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RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 1/23/2015 12:15:55 PM

preytolife

Posts: 138
Joined: 11/29/2010
From: LaLa Land
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I enjoy sadomasochism and D/s for the most part I don't do much bondage and discipline only when I'm in a relationship that incorporates that. I enjoy BDSM and I prefer it to be part of my relationships however all relationships have some sort of power dynamic present and my only real needs in that regard is having an assertive, confident partner who knows what they want and who's willing to actively experiment with and engage with me sexually. Then there's play partners and that's a whole 'nother kettle of fish.

I'm not in a relationship at the moment but when I am I don't really stress about how often the BDSM happens. I like "dominant" people outside the bedroom, and I enjoy the concepts of possession and ownership but I don't need it to be constantly explicit. I've found that when I associated being submissive as part of my personality it negatively affected me and encouraged a lot of dependency, self worth and anxiety issues. "BDSM" is only a part of who I am as far as being a highly sexual person who enjoys sadomasochism and pleasing my partners. At one point I believe that I needed someone else to be in control and take charge of the relationship, while I still prefer that and enjoy the concept it's no longer a need. I do require some extent of sadism in my partners, or at least a willingness to inflict pain; I've gone as far as teaching partners how to top before. I'm sure I could live without BDSM given the right situation and 5, 10 years down the road it may need to take a back seat, but as I said it's not the most important aspect of a relationship and it doesn't need to be explicit to be present.

At this time I probably wouldn't pursue any relationship that was purely vanilla. BDSM is a big part of my life, I run a local group and my entire group of friends is kinky. That said, I don't believe anyone is completely vanilla, they just have different kinks or they're unwilling to explore.

(in reply to RebeccaR)

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RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 2/3/2015 9:05:06 AM

MasterBill1967

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Joined: 2/2/2015
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Wow great question OP!. I have been in BDSM off and on since i was a teenager, and can say i have was always been sub. Now today I am a Dom,exploring the other side of the whip. I would say i am not a 100% Dom,but learning to be. I still want my sub(my wife) to inflect Dom attention at times on to me.

What aspects of BDSM are you currently engaged in, or have engaged in in the past? :::I have try all aspects, like i said I am Dom,and really liking it,my sub is a seasoned veteran of the being a good Sub, she really gets into it,so i don't want her to lose that submission, that willing to submit. I can get off my knees and play that part of the Dom,the Sir and still get extreme pleasure from it. To excited matter of fact.

What importance does BDSM play in your relationships? Is it a requirement? A need? A want? A strong desire? :: This Is where we are,it seems from a lot here,differ. Our BDSM life is mostly held to the bedroom, now we have push some to out of the bedroom. It actually intensifies our love outside the bedroom, with the suttle looks,words, we carry on the D- and sub control outside of the room. witch transmit back to the bedroom.

Where and when is BDSM a part of your relationships? 24/7? Bedroom only? Something in between? ::
Again mainly in the bedroom, we are learning to push it more and more outside the bedroom. I have started texting her control messages and her instance that she follow my sexual commands where ever she is, and trying to humiliation practice.

Do you view any aspect of BDSM as being a part of who you are?
just the confidence, the satisfaction it gives our relationship. Its a part of our life,not our life.

If a long term partner no longer wanted to engage in BDSM what impact do you think that would have on the relationship?
really it should never have the impact over love for your spouse.

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RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 2/21/2015 9:33:28 PM

LittleStarBerry

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I live it whenever possible.

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RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 2/21/2015 9:42:08 PM

GoddessManko

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From: Dante's Inferno
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24/7 Total Power Exchange is my thing.

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The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

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RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 2/21/2015 10:06:34 PM

shiftyw

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
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What aspects of BDSM are you currently engaged in, or have engaged in in the past?
Bedroom only. Primal, impact play, sado/maso, some light bondage stuff (no rope...)
In the past: TPE, Daddy/little, Poly, and the above mentioned, I guess wax play at some point too.

What importance does BDSM play in your relationships? Is it a requirement? A need? A want? A strong desire?
I'd say...kinky sex is a need- unless he becomes unable to perform it because of his health- then I would sacrifice it.

Where and when is BDSM a part of your relationships? 24/7? Bedroom only? Something in between?
Bedroom only.

Do you view any aspect of BDSM as being a part of who you are?
No

Are there parts of BDSM that you can live without? Are there others that you have to have?
D/s TPE I can let go. I can do without rope for sure.
I need to be devoured in bed.

If a long term partner no longer wanted to engage in BDSM what impact do you think that would have on the relationship?
Eh- He'd let me get it elsewhere. I'd ask to get it elsewhere.

What if you had great compatibility with someone, but would only have a vanilla relationship(no BDSM)? Would you still pursue it?
I'd still pursue it, but I'm an animal in bed- and I would need some pretty strong passion and chemistry to forgo that part of myself.

< Message edited by shiftyw -- 2/21/2015 10:11:38 PM >

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RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 2/22/2015 8:39:30 AM

Koby23

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/25/2015
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

There have been a lot of recent discussions about particular letters in our alphabet soup, and I figured it might be an interesting topics to bring them altogether. Just in case anyone doesn't know the acronym BDSM stands for: Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism.

What aspects of BDSM are you currently engaged in, or have engaged in in the past?

A daddy/ sadist

What importance does BDSM play in your relationships? Is it a requirement? A need? A want? A strong desire?

Tricky, It is apart of who I am, to negate it or deny it - says to me I am rejecting a part of myself. I would say it is a strong desire, a strong desire to care/love.

Where and when is BDSM a part of your relationships? 24/7? Bedroom only? Something in between?

The best part of being a daddy is that, it is not reduced to the bedroom like being a sadist is MAINLY reduced to the bedroom - I can be a daddy everywhere and anywhere

Do you view any aspect of BDSM as being a part of who you are?

Yup, part of personality is about curiosity and trying new things sexually and non-sexually.

Are there parts of BDSM that you can live without? Are there others that you have to have?

Being a sadist, is an always an option never a certainty

If a long term partner no longer wanted to engage in BDSM what impact do you think that would have on the relationship?

Engaging in BDSM, can be subjective - lots of vanilla couple use handcuffs but are not necessarily into BDSM - someone who is sexually dominant in the bedroom, may not necessarily be a dominant.

What if you had great compatibility with someone, but would only have a vanilla relationship(no BDSM)? Would you still pursue it?

Elements of a daddy would be incorporated but not necessarily the titles e.g. being a devoted boyfrend

Edited to clarify last question which was previously:
Is a vanilla relationship with the right person something you view as an option?

(in reply to sheisreeds)

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RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 2/22/2015 12:23:29 PM

vivaciousgrace

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Joined: 12/13/2014
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It is a thread running through my life, intertwined with many other things. It is a part of the whole person that I am.
I expect the friends that are close enough to me to know about it to respect it, I prefer my partners to enjoy it.
I am a fairly versatile switch so the details change often but I do love variety!
I currently only have friendships that involve some intimacy/BDSM so my involvement depends on the availability of playmates and is more of a rare treat rather than a regular thing.
I do expect serious partners to engage in BDSM, I would end a relationship if they no longer wanted that.
I think that a completely vanilla relationship would not suit me, I become bored, resentful and depressed when things lose that delicious intensity that BDSM brings to my life. I have actively avoided them throughout my life!

< Message edited by vivaciousgrace -- 2/22/2015 12:24:29 PM >

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RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 2/23/2015 6:42:19 AM

AlabamaPrincess

Posts: 134
Joined: 2/4/2015
From: The Dragon's Keep
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the acronym BDSM stands for: Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism.

What aspects of BDSM are you currently engaged in, or have engaged in in the past?

Currently engaged in all of the above in some form or fashion. My past has always been vanilla, so this is my first and I love it.

What importance does BDSM play in your relationships? Is it a requirement? A need? A want? A strong desire?

For me, it is a strong desire, for Sir, and NEED. We have had many long discussions in the beginning, and he made it clear that he needed to be a Dom, as it's who he is. However, his past relationships didn't follow through with it, and he felt deprived, but he still tried to make it work.

Where and when is BDSM a part of your relationships? 24/7? Bedroom only? Something in between?

24/7 for us. Something as simple as a look or hand on my arm is all it takes to remind me of my place.

Do you view any aspect of BDSM as being a part of who you are?

For Him, it is his essence. For me, I need the Domination, for my own sanity haha, although up until W/we started this journey, I didn't realize it

Are there parts of BDSM that you can live without? Are there others that you have to have?

I can live without the extreme end of things. Certain toys, certain types of play. For example fire and knife play are a no go for me. Poly is not our thing, etc.

If a long term partner no longer wanted to engage in BDSM what impact do you think that would have on the relationship?

For us, it's not an option, however if it came down to not being able to ( I recently found out I have a section in my spine that is degenerating quickly) then it's ok, simply because we are secure enough in our relationship to understand it and adapt.

What if you had great compatibility with someone, but would only have a vanilla relationship(no BDSM)? Would you still pursue it?

Happened all the time before I married :)

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RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 2/23/2015 7:01:26 AM

Greta75

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Joined: 2/6/2011
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quote:

What aspects of BDSM are you currently engaged in, or have engaged in in the past?

In the past, a 24/7 relationship. Now, I'm really just topping from bottom with vanilla guys casually, and with extremely mild stuffs as with vanillas, it's difficult to explain to them alot of things.

quote:

What importance does BDSM play in your relationships? Is it a requirement? A need? A want? A strong desire?

I got married to a vanilla, thinking, I could give up bdsm. But 6 years into the marriage, I started getting sooo bored of our regular sex, I could not stop myself. I start using excuses to spice up our sex life by introducing bdsm into it. But truth is, before I married this man, I know in my deepest gut and heart that he would never accept bdsm in his life. I knew it that I never even introduce any bdsm elements into our sex life before our marriage, and waited till 6 years into our marriage when my bdsm cravings over-ruled my common sense. I ruin my own marriage. So sometimes, it's a very difficult thing. I loved my x-husband alot, outside of the bedroom, we are perfect together. I thought I could be happy forever with just that. But I craved for more emotional closeness that I feel only bdsm could bring, I need him to share that part of my life with me too, physically, mentally, emotionally.

quote:

Where and when is BDSM a part of your relationships? 24/7? Bedroom only? Something in between?

It was 24/7 with my x-BF.

quote:

Do you view any aspect of BDSM as being a part of who you are?

If somebody rejected me or felt disgusted with me because of the bdsm leanings I have, then yea, I guess it's a part of who I am. I mean, this question depends on how you interpreted it. I do feel like to be fully accepted for myself, that person has to like me despite my bdsm leanings. But none of my friends or family know that I am into bdsm, because I am afraid of losing them IF they knew. And the scary bit is, I truly believe I will lose them IF they knew.

quote:

Are there parts of BDSM that you can live without? Are there others that you have to have?

Um..., yea, the parts I don't like, I can live without! I think with bdsm, some things are compromisable.

quote:

If a long term partner no longer wanted to engage in BDSM what impact do you think that would have on the relationship?

Frankly, I do not know. I also have this uncertainty, that IF I ever have a child, my whole energy might change, as in, the focus would be so 100% on the child, would I still feel like being into bdsm? I don't know. And what kind of problems will that cause in my relationship if it has. And if one day, the guy just stop wanting bdsm out of no where, I don't know, that will be hard. I think I need to understand why first. But chances are, if I love him, I am gonna find some kind of middle ground to work this part out.

quote:

What if you had great compatibility with someone, but would only have a vanilla relationship(no BDSM)? Would you still pursue it?

Just going through something like this right now! It's a nightmare! Painful! I really don't want to love someone who isn't into BDSM if I had a choice. And then to have that someone who loves you, struggle to try to be the dom for you, but is so uncomfortable with it, that it's so obvious to me that he hates it. Painful. He knows I need it but he can't give it to me. And I can't help feeling disappointed he can't. Everything else outside bdsm is perfect! I am trying to be happy with it, but somehow I am not happy.

quote:

Is a vanilla relationship with the right person something you view as an option?

Base on my past experience, I think, no. I WISH I could be happy in a vanilla relationship though because I get along so well with vanilla guys!

(in reply to sheisreeds)

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RE: What role does BDSM play in your life? - 2/23/2015 4:30:31 PM

DerangedUnit

Posts: 660
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What aspects of BDSM are you currently engaged in, or have engaged in in the past?

-My own unique blend of all of thee above, in the past.... all of the above though in recent years I've moved away from the s&m side.

What importance does BDSM play in your relationships? Is it a requirement? A need? A want? A strong desire?

-it's just sort of a constant, it's not something I directly seek out but every relationship that lasts more than a week ends up being with a dom, I have a hard time wanting anything, I'm more the make the best out of what you have type and balance well with high energy forceful people that can counteract my "am I really supposed to give a fuck?" Personality.

Where and when is BDSM a part of your relationships? 24/7? Bedroom only? Something in between?

-well I live in a bedroom.... 24/7 as in our standing doesn't change but we aren't around each other 24/7 god, I've tried this with people that don't work and we are actually around each other constantly and nothing will make me want to kill someone faster. So 24/7 but if I do think have a lot of alone time I start circling and growling. My owner comes around to feed me, fuck me, shower/sleep, get foot rubs, exchange stories... then go back out into the world, I'm just the little oasis in the desert.

Do you view any aspect of BDSM as being a part of who you are?

-It's been a large part of forming who I am but na, I can do with or without "I don't like the drugs, the drugs like me"

Are there parts of BDSM that you can live without? Are there others that you have to have?

-well so I say something different than above, there are things I like or dislike, I don't like being immobilized... I do like escaping being immobilized. I don't like things up my butt... I do like the look on their face when you decide to try anyways and I get a finger in them first. Mainly it's about real emotion for me. I have a really high tolerance for life, getting me to take notice it's the world around me can be hard. The people that ground me are those that I can feel high levels of energy from, emotion. I used to get that through pain... but that became unhealthy so I turned it off and focused on creating emotional extremes. I decide what I want to feel or let someone else decide what they want to feel... then set the ball rolling.

If a long term partner no longer wanted to engage in BDSM what impact do you think that would have on the relationship?

-I'm not really sure *head scratch* all my relationships with vanilla guys have turned out exactly the same... usually they are just more volatile. I'm pretty sure if they wanted to quit that would mean they were breaking up with me. People seem to think I'm synonymous with fetish. It would most likely look like 19th housewife but that's a fetish too so yeah how can anything be completely vanilla?

What if you had great compatibility with someone, but would only have a vanilla relationship(no BDSM)? Would you still pursue it?

-pretty much already said but what label they put on themselves doesn't matter, being around me is likely to change them though, there aren't very many people who seem to be able to resist that. I can't imagine being really compatible with someone only vanilla though... are there many straight laced vanilla types who are also highly eccentric, have incredibly dysfunctional histories, like broken toys, and never want to get married or have kids but still can be monogamous.... doesn't seem likely but who knows.
Oh wait "pursue it" no... I don't pursue, I'm pursued. Me pursuing would never happen, just not possible.

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