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I'm worried - 10/30/2014 3:14:04 AM   
BiancaRain


Posts: 12
Joined: 9/17/2013
Status: offline 		That I'm not enough for my Dom...
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: I'm worried - 10/30/2014 5:34:13 AM   
Miyani


Posts: 248
Joined: 12/4/2007
Status: offline 		Have you told him that you're worried? That you feel like you're not enough? Have you asked if HE thinks you're enough, and what you can do to be better for him?

I think it's natural to wonder about whether our partner could do better. I'm not saying EVERYONE in the world does it, but I'm sure it's crossed most people's minds at some point. When you're invested in someone, you worry about losing them.

(in reply to BiancaRain)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: I'm worried - 10/30/2014 6:18:15 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Can you go into more detail what you mean by this, Bianca?

Meanwhile, I am loving this paraphilia list of yours which I've lifted from your profile (hope you don't mind, also inserted more), and I've marked off what appeals and doesn't appeal to me: [color mine]

+ Ablutophilia - Baths or showers
+++ Acousticophilia - Aroused by sounds <music, a man's voice>
~ Actirasty - Exposure to the sun's rays <almost a plus>
+ Agonophilia - Pseudo-rape, pretend struggle or wrestling play as a form of foreplay <wrestling fetish>
- Agrexophilia - Excitement from knowing that others are aware of a persons sexual activities <form of exhibitionism?>
- Algolagnia/Algalagnia - Love of pain <Hard Limit>
+ Amaurophilia - Partner who is unable to see them during sex, blind/blindfolded sex partner
- Anophelorastia - Defiling or ravaging a partner <Soft-Hard Limit>
++ Aphephilia - Being touched <See Haptephilia>
-- Asthenolagnia - Weakness/being humiliated <Hard Limit>
++ Basorexia - “An overwhelming urge to neck or kiss” and also “a strong craving or hunger for kissing”
-- Claustrophilia - Being confined in a small space <Hard Limit>
- Crurophilia - Legs
-- Dacryphilia/Dacrylagnia - Causing tears or sobbing (achieved during masochism, dominance or torture) <Hard Limit>
- Fetishism - An inanimate object
--- Fisting - pretty easy to figure out <Hard Limit>
+ Gymnophilia - Nudity
-- Hamartophilia - Committing acts you consider to be sinful
+ Haptephilia - Becoming extremely aroused by being touched <See Aphephilia>
+ Hyphephilia - Touching skin, hair, leather, fur, or fabric/specific fabric (See Acomoclitic, Doraphilia, Gynelophilous, Hirsutophilia, Pubephilia, Trichophilia)
- Hypoxyphilia - Sexual arousal from the limiting or withholding of oxygen <Hard Limit>
-- Keraunophilia - Thunder and/or lightning <???>
- Kinesophilia - Exercise <meh>
~ Knismolagnia - Being tickled <doing the tickling>
~ Knissophilia - Incense <can take it or leave it>
--- Kopophilia - Exhaustion <WTF?>
--- Masochism - Being dominated/humiliated <Hard Limit; Wouldn't this be enjoying the sensation of pain?>
--- Mastigophilia - Punishment <Hard Limit mine; Discipline or Correction for partner>
--- Megalophilia - Large objects <w/one exception, but not a size queen>
~ Merinthophilia - Being bound <Soft Limit mine; into using restraints, not rope bondage--See Vincilagnia>
+ Metophilia - Another person's face
++ Metrophilia - Poetry
+++ Narratophilia - Discussing sex with others
~ Neophilia - Anything new <depends>
+ Nyctophilia - Darkness or night <I'm a night owl & love candlelight.>
+ Odaxelagnia - Biting/being bitten <lightly, no breaking of skin>
+ Ozolagnia - Powerful scents <depends>
~ Partialism - Specific parts of the body <maybe>
--- Phobophilia - Fear/hate <Hard Limit>
- Podophilia - Feet <not into foot fetishes>
~ Psychrocism - Cold/ice <Hate the cold, but will do ice play w/wax play.>
+++ Pygophilia - Contact with the buttocks
+ Pyrolagnia - Watching fire <in a fireplace, bonfires are okay>
--- Sadism - Enjoying inflicting pain/humiliation <Hard Limit in general>
+ Somnophilia - Fondling a stranger in their sleep <only my partner, nobody else>
-- Stigmatophilia - Marking one's own body/inserting foreign objects into it
+++ Tantalolagnia - Teasing
- Transformation fetish - Depictions of transformations of people into objects/other beings
++ Vicarphilia - Hearing stories about other people's lives
- Vincilagnia - Being tied up <Soft-Hard Limit--See Merinthophilia>

[Edited Somnophilia]

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 10/30/2014 6:35:13 AM >

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to BiancaRain)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: I'm worried - 10/30/2014 7:02:28 AM   
luxey2511


Posts: 33
Joined: 10/17/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BiancaRain

That I'm not enough for my Dom...

why? have you told him?

(in reply to BiancaRain)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: I'm worried - 10/30/2014 7:13:29 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BiancaRain

That I'm not enough for my Dom...


No context. Has he said or done anything to make you think that? Is it coming from previous relationships? Has he introduced poly and you're comparing yourself to the other woman?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to BiancaRain)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: I'm worried - 10/31/2014 6:02:04 PM   
InHisHeart


Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline 		Why worry about it, just ask him.





_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.


(in reply to BiancaRain)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: I'm worried - 10/31/2014 7:38:14 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		You don't feel that you're "not enough" woman? "not enough" of a submissive?
Has your Dom indicated that he wants to get with another woman or else include one in your playtime together?
Do you suspect that your Dom is seeing someone else, sneaking around or cheating on you?

If we're having this much difficulty getting a straight answer from you, dear, then perhaps the real problem is one of miscommunication.

Off topic (while we wait for OP to get back to us), but I have another paraphilia to add to the list:

Capnolagnia - Smoking fetish

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to InHisHeart)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: I'm worried - 11/2/2014 6:34:52 AM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BiancaRain

That I'm not enough for my Dom...



From the limited information, this is my response:

In my opinion, the joy of trusting in someone enough to call him your Master is feeling secure in turning these types of concerns over to him. Are you doing your best? Are you being honest? Then let him worry about whether you are enough. Trust in him to tell you if you aren't. And then, let it go. I believe that the best part of any relationship (D/s or otherwise) is that giant, exhilarating, leap of faith and trust to let down your defenses and then learning to simply float in that security without constantly looking for a life raft. And if you haven't done that, then you are holding yourself back from him. Maybe that's okay with you and with him, but for someone I would call "Master," holding myself back from trusting him is the exact opposite of my submission.

You're feeling insecure. Feelings are unreliable and, at their worst, can end in a self-fulfilling prophecy. Let go.

(Or not. Totally dependent on more information. :)

(in reply to BiancaRain)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: I'm worried - 11/20/2014 7:28:56 PM   
InSilence


Posts: 8
Joined: 10/28/2014
Status: offline 		OMG !! why use all those huge words for something understandable in "plain English?


quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

Can you go into more detail what you mean by this, Bianca?

Meanwhile, I am loving this paraphilia list of yours which I've lifted from your profile (hope you don't mind, also inserted more), and I've marked off what appeals and doesn't appeal to me: [color mine]

+ Ablutophilia - Baths or showers
+++ Acousticophilia - Aroused by sounds <music, a man's voice>
~ Actirasty - Exposure to the sun's rays <almost a plus>
+ Agonophilia - Pseudo-rape, pretend struggle or wrestling play as a form of foreplay <wrestling fetish>
- Agrexophilia - Excitement from knowing that others are aware of a persons sexual activities <form of exhibitionism?>
- Algolagnia/Algalagnia - Love of pain <Hard Limit>
+ Amaurophilia - Partner who is unable to see them during sex, blind/blindfolded sex partner
- Anophelorastia - Defiling or ravaging a partner <Soft-Hard Limit>
++ Aphephilia - Being touched <See Haptephilia>
-- Asthenolagnia - Weakness/being humiliated <Hard Limit>
++ Basorexia - “An overwhelming urge to neck or kiss” and also “a strong craving or hunger for kissing”
-- Claustrophilia - Being confined in a small space <Hard Limit>
- Crurophilia - Legs
-- Dacryphilia/Dacrylagnia - Causing tears or sobbing (achieved during masochism, dominance or torture) <Hard Limit>
- Fetishism - An inanimate object
--- Fisting - pretty easy to figure out <Hard Limit>
+ Gymnophilia - Nudity
-- Hamartophilia - Committing acts you consider to be sinful
+ Haptephilia - Becoming extremely aroused by being touched <See Aphephilia>
+ Hyphephilia - Touching skin, hair, leather, fur, or fabric/specific fabric (See Acomoclitic, Doraphilia, Gynelophilous, Hirsutophilia, Pubephilia, Trichophilia)
- Hypoxyphilia - Sexual arousal from the limiting or withholding of oxygen <Hard Limit>
-- Keraunophilia - Thunder and/or lightning <???>
- Kinesophilia - Exercise <meh>
~ Knismolagnia - Being tickled <doing the tickling>
~ Knissophilia - Incense <can take it or leave it>
--- Kopophilia - Exhaustion <WTF?>
--- Masochism - Being dominated/humiliated <Hard Limit; Wouldn't this be enjoying the sensation of pain?>
--- Mastigophilia - Punishment <Hard Limit mine; Discipline or Correction for partner>
--- Megalophilia - Large objects <w/one exception, but not a size queen>
~ Merinthophilia - Being bound <Soft Limit mine; into using restraints, not rope bondage--See Vincilagnia>
+ Metophilia - Another person's face
++ Metrophilia - Poetry
+++ Narratophilia - Discussing sex with others
~ Neophilia - Anything new <depends>
+ Nyctophilia - Darkness or night <I'm a night owl & love candlelight.>
+ Odaxelagnia - Biting/being bitten <lightly, no breaking of skin>
+ Ozolagnia - Powerful scents <depends>
~ Partialism - Specific parts of the body <maybe>
--- Phobophilia - Fear/hate <Hard Limit>
- Podophilia - Feet <not into foot fetishes>
~ Psychrocism - Cold/ice <Hate the cold, but will do ice play w/wax play.>
+++ Pygophilia - Contact with the buttocks
+ Pyrolagnia - Watching fire <in a fireplace, bonfires are okay>
--- Sadism - Enjoying inflicting pain/humiliation <Hard Limit in general>
+ Somnophilia - Fondling a stranger in their sleep <only my partner, nobody else>
-- Stigmatophilia - Marking one's own body/inserting foreign objects into it
+++ Tantalolagnia - Teasing
- Transformation fetish - Depictions of transformations of people into objects/other beings
++ Vicarphilia - Hearing stories about other people's lives
- Vincilagnia - Being tied up <Soft-Hard Limit--See Merinthophilia>

[Edited Somnophilia]


(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: I'm worried - 11/20/2014 7:34:02 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		I like precision in language, you might say I've a thing for words. Not quite to fetish level, yet.

Bring on the verbiage! Be loquacious!

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to InSilence)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: I'm worried - 11/20/2014 7:40:32 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: InSilence

OMG !! why use all those huge words for something understandable in "plain English?



That is plain English. They are not necessarily simple definitions or their entomology may be a bit suspect, but English it is.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to InSilence)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: I'm worried - 11/30/2014 1:55:04 PM   
ivone57


Posts: 279
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline 		talk to him, ask him what he expects from you as his submissive, communication is vital there are also negotiations on whats expected of you and such

_____________________________

ivone

Property of WhipHer

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: I'm worried - 12/1/2014 12:08:07 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		It's not your job to judge if you are enough, it's your Dom's job. Stop trying to do his job and you'll be fine.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to BiancaRain)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: I'm worried - 12/1/2014 5:18:10 AM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline 		Welcome to the forums, without explaining your situation we can't really judge so you're just going to get various posters assumptions in response.

(in reply to BiancaRain)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: I'm worried - 12/1/2014 7:34:39 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

That is plain English. They are not necessarily simple definitions or their entomology may be a bit suspect, but English it is.


I am an idiot. I wrote the wrong word for words origins. Ironic, isn't it? I meant etymology.

I am now going to hide in a corner and suck my thumb.


_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: I'm worried - 12/1/2014 7:40:49 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge


quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

That is plain English. They are not necessarily simple definitions or their entomology may be a bit suspect, but English it is.


I am an idiot. I wrote the wrong word for words origins. Ironic, isn't it? I meant etymology.

I am now going to hide in a corner and suck my thumb.



What do you mean, you fucking cockroach?

Tony Montoya


_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: I'm worried - 12/1/2014 7:42:47 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

What do you mean, you fucking cockroach?

Tony Montoya



Bitch please. I'm the best cockroach.



_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: I'm worried - 12/1/2014 7:45:18 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

What do you mean, you fucking cockroach?

Tony Montoya



Bitch please. I'm the best cockroach.



Well then... I sit corrected. Continue the entomological analysis of slave/drones and D'bees.


_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: I'm worried - 12/1/2014 7:46:11 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

Well then... I sit corrected. Continue the entomological analysis of slave/drones and D'bees.



It's on.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 19
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