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What is Power Exchange? - 2/3/2015 6:20:52 AM   
captive4ever


Posts: 98
Joined: 8/16/2011
Status: offline 		I was going to ask this in another thread but didn't want to hijack it. So here goes...

I read a lot about "power exchange", and TPE in particular.

In such relationships/situations, what is the sub/slave's side of the exchange. The Dom(me) or Master or Mistress takes the power from the sub. What power does He/She give back to the sub/slave. None as far as I can see. And if there is an exchange of power, then surely the sub/slave has far too much control!

I suppose what I am saying is, surely "power exchange" is a meaningless expression in this context..

< Message edited by captive4ever -- 2/3/2015 6:21:14 AM >
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RE: What is Power Exchange? - 2/3/2015 6:27:43 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline 		You're right. Not all BDSM or lifestyle relationships incorporate a full on power exchange. It's a relationship of trust and "yielding". Example, if a sub has his favorite kinks and simply wants light hearted play, he can go to a proDomme, fin Domme or even a play party and have those kinks satiated. Some who identify both as Tops and Dominants sometimes are pleasers as well in this regard. For a power exchange it is more about allowing the Domme to simply lead and the sub follow. No demands or expectations except for that limits will be respected. I noticed this sort of dynamic is quite uncommon but I do love when I see it and experience it.

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RE: What is Power Exchange? - 2/3/2015 7:00:23 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline 		In my experience, leaders exchange taking responsibility and providing surety for the power to control, lead and get what they (we) want.

A sub may exchange a percentage of their power, a slave may exchange a higher percentage. And so on.

That's how I see power exchange.

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RE: What is Power Exchange? - 2/3/2015 7:12:33 AM   
littleladybug


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quote:

ORIGINAL: captive4ever

In such relationships/situations, what is the sub/slave's side of the exchange. The Dom(me) or Master or Mistress takes the power from the sub. What power does He/She give back to the sub/slave. None as far as I can see. And if there is an exchange of power, then surely the sub/slave has far too much control!



In my relationship, he has the final say in things. The final authority, nothing more, nothing less.

I have consented to *give* him this power.

In our scheme of life, I still retain quite a bit of "power" and decision-making capabilities. I suppose one might say that he has *given* me this power as part of our exchange. He is FAR from being a micro-manager, so for our lives to proceed, I need to have a good deal of power. I don't view this as having "too much control" or usurping his authority. It is just the way in which our relationship works.

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RE: What is Power Exchange? - 2/3/2015 7:43:40 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		It's just like saying currency exchange, it's a blanket expression. You don't mention all types of currency in the phrase.

You are exchanging your power for their control or they exchange their dominance for your submission and etc. Because your submission puts them in control, they now have you as their responsibility and you are getting their attention. That's one example of what is exchanged for your power. The exchange variables are endless but most all fit under the power exchange umbrella to some degree.

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RE: What is Power Exchange? - 2/3/2015 8:17:21 AM   
captive4ever


Posts: 98
Joined: 8/16/2011
Status: offline 		Well thanks for all who responded. I suppose my error was in thinking that power was being exchanged for power, which I think is not usually the case.

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RE: What is Power Exchange? - 2/3/2015 8:28:29 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
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From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: captive4ever

Well thanks for all who responded. I suppose my error was in thinking that power was being exchanged for power, which I think is not usually the case.


Yes, I think I misunderstood your first OP. Do you mind elaborating further? I am interested in your perception. Also thanks to everyone who responded as I learn through others as well.
When the sub gives power, the sub gains power? Meaning a "courage" so to speak?

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

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RE: What is Power Exchange? - 2/3/2015 8:39:41 AM   
captive4ever


Posts: 98
Joined: 8/16/2011
Status: offline 		I think that, as a slave-type, I want to submit without limit, which, I think would be the same as total power exchange in the general scheme of things. My take on this is that it is all about trust. A no limit slave basically offers its Master/Mistress absolute trust, and has absolute faith in Him/Her that He/She will not do things to it that will harm it permanently or cause it to be arrested, etc. I see a slave's submission, without limit to be the same as total power exchange. The slave offers total trust in exchange for total control by the Master/Mistress.

And just before the "no limits" nay-sayers get on their high horses, my specific definition of this is that the slave does not place limits on the Master/Mistress' treatment of it, it does not mean that the Master or Mistress can cut off His/her slave's arms in the middle of the local Mall. It involves a god deal of common-sense, and as I say, trust. That's not to say the Master and slave might not have an amputation kink, but puh-lease, not in the mall!

Have a great day everyone.

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RE: What is Power Exchange? - 2/3/2015 8:55:24 AM   
littleladybug


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quote:

ORIGINAL: captive4ever

I think that, as a slave-type, I want to submit without limit, which, I think would be the same as total power exchange in the general scheme of things. My take on this is that it is all about trust. A no limit slave basically offers its Master/Mistress absolute trust, and has absolute faith in Him/Her that He/She will not do things to it that will harm it permanently or cause it to be arrested, etc. I see a slave's submission, without limit to be the same as total power exchange. The slave offers total trust in exchange for total control by the Master/Mistress.



I agree with this, for the most part. In my relationships, I view this as a "compatibility issue". Prior to submitting to my man, and agreeing to be his slave, we spoke at length about what we wanted out of our relationship. Essentially, our likes and dislikes and limits meshed very well. It is for that reason that I am able to submit to him "without limit". He knows that there are places that he just cannot go. He also knows where to tread lightly. I trust him implicitly with that.

Where we differ is that I will never refer to myself, or be referred to as "it". Which obviously is fine...different strokes and all that. I think we also differ as to what constitutes "control". But, I'd like to ask you-- what do you mean by "total control" by a Master or Mistress?

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RE: What is Power Exchange? - 2/3/2015 9:05:08 AM   
Gauge


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quote:

ORIGINAL: captive4ever

My take on this is that it is all about trust. A no limit slave basically offers its Master/Mistress absolute trust, and has absolute faith in Him/Her that He/She will not do things to it that will harm it permanently or cause it to be arrested, etc. I see a slave's submission, without limit to be the same as total power exchange. The slave offers total trust in exchange for total control by the Master/Mistress.

And just before the "no limits" nay-sayers get on their high horses, my specific definition of this is that the slave does not place limits on the Master/Mistress' treatment of it, it does not mean that the Master or Mistress can cut off His/her slave's arms in the middle of the local Mall. It involves a god deal of common-sense,



And these are limits. There is really no such thing as a "no limit slave" if there are "common sense guidelines" that are used. Guidelines are just another word for limits. This is not semantics, this is reality.

This is Gauge, your resident "nay-sayer" reporting from his high horse.



Edited because grammar fail... my horse can't words.

< Message edited by Gauge -- 2/3/2015 9:27:26 AM >

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RE: What is Power Exchange? - 2/3/2015 9:09:35 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Oddly enough, I feel powerful during play. There I am, blindfolded, gagged, and trussed up like a turkey and there is this big, strong man who is incredibly competent and he's totally turned on by me. That's the power I get from him. I get to feel like a sex goddess.

The other thing is that although he has the authority to make any decision he wants, I know he will listen to my concerns. I know that he wants me to enjoy being with him. So if I ask for something, he'll give it to me if he can. In play, he might not do it that day, and indeed he might research it and decide it's not safe or not good for me, but that if he can, within his parameters, he will do what it takes to make me happy. As I do for him. There's an exchange right there, the fact that he will use his power to do things just because he loves me. And because he does that, I feel empowered and want to do the same.

About limits, because he loves me and cares for me, and wants to be able to play again, he isn't going to do anything that would cause panic attacks or anything that would make me sick. So you don't do breath play with an asthmatic. You don't do face slapping if they have implanted lenses. Those are limits that are imposed by your particular health problems.

So people who were beaten with belts when minors and freak out at the sheer idea of being beaten with one don't get belts used on them. Because they won't agree to play a second time.
Caveat: some people like to use play with a trusted partner to try to change such a response. But it must be desired by the person with the fear, and the pace you go to change that response must be keyed to the person with the fear.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 2/3/2015 9:16:39 AM >

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RE: What is Power Exchange? - 2/3/2015 9:09:50 AM   
Kittenluv954


Posts: 237
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline 		there is no such thing as "no limits".

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RE: What is Power Exchange? - 2/3/2015 9:27:16 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Depends how you define it.
I'm not going to tell him "no you can't do that" but he isn't going to want to do stuff that damages me or the relationship. We have the same limits so I don't need to keep saying "that's a hard limit". It simply isn't germane if he's as uninterested as I am.

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RE: What is Power Exchange? - 2/3/2015 9:32:37 AM   
Gauge


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Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Depends how you define it.
I'm not going to tell him "no you can't do that" but he isn't going to want to do stuff that damages me or the relationship. We have the same limits so I don't need to keep saying "that's a hard limit". It simply isn't germane if he's as uninterested as I am.


Regardless of how you define it, they are still limits, whether constantly spoken or not. It just goes through me when the term "no limits" is thrown around with a caveat that there are limits.

No snark intended... the above sounded a little gruff.

< Message edited by Gauge -- 2/3/2015 9:33:32 AM >

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

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RE: What is Power Exchange? - 2/3/2015 10:36:18 AM   
inkedone


Posts: 155
Joined: 9/17/2014
From: Fritch Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Depends how you define it.
I'm not going to tell him "no you can't do that" but he isn't going to want to do stuff that damages me or the relationship. We have the same limits so I don't need to keep saying "that's a hard limit". It simply isn't germane if he's as uninterested as I am.


Regardless of how you define it, they are still limits, whether constantly spoken or not. It just goes through me when the term "no limits" is thrown around with a caveat that there are limits.

No snark intended... the above sounded a little gruff.

DesFIP I understand the preception on this as what you mean by defining reduntantly hard limits over and over again as overkill. Sir and I do the something similar as we know each other well enough to not have to express these things to the nth degree; rather more on the lines if I have expressed an interest in a want type of variety or his needs has changed a bit more of negotiation of parameters while the core hard limits are a given and do not need to be overstated. This applies greatly when trying something new for the first time. I do however think this depends on the dynamic of the relationship and the milage of it as well.



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RE: What is Power Exchange? - 2/3/2015 2:38:53 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Depends how you define it.
I'm not going to tell him "no you can't do that" but he isn't going to want to do stuff that damages me or the relationship. We have the same limits so I don't need to keep saying "that's a hard limit". It simply isn't germane if he's as uninterested as I am.


Regardless of how you define it, they are still limits, whether constantly spoken or not. It just goes through me when the term "no limits" is thrown around with a caveat that there are limits.

No snark intended... the above sounded a little gruff.


No argument, the limit still exists in theory. But if it's something that nobody is ever going to do, it might as well not exist for all practical purposes.

For example, we are both Democrats. As a result we didn't have to have a discussion about not telling me to vote Republican. Or telling me to vote Democratic. In fact, we never discussed politics per se, we did discuss social concerns and knew that we both felt the same about public responsibility.


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RE: What is Power Exchange? - 2/3/2015 2:49:06 PM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP


No argument, the limit still exists in theory. But if it's something that nobody is ever going to do, it might as well not exist for all practical purposes.


Agreed. I'm monogamous. He's the same. I submitted to him knowing this, and knowing full well that the issue of bringing someone else into the relationship, in whatever capacity, will NEVER come up.

Limit? Sure. But the simple fact that we are of the same mind with it means that I *can* submit to him, knowing that this will never be an issue that will come up.



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RE: What is Power Exchange? - 2/3/2015 11:28:00 PM   
orgasmdenial12


Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline 		It's more of a power transfer than a power exchange.

But that is not to say that the sub gets nothing in return - for a start, I quite like being controlled, so that's a benefit in itself and I have less responsibilities in terms of decision making, which makes my life easier. In return, he gets taken care of in lots of little ways.

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RE: What is Power Exchange? - 2/4/2015 7:14:48 AM   
crumpets


Posts: 1614
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From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
Status: offline 		In addition to the other answers, it's a fetish club in San Francisco...
- Power Exchange

quote:


America's naughtiest pansexual power exchange!
We provide a safe clean environment for the sexually adventurous to express themselves! Accepting of more lifestyles than most of the "other" sex clubs out there - America's Naughtiest is located in San Francisco, CA.

We feature a wide variety of play areas, dungeons & fantasy rooms. Whether you are looking for your first public sex adventure or looking to expand your horizons. Power Exchange is a place you have to experience to believe!

Our Club is drug and alcohol free.

We are adamant about "safe sex" practices - supplies available.

Power Exchange is PANSEXUAL!


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RE: What is Power Exchange? - 2/4/2015 7:21:43 AM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: captive4ever

I was going to ask this in another thread but didn't want to hijack it. So here goes...

I read a lot about "power exchange", and TPE in particular.

In such relationships/situations, what is the sub/slave's side of the exchange. The Dom(me) or Master or Mistress takes the power from the sub. What power does He/She give back to the sub/slave. None as far as I can see. And if there is an exchange of power, then surely the sub/slave has far too much control!

I suppose what I am saying is, surely "power exchange" is a meaningless expression in this context..

My girl follows my lead and direction, and is wonderfully supportive, actively looking for how to make my day, home, and projects go better.

She gets a loving, safe, nurturing environment that lets her be who she is and encourages her growth, in and out of the relationship.

And laid a lot. She gets laid a lot. And hugged and kissed. Plus the bed is warmer.

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