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Why? - 11/27/2004 6:22:00 PM

willing2serve

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If you ask something of a submissive and their response is "why?"... Do you feel they are questioning your authority or do you think they are truly trying to understand what you are trying to convey to them?

Does the word "why" annoy you? If so, how would you encourage the submissive not to use it?

Respectfully,
Willing2serve

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RE: Why? - 11/27/2004 6:57:16 PM

maxyexx

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Hello Sir

Being one who always ask ''why'' I would say its because she needs an explanation about what is going to happen. It annoyed my ex Master also. And some of the time he answered ,,, Do I need a reason max''

and then he started to say.... max would you do this or this without questionning and prooving you faith in my judgement... of course I said yes.. and more and more I came to see that he always had thought of everything and that I could trust his judgement without asking why. But took me more that a year....

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RE: Why? - 11/27/2004 9:18:39 PM

Edahsetin

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I would think it would really depend on how the question was worded. If someone just asked 'Why', I would think that even if it wasn't meant to be, it could easily be seen as a challenge if it were asked before a good relationship of trust was built. If your not sure about something and want to clarification, it would be a lot better to say exactly that then just 'why'. Simply put, if you say exactly what you mean, then you'll mean exactly what you say.

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RE: Why? - 11/28/2004 12:33:39 AM

EStrict

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I admit it,, I'm definitely a *why* person. Part of it is my natural curiosity, but a lot of it is my natural thought process. If I understand why Master wants something, it is easier to figure out the easiest way to accomplish it. I don't use *why* if we are scening, since *why* he wants me to turn over, give him my wrist, ect is pretty clear :) But in everyday life,,, yeah,, *why* is a big word for me...

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RE: Why? - 11/28/2004 1:40:19 AM

Sylverdawn

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I think you probably know my response to this question ... but I will clearly state it again...

WHY?????? can be a form of subtle rebellion in a slave/submissive. Why is not only questioning the reasoning behind a decision at times it is the the first step in substituting judgement. But WHY does Master want that ???hmmmm.. well he wants that for x y z.. so therefore that must mean that 2+3=6 and well that makes no sense therefore I will do something else. Or it leads to anticipating a need and so forth and so on. Its a slippery slope that whole WHY question.

In most cases Dominants want what they want simply because they want it ... its part of being Dominant. In major life decisions a responsible Dominant considers what is best for the relationship and thusly the slave/submissive. That is why it is so vitally important that submissives do not rush into a TPE relationship.. trust is the bedrock of D/s and why's tend to be the chisels that chip away at that bedrock. They create over time instablity on both parts.

Questioning for the purpose of clarification of a task or activity is different. But questioning for the purpose of controlling the outcome of a situation, changing the direction of a conversation, anticpation of a need or for making judgements on decisions are ways that WHy is used to subvert the D/s.

That is why it is so important for Dominants to be consistant in their processes. Consistancy is the security blanket that helps the submissive/slave feel comfortable and content inside that D/s. Why's tend to highlight where a slave/submissive feel insecure about the relationship.

For me there is a deference btwn a curious though provoking mind.. always interested in new things and wanting to learn and expand . That greats loads of books out there ... loads of interesting topical conversations about the world as we know it. But, Why Master??? does a girl have to do it .. or Why cant we do it this way.. etc..etc.. etc..just annoys the heck out of me.

< Message edited by Sylverdawn -- 11/28/2004 1:41:19 AM >

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RE: Why? - 11/28/2004 3:41:11 AM

NorthernPhoenix

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As a submissive, I think it would depend very much for me on the circumstance if the word was used.

For example, 'Clean the bathroom' is a rather obvious thing, there's no need to ask Why?, and if I did I'd half expect to be told 'because I want you to'

But things like a more open ended task like 'I want you to phone round costume shops for a costume', perhaps that would get a Why?... In the form of questions about 'Who for?', and 'To what end?'...

Or even so far as an activity like 'I want you to pick all of this rice up grain by grain'... While I know some people do do that, I think for me I'd almost certainly question why as an activity, maybe even to question why if it was a punishment (in the case of punishment, to find out the reason for it, the lesson it was teaching)

The activities here are only chosen to try and illistrate the point, they aren't necessarily specific.

Phoenix

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RE: Why? - 11/28/2004 7:50:32 AM

willing2serve

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Wow...wonderful responses and answers and even new insight....I think that i can relate to Estrict that i want to figure out if there is a better way of doing things, or finding out what i am exactly suppose to be learning, which is so wisely verbalized by Sylverdawn as "substituting judgement"...I guess this could be considered backseat driving...

Many of you gave wonderful scenarios of when "why" is appropriate or not. I am so appreciative of your input.

As a Dominant, how would you deter the question "why" from your submissive if it annoyed you?

Respectfully,
Willing2serve

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RE: Why? - 11/28/2004 12:17:00 PM

Malkinius

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quote:

ORIGINAL: willing2serve

<snip>

As a Dominant, how would you deter the question "why" from your submissive if it annoyed you?

Respectfully,
Willing2serve[/size]

greetings...

The answer to that is very simple. You remove certain words from what she is allowed to speak or allow them to be used only in certain certain contexts. Why is a good candidate for this removal. Whatever used by itself is another one.

Please is usually the first word I forbid. Can you think of why I would do this?

There are also other ways more appropriate to asking the same question. For example: "Master, your slave begs to know the reason for that command," is much more pleasing to me than, "Why do you want that?" I have no problems at all with the questions designed to understand a command until they get to the point of stalling.

Be well....

Malkinius

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RE: Why? - 11/28/2004 1:26:10 PM

Lordandmaster

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I'll assume that the sub really wants to know why. Then if I feeling like explaining myself, I'll explain why; otherwise the answer is "Because I said so." Eventually, though, a dom has to explain to a sub why he is doing what he's doing. The explanation just doesn't have to come at the moment the sub wants.

Lam

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RE: Why? - 11/28/2004 1:48:34 PM

Nvernilla

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This is circumstantial and my reaction to it varies accordingly...one thing is sure though * why * does display to me a level of intelligence...Mike

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RE: Why? - 11/29/2004 12:43:03 PM

feline

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I am an inquisitve person so "why" is a big part of my vocabulary. Not because I am being rebellious, stalling or questioning the Doms authority. But rather because I am intrigued by what was asked of me or don't fully comprehend what was asked.

If asked to wash the dishes, the question isn't necessary. Neither is it when I am asked to wear something in particular. Common sense is applied.

I pretty much figure the reason behind what was asked will be revealed sooner or later. But, there are times when the need to ask is just too strong.

"Curiosity killed the cat . . . . . but satisfaction brought it back"