Is thinking vanilla wrong?

Is thinking vanilla wrong? (Full Version)

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CinD -> Is thinking vanilla wrong? (4/28/2015 12:00:28 PM)
Hi I've been a sub 4 years. I've played with some great Doms some long term but never been in D/s relationship. A Dom recently told me I should stop looking at a relationship as a vanilla but be willing to submit wholly as a sub. Now my question is am I wrong wanting to be practical. I worry that like any relationship age is a factor 10 years higher or lower is my limit. Would prefer 5 though. I'd like to have my Dom financially stable as I am. I don't want to live in a remote area in the country. There has to be chemistry. Intellect is important. Excitement and passion for life is important to me. Is all that vanilla thinking? Cindy

sexyred1 -> RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? (4/28/2015 12:02:07 PM)
No. It's intelligent and self aware thinking. Stop listening to idiots.

Gauge -> RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? (4/28/2015 12:21:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CinD I've played with some great Doms some long term but never been in D/s relationship. Key word is "Relationship" which is what you seek is it not? You sound sensible, why would you stop looking for compatibility simply because a dominant tells you to act like a sub and submit? Let's face it, if it is indeed a relationship you seek and you cannot see yourself in a relationship with someone, then all the kink in the world isn't going to matter, is it? Click on a relationship level, then talk kink compatibility. You are 48, why at this stage of your life would you compromise what you want? Find it, I am sure it is out there.

MasterDrakkula -> RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? (4/28/2015 12:32:37 PM)
I like playing with fire and hot water bottles you should see my latest hot water burn - the best yet What you are I am not certain so i shall bite my tongue. I am not sure why you think your narrative is vanilla thinking You have played with so many wondrous doms why do you not ask them - or was that another one you asked. Looks are a factor as people are inherently shallow not matter there words - but to be fair I often use the plus 10 minus 10 rule and prefer 5. Although that is not wroted in humble muffin but if i think back 10 years then it applies i can play with kittys and so on I believe in relationships and playing with souls - not some errant object for the sake of it, because i can find nothing better

Spiritedsub2 -> RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? (4/28/2015 1:41:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterDrakkula I like playing with fire and hot water bottles you should see my latest hot water burn - the best yet What you are I am not certain so i shall bite my tongue. I am not sure why you think your narrative is vanilla thinking You have played with so many wondrous doms why do you not ask them - or was that another one you asked. Looks are a factor as people are inherently shallow not matter there words - but to be fair I often use the plus 10 minus 10 rule and prefer 5. Although that is not wroted in humble muffin but if i think back 10 years then it applies i can play with kittys and so on I believe in relationships and playing with souls - not some errant object for the sake of it, because i can find nothing better Wow. It's all English, but damn. I think I need a foil beanie to absorb the full context of this.

sweetieDA -> RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? (4/28/2015 2:08:01 PM)
When you reject a Dom because of their age, the fact that they are unemployed or that they live thousands of miles away, they like to tell you that you are wrong so that they can feel superior and not reflect on their own idiocy in chatting up women that are way out of their league, who have no interest in them. This Dom found a creative way to try to suggest that you were wrong but, actually, he is still the one that is wrong. You can find someone compatible and then 'submit wholly'. It is not a failure of submission if you are selecting the Doms you wish, or don't wish, to play with.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? (4/28/2015 2:59:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 No. It's intelligent and self aware thinking. Stop listening to idiots. Wot she said... unless you're looking at me, then that bitch is crazy! Jus sayin

sexyred1 -> RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? (4/28/2015 3:01:56 PM)
You, sir, are not an idiot!

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? (4/28/2015 3:02:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 You, sir, are not an idiot! [sm=hearts.gif]

DaddySatyr -> RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? (4/28/2015 3:20:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetieDA When you reject a Dom because of their age, the fact that they are unemployed or that they live thousands of miles away, they like to tell you that you are wrong so that they can feel superior and not reflect on their own idiocy in chatting up women that are way out of their league, who have no interest in them. This Dom found a creative way to try to suggest that you were wrong but, actually, he is still the one that is wrong. You can find someone compatible and then 'submit wholly'. It is not a failure of submission if you are selecting the Doms you wish, or don't wish, to play with. There was a thread, not too long ago that had "out of your league" in either the title or the OP. While I take your point about these things, I don't think they're hard-and-fast by any stretch. I'm a 50 year old man and last fall a beautiful 36 year old lady threw herself at me after taking the time to get to know me. She never would have done that before (according to her and I don't think she's lying). Living thousands of miles away also doesn't need to be a death knell. It makes life difficult but if you've found a person that you believe to be worth the effort, you find ways to make it work. Ten or 12 years ago, I might have agreed with people who don't live on their own but in today's economic climate, I tend to give a little more quarter for explanation. None of this is to completely negate what you said but sweeping generalizations are always wrong (except for this one). Michael

smartsub10 -> RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? (4/28/2015 3:25:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2 quote: ORIGINAL: MasterDrakkula I like playing with fire and hot water bottles you should see my latest hot water burn - the best yet What you are I am not certain so i shall bite my tongue. I am not sure why you think your narrative is vanilla thinking You have played with so many wondrous doms why do you not ask them - or was that another one you asked. Looks are a factor as people are inherently shallow not matter there words - but to be fair I often use the plus 10 minus 10 rule and prefer 5. Although that is not wroted in humble muffin but if i think back 10 years then it applies i can play with kittys and so on I believe in relationships and playing with souls - not some errant object for the sake of it, because i can find nothing better Wow. It's all English, but damn. I think I need a foil beanie to absorb the full context of this. Whew, I'm so glad someone else was scratching her head in puzzlement!

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? (4/28/2015 3:34:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterDrakkula I like playing with fire and hot water bottles you should see my latest hot water burn - the best yet What you are I am not certain so i shall bite my tongue. I am not sure why you think your narrative is vanilla thinking You have played with so many wondrous doms why do you not ask them - or was that another one you asked. Looks are a factor as people are inherently shallow not matter there words - but to be fair I often use the plus 10 minus 10 rule and prefer 5. Although that is not wroted in humble muffin but if i think back 10 years then it applies i can play with kittys and so on I believe in relationships and playing with souls - not some errant object for the sake of it, because i can find nothing better I ran it through Kryptos.... "You go girl!" is what came back.

Shadow-tiger -> RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? (4/28/2015 5:22:09 PM)
It's been said before, it'll be said again. A relationship build around kink needs all the same things as a relationship that doesn't involve kink. There are people who want the whole TPE 24/7 real and twue uber dynamic, that think anything less isn't worth considering. Good luck with that. When all is said and done, it comes down to the basics that make a relationship work. Everything else is just odd quirks and mutual interest. Huh, I think I just equated kink with odd interests like Star Trek. [:-]

DesFIP -> RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? (4/28/2015 8:20:06 PM)
If his view was successful, then he wouldn't be searching for a relationship. He would be in one instead of playing with people and then being rejected. It's a relationship, first and foremost. If you need a partner to be tall or dark haired or college educated, then that's what you need in a partner. Settling for someone who doesn't fulfill you isn't the way to get a solid relationship that lasts. Figure out what you need in a partner and don't waste time with people who aren't compatible. As play partners, sure but you can't expect a relationship based solely on kink to fulfill the rest of your needs.

ARIES83 -> RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? (4/28/2015 10:06:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CinD Hi I've been a sub 4 years. I've played with some great Doms some long term but never been in D/s relationship. A Dom recently told me I should stop looking at a relationship as a vanilla but be willing to submit wholly as a sub. Now my question is am I wrong wanting to be practical. I worry that like any relationship age is a factor 10 years higher or lower is my limit. Would prefer 5 though. I'd like to have my Dom financially stable as I am. I don't want to live in a remote area in the country. There has to be chemistry. Intellect is important. Excitement and passion for life is important to me. Is all that vanilla thinking? Cindy You want what you want, all those preferences you mentioned look pretty reasonable to me. Especially the "financially stable" one. I'm pretty sure there's no "D/s" and "vanilla" thinking. There's just thinking.

ARIES83 -> RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? (4/28/2015 10:23:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Shadow-tiger I think I just equated kink with odd interests like Star Trek. [:-] Star Trek isn't an odd interest... It's a great interest.[8D]

tiggerspoohbear -> RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? (4/29/2015 2:13:13 AM)
~FR~ I was 50 before I found my Mister Man. He's 2 1/2 yrs younger than I am. Took many years for us to find the right person for each other. He's the right man for me, no one would convince me otherwise, same for him in regards to finding me. Quite simple really. [sm=dunno.gif]

RogueCell -> RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? (4/29/2015 6:08:35 AM)
You think you are not entitled to have standards???? If anything, you should be MORE discerning where relationships are concerned, not less.

sweetieDA -> RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? (4/29/2015 3:06:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr While I take your point about these things, I don't think they're hard-and-fast by any stretch. [...] Living thousands of miles away also doesn't need to be a death knell. [...] None of this is to completely negate what you said but sweeping generalizations are always wrong (except for this one). Michael[/color] Please note that I referred directly to the OP by saying "when YOU reject a Dom..." referring to her post which relayed concerns about age, proximity and financial stability. At no point did I suggest that these were 'hard and fast' rules for anyone else, nor did I state that they were a 'death knell' or make any sort of 'sweeping generalisation' about what did or did not constitute good grounds for a relationship. If you have established a relationship that involves these factors then more power to you, but that in no way mitigates or changes the very reasonable grounds put forward by the OP for what constitutes HER preferred relationship features.

DarkSteven -> RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? (4/29/2015 7:18:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CinD A Dom recently told me I should stop looking at a relationship as a vanilla but be willing to submit wholly as a sub. Nope. You were speaking to a pretender. He figures the only way he'll score a woman is to tell her she has no alternative. Why are you even listening to him?

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