RE: Sadism: humiliation vs. physical pain

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RE: Sadism: humiliation vs. physical pain - 12/25/2014 12:16:21 PM

MissToYouRedux

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

Maria brings up a good point, OP, which is that there are many forms of humiliation, whether done intentionally to humiliate or whether humiliation becomes a by-product.

Personally, I'm into objectification for a myriad of reasons, none of which includes humiliation. After all, a "thing" can be a gorgeous and valued Ming vase as well as a useful if prosaic floor mop.

It does take individuals with a strong sense of self, who often tell me that humiliation was a happy byproduct.

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RE: Sadism: humiliation vs. physical pain - 12/25/2014 1:34:03 PM

SweetForDaddy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zwilling

To rephrase my question: Sadists, what is it that you enjoy doing to your submissive(s) (and for the enjoyment of everyone involved), inflicting physical pain on them, making a submissive undergo one form or another of humiliation, or both?

Yes.

Look, humiliation is a broadly defined term as you have been told. One day, I emailed my slut and told her that she was to refer to herself as my "Cunt" a word, I might add, that I knew she hated. She struggled greatly with the idea simply because she detested the word, but it was what I wanted from her. She arrived at my home, and before she said a word to me, I told her that she was to start each and every sentence with it. That was humiliating for her, but she really grooved on it after awhile.

Let's face it, humiliation is not a "one size fits all" topic, neither is pain. Find what works for you, and what combination of the two elements makes your motor run.

That would do it for me. I'm not into being called names at all but that way its interesting, its brains engaging. I like the word cunt though so it would have to be something else for me :-). It's not about being called a cunt or whatever word though , its about the place it puts you in, that awkward delicious space. Brains have to engage to do that, it's too individual to teach by technique.

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RE: Sadism: humiliation vs. physical pain - 12/26/2014 9:14:14 AM

MariaB

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

Let's face it, humiliation is not a "one size fits all" topic, neither is pain. Find what works for you, and what combination of the two elements makes your motor run.

And there lies the key. I recently said, dominance, sadism and humiliation is all about picking up clues. Its like when you demanded your girl to call herself a "slut". I bet you had a very good idea of how she would react to that? We don't want to jeopardize our relationships, we want to enhance them and so before we do anything, we are normally fairly certain its a safe gamble.

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RE: Sadism: humiliation vs. physical pain - 12/27/2014 4:10:00 PM

wannapleez

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
No, neither. But that might be because I'm a Sensual Domina.

I'm the last person to say that there are strict definitions in this lifestyle, but may I ask what you personally mean by "Sensual Domina"?

The reason that I ask is that I can think of two Dommes whom I have served who I would consider "sensual dominas". Both the pain infliction and the humiliation gave us both sensual pleasure. Whereas, it seems that your definition of the term considers them to be mutually exclusive.

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RE: Sadism: humiliation vs. physical pain - 12/27/2014 10:11:41 PM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wannapleez

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

No, neither. But that might be because I'm a Sensual Domina.

I'm the last person to say that there are strict definitions in this lifestyle, but may I ask what you personally mean by "Sensual Domina"?

The reason that I ask is that I can think of two Dommes whom I have served who I would consider "sensual dominas". Both the pain infliction and the humiliation gave us both sensual pleasure. Whereas, it seems that your definition of the term considers them to be mutually exclusive.

No doubt there are plenty of Sensual Dominas who are Sensual Sadists. I have a good friend who is a Kind Sadist and also seeks a sensual male sub for an LTR. I just don't happen to be into sado-masochism so I would not be well-suited with a masochist.

So no, they aren't mutually exclusive. There are some Dommes who aren't interested in having sex with their subs, or who consider that any physical contact during play isn't of a sexual nature. Some Mistresses just want a sub on the side for limited types of play and/or oral worship. Some seek (non-sexual) service subs.

The lifestyle Dommes who are my closest friends are (non-sadistic) FLR-Female Led Relationship Dommes, but for the purposes of this thread, I thought this term might cause confusion. Most FLR Dommes are looking for either a sub husband or a working "male wife" (if that's how the FLR sub views himself) for a monogamous FLM-Female Led Marriage. Greater emphasis on (D/s) Domestic Discipline as opposed to (BDSM) B&D, little to no emphasis on S&M.

ETA: Good catch. It would be more accurate for me to say that I'm an FLR Sensual Domina, but that could give the impression that there are FLR Dommes who are not sensually oriented. (The proper word is actually "Sensuous" rather than "Sensual.") We all want a full sexual relationship with our sub mate, and a full-fledged vanilla intimate partnership. Also, being a Sensual Domina prioritizes that which is erotic. Eroticism. I don't happen to find S&M to be erotic or sexy--that's just from my own perspective.

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 12/27/2014 10:24:13 PM >

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RE: Sadism: humiliation vs. physical pain - 12/29/2014 12:08:45 AM

wannapleez

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Thanks for the clarification, FieryOpal. Makes sense now.

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RE: Sadism: humiliation vs. physical pain - 1/5/2015 4:56:55 PM

Deathnote21

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I'm more into inflicting physical pain because I enjoy it more and because there's easier aftercare. Humiliation, degradation and etc can cause deeper wounds and open up major past trauma if you're not careful. It also borders too closely to actual abuse for my liking. I'm curious about exploring it more but I'd really need to know the sub.

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RE: Sadism: humiliation vs. physical pain - 1/5/2015 5:33:31 PM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Deathnote21

I'm more into inflicting physical pain because I enjoy it more and because there's easier aftercare. Humiliation, degradation and etc can cause deeper wounds and open up major past trauma if you're not careful. It also borders too closely to actual abuse for my liking. I'm curious about exploring it more but I'd really need to know the sub.

to the Message Boards at Collarchat.

It also seems to me that humiliation & degradation are an on-line-friendly medium for Insta-Domination utilized by Cyber & Chatroom Dom/mes in lieu of IRT D/s experience. Those who practice it casually can mete it out with ease, and a sub can simply pick up the phone and hire a Phone Mistress to get his instant humiliation fetish fix.

Unfortunately IMO, male subs accustomed to getting remote gratification via FemDom porn and/or phone sex, or who seek free on-line Domination get a rude awakening when they come face to face with Dommes in real life and discover that the real world is much different than they had imagined.

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RE: Sadism: humiliation vs. physical pain - 1/8/2015 5:40:50 PM

RockaRolla

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This is a field that's new to me, and I'm still coming to terms with the idea that it's OK. But I prefer to cause physical pain and avoid any form of humiliation.

Maybe it's just that humiliation isn't my thing - I know I hate being on the receiving end. Or maybe it's that this is still new to me and I have yet to reconcile that in my mind with my perception of ethics. Physical pain will go away, marks will fade, but humiliation will stick with you.

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RE: Sadism: humiliation vs. physical pain - 1/8/2015 6:53:14 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Zwilling

Firstly, I hope that this post doesn't contravene any kind of forum rules. Basically, I'd like to post a similar question to one that I've already posted in the Ask a Submissive/Slave section, although this time I'd like to direct the question towards Dominant women, and in particular to the Sadists amongst them. Do you have a preference for either inflicting physical pain on your submissive(s) or for humiliating them, or are you interested in both activities? Is either one of these two more common amongst Sadists? I'm curious to know, as I seem to encounter Dominants who are more interested in inflicting physical pain than humiliating their partners more frequently.

That was a very big woid.

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RE: Sadism: humiliation vs. physical pain - 1/17/2015 10:01:17 AM

TrisTakesControl

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I prefer giving humiliation and psychological pain.

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RE: Sadism: humiliation vs. physical pain - 1/18/2015 12:10:50 AM

Wickad

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(fast reply)

I've noticed that in both the r/t public scene, and to a lesser extent in the online scene, there is an emphasis on sadism. This is my perception and others may vary. I think this is because it's easier to talk about and demonstrate physical acts of cruelty than it is to get into the 'how-to' of the more cerebral parts of BDSM (including humiliation). It's easier to teach someone to throw a flogger or even give a demo and instruction on fire play than it would be to talk about abstract concepts that are both intimate and individual. For this reasons it "seems like" more people are interested in sadistic types of physical play than they are in such things as humiliation.

This group has had a number of people from both sides of the slash come here and ask if they are in the right place because they are not into physical pain, either giving or receiving. I feel this is partially due to the above reason.

As well, sometimes it takes folks a while to realize just what their kink is all about. While they're figuring it out it's easy to learn different types of play and get out there and 'get involved'. Sometimes it's these very experiences that teach us what we really aren't interested in. When I was new I thought it was all about the floggers and the whips and the chains. This had a lot to do with my being a masochist. As I learned more about myself I learned that being a masochist did not mean I was submissive (that was a hard lesson) and that as a Dominant I'm not really a sadist. Some folks mistakenly thought I was into humiliation but that really doesn't describe me either as I don't see what I want from a submissive as humiliating (he might) but rather as being a physical demonstration of his internal submission to me. I want to SEE his submission.

... I digress

Overall, I think there is an emphasis on physical sadism in the public arena of BDSM because of ease of teaching, misconceptions of what someone is 'supposed to do' and, finally, also the image presented by media. No matter what the perceived emphasis is, this is not the reality as many people are very interested in the all forms of BDSM.

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