For the socially awkward male submissives (Full Version)

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GoddessManko -> For the socially awkward male submissives (1/18/2015 3:11:36 PM)

Tips to get a female Dominant to notice you in 3 easy steps. OK! You found the internet, our nerdy abode, feels almost like home. But now it's time to put your World of Warcraft game to the side to finally meet the Domme of your dreams. Now for some of you who cannot afford a pro, are not living in your mom's basement at 50 and want to take your fantasies offline (no, really) here are some ways you can find that one Domme that knows how to tickle your fancy.
Step one, construct a well written profile. If you need to use wordpad. You can construct it any way of your choosing as long as you keep in mind who you are trying to attract. A female, an alpha female. Now are women typically turned on by dick pics? (ASK A FRIEND!) Are women typically turned on by sense of humor? Intellect? Stability? Consistence?
If you answered yes, you're on the right track.
Now do you have any flattering images of yourself that say "I'm sane, happy, healthy and not an axe murderer"? If you have any of those which are not over 2 years old, please use them. The more recent the pic and candid the better even if you attach it to an email vs posting on a profile.
Now if you know you may not be the most attractive man in the world you may be able to charm her with your personality. Your introductory email is the next step! Like the wordpad you can title profile. You should title another as your "introductory letter". In this you are trying to impress her, wow her, woo her by NOT SAYING THE THINGS SHE HAS HEARD A MILLION TIMES BEFORE. What sets you apart? What makes her feel your interest is genuine? For some female Dommes it is a secret word on their profile, for others it is tribute through gifts and/or money. Whatever SHE DESIRES is not too much to ask because you are proving to her that you have this unwavering desire to kneel at her feet. Makes sense, right? Finally after wooing her to the stage of interaction you get to chat back and forth. You have graduated from the email sending filter system to the "is he really this animated in a conversation? Will he answer all of my seemingly pointless questions patiently? Does his interests match mine. If you put down only fundamental things in your profile like marital status, kids, pets, education, occupation and the like then this is where you really show her you enjoy doing other things. Maybe she is a gamer nerd too, maybe she loves shoes and you enjoy watching her try them on, maybe you love red wine or travel. This is where the nitty gritty "I'm lovable, real and won't BS you so I just eradicated 95% of the guys out there by completely blowing your mind with my interest in YOU! OMG I HAVE INTEREST IN YOU!" This "having interest" thing really works!
More advice;
Be realistic. I might love Brad Pitt all day but well aware he is a married famous actor with 7 kids. So it's a reach. Similar interests, down to earth...relationships are all about compatibility even when your compatible partner might be opposite. Stop looking for 5'2 and 90 lb, 18 year olds. You will increase your chances of meeting someone.
Be ready to submit to whatever she desires. If you have a hard limit from the starting gate after offering her your submission. You are already self sabotaging.
Know your limits. And hers.
Be fine with rejection and be proactive.
Increase exposure through various websites including vanilla ones. Some kinksters have never logged on a fetish specific site. Good luck and happy hunting!
I created this after this sub reached out to me for the third time in a year and his pics were great at first but now, his latest pics scream internet shut in to compliment his one worded self introduction. "Good evening Miss, how are you?" is that much better than "hello".
Effort=Reward.



LemonCollie -> RE: For the socially awkward male submissives (1/18/2015 3:39:36 PM)

So... If I understood you right, you're suggesting that submissives should instantly submit to complete strangers and hard limits are self sabotaging, so they shouldn't have any?

Submissives should be most concerned about their own wants, needs, and safety when considering any partner... It's how they stay intact emotionally, physically, and financially, because there's a lot of predators out there. It's okay to have limits and self-respect is a good thing.



GoddessManko -> RE: For the socially awkward male submissives (1/18/2015 4:07:53 PM)

Hard limits AFTER agreeing to submit to her, knowing his limits are one of her favorites. Or agreeing to submit without even getting to know her in some way. That is self sabotaging. Back peddling before you even get started would become a habit.
I would know what works for me as far as approach. If another Domme has something different in this regard she may outline it. But I decide what is best for my sub at the end of the day and he is quite happy, as am I. We are talking about people actually meeting, not submitting at the coffee shop they agree to meet at or the bookstore or whatever is their first date choice. Or even submitting remotely. I would recommend getting skype or verified pics but I would be careful about requesting things. She might give those in time.
You can choose also to never drive a car because of the rate of accidents on the road and see how well that pans out. Risk vs reward is the issue here. There will always be some risk and you proceed as such...or NEVER at all and be like that poor soul in my inbox. If meeting people is that scary then what can I say? You're screwed. It takes some measure of depth perception and genuine interest to not get yourself burned. Chances are the players are playing each other.



LemonCollie -> RE: For the socially awkward male submissives (1/18/2015 5:29:01 PM)

To keep from back peddling like you mentioned, that's another reason why it's important for a submissive to keep their own wants and needs in mind when looking for a partner. If they start trying to make compromises that they aren't willing to actually make, things won't work. Being honest with yourself, along with openly and honestly communicating the needs specific to you, is how to find someone compatible.



GoddessManko -> RE: For the socially awkward male submissives (1/18/2015 5:54:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LemonCollie

To keep from back peddling like you mentioned, that's another reason why it's important for a submissive to keep their own wants and needs in mind when looking for a partner. If they start trying to make compromises that they aren't willing to actually make, things won't work. Being honest with yourself, along with openly and honestly communicating the needs specific to you, is how to find someone compatible.


Yes, agreed. Such a sub wouldn't work for me anyway. Some subs really won't because they're not programmed that way. Subs don't have to keep their needs and wants in mind, if you mention to me in the first email you have requirements outside of safety and hard limits it's sort of perfect because then I know we are incompatible and it saves us from wasting each other's time.
There are constants that help me to draw lines in the sand regarding my entire life. My sub has to appreciate that or decide if it's too inflexible.
I would say a way to sidestep actually demanding how a Dom should dom is putting in your profile your kink list from lives for to curious about, dislikes are not too much of a concern as I like most things kinky. At least if you have a kink list and a "starter set" of toys the Domme has some idea of what direction to go in if that makes sense.



ResidentSadist -> RE: For the socially awkward male submissives (1/18/2015 5:59:15 PM)

Set aside World of Warcraft? Surely you jest!



GoddessManko -> RE: For the socially awkward male submissives (1/18/2015 6:02:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Set aside World of Warcraft? Surely you jest!


I know! One of the coolest things a guy can tell me is he's a gamer. Nerd bell starts ringing, LOL. Let's keep this between us though. [;)]



LadyNeith -> RE: For the socially awkward male submissives (1/18/2015 6:46:16 PM)

I don't really think this is great advice.

I think your intention is great, though.

Best.



GoddessManko -> RE: For the socially awkward male submissives (1/18/2015 7:13:18 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNeith

I don't really think this is great advice.

I think your intention is great, though.

Best.



That's fine. But I agree with some degree. You enjoy bragging, I prefer humility. Perfect example of the difference between Dommes. You did ask your subs to set themselves apart so I am not even sure what you are addressing.



NookieNotes -> RE: For the socially awkward male submissives (1/19/2015 4:37:36 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LemonCollie

So... If I understood you right, you're suggesting that submissives should instantly submit to complete strangers and hard limits are self sabotaging, so they shouldn't have any?

Submissives should be most concerned about their own wants, needs, and safety when considering any partner... It's how they stay intact emotionally, physically, and financially, because there's a lot of predators out there. It's okay to have limits and self-respect is a good thing.


Overreacting and reducing things to the worst possible intention makes a great impression online.

</sarcasm>

I'm guessing you mean well, FYI. *smiles*

Welcome to the forums.



PeonForHer -> RE: For the socially awkward male submissives (1/19/2015 5:34:07 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNeith

I don't really think this is great advice.

I think your intention is great, though.

Best.



What would your advice be, LadyNeith?



ExiledTyrant -> RE: For the socially awkward male submissives (1/19/2015 5:54:58 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko


Now do you have any flattering images of yourself that say "I'm sane, happy, healthy and not an axe murderer"?


Shit...



Kittenluv954 -> RE: For the socially awkward male submissives (1/19/2015 6:39:10 AM)

"put your World of Warcraft game to the side" LOLWUT thats crazy talk manko



cloudboy -> RE: For the socially awkward male submissives (1/19/2015 6:56:42 AM)

My advice: Be prepared to look for a long time and be mindful.



GoddessManko -> RE: For the socially awkward male submissives (1/19/2015 9:20:47 AM)

LMAO! Dammit Kittenluv and Exiled, work with me here! And totally agreed cloudboy. Male submission is trickier than on the female side, it requires consistence and training in my experience.



crumpets -> RE: For the socially awkward male submissives (1/19/2015 12:21:17 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

Tips to get a female Dominant to notice you in 3 easy steps. OK!


So, if I understand correctly, summarized, the three steps are...?
1. Construct a consistently stable profile (<=== need clarification on that one),
2. Create an impressively innovative introductory form letter (<=== presumably, which can be tweaked, per response?),
3. Patiently answer all "seemingly pointless" questions in an animated way that shows us off in the "nitty gritty" lovable world (<=== I think this means, "have a personality?").

In addition, if I understand the additional advice, it's...?
a. Be proactive, but stop looking for 5'2 and 90 lb, 18 year olds <=== (yet, get used to rejection anyway?),
b. Know both sides' hard limits, but be ready to submit to whatever she desires <=== (presumably within those limits?),
c. Increase exposure through various websites including vanilla ones (<=== presumably of the ilk of Craigslist?).

After prodigious effort, therein lies the reward.

@ the OP: Please let me know I have summarized, reasonably correctly, the proposal, and, if I err, to correct me (whipping would be nice) until I get it right! :)



GoddessManko -> RE: For the socially awkward male submissives (1/19/2015 12:38:49 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets

So, if I understand correctly, summarized, the three steps are...?
1. Construct a consistently stable profile (<=== need clarification on that one),
2. Create an impressively innovative introductory form letter (<=== presumably, which can be tweaked, per response?),
3. Patiently answer all "seemingly pointless" questions in an animated way that shows us off in the "nitty gritty" lovable world (<=== I think this means, "have a personality?").

In addition, if I understand the additional advice, it's...?
a. Be proactive, but stop looking for 5'2 and 90 lb, 18 year olds <=== (yet, get used to rejection anyway?),
b. Know both sides' hard limits, but be ready to submit to whatever she desires <=== (presumably within those limits?),
c. Increase exposure through various websites including vanilla ones (<=== presumably of the ilk of Craigslist?).

After prodigious effort, therein lies the reward.

@ the OP: Please let me know I have summarized, reasonably correctly, the proposal, and, if I err, to correct me (whipping would be nice) until I get it right! :)


I have to say, you seem you have great potential to a good Domme. No whippings today! ;) Absolutely right on all three. One and two might not be too difficult but 3 is where it'll be hard to fake it. This is why your interest HAS to be genuine because otherwise 3 is a guaranteed flop.
Getting used to rejection, yes...also a part of things and not getting discouraged due to it. If you see this lifestyle and finding a Domme as important, treat it as such. Entitlement gets us nowhere. You have to reach out, do searches and keep in mind you're trying to find one in the midst of many. Pay attention to red flags, trust your gut but until proven otherwise trust your Domme. Don't offer submission until you are ready to move forward and reconcile yourself with all that entails.
Back peddling begets second guessing which begets doubt which begets distrust. You're leaving yourself susceptible to that and sometimes it might be your failure to perform or behave accordingly vs the Domme not having interest in the first place. Genuine respect and desire will show not just through words but actions. Of course you have to have the common sense to not compromise on your personal limits, ever. Or expect her to compromise on hers. That never pans out well for anyone.
Also, NOT Craigslist, unless you want a proDomme which is fine too. But okcupid is kink friendly I hear, there is fet and numerous vanilla sites with secret kinksters amuck the vanilla folk. Many of them never log on to a kink site.



TNDommeK -> RE: For the socially awkward male submissives (1/19/2015 2:48:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Set aside World of Warcraft? Surely you jest!


Oh hell naw! thats a hard limit for anyone, Domme or sub
Oh and if you play Alliance, thats an automatic dismissal.
FOR THE HORDE!



Kittenluv954 -> RE: For the socially awkward male submissives (1/19/2015 3:42:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Set aside World of Warcraft? Surely you jest!


Oh hell naw! thats a hard limit for anyone, Domme or sub
Oh and if you play Alliance, thats an automatic dismissal.
FOR THE HORDE!



FOR THE WARCHIEF! FOREVER! FOR THE HORDE!!!



sinnerdreams -> RE: For the socially awkward male submissives (1/21/2015 7:22:47 PM)

Thank you so much this was really helpful :)



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