quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50
But if it something that you know doesn't do anything for you.....why list it on your CS profile as a "love" or "like"? I've met a few guys who have things listed in their profiles as things they like or love....but when we really got into doing things, all they wanted was their one favorite.

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ORIGINAL: EmpressElsa

@OP Fetishists have a tendency to be boringly fixated on one or two activities. I have seen it often.

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ORIGINAL: smileforme50

But if they are just "meat and potatoes" guys and really need someone else to suggest other things to them...then why do they mention the stuff in their profiles? Just lying and trying to make themselves look more appealing?

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ORIGINAL: EmpressElsa

@OP Fetishists have a tendency to be boringly fixated on one or two activities. I have seen it often.

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ORIGINAL: MariaB

True if we use the word "Fetishist" in its true definition but that word got bastardized by the scene a long time ago, at least in the UK. Many words we use within the scene have been bastardized.

I consider myself a fetishist because I don't fit into any one box.

I love dominating the right parter,
I enjoy tying people up in rope without it being a dominant act,
I enjoy flesh hook suspension and have been suspended on hooks myself,
I love dressing up in crazy gear which can be anything from burlesque to latex,
I've always enjoyed dating cross dressers but it doesn't have to be a dominant/submissive thing for me,
I enjoy electric stimulation but I'm neither a masochist or submissive,
I enjoy having needles put in me but I'm neither a masochist or submissive,
I love sex with the right woman and it may or may not be a dominant act,
I love wild and explosive sex with my husband and that can include anything from dirty sex down a dark alley to making mad passionate love on satin sheets.
I love girl fights where the winner gets to fuck the loser.
I think its amusing that people can't work out my wild and adventurous attitude, especially dominants and submissives who seem desperate to slap some sort of label on all the things I'm into.

I consider myself as someone who is very much into the wild, vibrant and colourful fetish scene so what else could I possibly be but a "Fetishist"?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

True if we use the word "Fetishist" in its true definition but that word got bastardized by the scene a long time ago, at least in the UK. Many words we use within the scene have been bastardized.

I consider myself a fetishist because I don't fit into any one box.
<snip>
I consider myself as someone who is very much into the wild, vibrant and colourful fetish scene so what else could I possibly be but a "Fetishist"?

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ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

I honestly am completely interested in this. You are not a masochist or submissive. I'm curious as to what "drives you" or rather your rationalization for your preferences if that makes sense. Because you sound a lot more diverse than most I have encountered. It's pretty uhm...AWESOME. Also if you don't mind me asking, was it an exploration through time or you immediately had a desire for these kinks? I promise this is for my own curiosity as I myself am in a constant state of flux and I love almost everything kinky.
PS, well aware I am pretty much doing the same thing of attempting to label and apologies. If it is too personal a question you needn't answer.

quote:

FieryOpal
However you see defining yourself, or not doing so, is what matters. Many here who are not heavy into D/s (as a lifestyle, unlike yourself) but just want to engage in BDSM play and/or kinky sex call themselves kinksters.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

quote:

FieryOpal

However you see defining yourself, or not doing so, is what matters. Many here who are not heavy into D/s (as a lifestyle, unlike yourself) but just want to engage in BDSM play and/or kinky sex call themselves kinksters.

I agree; D/s in its purest form is a niche market. As you know, I've been in the BDSM/Fetish business for many years but if I only concentrated my business on the BDSM and D/s I would never of made any money. Kinkster is such a horrible label though, don't you think? It sounds promiscuous and unruly as well as frivolous and somewhat careless. I prefer to think of such people as open minded explorers.

quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

I was thinking recently about some of my previous play partners and boyfriends (vanilla but especially kink), and it occurred to me that they all seemed to have very strong preference for A very limited number of play and intimate activities. Four instance one guy I know all we ever did was spank me with wooden paddles, and then ass fuck.


This guy was totally into ass play and little else. A couple of other guys the only thing we ever did was me giving them oral (those relationships didn't last long). Another guy I knew, the only thing we ever did was me giving him a massage and a hand job.... Very rarely did we do anything else


Now as frustrating as it may have been to be giving him something all the time and never getting anything in return, what bothered me the most was the fact that these guys only ever wanted to do one or two things... while I was looking to try a variety of new things.


So I wanted to ask.... Have any of you ever had this experience where your partner has such a limited range of preferences and interestsń ( concerning sex and play) so that they just wanted to do the same few things all the time..... But you were looking for a bit more.........variety?

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ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

quote:

FieryOpal

However you see defining yourself, or not doing so, is what matters. Many here who are not heavy into D/s (as a lifestyle, unlike yourself) but just want to engage in BDSM play and/or kinky sex call themselves kinksters.

I agree; D/s in its purest form is a niche market. As you know, I've been in the BDSM/Fetish business for many years but if I only concentrated my business on the BDSM and D/s I would never of made any money. Kinkster is such a horrible label though, don't you think? It sounds promiscuous and unruly as well as frivolous and somewhat careless. I prefer to think of such people as open minded explorers.

Let me clarify that I am into D/s and don't consider myself a kinkster. I don't mind getting lumped into that category, since I find that a good number of those who do use that term for themselves are not into sado-masochism either.

I'll tell you, kinkster is better than those selfsame others who find nothing wrong with referring to themselves as "sluts." If they think this gives them permission in their own minds to be sexually open, then that's their business. If some of them think this gives them license to go around (non-consensually) calling all kinky people sluts and acting as if kinky=slutty, then that's where I have to draw the line. To me, them's fighting words (as is whore, cunt, etc.). Bitch has no negative effect on me, if not directed at me disparagingly. (But there are plenty of boys who like to get called a bitch or my bitch. )

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ORIGINAL: MariaB

I don't answer to "slut" and I don't answer to "kinky".

I actually like the word slut and have been known to use that word quiet a lot. If a friend said, "you dirty slut" it would be in jest and I wouldn't take offence but if was used as a label on me, well that's different.

There are two reason I don't like "kinkster/kinky". Its often used in a derogatory manner by someone who is trying to say, "this person has no serious about them" and its also used widely, at least in the UK, for swingers and by swingers as a self defining label. I've never swung, never wanted to swing and never will swing, therefore, "kinkster" doesn't apply to the definition of who I am and what I'm about.

In the UK a "Fetishist" can be a dominant or a submissive; a top/bottom, bi, hetro or switch who is into a few or lots of other things too. It simply means, don't compartmentalize me.

This is where terms across the oceans become foggy. Perhaps in America swingers don't use the word "kinkster"? Its a bit like Mistress, Ma'am and Domme. I get the impression that American dominants aren't keen on the word "Mistress" because it has connotations of a kept woman. In the UK the word "Mistress" is very popular, so much so that most dominant women will introduce themselves as a Mistress and not as a dominant woman.

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I'm fascinated by Maria's description of the British usage of kinkster vs fetishist. Because here it's almost the opposite. Kinkster is used widely but fetishist refers to a specific kind of person.

Once again, Churchill's quote about America and England being divided by a common language comes to mind.

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ORIGINAL: MariaB
I get the impression that American dominants aren't keen on the word "Mistress" because it has connotations of a kept woman.