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two switches walk into a relationship.... - 10/19/2014 7:53:09 PM   
forgetmenot856


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How can they make it work when one is mostly dim and the other wants to be dom but doesn't get the ability. I may be a bit submissive but I have my moments
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RE: two switches walk into a relationship.... - 10/19/2014 8:11:47 PM   
shiftyw


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From: The Shire
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I don't date anyone who is mostly dim


(That is meant in jest...I actually don't know the answer)

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RE: two switches walk into a relationship.... - 10/19/2014 8:19:48 PM   
forgetmenot856


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I didn't know he was into it till after lol now there is a baby involved and forgive my attitude on this I want my Olay time dam it Lmao

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RE: two switches walk into a relationship.... - 10/19/2014 11:23:42 PM   
ResidentSadist


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From what little you have said, it seems you knew him well enough to have a baby with him but you didn't know he was mostly Dom? You need to start communicating with daddy more clearly than you have been or this wouldn't have been a surprise. Seriously, you need to close the communication gap because someone hasn't been paying attention. There are plenty of successful Dom/Domme relationships. Read about it and see how they work things out. There are some really good books about BDSM in the my sig link. Read up and try to define your boundaries so you can give each other what you need and make space for each others Domlyness. Go to munches, meet other Dom/Domme couples and learn how they handle it.

I owned a switch once, but I'm not switchy at all. She said all that romantic stuff like our relationship was so fulfilling she didn't need to exercise that part of her. I believed her but over time I could see her spirit withering, so I let have a sub of her own. Then her spirit flourished. Find a sub you both can Dom or switch Domming even and odd days?

Not knowing your switch partner is mostly Dom seems like something you would have discovered in the beginning before you started having babies. Were you vanilla and just started exploring BDSM? If so, reading up on it will help provide solutions. Ff he is a switch, why would it now be a problem for you to take the Domme role on occasion?





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RE: two switches walk into a relationship.... - 10/21/2014 9:45:13 AM   
DarkSteven


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"How can they make it work when one is mostly dim and the other wants to be dom but doesn't get the ability. I may be a bit submissive but I have my moments "

"I didn't know he was into it till after lol now there is a baby involved and forgive my attitude on this I want my Olay time dam it Lmao "

Let me see if I get this. You feel like you're not getting adequate play time because he's a Dom-leaning switch?

Assuming that's correct, the answer's easy. He's changed the dynamics of the relationship and now needs to work with you to make sure the changes don't hurt the dynamic, that both of you get what you need.

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RE: two switches walk into a relationship.... - 10/21/2014 10:30:14 AM   
Lucylastic


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having a baby, can change dynamics rather quickly...from the old relationship, theres a new force to be reckoned with. Insecurities from both/either partners crop up and have to be talked thru...something simple like simple reassurance can make someone feel AND appear to be more domly or more subbly.
Good luck working thru this together.


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RE: two switches walk into a relationship.... - 10/30/2014 7:58:11 AM   
HalifaxSubRuthD


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wonders will never cease....

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RE: two switches walk into a relationship.... - 12/16/2014 6:01:37 AM   
GypsySuccubus


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I had something like this happen in a relationship of mine once.

I was with someone who I thought was a dominant/top, who very effectively hid the fact that they were a sub-leaning switch until our honeymoon. Now, being the open-minded sort I am, I was less infuriated than I might have been, but I was still very miffed, because that's kind of one of those things maybe they should have told me, oh, any other time before we got married. You know, just in case I was in fact not cool with it. It very badly affected our relationship, because I wasn't that far along my journey yet, hadn't developed much of my more dominant side, and usually preferred to bottom. They were also a terrible do-me sub, which is where my distaste for those types was born. You'd think they'd invented topping from the bottom, so they weren't all that much help on my dominant path anyway, as they never did actually let me exercise it other than to their desires. Yeah, it was like that. A lot of other things were wrong with that relationship, I in no way blame that whole disaster on our both being switches, but kink and sex and roles and expectations became one of the major inflammatory points between us, and each problem led to another. I'm thankful it ended some years ago, and though I still had some growing and learning to do (it never ends, of course) I had definitely learned a lot of what was not right for me in a relationship. I'm not sure if that relationship was the cause of the trouble, since it was almost my first kink+ relationship it's hard to say, but I've never been able to have a dynamic with a switch as a bottom since.

I've thought about it a lot though, and I believe it's more the fact that as an s-type I'm very much a challenger, very into the power struggle. When I'm in what is meant to be a dynamic where I'm submissive (that's a long story) I push, and find safety and a sense of comfort in being put where I'm supposed to be. It's hard enough for the D-types, but when it's a switch, it's even harder, since half the time I end up pushing their s-buttons, when that's not what I'm hoping for at all. The only person I've ever been submissive to in my heart is my current Master, who knows just how to do what I need him to do if I start getting feisty, which is very rare on account of his energy and the nature of our connection and dynamic. That's one of the ways he captured my heart in the first place.

One of the very wonderful things about being poly is the fact that my different partners all fulfill very different needs and facets of my personality. It works out wonderfully for me, but I know poly isn't everyone's cup of tea. I do know people who have dynamics without what would traditionally be called romantic or love connections, though, and I know in some cases that can work out for people who aren't poly but still need something their partner can't or won't give them but would be alright with them having with someone else. It all depends on your relationship, your comfort levels, your needs, and the people around you who might be willing and able to help if you choose.

(in reply to HalifaxSubRuthD)
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RE: two switches walk into a relationship.... - 6/15/2015 11:58:11 AM   
presciouscheeks


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As a switch, I've dated a switch, and it works out very nicely. Being both a daddy to her little girl, and baby boy to her mommy.

To make things easier, you try not to flip flop switch on a dime too often, as we were so apt to do in the beginning, but instead stick on one side or the other for the full day, or a couple of days in a row, or even weeks or months in a row. And then when you want, or you grow tired with it, both flip to the other side.

Really, what happens, is one side decides to switch in some moment, and the other one responds and follow suit. Its totally voluntary and spur of the moment and there is no silly vote or consensus. You just follow what makes you feel happy.

BDSM people have a hard time wrangling their idea around the concept of a switch, but in age play, its a lot more easy. If you adept at playing one side, you know what that side wants, so its easy to play the other side role to it for the other person.

You will find it more comfortable to be in one mode more than the other, or lean heavily to one side more to the other, and that's okay. Things change over time in a long term relationship, and you may find some day flipping and leaning heavily mostly instead in the reversed role.


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RE: two switches walk into a relationship.... - 8/18/2015 1:38:34 PM   
WickedestDesires


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Joined: 8/7/2015
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I do not understand the structure of your question.

If one is dim and the other dom and you are submissive, are there three souls?

Does your moment involve muffins?

That aside this one is a year old did you make it work

(in reply to presciouscheeks)
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RE: two switches walk into a relationship.... - 1/2/2016 12:49:14 PM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9361
Joined: 11/4/2015
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Better words

Dominant walks into a relationship with another dominant, two switches, two submissives..and? Not the best approach is it.

Two people walk into a relationship, is a better approach.
When something is broken, never actually worked in the first place, it can almost never be fixed.
Sorry.

And don’t blame the baby or kids they are not an excuse or pawns…albeit that bit evolved rather suddenly from your initial one liner.

Tune in next week


(in reply to WickedestDesires)
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