WAR OF MEN PART ONE (Full Version)

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patriots12 -> WAR OF MEN PART ONE (11/23/2014 8:31:38 PM)

Winter,1944.
The D-DAY invasion was successful. Allied forces have push back the Nazis Army. Adolt Hitler has order a top secret mission to be carryout by his SS troops to retake france and most of europe. American armed forces have intercepted the message and have assign A special forces unit to stop them. This is there story.

General McAuther is sitting at a conference table in France. He is looking at top secret documents. Captain James Peters walks in. He Salutes the General.

General
please be seated solider we got alot to discuss.
Peters
YES SIR.
He takes his seat.
General
Captain, Yesterday our boys pick a top secret
transmission from Berlin. Our pal Hitler is planning
something big. He has a mass forces ready to retake
europe. The problem is we can't find this mass forces.



patriots12 -> RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE continue (11/23/2014 8:47:39 PM)

scene: General McAuther's officer
General
Our best guest is this forces is underground.
Your mission is to find this underground base
and destory it before Hitler has a change to use it.

Peters
Yes sir. I understand who am I getting on this
assignment?

General
Davids, Matters, Johnson, and Freeman.

Peters
Freeman isn't he a Negro sir?

General
Yes, Is that a Problem Captain ?

Peters
No sir, proud to have him. Is that all?

McAuther shanks his head yes. Peters exits the Officer.
TO BE CONTINUED
PART TWO IS COMING.



Gauge -> RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE (11/23/2014 9:24:43 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: patriots12

Adolt Hitler



Oh boy.

Kid... if you are going to write historical fiction, you better get the names of the people spot on.




Gauge -> RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE continue (11/23/2014 9:25:49 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: patriots12

General McAuther's



Again, same advice.



Dvr22999874 -> RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE continue (11/23/2014 9:35:14 PM)

and if he was in France at that time, he took a wrong turn somewhere around the South Pacific ..........maybe Bugs Bunny was his scout ?



Gauge -> RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE continue (11/23/2014 9:41:29 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: patriots12

McAuther shanks his head yes. Peters exits the Officer.
TO BE CONTINUED
PART TWO IS COMING.



Additionally, if MacArthur shanks himself in the head, the story for him is over.



Dvr22999874 -> RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE continue (11/23/2014 10:18:53 PM)

For MacArthur ? I don't think a shank to the head would affect him. It's not as if there was anything there except a huge ego and hot air.



Dvr22999874 -> RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE continue (11/23/2014 10:20:52 PM)

I don't know what the American troops called him but the diggers knew him as dugout doug. That was when they were being polite.



freedomdwarf1 -> RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE continue (11/23/2014 11:46:12 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: patriots12
TO BE CONTINUED
PART TWO IS COMING.

I would re-write part one first. [:D]



Dvr22999874 -> RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE continue (11/23/2014 11:50:26 PM)

I wonder.....................could you possibly write it in Babylonian please ?



Gauge -> RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE continue (11/23/2014 11:53:34 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Dvr22999874

I wonder.....................could you possibly write it in Babylonian please ?


Sanskrit.



Dvr22999874 -> RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE continue (11/23/2014 11:55:22 PM)

whatever
I can't speak or read it anyway *smile*



epiphiny43 -> RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE continue (11/24/2014 12:13:18 AM)

Is it too late to learn to write Standard English? Spell Check only goes so far. Grammar and such counts too. And fact check basic info? Nobody wants to be responsible for some poor editor shooting themself?
Seriously, no work gets looked at past the first paragraph with so many egregious language or fact errors. You are averaging more than one a sentence. My JrHS English teachers would toss that back at me to rewrite when in a good mood. 'F' otherwise.
A bit more grasp of WWII history wouldn't hurt.
All the above come under 'learning the craft'. The ambition to Be a writer is huge, now you need to work on all the many skills that get you published.



Dvr22999874 -> RE: WAR OF MEN PART ONE continue (11/24/2014 12:18:37 AM)

When I was in the Brit merchant marine, we used to be offered things, written like this, in Port Said................they were nicknamed 'Port Said Bibles' and they looked as though they had been typed with a very old typewriter, with a very old ribbon on some very old paper by somebody who had no basic grasp of the English language................you wouldn't be from Port Said would you ?



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