mysteriousvixen1
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Joined: 2/24/2015
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This is something I wrote a while back. One of my first blog entries as I started to explore my submissive side. I am posting it as is but there may be minor changes in my thought process as things have evolved over past 6 months
It has not been an easy journey for me to recognize that I may have submissive tendencies. I have lead a life where I have been fiercely independent. I was brought up that way, then circumstances also contributed to the same. Last 20 years of my life I have had to lead, guide, shape future and be strong for everyone. This has totally exhausted me. Who has been there to hold me when I felt low and down? Who let me put my head in their lap and sleep ? Who gave me a hug on a difficult day ? Who ever said to me that I don’t need to worry, things would be taken care of? I looked after my home and the children. I was the home maker and I also wore the pants in the house.
It changed me. It made me crave for submission where I could let go, let someone take over the responsibilities for a short while. The more I pondered and read about it, more in tune I felt with the concept of submission.
Being a submissive is not always an easy route to take, but in many ways it can be the most intensely intimate relationship one can hope to find themselves in. What makes someone a submissive? What could possibly make someone allow another human being to paddle their backside with a wooden brush until they are wretching in pain and then say thank you at the end of it and genuinely mean it? It is difficult to explain to anyone outside that world, the pleasure a submissive receives from knowing her Dominant is happy, whatever that means, and when it is done within her Hard Limits. I have never experienced this first hand and I still feel connected to it. How is it possible ?
I have realized that in its rawest form, being a submissive is as natural a mindset as being straight or gay. It is the way you are made and the way your mind works as a way to bring you pleasure – whether that is physical or sexual pleasure, or as innocent as feeling emotionally safe in a warm embrace from your Dom
Since my path of submission is more than one night of sexual gratification with a playmate, I feel that I must be secure in my Dom’s love for me before I can hope to get any kind of satisfaction or release from him and the situation.
Sub/Dom should not be a dependent relationship but co-dependent – each partner offering something to the other in return for openness, honestly, love and willingness to explore and push each other both physically and mentally in ways that those outside that world would struggle to understand as joy, pleasure or love.
I want my Dom to keep me on the pedestal he put me on by choosing to take me as his sub.
I want him to worship me as a sub just as I would worship his every whim, fancy and desire, within our specified limits.
Am I wrong to expect this as a sub ? Do I have to totally give up my expectations to be a good sub?
Then may be I am not a good sub. But then I don’t want to be a good sub. I want to be a sub that would make me happy and find a Dom who can help me achieve this happiness.
Is it a lot to expect? A sub can Dream no?
copyright : Ketaki Shah Sep 2014
< Message edited by mysteriousvixen1 -- 2/25/2015 8:04:47 AM >
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