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subgirl3 - 10/21/2014 8:01:13 PM

subgirl3

Posts: 9
Joined: 10/31/2007
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Hello. I'm subgirl. Just created my account today. Was wondering..... where is the best place to ask questions and vent about my relationship with my master?

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RE: subgirl3 - 10/21/2014 8:12:32 PM

Moderator3

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Each section has guidelines found at the top of the section, telling you what you might post there. I can move this thread for you as it won't belong here, but I am unsure what you wish to discuss. It could go in a number of areas.

So, why don't you post your question here and when you're done, I can figure out where the thread would best fit?

(in reply to subgirl3)

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RE: subgirl3 - 10/21/2014 8:30:37 PM

subgirl3

Posts: 9
Joined: 10/31/2007
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Great, thanks.
I met my master here about a year ago and after 6 mos of dating/training, I've moved in with him.
When we were first getting to know each other, I asked him if this would be a loving relationship. His reply was "Very much so."
I recently asked him the same question and his reply was "I keep my emotions in check."
So either he lied to me to begin with or he just doesn't really have feelings for me but just doesn't want to lose his sub girl.
I am after all a very devoted slave and very much in love with him.
I'll take any advice anyone has to give be a use I need a dispassionate view from someone impartial.
Thanks

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RE: subgirl3 - 10/21/2014 8:32:42 PM

Moderator3

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You are now in General BDSM.

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RE: subgirl3 - 10/21/2014 8:38:11 PM

MrRodgers

Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subgirl3

Great, thanks.
I met my master here about a year ago and after 6 mos of dating/training, I've moved in with him.
When we were first getting to know each other, I asked him if this would be a loving relationship. His reply was "Very much so."
I recently asked him the same question and his reply was "I keep my emotions in check."
So either he lied to me to begin with or he just doesn't really have feelings for me but just doesn't want to lose his sub girl.
I am after all a very devoted slave and very much in love with him.
I'll take any advice anyone has to give be a use I need a dispassionate view from someone impartial.
Thanks

Maybe I am too much of an old-school 'player' but I've had sub/slaves come to forums for advice and/or questions they have failed to ask me.

I liked that very much less ...than asking me directly. Take this to him...not us.

(in reply to subgirl3)

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RE: subgirl3 - 10/21/2014 8:38:13 PM

subgirl3

Posts: 9
Joined: 10/31/2007
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Appreciated. Thanks.

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RE: subgirl3 - 10/21/2014 8:56:10 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Are you interested in continuing a relationship with someone who just views you as a convenience or do you need to be loved?
There's no right or wrong answer, just what works for you.

Because if he isn't in love with you, and you need love, then you already know what to do. Waiting isn't going to change anything.

If right now, you're okay with not being loved, then remain in the relationship until you aren't okay with it. You deserve to be fulfilled and happy. Take whatever steps you need to seek that happiness.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

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RE: subgirl3 - 10/21/2014 9:19:50 PM

subgirl3

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Yeah I actually can live without it. I've thought long and hard about that. What I require is trust and knowing what is required of me. But I don't know if I can trust him now because he reeled me in under false pretenses.

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RE: subgirl3 - 10/21/2014 9:25:41 PM

Gauge

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Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subgirl3

Yeah I actually can live without it. I've thought long and hard about that. What I require is trust and knowing what is required of me. But I don't know if I can trust him now because he reeled me in under false pretenses.

Saying that it was "false pretenses" says to me that you have already decided that you cannot trust him.

Have you talked with him about this? Seems to me that if you haven't' spoken with him, you should.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

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RE: subgirl3 - 10/21/2014 9:38:13 PM

subgirl3

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I did speak with him. As I said , his reply was "I keep my emotions in check."
You're right, I don't fully trust him now. I know what I need to do but It's gonna hurt like hell!
Plus I hate change.

(in reply to Gauge)

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RE: subgirl3 - 10/21/2014 10:32:22 PM

outlier

Posts: 1111
Joined: 10/22/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subgirl3

Great, thanks.
I met my master here about a year ago and after 6 mos of dating/training, I've moved in with him.
When we were first getting to know each other, I asked him if this would be a loving relationship. His reply was "Very much so."
I recently asked him the same question and his reply was "I keep my emotions in check." emphasis added
So either he lied to me to begin with or he just doesn't really have feelings for me but just doesn't want to lose his sub girl.
I am after all a very devoted slave and very much in love with him.
I'll take any advice anyone has to give be a use I need a dispassionate view from someone impartial.
Thanks

Hello subgirl3,

I see the situation here a little bit differently than you do. Or at least open to another
possible interpetation. It all hinges on what exactly you meant by "loving relationship" in your question.
For example, were you looking for demonstrative even frequent acts of tenderness, warmth, from him?

Those might be outside what he means by loving relationship. So he would not have lied to you to pull you in.

I am not saying this to change your decision. You still have every right to have your emotional needs met.
That is a major part of why we enter relationships. And his behaviour, not his thoughts or intentions or feelings,
his behavior is not meeting your needs.

I hope keeping this in mind helps you to change things without getting into the whole area of "you lied to me, etc."

All the best finding what you seek.

_____________________________

Avatar from xkcd.com

"A happy sex life may take years to achieve, but it’s worth it in the long run.
Worth the time, the thought - or rather, the thoughtfulness - and, often,
the waiting." Pete Seeger

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RE: subgirl3 - 10/21/2014 11:27:38 PM

subgirl3

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Well I just had the conversation with him. He's a good man. Very methodical in his thinking. He plans everything out. Never let's emotion dictate. We've decided that I'm going to go. There were other factors involved too personal to post. And it hurts already. I, myself am all emotion.
But I've learned to control it pretty well day by day. It took so long to find a master I was attracted to and compatible with. Not to mention all the work involved, the training me to his tastes, etc. I hate this. I really do. But it is for the best. Thanks to all who took the time to respond.

(in reply to outlier)

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RE: subgirl3 - 10/21/2014 11:45:49 PM

Gauge

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Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subgirl3

Well I just had the conversation with him. He's a good man. Very methodical in his thinking. He plans everything out. Never let's emotion dictate. We've decided that I'm going to go. There were other factors involved too personal to post. And it hurts already. I, myself am all emotion.
But I've learned to control it pretty well day by day. It took so long to find a master I was attracted to and compatible with. Not to mention all the work involved, the training me to his tastes, etc. I hate this. I really do. But it is for the best. Thanks to all who took the time to respond.

Sorry to hear.

Obviously your compatibility with him was not what you thought it was. Perhaps, next time, you take it a bit slower and make sure the communication is there.

Best of luck to you.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to subgirl3)

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RE: subgirl3 - 10/22/2014 8:04:17 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subgirl3

Great, thanks.
I met my master here about a year ago and after 6 mos of dating/training, I've moved in with him.
When we were first getting to know each other, I asked him if this would be a loving relationship. His reply was "Very much so."
I recently asked him the same question and his reply was "I keep my emotions in check."
So either he lied to me to begin with or he just doesn't really have feelings for me but just doesn't want to lose his sub girl.
I am after all a very devoted slave and very much in love with him.
I'll take any advice anyone has to give be a use I need a dispassionate view from someone impartial.
Thanks

I will bet you anything that he does not think he lied to you or did anything wrong.

First off, people and relationships change. The problem here is that there might have been a change, and if so, it was not properly communicated. And, for all we know, he was dealing with something at the time and didn't give it full thought.

My suggestion? Schedule something once a week. Both of you bring notebooks and write answers to questions like, "Is this relationship filling my needs?" "What are the things I love about our relationship?" "What are ways we could do this better?" Each of you write for ten minutes, and then exchange notebooks and read what the other wrote. And then talk.

The problem isn't that he's lying to you (which I don't think he is). The problem is that you're feeling disconnected from him, underappreciated, and neither one knows what's going on in the other's head.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: subgirl3 - 10/22/2014 8:55:04 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subgirl3

Well I just had the conversation with him. He's a good man. Very methodical in his thinking. He plans everything out. Never let's emotion dictate. We've decided that I'm going to go. There were other factors involved too personal to post. And it hurts already. I, myself am all emotion.
But I've learned to control it pretty well day by day. It took so long to find a master I was attracted to and compatible with. Not to mention all the work involved, the training me to his tastes, etc. I hate this. I really do. But it is for the best. Thanks to all who took the time to respond.

OMG. If this is irrevocable, I am SO sorry.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to subgirl3)

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RE: subgirl3 - 10/22/2014 9:07:10 AM

subgirl3

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Thank you for that!

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RE: subgirl3 - 10/22/2014 12:01:41 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
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I see I'm commenting once all the deciding's been done, so I'm going to go out on a limb and give some impressions for you for the future. I hope they help.

Your profile seems hidden or otherwise in a state that I can't see it, so I can't read you from that, but I can in some ways from what you've written.

Assuming you were new to this at the time, I can tell you from my experiences that it is natural for submissives to generate deep feelings for their d/M type. You are dealing with someone who seemingly knows you better than most of the general population can, because you probably can't share your 'dark side' with your vanilla friends and knowing that you have that 'dark side' makes kink-leaning people easier to understand you because of shared experiences and/or tastes.

Emotions from the top side can be rather tricky. Here is where things start to become individual and where it is possible for you to inadvertantly paint your significant other into a corner. Let us say that you are VERY upfront with your potential d/M partner, and you tell them that your expectations are that your emotions must be shared/equal. Your partner reciprocates. Then, however, you find that the feelings are getting in the way of the D/s or M/s-ness of your relationship. You feel that your partner has become too soft for your tastes. You need someone more dominant.

It is possible (from the top side) to love and still to be rough/tough/strong/brutal/what have you. But not everyone can do that. That might be why someone 'says' that they are holding back emotionally. They still want to be the d/M-type you want them to be, and they may have the feelings you wish, but they don't want you to know that truth.

I hate to conclude with 'it's complicated', but it rather can be.

Good luck in your future.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

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RE: subgirl3 - 10/22/2014 4:16:39 PM

subgirl3

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That could very well be the case, Jeff. What you wrote has definitely got me thinking....and you're right. I probably wouldn't be nearly as attracted to him. But my master is also seeking a poly situation for us and I flat can't do that. Plus there is another issue that seems insurmountable to me. He seems to think we can work all of this out now but I will never be okay with him having another live in sub/slave.

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RE: subgirl3 - 10/22/2014 4:28:08 PM

RockaRolla

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I'm sorry, but based on what you've shared it doesn't seem like you two are compatible. You have different needs that aren't being met by the other. It may be time for you to go your separate ways and find someones that make you happy.

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RE: subgirl3 - 10/22/2014 4:36:25 PM

subgirl3

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I know you're right. I'm just hoping against hope.

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