kittenheels1968
Posts: 19
Joined: 2/21/2015 Status: offline
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I found this on another site, and laughed so much it hurt, so I have stolen it for your enjoyment, and invite you all to add to it! I solemnly swear that I will not... - Sing “hit me baby one more time” during a spanking. - Squirt lube/squirty cream in his face and tell him I’m into ‘giving’ facials. - Hide his spanking implements and replace them with Pokemon cards and chocolate bars. - Use the Hitachi Wand as a pretend microphone. - Say “now make me a sandwich” after he’s made me cum. - Ask if he “kisses his momma with that mouth” while he’s dirty talking. - Shout “ThunderCats are go” when he’s about to cum. - Roll my eyes. - Stomp my feet. - Spank him with a spatula. - Refer to him as “my bitch” - Decorate with stickers, or attach balloons to his toy collection. - Put nipple clamps on the chicken breasts in his fridge. - Glue all the pegs together. - Say “good girl” or “left a bit, right a bit” or hand him an A to Z while he’s performing oral sex on me. - Recite the plot to High School Musical when he asks me how my day has been. - Replace the contents of his underwear drawer with pretty girl knickers. - Fill his pockets full of sequins and glitter. - Draw a willy on his face while he sleeps. - Draw a face on his willy while he sleeps. - Attempt to capture/kidnap/restrain him. He is much taller, stronger, smarter, and meaner than me. Remember that! - Use his rope for skipping. - Refer to the kitchen as “his office” - Change his desktop wallpaper to a collage of kittens, cupcakes and hearts. - Change his ringtone to Justin Bieber. - Shout “Hammer Time” when he tells me to stop. - Text him random facts about cats in the middle of the night. - Ask “is it in yet?” - Call him Daddy in the supermarket, while squeezing his bum. - Shout “you shall not pass” when he tries to insert his penis into me. - Ask him to “take the Ring to Mordor” and hand him a cock ring. - Refer to sex as porking or making bacon. - Talk to him all about bacteria when he asks for dirty talk. - Call his penis Princess Fluffykins/Pretty McPrettyton/a grown up lollipop. - Say “she shoots, she scores” or score him out of ten after we’ve done the blanket dance. - Ask if he has his man period. - Stomp my feet and say “but I want to ride the penis” - Gargle his man juice, or wipe it on his curtains. - Pretend to choke to death. - Use Bazinga as a safeword. - Compare his penis to a strap on, and threaten him with it. - Ask “are we there yet?” during sex. - Make sheep noises. - Measure/hit his penis with a spoon. - Say “mmm you smell like my dad” - Rickroll him during sex. - Shout “trolls, trolls, the fucking trolls” in the middle of the night. - Go cock eyed while looking up during a blow job. - Pull his hair and call him Mary. - Make him roses out of cum tissues. - Stop mid hand job and ask him to pull my finger. - Fall asleep during luuuuuurve making. - Sing the Hokey Cokey while he contours me into different positions. - Threaten him with vegetables. - Ask if he’s paying with cash or credit card. - Punch the air/do the “I got laid” dance after sex. - Disagree with his choice of punishment, and recommend my own. - Call him a wuss/girl/wimp/pussy. It hurts. - Threaten to stop tending my lady garden. - Write threats on the bathroom mirror. - Tell him I want a knickerbocker glory. We have different ideas of what this is! - Put vegetables/slices of meat in his bed and tell him he has upset the local farmers market mafia. - Shout “safeword” or “hard limit” when he tries to express his feelings. - Perform surprise popping candy blow jobs. - Do a Gollum impression and say “my precious” when he whispers threats in my ear. - Continue to reference Lord of the Rings. - Hogtie him while he sleeps. Boundaries. Consent. I’m learning. - Do ice down his pants surprise attacks. - Shout “beam me up, Scotty” when pulls out a Hitachi wand. - Jump up and down on his bed while shouting “look at me! Check me out! I’m so awesome! I can swim like a motherfucking fish!” - Ask him where he thinks our relationship is going?, What’s on the tellybox later?, How his mum is doing? when he’s about to cum. - Hide chocolate buttons in his fleshlight. Chocolate willy surprise! - Sew his belt to his pants. - Take a picture of his cum face “SAY CHEESE!”
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I watched the movie with subtitles on, therefore I have totally read the book
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