Gauge
Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Symphony1410
I am novice to D/s me being very submissive even in a vanilla style. I have never been trained, and I've just started researching BDSM. I have the basics.
Perhaps doing some reading might help. Here is our book list: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm
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I guess youd say, I've started emailing and meeting for lunches with a D/s who wants a vanilla mix.
OK. Is that what you want?
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I am VERY interested inthi life style, I have been for sometime and decided to branch out and this is how I met this Dom. I have not requested him yet, but I feel as if he is growing impatient very much wanting me to request him.
Request him? Asking him to be your dominant? I am going to do something that I try terribly hard not to do when giving advice but I am going to make a dangerous assumption and say that it does not sound like this guy is as experienced as he may sound to you. I would be more concerned with if you want a relationship with this person rather than bother with any "formality" they might be expecting from you. This is the thing, and some might scold me for saying so, but frankly, you are new, and because you are new you don't know what to expect, so someone claiming to be a dominant could say anything to you and you might believe it. Thing is, I would tell the person what would be expected of them, there would be no irritation on my part if they didn't know what I wanted from them. Impatience in a dominant is not a good trait, especially for someone new like you are. You need to be trained, taught, and "nurtured" into this. Anything else, in my not so humble opinion is setting you up to fail... something else I would never do to someone.
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I often tell him I want his spankings, and touches, over email and then he say he will make me beg for them, but since we are not quite in the D/s officially yet, I'm more nervous to come on too strong.
He does know you are new to this, doesn't he? I mean, you told him, didn't you? If he has experience in this, he would lay out what he expects from you in plain English. Not knowing what he wants from you is confusing you... so, this really isn't your fault. However, that said, not knowing what you want is something that you need to educate yourself about too. Reading the books I pointed you to is a good step in the right direction. Going to local functions is another, and a little soul searching is another way too. Then you can have a bit of a direction to go in. Have you thought about limits? If you haven't, you need to.
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He has just stated today he want to see my desires come out,
Well, this is interesting. OK, maybe he is asking you what you want. Maybe he is asking you to describe, in detail what you want. Either way that it is, I asked my slut what she had seen and knew about BDSM and what appealed to her before we even met. I asked her what things she might be interested in exploring and I told her what my limits were... yes, dominants have limits. I asked her specifics like ropes, chains, suspension, leather, hoods, ball gags, handcuffs, anal, oral, fisting, blood, piss, shit, and anything she didn't have interest in, I took note of. Thankfully she was open to most everything and we almost nearly agreed on everything that was off limits. I also asked her about health problems she may have that could affect play. It is important that a dominant takes a proactive role in training and teaching a new submissive, but that is not to say that she should learn nothing on her own.
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But I'm still clueless as to where a submissive technically stands for her wants. Just being so novice I don't know how to be a submissive without doing the wrong thing. (no I haven't done anything wrong yet) But how do I know what to do, when to do it, etc?
Get thee to a local munch. Get books and read. Keep asking questions here. The more you know, the better prepared you will be.
Since you are so novice, let's just clear something up right away and with no ambiguity OK? I don't think you are ready for someone to immobilize you and take away control from you if you still do not know where a submissive's rights begin and end. Not to put too fine a point on it, but do you trust this person to remove your ability to defend yourself? Think about it. How well do you really know him. Have you Googled his name? Have you asked people at your local munch? I am definitely not trying to scare you, I am just trying to slow you down a little, so you think before you end up doing something you might regret.
There are folks here that can give you better strategies than I can, and far more wise and experienced people than I am can give you advice. These are just my thoughts and opinions. Take what you feel you need and discard the rest. Just remember one thing, rushing into something can leave lasting scars.
Welcome to the forums.
< Message edited by Gauge -- 2/13/2015 9:21:56 PM >
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"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick
I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.
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