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opening up -- complete submission - 2/1/2015 8:42:33 AM

driia

Posts: 2
Joined: 12/28/2014
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has anyone else had trouble opening up to their owner because you know what you would tell Them would upset or worry them? i struggle with this but i know that if i don't tell hum it just makes matters worse but i hate seeing Him upset especially on my account. but he doesn't consider me fully submitting if i keep secrets

< Message edited by driia -- 2/1/2015 8:46:07 AM >

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RE: opening up -- complete submission - 2/1/2015 10:20:51 AM

preytolife

Posts: 138
Joined: 11/29/2010
From: LaLa Land
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Yeah, I had that problem for a while. It wasn't a very healthy relationship. It does also depend on what you're worrying about and where your relationship is. Is this something your partner needs to know ASAP? Is this something that's going to keep bothering you? Then you probably need to have that conversation. If you're stressing because you don't know how to tell him that you're not REALLY a natural redhead then y'know, maybe that's not that big a deal.

If your partner reacts badly to something you seem insecure over then maybe it's not a good fit and you dodge a bullet.

But the whole "don't keep secrets or else you're not fully submitting" schtick? Smells weird. Ideally you're going to get more comfortable and trust your partner more over time. Trust is built. Same way with however you're defining submission in most cases, that's going to grow over time. You don't flip a switch and suddenly it's all perfect. And if you have been in a relationship for a longer period of time then maybe you should trust him to not be a dick about it.

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RE: opening up -- complete submission - 2/1/2015 10:35:23 AM

driia

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i trust Him and everything and we've talked before but it's a recurring issue and i just hate to ruin a good day with bad news. but He's very supportive and manages well about everything but the issue bothers us both so i rather just keep Him happy most times than bringing up problems

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RE: opening up -- complete submission - 2/1/2015 10:46:14 AM

DarkSteven

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It's not just a sub thing. I have held off telling my sub bad news when I think she's already too highly stressed and have waited a day or so to do it.

i rather just keep Him happy most times than bringing up problems

How do you bring them up? Is it "here's something I just realized about myself", making it about you and asking him to do things differently on your behalf? Is it "here's something that I think could help the relationship"? or is it "I want you to do this"?

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RE: opening up -- complete submission - 2/1/2015 12:49:07 PM

GoddessManko

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From: Dante's Inferno
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If it's something that affects the relationship in any way you should be honest and open about it.

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RE: opening up -- complete submission - 2/1/2015 1:24:13 PM

InHisHeart

Posts: 630
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I don't have a problem being open with him. Depending on what it is I have to tell him, I will sometimes wait for a better time to tell him. If he's had a hard day, is stressed out, not feeling well and the dry cleaner lost his jacket or it cost big bucks to fix the AC, that kind of news will wait a day or two until he's feeling better.

If it's something important or if it has to do with us, our relationship, a problem, I talk to him right away. He reads me very well and can always tell if I'm keeping something bottled up.

He expects me to be open/honest with him and I expect the same from him. For any relationship I'm in whether it's D/s or vanilla, both of us being open and honest about everything is essential for me to continue on in the relationship. Anything less than complete openness and honesty doesn't work for me.

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RE: opening up -- complete submission - 2/1/2015 2:12:01 PM

Gauge

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quote:

ORIGINAL: driia

i trust Him and everything and we've talked before but it's a recurring issue and i just hate to ruin a good day with bad news. but He's very supportive and manages well about everything but the issue bothers us both so i rather just keep Him happy most times than bringing up problems

Pleasing your partner is important. Letting something gnaw away inside of you in the name of pleasing your partner is another thing entirely. If it is a problem, deal with it because it will not go away otherwise.

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RE: opening up -- complete submission - 2/1/2015 6:17:35 PM

camille65

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Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
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I've always had the habit of not quite revealing things to people, including my Owner. I do it for a variety of reasons. So he won't worry or try and fix something unfixable, or it is something I'm trying to figure out on my own, sometimes even though I'm worried it is fairly insignificant etc.

It has been a lifelong habit of mine.

So he had me write in an online journal that he had access to. I'd write about how I was feeling, things that were going on in my head and things like that. He'd read then decide the best course of action for me.

It made it easier for me to be more open, not only was I compelled to do it by him but for me the written word is the way I express myself best.

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RE: opening up -- complete submission - 2/2/2015 2:51:54 AM

NookieNotes

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I have a policy that in any relationship, the things I don't want to tell are the ones that must be told, must be spoken of. I refuse to allow there to be "no-go" areas in our communication.

I think it's really a matter of practice and desensitization.

The more you talk about things you are uncomfortable with, the easier it gets to talk about those things. And it's easier the next time a scary subject comes up.

As the D-type in my relationships, I not only look for those things in my own mind, but I watch for the topics and things my subs shy away from in conversation, to encourage them and give them a safe place to talk.

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