FieryOpal
Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MariaB
I consider myself to be an erotic humiliatrix. This may include expected servitude, forced sex, body worship, orgasm denial, having my submissive naked whilst I’m dressed or it may include more verbal things such as scolding, threatening, demanding or depriving what they want. What my humiliation does not include is belittling, mocking, ridiculing or making them feel worthless; if that is all there was to the wonderful world of humiliation, I simply wouldn't be here.
I enjoy spanking or using physical implements on a submissive more than a non submissive masochist because I need to interact on a verbal level as well as a physical one. Someone who’s just lays their enjoying the pain and not wanting any dominance doesn’t do it for me; I may as well be flogging a dead horse...what's the point? There has to be submission and there has to be an element of embarrassment at having to take that pain for me. He has to communicate with me when I'm getting physical and I absolutely demand that of him even if he does find it humiliating.
I go to clubs so see a good amount of public scening. I've never understood those who bend their partner over a bench and go about flogging, whipping and caning them for a good 40 minutes without so much as a word between them. When I see a dominant grab his sub by the hair, pull her head back and speak up close and right in her face, that gets my attention because that is how I combine my sadism with my dominance.
If I were to engage in a humiliation dynamic with my sub partner ever again, it would have to be erotically charged as it was between me and my late husband. Unless I feel intimately connected with a man, that desire to dance with him in such a manner barely exists. He has to be able to execute the right dance moves in sync with my cues or while I take the lead, is the best way I can describe it, and a passive partner won't fit the bill. I might as well be dancing by myself, having mental masturbation. 
For me, it's very much about exerting and exercising control, and to reinforce Domination and submission in terms of ownership. To my way of thinking, I shouldn't have to resort to humiliating my sub or bending him to my will as if his submission is only on lease or on loan to me. (WTH do I want with "rented" or time-shared half-assed overtures of submission?) Then it no longer becomes a pleasurable dance, humiliation play, or mutually enjoyed funishment, but a matter of serious discipline instead, which is a buzzkill.
Public humiliation is a Soft Limit, and I wouldn't want a sub who was into that or who would want to push his or her Dominant's buttons to instigate that kind of impromptu scene. I love spontaneity, but within concensual limits, and this means MY OWN as well.
How anyone can equate private humiliation to degradation is puzzling, so I what DaddySatyr posted about what his concept of degradation is, is...rather odd. Degradation is akin to belittling and making another made to feel less than and lower than--to degrade.
Humiliation is to degradation what D/s is to BDSM. One is a state of being - to humiliate is to make humble as a state of mind - the other is a state of doing (e.g. performing degrading activities).
Btw Maria, I also don't understand what Tops and bottoms get out of publicly scening their light floggings, and then two hours later, there the same "Masters" are still at it with their s-types (loosely) tied to the same St. Andrew's Crosses. 
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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau
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RE: Masochism: humiliation vs. physical pain - 
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