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BecomingV -> RE: Need Help Brainstorming, Please :) (1/20/2015 8:25:20 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sexyred1
Why would you ever be discussing BDSM or your relationships with your children?
I would find this whole situation really uncomfortable and crossing boundaries.
Many reasons, but at the core it's about living honestly and not having a shame-based sexuality.
I frequently repeat, "Do as you will but harm none." I raised my kids that way and they are raising my grandkids that way.
The nature of the discussions with my own kids regarding sexuality and BDSM differ greatly from discussions I have with my peers. I am authoritarian and am not ever going to think of my kids as buddies or as friends.
As a parent, with regard to communication, I always felt it was most important that my kids felt they could tell me anything. When they were little, I worked in theater and there were so many deaths from AIDS. I wanted to be certain that they didn't die of ignorance.
So, to this end, I never punished them for making mistakes or even for deliberately doing something wrong because everybody does both, sometimes. I would go off my head if they lied, though. THAT was the only way to lose my respect and honor had to be restored through painstaking effort. And, it worked.
So, now they are in their thirties and I guarantee you that they would never feel stupid asking a question nor would they judge others as being stupid for asking a question. This opens up the world to them because they are not trained to fear the judgment of others. They don't experience embarrassment, shame or inadequacy when they don't know something.
Why would I have these discussions? Well, all of that ^^^ doesn't happen in a vacuum. It's about walking your talk and creating an environment in which freedom, integrity and understanding can flourish.
I think discomfort is understandable IF something creepy is being discussed. Like something persuasive or graphic or indoctrinating. I have no desire for my kids' sexual lives beyond a wish that they be safe, healthy and happy with their choices. The conversations evolved over the decades.
For instance, we discussed milk streaming from breasts during orgasm because it's good to know these things happen. We talked about hygiene for the uncircumcised. We talked about choking and the risks of unsafe sexual practices. I kept a steady flow of books about sexuality around so that if they were feeling shy, they could go look it up.
There's a difference between "I love anal - so should you." and "Anal sex is practiced by a lot of people, both heterosexual and gay and there are emotional and physical consequences to consider." There's a difference between leaving porn magazines around and letting teens go to Barnes and Noble so they could each choose a book about sexuality.
In my local community, there is one mother and daughter who both scene in clubs, at the same time, but not with each other. That makes a lot of people uncomfortable, including me! Heck, I won't even go to a vanilla club with my kids - because of boundaries.
My current discomfort arises from a mix of confusion and ignorance. I'm in a situation I am unsure about, so where else can I ask? Surely, that mother who scenes around family has nothing of value to offer me and in real-life, she's the only one I know who deals with this. It really isn't a big deal... it's just new to me.
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