Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant?

Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? (Full Version)

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juliaoceania -> Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? (7/12/2006 11:30:09 PM)
Since this question is asked of submissives so much I felt it was only proper to ask the same of dominants, were you abused in anyway in your lifetime? By abuse I mean bullied by your parents, chronically neglected (think latch key kids), physically abused, verbally abused, or sexually abused? If you were abused has this made you want to control people to regain some sense of loss control over your childhood. I am not really asking this question because I think it has anything to do with why dominants are the way they are.. it just seems as valid to ask some of the dominants that seem to assume things about the submissives they dominate when they are not willing to look at their own backyard.

crouchingtigress -> RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? (7/12/2006 11:42:05 PM)
nope....watching shy boys smile up at me and then do as i please was what did it for me.

enigmabrat -> RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? (7/12/2006 11:45:26 PM)
I happen to know many Doms that were abused growing up in in fact I have spoken to many Doms that have been same amount as subs

Caretakr -> RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? (7/12/2006 11:48:59 PM)
You do realize that you just asked a bunch of people to come in and reveal themselves as serial abusers, don't you?[:@]

enigmabrat -> RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? (7/12/2006 11:52:05 PM)
How did the question ask that cartakr??

Caretakr -> RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? (7/12/2006 11:57:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: enigmabrat How did the question ask that cartakr?? think harder.

jezabelKH -> RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? (7/12/2006 11:59:15 PM)
no

SusanofO -> RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? (7/13/2006 12:05:30 AM)
Well I think it's a fair question. Who called you a "serial abuser"? Everyone here, as far as I know, is here because they consensually enjoy bdsm, or are interested in it. That is not quite the same as being a "serial abuser"- is it? In true "abuse" there is no consensuality involved whatsoever. Even if that were true, is it any worse than a female submissive admitting she was abused in some way? Not really (to me anyway). Admitting it would not ruin any Dominant/Master "mystique" - to me (maybe for someone else it would), but really, why should it? They obviously did not choose to be abused, if they were abused. My personal guess is the answer to this question is "yes" about as often as for female submissives. But who knows? - Susan

enigmabrat -> RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? (7/13/2006 12:08:09 AM)
Nope sorry Sir cant understand your point I guess its lack of sleep or the simple fact Im stupid so please explain

crouchingtigress -> RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? (7/13/2006 12:15:34 AM)
i am pretty sure he read it wrong eni...you are not stupid ....and if you say that again i may have to pounce you....grin

mistresszarah -> RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? (7/13/2006 12:21:48 AM)
I believe it was the lack of abuse in my childhood that drove me to become dominate. I can remember going to school and feeling left out because my mommie didn't hit my daddy enough, and the other kids just though a loving home was weird.

mons -> RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? (7/13/2006 2:38:38 AM)
*greeting to all* first i was born to be domianat second yes i was abused . when someone is molseted they turn to two things either they will close down and not want anyone to touch them no sex they are turned off by the ideal if it next they well become so sexulally active they sleep with many men they will become stripper porn star, this is the true about porn star they worte a book about their live and 90% were abuse, in my case i close down i did not want anyone to touch me i, but the strange thing is i did not remember for many years until i went to see a therpaist the first thing out of his mouth was " how many man have you sleplt with" you see i acted like i was in bed with many men *it just showed on my face i had not do that thank god.* *but i wrote in a rpely before how i as a child like to see men cry it made me feel something i had no ideal what it was when i was younger i would tell my dates i want to tie them up.* there is on thing my twin and i remember some how we saw someone in leather it wa the ownwer of our house we live in i thought it was a drean until my twin told me she saw it too. this ,made it even more as i grow older but this feeling of seeing a male cry happen before i saw the leather . so i grown now knowing what this feeling was but i want to slap men but when i found out what it was all about my excitiment grewn to be the biggest thing in my life i wanted more and i got more, my family knows even my son know i was shamed i had to tell him he knew and told me he still love me but do not lol ever say anthing about it again lol *yes bein dominant for some is a source of protection for me it is pleasure beyone my wildest dreams i did not use it for proection i use it for my pleasures* *very good post i hope many will answer* *mons[&:]*

wandering4u -> RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? (7/13/2006 2:49:42 AM)
Not abused . Just naturally developed as I dated.

RavenMuse -> RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? (7/13/2006 3:29:40 AM)
Perfectly valid question and probably does have some bearing on who I became. Only child to an emotionaly disfunctional mother and a father who couldn't relate to anyone younger than someone he could take to the pub for a chat. I became VERY self-reliant from a VERY early age just out of survival. If I needed anything doing I was the one who had to make it happen. I have memorys of having to 'take charge' even in situations involving adults from age 2 upward when it was something I needed. I was cooking from age 6, self defence against HER cooking. Not kidding, the dispeptic dwarf can burn water! My Gran was the nearest thing to a parent I had (My grandfather would have done the same but he died when I was still quite young). From age 7 I would take myself over to the moterway services, find some of the delivery drivers I knew and get a lift back 'home' to Glasgow to my grans place. She was a strong woman but too old to control me, especialy when I was having to be self relient so much of the rest of the time. Now I simply can't be other than self-reliant, I HAVE to be in charge, have to be in control of my life.... so in a relationship, it is the only way I function. It is the way I show I care. I may have been predisposed to that approach anyhow, but my upbringing (Or lack of) definatly reinforced that.

DualControl -> RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? (7/13/2006 3:39:56 AM)
No, not at all. I have had subs who were abused in previous times, and a careful, patient approach made it possible for our bdsm to be quite theraputic for them, or so they said.

Focus50 -> RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? (7/13/2006 3:46:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania Since this question is asked of submissives so much I felt it was only proper to ask the same of dominants, were you abused in anyway in your lifetime? By abuse I mean bullied by your parents, chronically neglected (think latch key kids), physically abused, verbally abused, or sexually abused? If you were abused has this made you want to control people to regain some sense of loss control over your childhood. I am not really asking this question because I think it has anything to do with why dominants are the way they are.. it just seems as valid to ask some of the dominants that seem to assume things about the submissives they dominate when they are not willing to look at their own backyard. Nope, nothing of the sort.... Mum always said I was the easiest to raise (of 3) because I preferred my own company when young (2 - 10ish) and I wasn't interested in group or team activities like sports etc growing up. I was always independent and never affected by peer pressures etc and I certainly didn't respond well to being pushed around.... And forget about a career in the armed forces or Police etc, where I'd hafta follow orders - NOT acceptable! And I also had no desire to lead a group in any job situation.... But controlling just one fem/sub with an equal need to be controlled? Yep, wanted that most my dating life.... Focus.

Lashra -> RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? (7/13/2006 4:55:05 AM)
Nope Im just naturally dominant and my Father encouraged it as he didn't want me to be like my Mother. My parents are both dominant without question but my Mother was conditioned (as most females are) to believe the man should run things. So she'd try to let him run things but he would want her input (my Dad's an equal opportunity kinda guy), she'd get frustrated at him for wanting her input and blow up in anger at him. Just DO it! I don't care blah blah..it wasn't pretty. Then when he'd do it she'd bitch and complain for years about it. There were arguments because Mom would fawn over him too much, he'd would want to make his own sandwich and she was arguing with him about it. Then she'd storm out cussing and he'd be shaking his head mumbling about how he hated being treated like a child. Also my Mom was very addicted to soap operas, she wouldn't miss them for anything and no one had better call or come to the house while they are on or she will go off. Dad suggested she get a part time job to get her out of the house and OMG she exploded! So in short Dad encouraged me to get an education, be my own person, get a good job, preferably my own business and to never get married or change my surname LOL I followed his advice and I can say I am truly happy that I did.[:D] I found out later when I started dating at the age of 18 that I really enjoyed tying men up and torturing them, it was as natural as breathing. ~Lashra Whipping asses since 1981

NINASHARP -> RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? (7/13/2006 5:38:14 AM)
Broken down and beaten, having then been empowered through the transformation of power, could be why I took to being a dominant, submissive, or maybe a switch? I do not know but in the early stages of submission, I was shown the difference in what I actually consented to over which I had no consent. This empowered me in a way that I did not have to feel at fault or take blame for having been subjected to abusive people. I learned I can actually remove myself now, and couldn't in childhood. I guess that knowledge has over flown into the treatment I have to accept from others compared to the stuff I don't have to take anymore. Nina

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? (7/13/2006 7:53:15 AM)
Being a latchkey kid might have influenced it, in a round-about way. I don't want to be in control to try and fill some void about not having control as a kid...but I will admit that I want control because I am a very independent woman and like things MY way. I totally could have learn how to be independent being a latch-key kid and I certainly could have learned to like things MY way by having a lot of time to DO things my way as a kid. In the end, though, I think it's a mix of nature and nurture.

juliaoceania -> RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? (7/13/2006 10:55:47 AM)
So maybe it is nature and nurture that causes this? Interesting. I was very cared for as a child, always someone to help me with everything as I am the youngest of 4 from a happy home. Perhaps I am submissive because of this?...hmmmm

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