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Switches and roles. - 4/17/2015 12:01:21 PM

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In your experience: Does the role of a Switch exist purely within the polarity of Dominant and Submissive or does it extend beyond those roles while incorporating them to some degree?

As a switch do you incorporate D/s or M/s dynamics into your own lifestyle?

RE: Switches and roles. - 4/17/2015 12:13:38 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SuddenlySatyr

In your experience: Does the role of a Switch exist purely within the polarity of Dominant and Submissive or does it extend beyond those roles while incorporating them to some degree?

As a switch do you incorporate D/s or M/s dynamics into your own lifestyle?

Switching can be d or s, or top or bottom. I am a dominant in d/s, and a switch from top to bottom in activities.

Yes. I am entirely D in my lifestyle and relationships.

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RE: Switches and roles. - 4/17/2015 1:14:33 PM

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Thank you for your response NookieNotes! Sure, plenty of Switches incorporate these aspects, the first question was asking if the role of a switch exists purely within its relationship to them based on your experience.

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RE: Switches and roles. - 4/17/2015 1:32:16 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SuddenlySatyr

Thank you for your response NookieNotes! Sure, plenty of Switches incorporate these aspects, the first question was asking if the role of a switch exists purely within its relationship to them based on your experience.

I really don't understand the question, then. It makes no sense to me, as it's written.

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RE: Switches and roles. - 4/17/2015 2:50:55 PM

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Oh ok.

Are there aspects of being a switch that exist outside D/s roles or topping and bottoming.

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RE: Switches and roles. - 4/17/2015 4:44:15 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SuddenlySatyr

Are there aspects of being a switch that exist outside D/s roles or topping and bottoming.

If you mean outside of bedroom D/s, which could be any combination of Topping/bottoming taking place depending on who is performing the function of active giver and who is being the receiver during any BDSM activity, that would be known as a vanilla relationship to varying degrees.

In other words, there is more of an egalitarian-type interactive dynamic going on with the couple, where authority or taking the lead fluctuates. Division of labor between the two can apply to either a D/s or to a vanilla relationship. BDSM is optional.

Like NookieNotes, I prefer to be Dominant in my intimate relationships. I am more flexible, though, in this regard than those who identify as the D in that I don't insist upon a 24/7 TPE. However, similar to a marital union, I do require an ownership commitment and just like in a working marriage, there is not a time when you ever cease to be a spouse or your other half's Significant Other. (You never cease to be a parent either.) So, in that context, we belong to one another 24/7 continuously.

DreamLady

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RE: Switches and roles. - 4/17/2015 6:04:40 PM

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Vaaa..nilla? Common you made that up ;p

As a switch I am often asked whether I am more on the dominant side or submissive side and in this instance you both seem to identify within that scale being more D types that switch in their activities. For me it depends on what chemistry lay between my partners and I that defines my dynamics with them so I don feel the need to place myself within that dichotomy as I incorporate both often. So here were have an identitifable continuum where some people lean as D type or S type and those in between.

My question is about the inclination to define switches in terms of Dominant and submissive behavior/ activity. Is it entirely definable between those two points or does it extend beyond them?

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RE: Switches and roles. - 4/17/2015 7:07:55 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SuddenlySatyr

Vaaa..nilla? Common you made that up ;p

Think about it, are you or anyone else you know doing BDSM all day and night long? What are you the rest of the time? You're doing vanilla stuff, going to work, playing video games, visiting friends and family, cooking, cleaning and doing your laundry (presumably).

Some D/s couples are raising families, attending PTA meetings, taking their kids to soccer practice or to ballet class. The difference between those who don't identify as switches is that these couples have D/s protocols in place. They ordinarily don't go around "exploring" their recessive Dominant side or their recessive submissive side, and they don't want to.

I have a switch friend who leads in his LTR with his sub lover. His partner prefers for him to take charge of most of the decision-making, and to lead their relationship. He, on the other hand, wants his partner to have an equal voice and an equal say-so in everything they do and plan together as a couple.
He also happens to be a sadomasochist, but leans more toward maso, so when they are intimate, his sub takes on the service Top role of a sadist more often than not. Sub partner is not maso, which they both accepted years ago.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SuddenlySatyr

As a switch I am often asked whether I am more on the dominant side or submissive side and in this instance you both seem to identify within that scale being more D types that switch in their activities. For me it depends on what chemistry lay between my partners and I that defines my dynamics with them so I don feel the need to place myself within that dichotomy as I incorporate both often. So here were have an identitifable continuum where some people lean as D type or S type and those in between.

My question is about the inclination to define switches in terms of Dominant and submissive behavior/ activity. Is it entirely definable between those two points or does it extend beyond them?

Satyr, this has to do with BDSM scening and has more to do with Topping and bottoming. They could probably care less what you do outside of that. Pick a split you feel comfortable with, or don't if it makes you feel pigeonholed. If you can't decide, you can say half & half or 50/50, that it's about equal, but it's really just a guestimate to give others some form of reference point to wrap their minds around.

For example, I am a Domme-leaning switch who isn't sadistic. I don't consider myself a Top the way that a sadistic Top might, but I don't do BDSM kink bottoming either or less than 5% averaged. I have some fetish paraphilia to one extent or another, but if I had to categorize myself, it would be as a bedroom Dominant. Plus, extending outside the bedroom also.

I could possibly go with a 75/25 D/s split overall, but that wouldn't be accurate for me as a T/b split. (I know, it gets confusing.)

DreamLady

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RE: Switches and roles. - 4/18/2015 3:23:55 AM

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Since switching as we're discussing it is really only defined in d/s and t/b, I don't see how it would need to fall outside of that.

To me, the most critical part of being a switch is understanding yourself and being able to communicate your desires and abilities to others.

No, wait. That's true of every role.

Never mind.

*smiles*

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RE: Switches and roles. - 4/18/2015 10:42:12 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

Since switching as we're discussing it is really only defined in d/s and t/b, I don't see how it would need to fall outside of that.

OP, this is why I spoke of "switch" functions within a non-D/s relationship as being pretty much the same as operating on a vanilla level. If it's not D/s, not BDSM play, or some other unconventional lifestyle, then what else would you call it than vanilla? The everyday, ordinary aspects of life, that is.

There are open marriages which are vanilla. There are vanilla swingers and wife-swappers. Polyamory/polysexuality is an alternative lifestyle which doesn't have to have anything to do with D/s or BDSM. Consensual cuckolding is usually seen as falling within the fetish/kink spectrum, including consensual cuckqueaning, but it doesn't necessarily have to incorporate either of those elements; non-consensually, this would be one's wife fooling around behind her husband's back, or what is commonly known as adultery. Very much a practice not unknown by vanilla standards, and done non-consensually. Consequently, husbands who cheat is not a kink by any stretch of the imagination.

There are also switches (their own definition) who consider themselves "alpha" in everyday life, except when they are being a bedroom submissive and/or a BDSM bottom. Some of them just want to be a Dominant woman's bitch to have kinky sex with, and are in denial about their sexual submissiveness or refuse to see themselves as a submissive male.

Were you asking whether there can be a switch version of a D/s relationship dynamic? Alternating authority, alternating control, mutual ownership perhaps. . . I suppose it can be done, but I would still see this as more of a vanilla construct in general.

DreamLady

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RE: Switches and roles. - 4/19/2015 2:31:43 PM

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My apologies, in a effort to simplify the question I only made the confusion worse.

It took me a minute to see that these answers were a demonstration of exactly what I was asking. It would seem the inclination is indeed to orient switching in the polar relationship of dominance and submission rather than its own activity and function of versatility.

Nookienotes: So from your POV Switches exist only within the dichotomy of dominance and submission rather than as a s subversion of the roles and their identities (at least in part)? A mid point on a line rather than its own point of a triangle if you excuse the abstraction.

I do agree that communicating your desires and abilities effectively is key to being anything successfully. What do you want and how can you get it certainly seems to get forgotten by very capable people.

DreamLady: When I say outside D/s or topping/bottoming I am referring to understanding switches outside of that polar relationship but still within the frame of BDSM and kinkiness.

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RE: Switches and roles. - 4/19/2015 3:45:20 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SuddenlySatyr
Nookienotes: So from your POV Switches exist only within the dichotomy of dominance and submission rather than as a s subversion of the roles and their identities (at least in part)? A mid point on a line rather than its own point of a triangle if you excuse the abstraction.

You misunderstand me.

Dominance and submission are not opposites, in my view. They are both traits, and a single person can be strong in one, or in both, or in neither.

Switching occurs within someone who has strengths in BOTH D and s, and chooses to express that. In my view.

I do not think that switching occurs outside of those roles, because the words switch as we are using it depends on those roles. Outside of those roles, it's called "living life."

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RE: Switches and roles. - 4/19/2015 4:09:36 PM

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In terms of being the primary decision maker or not, that would fall outside of bedroom activities. And from that point of view, every relationship includes some of that. The Man will always have first, middle and final say as to car repairs. About all I can do is remind him that the driver's side window motor is failing. It's up to him to decide when to replace it and how pricey a part to get.

When it comes to cooking, I'm in charge 95% of the time. But he does have the authority to overrule me and say he wants to grill tonight and not have chicken pot pie. Or to tell me to buy an eggplant and fry it because we haven't had that in a while.

I'd call the decision making d/s, not t & b. which still puts it firmly in the lifestyle. YMMV

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 4/19/2015 4:13:09 PM >

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RE: Switches and roles. - 4/23/2015 12:44:27 AM

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@Nookienotes: I get what you are saying. Sure people have innate dominant or submissive traits that develop naturally over the course of their socialization but that is distinct from the roles we choose to fulfill our sexual or romantic desires/fantasies. To me these roles all relate to an orientation to dynamics and activity. Switching differentiates in my view in that it is not necessarily adherent to D/s dynamics but can be as switches often practice both roles. Some switches on the other hand avoid any relation to those roles and enjoy the SM aspect. Whereas the roles of dominance and submission relate to the innate traits we socially develop of the same name, I feel switching shares a similar relationship with the compromise we administer to get what we want. Just an other avenue to satisfaction we crave. Isn't it all just "living life" lol.

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RE: Switches and roles. - 4/23/2015 3:24:29 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SuddenlySatyr

@Nookienotes: I get what you are saying. Sure people have innate dominant or submissive traits that develop naturally over the course of their socialization but that is distinct from the roles we choose to fulfill our sexual or romantic desires/fantasies. To me these roles all relate to an orientation to dynamics and activity. Switching differentiates in my view in that it is not necessarily adherent to D/s dynamics but can be as switches often practice both roles. Some switches on the other hand avoid any relation to those roles and enjoy the SM aspect. Whereas the roles of dominance and submission relate to the innate traits we socially develop of the same name, I feel switching shares a similar relationship with the compromise we administer to get what we want. Just an other avenue to satisfaction we crave. Isn't it all just "living life" lol.

I'm still not clear on what you are trying to say.

Switching is related to BDSM in two ways that I see:

d/s: mental
top/bottom: action

Outside of those things, it is not switching, unless you define more roles. Without roles, it is just "living life."

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RE: Switches and roles. - 4/23/2015 9:36:23 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SuddenlySatyr

@Nookienotes: I get what you are saying. Sure people have innate dominant or submissive traits that develop naturally over the course of their socialization but that is distinct from the roles we choose to fulfill our sexual or romantic desires/fantasies. To me these roles all relate to an orientation to dynamics and activity. Switching differentiates in my view in that it is not necessarily adherent to D/s dynamics but can be as switches often practice both roles. Some switches on the other hand avoid any relation to those roles and enjoy the SM aspect. Whereas the roles of dominance and submission relate to the innate traits we socially develop of the same name, I feel switching shares a similar relationship with the compromise we administer to get what we want. Just an other avenue to satisfaction we crave. Isn't it all just "living life" lol.

For me, your are really over-complicating all this. Sometimes you like to be dominant. Sometimes you like to be submissive. Sometimes you like to be whatever. And a lot of depends on the energy with your partner. You're kinky. Cool. No reason to label everything.

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RE: Switches and roles. - 4/27/2015 9:00:29 AM

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She was lesbian Domme that was whip bottom. So that is an M/s Dominant with a streak of masochism she satisfied by bottoming with play partners, not relationship partners.

I hope that adds to your pool of knowledge.

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RE: Switches and roles. - 5/6/2015 7:21:19 PM

SweetlySadistic1

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I know that, when I was a switch years ago, I would not switch with the same person. It just fucked with my headspace for some reason, I would be one or the other(Domme or sub) with separate people and I liked it that way, it worked for me. Now that I'm a Domme, I'll still bottom with certain trusted people for certain sensations without actually submitting but it would still fuck with my headspace were I to be Domme and bottom with the same person. I think it would fuck with his headspace as well and I'd never do that.

SweetlySadistic1

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RE: Switches and roles. - 5/7/2015 4:16:45 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetlySadistic1

I know that, when I was a switch years ago, I would not switch with the same person. It just fucked with my headspace for some reason, I would be one or the other(Domme or sub) with separate people and I liked it that way, it worked for me. Now that I'm a Domme, I'll still bottom with certain trusted people for certain sensations without actually submitting but it would still fuck with my headspace were I to be Domme and bottom with the same person. I think it would fuck with his headspace as well and I'd never do that.

SweetlySadistic1

I know many people like this.

Since I only switch in actions, and I maintain control in my relationships, I don't have a problem switching with the same person, because my headspace is still the same. No matter how much I sub in a scene, I am still the dominant.

I love the myriad versions of this life.

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