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sheisreeds -> RE: submissive rights... (1/11/2015 10:51:21 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillsurrnder
Try reading the replies, honey.
I posted this to see what Doms had to say...not subs, anyway! If I wanted your opinion I would have posted in ask a sub...
Your opinion can be kept to yourself!
Oh, I'm a sucker for a good hissy fit.
For one, this isn't a black and white space. The submissives aren't corralled in their own forum, and beaten if they escape. The forums state the topic, but usually there is a place for responses from both sides of the kneel. Your topic actually begs for a submissive viewpoint since it is one about safety in meeting potential partners, and when or if to turn on the green light.
As full disclosure I am a switch. I have had dynamics where I was predominantly a dominant sadist, and I will admit that I have had more as a submissive masochist. These days I am rolling in the deep in a sadomasochistic switch dynamic that revels in power play. And when there is a coin toss it isn't for top and bottom, we both play for power so when we let the chips fall it is in a D/s context.
First off: please drop the whole "true dom" BS from your vocabulary. Any dominant who's worth a damn pretty much universally will not use that terminology. However, predators tend to love it. "true doms" in my experience are unrepentant sociopaths. If that's your gig than so be it, though you're probably better off in a domestic violence forum than a BDSM one.
When engaging submissives I don't rush it. It's really hot when they ask for it. I never was one for mixing sex and play unless we reached a point where there was enough for a commitment. I like strong people. Wishy washy, suppressed personality types don't do much for me. Those tended to be the days where meeting up for coffee ended then and there.
When I have gone out as a dominant, and even as a switch, on meets even when it's day one and it's all about conversation, I feel the even playing field and or the upper hand. Even when negotiating with men, even dominant men who were seeking a challenge.
When going on meets as a submissive it's a whole other ball game. I've engaged with people who seemed to have their shit together, and turned out just to be shitheads. I take submission pretty seriously, for me it is surrender and trust. I've been led on by bad people, been the victim of the disappearing dom. I've also had good experiences.
When going on meets the role you are seeking to be if things work out completely changes the risk, concerns and safety issues involved.
As a dominant I am primarily concerned with consent and self awareness of their interests when it comes to safety.
As a submissive sometimes I feel like the bait in an episode of "To Catch a Predator". To the extent that I always had to treat meets that way, and impose strict limits on initial play. I learned that fast. If those limits are broken there better be a damned good reason (and in some cases there has been), or I am out. I have to say purposeful negotiation for the first time meeting in private is so crucial. If there is a resistance or lack of sincerity in that interaction, get the hell out. If my well being isn't a concern, then forget it. Second play though, other than a few limits, I'm a totally different gal.
And blah, this is totally why I am so happy to be in a stable monogamous relationship, because blech meeting people for the purpose of BDSM is a chore.
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