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xXTonyFordzXx -> Switch for LTR (6/17/2015 4:19:26 AM)
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Hello,
I generally do not post on the forums of sites for finding someone when I have a profile already, but I can appreciate that CS was nice enough to make it even easier to find someone like this. Thank you very much for this CS, very thoughtful of you!
So I am a little confused as to what I want as far as roles are concerned because it seams I have had to wade threw so much bullshit the past 10-12 years trying to find something, anything lasting & compatible with me to some degree. I have spent so much time trying to please others, and their fetishes that I am confused now what my real ones are. All these sick & twitched ideas in my head make me sometimes feel as though I have multiple personalities which jump between the different roles or desires. If only I could erase my brain & start over!
I know that I NEED a committed relationship, and I very much NEED someone that I can both love & trust. Before I found out about this lifestyle around 12 years ago I was very much a one woman man, and I had no interest what so ever in half the stuff I am now willing to do or explore. Some of which would have blown my mind back then, and I would have called you a dame liar if you ever accused me of trying such things.
On another note, I also feel a great NEED to submit to the woman I love. Though sometimes there are woman I have met that I do not feel the least little bit submissive with, so this is very confusing to me. I hate to be in this situation seeing as to how long I have tried so hard for many years to find that special someone, and even been to the point I would have done pretty much anything just to find some place to fit in.
Now your just as confused as I am reading this shit lol! Sorry about that...
Lets try this,
[ I would like ]
* Someone to love
* A natural born biological female
* Between the ages of 18-45
* Someone who is very open & honest with me
* A woman that is open with herself, her feelings, and her ideas
* Someone who will respect & love me
* Someone who will not take me for granted
* Real Life Live In 24/7
* Long Term to Life
I know for a fact those things are important to me. I have mixed feelings about other things though because like I said I spent so much time trying to please other people, and making their dreams, goals, desires, and fetishes come true that I lost reality with my own.
[ I sometimes feel that I want ]
* To be used hard
* To be abused hard
* To be fisted & brutally fucked
* Things Taboo
* To be treated like shit
* To be cheated on
* To be lied to
* To be a cuckold
* To be humiliated
* To be dehumanized
* To be femmed
* To be sodomized by many women with huge strapons
* To be caged
* To be used in dungeon by Pro Dommes with their clients
* To be used as a toilet
* To be defiled
Sadly I know for a fact these are things I once never wanted or had any interest in. I think I have been brain washed into believing I need these things sometimes, or what them. They are things I would generally not openly ask for or consider. The things like being cheated on & lied to would defiantly not be wanted or desired by no means. Perhaps these things are brought on by the pain, humiliation, and heartbreak of finding my ex-wives or girlfriends had cheated on me, and lied to me about it. I have no idea, but they are things that would have seriously pissed me off in the vanilla world I was once a part of. Now I often times find myself turned on by it, the thought of having a beautiful Mistress who would fuck others behind my back or even bound & make me watch. Before the lifestyle, I would have killed someone for fucking my wife had I ever found out who they were. I was not a jealous person, but I was very (cant think of the word) but I felt like I owned her, and she owned me & there was no room for anyone else in our relationship as anything other then friends or family. I am glad I never found out who it was that slept with my 2nd wife as I have no doubt in my mind I would have killed that motherfucker! Its strange really if you knew me, you would not think I could ever do any such thing. Now days its highly unlikely, so I guess some of the changes were for the better. Because truth have it I am better off without her, and she sure as hell wasn't worth going to prison for.
So where am I in all this? I often times want a collar around my neck & to feel as though I am owned like an object or property of another. Perhaps its the bullshit I have to wade threw online trying to find what I need, want, or seek. Perhaps I am just sick of the people who contact me & try to lure me off the site only to then make depends of my sending them money. Maybe its all the profiles with have different information on them, but when contacted a good bit of them also ask me to add them under the same ID on other sites or messenger apps. I have no idea, but I grow tired of all the time wasting & bullshit I have to wade threw just to find someone seriously interested in meeting & being together in real life.
I have never lied on any of my profiles, though sometimes the content in them contradicts each other. In one I might want to be a bitch for a pretty lady, and in another I might just want to be her pet. Whats the difference, who knows... Perhaps I have finally lost my mind, and just don't yet realize it.
[ What I need ]
* Someone who owns their own place
* Someone that is financially secure & stable
* Someone who is looking for long term to life
* Someone who will enjoy my being with them as much as possible & spending time together
* Someone who is patient
* Someone who is understanding
* Someone who will not allow any going back after something has been agreed on
* Someone who will not feel sorry for me in a scene or back out
* For this nightmare to end!
I am not nor have I ever been someone with a love for money, but because its obvious that most relationships are shot down due to money or serious lack of communication, it would be nice to find someone who has enough that neither of us would need to worry about it. I am ruled mainly by my emotions, and my sexual desire. Though strangely I have no desire to have intercourse normally as a man would with a woman. I am more turned on to satisfying her needs orally, and by her taking me from behind & feeling her inside me. I often times ask for things when I am horny that I know I can not handle, and will in most cases when reality kicks in beg my way out of them. Afterwards I hate myself for it, because once I am horny again I am back in the same boat again asking for things I know I cant handle or endure without the need of being bound, gagged, and forced to take it. Latex, and plastic bags when worn make me super horny, and I always end up asking for shit I wouldn't consider asking for otherwise. Perhaps I am not a switch, not a sub, not a slave, not a dom, but instead just driven by fetishes. I am confused by what I am, but I do know that more off then not I feel the need to submit, and be on the bottom.
Well if I don't shut up now this will end up being a book... I hope there are women who read this who would be interested in having their collar around my neck, and just respect that I am serious fucked up! Of your into giving pain, or having an idiot beg for things he knows he cant handle without being bound, gagged, and helpless then you will love me as I am.
Please be nice enough to read my profile also if your interested, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
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