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How important is your dom's sexual arousal? - 7/15/2006 10:16:37 PM

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This is written mostly from my own POV (femdom/malesub) but am interested in
responses from female subs too.
Not to simplify the issue, but for this topic I break down arousal into two
kinds: sexual arousal and non-sexual arousal.

When I dominate, it is apparent to my "victim" that I am very into what I
am doing to him. He can tell because I'm totally into it (not reluctant, not
confused, very direct), and depending on the "type" of domme mood I am in,
sometimes even smiling and teasing him (The "awww, poor baby" syndrome).
Obviously, this kind of attitude is probably enjoyed by a sub, versus a sort
of reluctant, "Am I doing this right?" or "I really am not into this" mood.

But then there is the other type of arousal in a scene - sexual arousal -
and often I communicate that to a sub as well. It's always there anyway (In
other threads about "is bdsm sexual" I know I commented that for me, sexual
arousal *definitely happens*, but I am not after the almighty orgasm, I'm
too wrapped up in the power rush), so often I will *show* my sub how much he
is getting me wet. It's also a sinister little act in itself - there is
something so wonderfully devious about the suffering of a man who cares
about me resulting in a pair of very wet panties.

I would assume that this kind of arousal is much more of a turn on to a sub,
and also more motivating for him to "take more" for his Mistress. But is
the other type pretty satisfying as well?

In other words, do a lot of subs really need/want to know that their Mistress
is getting "turned on" sexually by their submission, or is it rewarding
enough that the Mistress is simply *really enjoying herself*?

Akasha

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RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? - 7/15/2006 11:48:47 PM

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This is an awesome question. I must say first, that it could be broken down further, into Mental arousal/Stimulation, and the Physical aspect of the BDSM lifestyle. Both parts are equally desired by me.

Personally I need to know that what I'm doing, or not doing is what is making my Dom happy. Sexual arousal is more obvious than mental, and so I would have to say both parts of your question would be my opinion..

I desire to know that what I'm doing or not doing is a turn-on for my Dom, and I am fully content with my Dom actually enjoying Him/Herself.

I'm not really sure if I answered the question correctly, if at all.. but it's my story! And I'm stickin' to it. ^_^;

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? - 7/16/2006 1:27:36 AM

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The head space of arousal vs the body space of arousal.

Id say i prefer neither. I thoroughly enjoy both.

I was well aware of enjoying both, and sought a partner who echo'd that. I can become mentally aroused AND physically simultaneously, now that's clever! That's were i like to go.

But i dont like going there alone. i need him there with me. So His arousal, is vital. Without it, im not getting anywhere. Ive no preference for either his mental or physical arousal, but one must be present for it to work.
Evidence of his arousal, is arousing. As well as the simply obvious signs of physical arousal, i also detect evidence that his 'brain' is aroused. And that's incredibly arousing to me. To feel his power effecting both of us. Marvelous.

Both are required, welcomed and responded to.
littleone

(in reply to GothiqueKajira)

RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? - 7/16/2006 3:19:33 AM

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quote:

In other words, do a lot of subs really need/want to know that their Mistress
is getting "turned on" sexually by their submission, or is it rewarding
enough that the Mistress is simply *really enjoying herself*?

Obviously I cannot answer this from a sub's perspective-but as this has been a frequent point of discussion and thought for both Me and My subs, I thought I'd add My two-cents worth.

It seems to be equally divided between those who are service-oriented subs, and those who are pleasure-driven subs, as to how important or not it is if I am sexually stimulated, or emotionally/mentally/physically stimulated. Arousal has many motivations, but they all have the basic physical responses in common. Increased heart rate and breathing, dialated pupils, enhanced tactile sensations etc..it's all from the effects of the adrenaline rush. So whether you are surfing that adrenaline wave enjoying the sexual charge, or jumping out of an airplane, or paddling a red behind-it's all still the same excitement really.

Having made that disclaimer-I must state that I am not driven by seeking out sexual arousal when I session with My subs. Does it happen? Sure, of course it does. But what I am really seeking is that power rush of having someone's control and power in My own hand. It's a thrill when someone submits to My command, My Directives, My Hand and My Will.

Service subs understand that more readily than pleasure-driven subs. I have found that their motivations of desiring sexual pleasure are enhanced if they feel I am along side them for that ride of sexual arousal. I have found that those who are seeking that out, are just not a good match for Me, as that is not all of Who I am. My Power and Dominance is about controlling the entire person, not just one part of their anatomy.

MMNH

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? - 7/16/2006 4:52:34 AM

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ooopppsss

< Message edited by twicehappy -- 7/16/2006 4:58:06 AM >

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? - 7/16/2006 5:06:11 AM

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*fast reply*
His sexual arousal is very important. But, arousal of his mind, his senses, his emotions...of his whole person, is equally important.

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to twicehappy)

RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? - 7/16/2006 5:08:05 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy

ooopppsss

Have to hate is when she orgasms while trying to type...roflmao.

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(in reply to twicehappy)

RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? - 7/16/2006 5:24:03 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ScooterTrash

quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy
ooopppsss

Have to hate is when she orgasms while trying to type...roflmao.

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And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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(in reply to ScooterTrash)

RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? - 7/16/2006 5:25:35 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

You know i used to admire you..........now i'm putting you in the bad man category with Master.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? - 7/16/2006 5:29:09 AM

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Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy
You know i used to admire you..........now i'm putting you in the bad man category with Master.

See that helen, I'm only a 'bad man'.... not an 'evil bastard'

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to twicehappy)

RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? - 7/16/2006 5:33:53 AM

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Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy
You know i used to admire you..........now i'm putting you in the bad man category with Master.

See that helen, I'm only a 'bad man'.... not an 'evil bastard'

Consider yourself upgraded...lol.

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to RavenMuse)

RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? - 7/16/2006 5:41:28 AM

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From: Stockton, California
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Sexual arousal is momentary. When I've been with a dominant and she becomes sexually aroused by me, I'm flattered way beyond belief. But I don't seek it, desire it, or require it. I serve to please, and if she is pleased because she has me and can do whatever she wants with me, there are many more positive emotions she can experience than just sexual arousal. To be honest, if I activate the happiness state in her, I often feel I'm finally at the top of my game.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? - 7/16/2006 5:48:38 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
Sexual arousal is momentary.

Quite, hence, whilst it is pleasent it isn't high on my prioritys and someone who only pleased me that way wouldn't get near my collar. I am more than a libido and I expect her submission to be outside of the bedroom as well as inside.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? - 7/16/2006 6:05:05 AM

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From: London UK
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lol yes i see she thinks you are only a bad man but she she seen your cane Master?

(in reply to RavenMuse)

RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? - 7/16/2006 6:08:08 AM

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I'm going to watch the answers carefully. I'd assume that it would be very arousing to almost any male to know that he is making a woman wet.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? - 7/16/2006 6:21:11 AM

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Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
When I dominate, it is apparent to my "victim" that I am very into what I
am doing to him. He can tell because I'm totally into it (not reluctant, not
confused, very direct), and depending on the "type" of domme mood I am in,
sometimes even smiling and teasing him (The "awww, poor baby" syndrome).
Obviously, this kind of attitude is probably enjoyed by a sub, versus a sort
of reluctant, "Am I doing this right?" or "I really am not into this" mood.

But then there is the other type of arousal in a scene - sexual arousal -
and often I communicate that to a sub as well. It's always there anyway (In
other threads about "is bdsm sexual" I know I commented that for me, sexual
arousal *definitely happens*, but I am not after the almighty orgasm, I'm
too wrapped up in the power rush), so often I will *show* my sub how much he
is getting me wet. It's also a sinister little act in itself - there is
something so wonderfully devious about the suffering of a man who cares
about me resulting in a pair of very wet panties.

I would assume that this kind of arousal is much more of a turn on to a sub,
and also more motivating for him to "take more" for his Mistress. But is
the other type pretty satisfying as well?

In other words, do a lot of subs really need/want to know that their Mistress
is getting "turned on" sexually by their submission, or is it rewarding
enough that the Mistress is simply *really enjoying herself*?

Akasha

Submissively, yes to the last part. There's an intrinsic part that asks, "If he's not being pleased, then what am I not doing to please him correctly?" That can get in the way of pleasure because your mind can be replaying this question over and over ---- When a Dom communicates what pleases Him and reacts as such, then commands you to let go...it's incredible.

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What seems nasty, painful, or evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, for those who have the vision to recognize it as such. Henry Miller

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? - 7/16/2006 6:34:56 AM

sleazybutterfly

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I think that both of the answers highly turn me on. Knowing that he is not only aroused sexually, but that I can arouse his senses otherwise is very important. I think that most people can get someone sexually aroused (at least temporarily), but when you can get their mind aroused also..they will consider you a keeper.

For me when I know I am turning on a Sir..as a whole..not only his ding-ding... it makes me not only more wet (lots more).. it makes me take more just to allow the pleasure for both of us to last a while longer.

I have had a couple of times, where I could tell they weren't getting that much out of it..that sorta took the fun out of it for me also. Not much fun playing with a dead fish from either side of the belt.

So, I guess my answer is.. it's pretty equal..both have great rewards for each person involved.

~Andrea

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~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

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RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? - 7/16/2006 6:53:42 AM

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How important is it to breathe? Lol......His sexual arousal is what I work towards. If I am responding to his touch, to his flogger, to his crop, to his bonds? The thought of Him rising as I wiggle, cry out and moan? The knowledge that my red ass or tortured nipples created this state in Him?

For me, knowing that He is becoming sexually aroused by what He has done to me turns me on to such a state that explosions are the result for both of us.

OK, now I'm fanning myself wildly and waiting impatiently for Him to come back from picking up bagels. Hmmm.....maybe the bagels will end up being lunch!

Nuf said....need to go get ready.

_____________________________

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? - 7/16/2006 8:14:24 AM

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Joined: 5/17/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

In other words, do a lot of subs really need/want to know that their Mistress
is getting "turned on" sexually by their submission, or is it rewarding
enough that the Mistress is simply *really enjoying herself*?

Of course we do. However, I do need to qualify the "we" party by explaining that the collective "we" refers to the consensus of submissives (both male and female) who's satisfaction is primarily derived from knowledge that his or her Dom/Domme is being satisfied.

Having said that, and in the aforementioned Mistress/slave scenario, I do not know how to separate the realm of sexual satisfaction from any other need to be satisfied.

quote:

But then there is the other type of arousal in a scene - sexual arousal -
and often I communicate that to a sub as well. It's always there anyway (In
other threads about "is bdsm sexual" I know I commented that for me, sexual
arousal *definitely happens*, but I am not after the almighty orgasm, I'm
too wrapped up in the power rush), so often I will *show* my sub how much he
is getting me wet. It's also a sinister little act in itself - there is
something so wonderfully devious about the suffering of a man who cares
about me resulting in a pair of very wet panties.

I would assume that this kind of arousal is much more of a turn on to a sub,
and also more motivating for him to "take more" for his Mistress. But is
the other type pretty satisfying as well?

Not to simplify the issue, but for this topic I break down arousal into two kinds: sexual arousal and non-sexual arousal.

The "Is BDSM sexual?" topic has been knocked about for years, but since you bought it up...

Please explain what you mean by "non-sexual arousal." Where does it come from? Is the feeling of having power over someone else a result of sexual desire? Does the gratification obtained by exercising power over another equal sexual gratification, or aren't we just taking about the same thing?

I am sure that we have all heard/read that experts in the field of human behavior view the act of rape as a power issue rather than a sexual issue, but where is the dividing line between "power over another individual" and "sex?" I believe that, even though consentual BDSM is not rape, it still falls within the topic of "power over another individual."

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? - 7/16/2006 9:20:02 AM

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My greatest joy is knowing I am satisfying him - whether sexually, intellectually, emotionally, or any other means. He enjoys my submission. The arousal aspect is just part of it. Since I love his response to his arousal, it would be safe to say I love to turn him on.

(in reply to AAkasha)

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