Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? (Full Version)

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M58DomFl -> Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? (7/14/2006 11:36:03 PM)

I have been on this site since the beginning of June.  I have sent out a lot of emails to 'subs' in my area.  Only 1 in 6 even responds with some kind of answer.  For a sub...that is unacceptable.  Are there that many want-to-Be's in my area?  I have made several friends so I know it isn't my deodorant or writing style.  Another thing I have noticed...people send emails and then turn off their profiles so when you respond to them they are not there to receive email.  Tease & run.  I was always tough that if someone writes to you, then you respond...even if it is a 'no thank you'.  Some people don't even read their mail. 

Anyone else having this trouble?

J



Caretakr -> RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? (7/14/2006 11:40:57 PM)

Noooooooooooooo[:D]



NastyDaddy -> RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? (7/14/2006 11:52:19 PM)

The subject has been debated and disected in many threads but the general consensus seems to hold that online has it's own set of dynamics. What is perceived by some to be a problem is often relative to their experiences only, and quite often involves comparing online behavior and courtesy to that of everyday face-to-face interaction.

In face-to-face interaction you easily see who you are dealing with, but online you never really know until you meet the mysterious person you have developed a mental image of. Often the person in your mind can never be matched by the person comunicating with you via a keyboard... ala your own expectations. 

For every one that disappears, let's not forget now that school is out for the summer, every juvenile with access to a computer will either need a Dominant or need to be Dominant... a new crop of wheat amongst the chaff now... go figure!


    



Estring -> RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? (7/15/2006 12:03:09 AM)

Try subs in Ghana or Nigeria. They always answer back.[;)]



vield -> RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? (7/15/2006 12:11:25 AM)

Well I'd say that getting a 1 in 6 response is a very good percentage. Yes it is polite to answer mail, but some women with attractive pictures on their ads get thousands of responses from people, many of whom ignore what the woman is looking for.
I'm told by professional friends that they collect payment in advance of sessions and still 25 to 30 % of prepaid male clients never show up or call. Percentages appear higher for female clients.
Among real people who are not faking anything, an interest in BD/SM is something we face both blatant and subtle criticism about from many angles including churches, family, government, mental health care folks and many others. Thus it is NOT unusual for people to suffer a sort of approach - avoidance type of personal behavior. Often someone (dom or sub or switch, and gender) will back off, throw away the toys and books, and try to go straight.
Their own desires violate things they have been taught and they back off.
I have found that about 40 percent of first meetings I schedule with both dominant and submissive females do not take place, no matter how long we've talked on line or by phone. One reason this happens is that the person may be using a fake picture or a 10 year old one, or may be misrepresenting themself in other ways on line. They realize that I'll find out if I meet them, so they evaporate. That is a reason I really like attending BD/SM discusssion and social groups. You see the others in person.
vield



LokisBrat -> RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? (7/15/2006 12:19:47 AM)

For some it's fantasy land, when the orgasm is done, so are they. 

LOKI



silverswitch -> RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? (7/15/2006 1:27:01 AM)

So, do you order everyone you interact with in daily life around because you're a Dominant? Yet you expect the subs to which you write to be submissive to you, a perfect stranger, just because you're interacting with them through a BDSM site, and claiming to be a Dominant. for me personally, a Dom/Domme has to build my submission by building a relationship first. That means communicating, establishing compatibility, discussing wants & needs, as well as boundaries & limits.

When I receive e-mails commanding me to do something, I just laugh. Doing that is like sending an e-mail to someone on a vanilla personals site, saying "I love your pics, wanna fuck?" It's putting the cart before the horse, so to speak. If you're doing that, I suggest you stop.

quote:

  
Yes it is polite to answer mail, but some women with attractive pictures on their ads get thousands of responses from people, many of whom ignore what the woman is looking for.


Vield got it exactly right, though I haven't received thousands, and when I first signed up, being a polite girl, I did respond to every one. My profile says I am looking for local, r/t people, and I got very irritated by the number of people asking me where McKinleyville is (hint: if you don't recognize a city's name, it's probably not local to you, but if you want to make sure, there are these sites called google maps, mapquest, etc.); at that point if I had responded to every one, they would have all received flames, and I have flamed one person that did it. I also got irritated by the many who completely ignored what I was looking for, and wrote me from halfway across the country, or around the globe, and didn't acknowledge that they had read what I wrote. If someone wastes my time by writing when he/she is clearly not what I've specified I'm looking for, he/she shouldn't expect me to respond out of politeness, because he/she has clearly been impolite.

~Ss



M58DomFl -> RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? (7/15/2006 2:21:40 AM)

From what you are telling me...when I respond to them 1. being a sub, 2. talking to them about what they have written and saying that I am willing to help them learn what they want to learn, and 3. asking for an email back is coming on too strong.  That's an eye opener.  I need to get to know someone before I can interact with them even in the business world.  Next time you are in my town, I'll buy you lunch and we can talk about it.  J



JessieMe -> RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? (7/15/2006 2:48:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: M58DomFl

From what you are telling me...when I respond to them 1. being a sub, 2. talking to them about what they have written and saying that I am willing to help them learn what they want to learn, and 3. asking for an email back is coming on too strong.  That's an eye opener.  I need to get to know someone before I can interact with them even in the business world.  Next time you are in my town, I'll buy you lunch and we can talk about it.  J


I think that her point was a bit clearer than that, but perhaps its only because I too am a submissive that I see it.

Yes, you do need to get to know someone before you can interact with them. However, it is the "expectation" that someone SHOULD act in a certain manner simply because they are a self identified submissive and you are a self identified dominant that she is responding to. I guess to put it simply <and please understand its not even 5 am on a Saturday and my brain is still fuzzy> you have no right to determine what is "acceptable" or "unacceptable" behavior in any submissive that you do not "own". Most submissive's would find your attitude of such to be "unacceptable".



silverswitch -> RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? (7/15/2006 3:26:11 AM)

M58DomFl, I am confused about #1, because your profile says you are a Dom. But #'s 2& 3 sound good to me. No, from what you wrote, it doesn't sound like you are coming on too strong.

I joined three sites at the same time: collarme, bondage, and alt, and I got so many e-mails that I just got overwhelmed, and I got irritated, as I mentioned above, so I stopped responding unless someone was local, and I was interested. It became a habit, I guess, not to respond if I wasn't interested. Because this thread has been an eye-opener for me, I will respond to more (though still not to "Where is Arcata?" if that's all they write).

quote:

you have no right to determine what is "acceptable" or "unacceptable" behavior in any submissive that you do not "own". Most submissive's would find your attitude of such to be "unacceptable". 


Yup, you nailed it.




wandering4u -> RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? (7/15/2006 3:36:54 AM)

I find most people respond to an initial e-mail as if they were in r./t. If you are rude or demanding, you get ignored or blocked. If you are off base or across continents (where local is specified) it like getting a vacation give away - would be ok but too damn far. Sub or Dom, expectations of orientation should not preclude good manners.

I usually just respond to people who start a conversation and introduce themselves.





bandit25 -> RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? (7/15/2006 4:04:55 AM)

Silverswitch and JessieMe are spot on.  I was raised the same way...to respond as the polite thing to do.   I tried that...putting aside the time factor...some  doms simply won't take no for an answer.  I responded to one dom and said no thanks.  Then he responded and I responded.  This went on for oh, about 6 emails and each time I said no thanks.  He ended up being quite abusive...citing the fact that I kept responding as leading him on.  So guess what?  I don't respond to everyone any more. 



IronBear -> RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? (7/15/2006 5:36:21 AM)

Well bugger me dead. You've been here for a few weeks and you have scored 1 ouit of 6 replies?  Fuck me! I've been here for over a year in this name and several years in another name and I'd be lucky to get 1 in 10 replies unless I write to the sub/slave complimenting her on her profile or about some post ... Wait!!!! Could that be the answer? Do you give complements for a good profile? Do you even read them ~~~Completely?? Patience mate just develop patience. many of them are inundated with emails from hopefully....Relax, be involved in the formus and let people get to kow you.. I'ts like any social scene you don't expect to hit pay dirt immediatly unless you bait the hook with a million dollar lifestyle.... Ever go fishing? Same things applies, right tackle (no not wedding tackle but that helps if it is in working order), right bait, cast into the waters and wait..wait..wait .......

Good luck and enjoy the forums.





CrappyDom -> RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? (7/15/2006 6:57:10 AM)

Bites his tongue and just shakes his head.



PlayfulOne -> RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? (7/15/2006 7:10:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Bites his tongue and just shakes his head.


All you can do is laugh

K



gypsyssoul -> RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? (7/15/2006 7:33:09 AM)

 .. CrappyDom ... ??doesn't that hurt Sir??
::smiles softly  ... you should really let someone else bite that tongue
 
 
ok my nickel worth ...
( 2 cents doesn't even buy gum anymore)
i don't have a pretty picture
i have one on my profile along with alot of things i feel
and am interested in ...
but i get the same kind of mail from the same kind of people
like silverswitch and jessie and bandit
i use to answer everyone . . with a  polite no thank you
or sorry looking for local ... or whatever i felt
very respectfully .. but they don't stop ... so now i ignore most
unless they say something ... that catchs my eye
which most of the time is either rude  ... or boarders on stupid
and then i have to send a quick ... rude .. stupid comment back
not submissive of me i am sure ... but i agree
i am submissive but that doesn' mean i will obey all ..
 
i am sorry ...  you haven't found what you seek
but like most of us ... its a waiting game
and patience .. is a virtue ...
good luck ...
~~bright blessings
 
 



SexyRed -> RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? (7/15/2006 7:45:54 AM)

perhaps you would be interested to know that some of us who receive alot of emails, do answer most of them. I like, other women, do not answer rude or ridiculous ones. If someone approaches me in an interesting manner, uses something from my profile as a conversation starter, compliments me or some other respectful approach, of course I will say hello back. If someone is rude or stupid, I will tell them off or ignore them, depending on my mood. the block button is your friend.

from the other side of the fence, I would complain about the many, many who write with expectations upfront, such as "will you relocate?" or "how will you serve me" even before saying hello and introducing themselves. Or they have no profile and photo and they write, "do you have more pics?" (I already have four, thanks). Or, they are overseas or too far across the country and I prefer someone within reasonable distance of meeting.

the worst are those who you actually engage with in conversations and then they, DOMS, not subs, do not follow up, after expressing tremendous interest and being asked to chat on the phone, then they disappear or reappear a few weeks later as if nothing happened. I find that many Dominant men on the site are actually quite passive/aggressive when faced with the actual prospect of talking on the phone or meeting. It is clear in that case, that they are hiding behind the computer or just not serious.

so, all of the above is not a personal rant as such, but more to enlighten you, the OP, as to why so many of us subs are just not getting excited about emails.



juliaoceania -> RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? (7/15/2006 8:18:41 AM)

This has been my experience also



michaelGA2 -> RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? (7/15/2006 8:23:28 AM)

trouble?

with subs?

here?

wow!!!



Tamerofwild1s -> RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? (7/15/2006 10:05:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: silverswitch

M58DomFl, I am confused about #1, because your profile says you are a Dom. But #'s 2& 3 sound good to me. No, from what you wrote, it doesn't sound like you are coming on too strong.

I joined three sites at the same time: collarme, bondage, and alt, and I got so many e-mails that I just got overwhelmed, and I got irritated, as I mentioned above, so I stopped responding unless someone was local, and I was interested. It became a habit, I guess, not to respond if I wasn't interested. Because this thread has been an eye-opener for me, I will respond to more (though still not to "Where is Arcata?" if that's all they write).

quote:

you have no right to determine what is "acceptable" or "unacceptable" behavior in any submissive that you do not "own". Most submissive's would find your attitude of such to be "unacceptable". 


Yup, you nailed it.




I think the highlighted parts pretty much nail why you don't get responses .. just cause your a Dom doesn't mean your entitled to get responses from everyone you sent something out too. We may "walk" a certain path in this lifestyle but one thing is for sure ... we were and are humans first and we all have some sort of human nature that determines who we will and will not converse with or interact



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