes enjoy) makes me shudder. From my own experience, I believe it just comes down to the way that people are wired, regardless of how uberly proficient their partner is.

You can't kidnap an unwilling partner and bullwhip them into an orgasm. However, you can take someone like you that that previously only "endured" pain for the emotional reward of his pleasure and teach them to embrace it for their own emotional pleasure... if you were open to learning. Which would mean you were motivated to do so and didn't already think you knew all there was to know about it so it couldn't be done.

Most of us humans, as in the incredible vast majority, are wired so sensations can bring pleasure or pain. Pain is a sensation. How you interpret that sensation is a choice. How you react, just like suppressing a cough, is your choice. If you are taught to process the sensation, to have a different emotional reaction, then it is easy peasy. Us humans are able to control pain . . . our pulse . . . our emotions and other things common to Eastern mentalities. So are you.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to littleladybug)

Post #: 43

RE: The Female Orgasm - 10/19/2014 1:18:31 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: starkem

This pudendal nerve seems worthy of further investigation.

Indeed. I posted a link to quick and oversimplified video but, the information about it is rich. For example, I remember reading that the tradition of European men pinching a woman's bottom as a flirt is because the pudendal stimulation is associated with sexual stimulation.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to starkem)

Post #: 44

RE: The Female Orgasm - 10/19/2014 1:32:04 PM

orgasmdenial12

Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB
The link you sent isn't a scientific study

I said 'here is a link that **discusses** a study involving 1800 women.' I never claimed it was in itself an actual study, I merely presented it to show you that existence of the g-spot is debatable and contradicted in many academic fields.

quote:

until I read that actual document, I can only conclude that a lot of what the press are saying is mere fabrication.

Lol, by that logic I could conclude that your claims to the existence of the g-spot are pure fabrication, since I have never read any document that claims otherwise.

quote:

search as I might, I can't find the scientific paper

I can only conclude that your searching skills could use a little refinement, because I found the original article within 60 seconds of searching, simply by taking the key terms 'journal of sex medicine kings college london g spot' from the first 3 sentences of the article. (Second link down; first link is the article I mentioned.)

http://www.kcl.ac.uk/lsm/newsevents/newsarchive/2010/gspot.aspx

It's also worth mentioning that simply searching 'g spot science' brings up thousands of articles relating to scepticism about the g-spot, including both discussion and research. My point in mentioning this is that doubt in the existence of the g-spot is widespread and, as the BBC article states, the existence of the g-spot has never been proven in the first place. All of which led me to my opening statement 'There are many studies that have concluded there is no such thing as the g-spot.' This is in no way a controversial opinion whatsoever. It's interesting that you find the mere existence of such an idea so shocking and challenging that you are not even willing to engage it without some sort of sanctioned research but hopefully this will introduce you to the idea that not everyone is a convert to this hypothetical theory.

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 45

RE: The Female Orgasm - 10/19/2014 1:39:58 PM

orgasmdenial12

Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug
I don't believe that *anyone* can be conditioned to orgasm from the infliction of pain.

I believe you can be conditioned, but I'm not sure you can be *deliberately* conditioned.

I've had various orgasms from pain over the years - nipple pain tends to work fairly consistently but more surprising to me was caning.

I have never tried to orgasm from pain, and I was a masochist for about 9 years before it happened to me. I personally believe that there is something in the 'vibration' through the ass from being caned, combined with arousal, strong sensations, feelings of powerlessness, etc. The first time it happened, neither of us could believe it, and then we went at it like mad people to try and do it again, which we managed. It has to be a thick cane, stiff, with a certain rhythm of strokes and a certain build up of pain - but yeah, it happens.

I disagree with those who say it is all about the emotional connection, for me it's simply about the sensation. There is a certain point at which pain feels a lot like strong pleasure, when you stop fearing it and resisting it. If the sensation is in the right place, an orgasm can certainly happen. Clamps on the labia are another cause for me, and actually an unwelcome one, as I was trying to do denial at the time, but couldn't get them off quick enough to prevent the orgasm.

(in reply to littleladybug)

Post #: 46

RE: The Female Orgasm - 10/19/2014 2:57:46 PM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

Thanks for that orgasmdenial, it did lead me to the original paper http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=amNcvrLCGZEC&pg=PT98&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q&f=false. Its a discussion and research was mainly done by questionnaire.

Here is a contrary study.
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1743-6109.2012.02668.x/abstract

_____________________________

My store is http://e-stimstore.com

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)

Post #: 47

RE: The Female Orgasm - 10/19/2014 4:30:01 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

~fr

I am not trying to sell pain, orgasms or masochism. Pain isn't for everyone and it certainly isn't worth the learning curve for you if you have no interest. I do not believe you can teach someone to process sensations differently than they choose if they aren't receptive to it... whether it is pain, calming over sensitivity or orgasm delay. Saying that not everyone can is wrong. The reality of it is not everyone will choose to. It's a personal choice, not biology. If you choose to believe you can't, you probably won't.

The concept that not everyone is wired that way is a mostly correct. Most of us are wired far from perceiving pain as pleasure much less having it be orgasmic. But we are all wired to feel sensations. How you are wired is how far of an emotional response learning curve you must go through, not an insurmountable barricade. Again, the learning curve isn't worth it if you have no motive or the journey isn't worth the trip. There are still plenty of other wonderful types of orgasm... about 11 according to some.

When I made my post, while watching a Godzilla movie, I didn't release for some that have been down that road and didn't get to explore all the various choices and responses to pain, it may stir negative feelings or a defensive response. I live a life by a set of rules and realities a bit left of center and sometimes write as if the reader is oriented in the same way. My statements of fact weren't meant to sound condescending or personally challenging ... just a statement of fact as I know the world. For not writing it for a border audience perspective, you have my apology.

Please take what I wrote with the validity it deserves and know that if it interests you, it is possible. If with training we can learn to walk on burning coals, change our blood pressure, our pulse or even stop our hearts, learning to have a different emotional response to pain is not far fetched at all.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 48

RE: The Female Orgasm - 10/20/2014 3:17:09 AM

DerangedUnit

Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline

Vaginal orgasms are clitoral ones, the clit is actually long and follows along the upper side of the vagina. With a penis it's just like jacking it off from the inside... but sadly only around half of women are capable of orgasming the rest just think they do or were convinced. Google the female prostate. Only around half of women have the gland that is required to cum.

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)

Post #: 49

RE: The Female Orgasm - 10/20/2014 3:24:36 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DerangedUnit

Vaginal orgasms are clitoral ones, the clit is actually long and follows along the upper side of the vagina. With a penis it's just like jacking it off from the inside... but sadly only around half of women are capable of orgasming the rest just think they do or were convinced. Google the female prostate. Only around half of women have the gland that is required to cum.

I was under the impression most humans were born with the same of biology. Did they say what happened to the other half? I mean, was it surgically removed... or birth deformity... are they saying there is no prostate on half the females?

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to DerangedUnit)

Post #: 50

RE: The Female Orgasm - 10/20/2014 3:31:19 AM

DerangedUnit

Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: DerangedUnit

Vaginal orgasms are clitoral ones, the clit is actually long and follows along the upper side of the vagina. With a penis it's just like jacking it off from the inside... but sadly only around half of women are capable of orgasming the rest just think they do or were convinced. Google the female prostate. Only around half of women have the gland that is required to cum.

I was under the impression most humans were born with the same of biology. Did they say what happened to the other half? I mean, was it surgically removed... or birth deformity... are they saying there is no prostate on half the females?

This is why I said research: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skene%27s_gland

Humans are born with differing anatomy, certain organs are variable... this is one with a great differential between individuals

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 51

RE: The Female Orgasm - 10/20/2014 3:55:49 AM

DerangedUnit

Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline

Here is an article stating the length of the clitorus is 4 inches on average, with cases as long as 8. I learned this through watching surgical videos but I dont want to be too graphic so here is a text article. http://www.luckymojo.com/tkclitorislarger.html

(in reply to DerangedUnit)

Post #: 52

RE: The Female Orgasm - 10/20/2014 6:01:24 AM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DerangedUnit

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: DerangedUnit

Vaginal orgasms are clitoral ones, the clit is actually long and follows along the upper side of the vagina. With a penis it's just like jacking it off from the inside... but sadly only around half of women are capable of orgasming the rest just think they do or were convinced. Google the female prostate. Only around half of women have the gland that is required to cum.

I was under the impression most humans were born with the same of biology. Did they say what happened to the other half? I mean, was it surgically removed... or birth deformity... are they saying there is no prostate on half the females?

This is why I said research: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skene%27s_gland

Humans are born with differing anatomy, certain organs are variable... this is one with a great differential between individuals

Just goes to show you that you cannot argue with Einstein over that which is infinite.

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to DerangedUnit)

Post #: 53

RE: The Female Orgasm - 10/20/2014 6:36:27 AM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

Scientific studies have recently concluded that there is no such thing as the G-spot and this concurs with my own anatomical responses to pressure in that area - does nothing for me.

The G-spot definitely exists for me. When men who knows how to get their fingers in there and add pressure to it, it gives me so much pleasure. The vibe I recommended, hits that exact spot for me, just tickles it and makes me cum, although because it's a clit vibrator too, so maybe clit helps too, but if I did just clit alone, it's not the same, I feel sensations inside with the g-spot tickler than any other real man's dick, or curved dildo. Fingers though, just gives intense nice sensations but no explosion. Without an explosion, it's not an orgasm.

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)

Post #: 54

RE: The Female Orgasm - 10/20/2014 7:41:26 AM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

Shifty, your experience is why I get so angry at dominant men who believe they can 'teach' a woman to cum on command. Every woman is different, some are not able to orgasm at all, some only with clitoral stimulation, some at the drop of a hat.
I believe your current man set you up for failure. The more you tried, and worried about it, the less likely it was gonna happen.
I am sorry that this made you feel like a failure. You did NOT fail!!! He failed to understand that not every woman is able to do this.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to shiftyw)

Post #: 55

RE: The Female Orgasm - 10/20/2014 7:46:16 AM

RockaRolla

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

Shifty, your experience is why I get so angry at dominant men who believe they can 'teach' a woman to cum on command. Every woman is different, some are not able to orgasm at all, some only with clitoral stimulation, some at the drop of a hat.
I believe your current man set you up for failure. The more you tried, and worried about it, the less likely it was gonna happen.
I am sorry that this made you feel like a failure. You did NOT fail!!! He failed to understand that not every woman is able to do this.

Agreed, and it's good to see

I find it very, VERY difficult to orgasm when I'm with someone. At first it led to much frustration on everyone's part because they wanted to please me and I wanted to orgasm too. But after a while I accepted this and focused more on my partner's satisfaction, finding that getting them off satisfied me plenty.

I explained this to the boyfriend and he responded with "challenge accepted!" Which made me nervous, but he's been good at not putting the pressure on me to cum, which would only make matters worse.

Fact is I can't get in the right headspace when I'm with someone. If the focus is on me I get too tense and can't just relax and enjoy myself. I'm working on that, but it'll take some time on MY part and not on a partner to train me.

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 56

RE: The Female Orgasm - 10/20/2014 7:47:29 AM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

Shifty, your experience is why I get so angry at dominant men who believe they can 'teach' a woman to cum on command. Every woman is different, some are not able to orgasm at all, some only with clitoral stimulation, some at the drop of a hat.
I believe your current man set you up for failure. The more you tried, and worried about it, the less likely it was gonna happen.
I am sorry that this made you feel like a failure. You did NOT fail!!! He failed to understand that not every woman is able to do this.

#Hell Yes!

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 57

RE: The Female Orgasm - 10/20/2014 8:46:44 AM

littleladybug

Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

You can't kidnap an unwilling partner and bullwhip them into an orgasm. However, you can take someone like you that that previously only "endured" pain for the emotional reward of his pleasure and teach them to embrace it for their own emotional pleasure... if you were open to learning. Which would mean you were motivated to do so and didn't already think you knew all there was to know about it so it couldn't be done.

I don't recall saying I thought I knew all about it. I am just working from my own experiences. I have come to realize that while I am a submissive, without a doubt, I am also not a masochist. The thought of having welts on my body which last for days literally makes me want to retch. And, don't get me started on a guy who gets a hard on from seeing me cry. (I've also been known to threaten to kick a guy in the nuts "if he did that again"...but that's a different story...)

I have a dear friend who is a sadist-- the blood letting, more crying the better type. I have had MANY discussions with him about this. I've done my best to understand his perspective, and we've come to the point where we simply have agreed to disagree. I mean, what else is there to say? He's got an ego the size of Texas, but he's also smart enough to know that there are some people in this world who simply do not *share* his passions.

The one thing we can agree on here is the "motivation to do so". Which in my mind, indicates that there is an inherent inclination toward masochism. Without that wiring, it's not going to work, no matter how spectacular the "teaching" is.

An issue that has come up with these threads has been the idea that "you can do this, if only you had the right partner". I believe that is a horribly unfair thing to teach women. And that's what precipitated my comments here. Yes, anyone "with the wiring" can be taught. I believe that we, as individuals, need to know ourselves enough to know what is and is not possible...and do ourselves the favor of not feeding into the idea that *any* woman can be taught to orgasm from having her breasts impaled with 12 inch needles.

To each their own. Have at it, so long as it's consensual. But, really, why is there a need to insinuate that *anyone* can be taught to enjoy pain in a sexual way?

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 58

RE: The Female Orgasm - 10/20/2014 9:33:48 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

Scientific studies have recently concluded that there is no such thing as the G-spot and this concurs with my own anatomical responses to pressure in that area - does nothing for me.

The G-spot definitely exists for me. When men who knows how to get their fingers in there and add pressure to it, it gives me so much pleasure. The vibe I recommended, hits that exact spot for me, just tickles it and makes me cum, although because it's a clit vibrator too, so maybe clit helps too, but if I did just clit alone, it's not the same, I feel sensations inside with the g-spot tickler than any other real man's dick, or curved dildo. Fingers though, just gives intense nice sensations but no explosion. Without an explosion, it's not an orgasm.

Same for my OH too!!

All I can say for those 'scientific studies' that OD spouts, they must have had a very small sample of women.
Sounds like those L'Oreal hair colour adverts where they claim '73% of women prefer them'; but when you read the small print, their sample was only 293 women!!

My OH definitely has a 'G' spot and her clitoral orgasms are very different to her vaginal ones too - despite what Deranged is claiming that they are one and the same; they definitely are not!

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 59

RE: The Female Orgasm - 10/20/2014 11:07:12 AM

littleladybug

Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

ETA- I realize she didn't directly say that. But I felt it was the undertone of that.

You are correct...that was the undertone (overtone?) of what I said.

I believe that any implication that lack of "sexual satisfaction" is because one didn't try enough is plain stupid. Or, it's a weird "submissive ego" that I just will never get...

LOL...really...because someone enjoys having their breasts impaled by needles makes them any sort of authority aside from what *they* like?

Yup, I will NEVER get that. Nor will I ever let someone go there with me. Fine, to each their own. Just don't imply that you have some sort of insider info that others of us don't. Because, you DON'T. You have found someone who is compatible with you. Why not leave it at that?

(in reply to shiftyw)

Post #: 60

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: The Female Orgasm

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.125