picky, scared. what to do?

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picky, scared. what to do? - 7/16/2006 3:13:02 PM

yourdream1

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/16/2006
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I seem to be so open and ready and yet nothing is happening. I am very picky and very scared.

I want to be someone's sub without risking my life on STDs or medieval cruelties.

Your thought and suggestions appreciated.

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RE: picky, scared. what to do? - 7/16/2006 4:29:19 PM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
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Your profile is a little vague as to what you are specifically looking for. Are you just looking for a "threesome" or a poly D/s relationship? What is your main concern regarding STD's? Is it because you are looking for a poly relationship? If so, you might want to hang out on the poly board a bit and get a better idea of what that's really all about. Most poly relationships are closed to sexual relations outside the "poly family".

As far as medieval cruelties goes, you'll need to do some reading and get a better idea of the kind of activities you are willing to engage in. Some people enjoy "medieval cruelties". You will just need to state clearly that you do not, but I would advise being more specific. One person's "cruelty" might be another's "lightweight".

Also, when you say you are picky, what do you mean by that? What things are you picky about? Looks? Character? Social status? Experience? And, when you state you are picky, you don't really say why you deserve to be picky. Try stating or showing a little more of who you are and what you have to offer to a couple or Domme.

(in reply to yourdream1)

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RE: picky, scared. what to do? - 7/16/2006 4:31:16 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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No offense, but by the time I'm 64 I intend to have given up all fears related to relationships and sex, and simply practice risk aware consensual kink.
Being picky shouldn't be an issue if you are a desirable type yourself. M

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RE: picky, scared. what to do? - 7/16/2006 4:42:54 PM

Controladora

Posts: 10
Joined: 7/14/2006
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You are contradicting yourself. On one hand you say you are very open and ready and on the other you say you are picky and scared. I would recommend rewording your profile. Describe who you are and what you have to offer.

Controladora

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RE: picky, scared. what to do? - 7/16/2006 6:06:46 PM

jamesthehumanrug

Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
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you

are rite; there's always that risk ,so take precautions ,against stds;or can you trust your top to want you to live?;and, the faulty primitive torture stuff is something you put up with, till you get picky;or you get more experienced , or they get more experienced ....
especially with you

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RE: picky, scared. what to do? - 7/18/2006 3:59:39 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
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youre dream

Your so right to be picky and yes be careful there are some nutty yes you can be darn picky if you wish no matter what anyone say you want to be careful as you can i do not mean to scare you but i meant some who ran into some crazy one this is what you need to do. take time to know them first talk for a long time a good domme will not mind she will want you to be trustful of her and it does take time. even we as domme must be care of std too do you time we do not care about ? so write someone who profile you like always check profiles ok

i wish you luck

mons

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RE: picky, scared. what to do? - 7/18/2006 8:04:46 AM

MistressJan

Posts: 42
Joined: 6/3/2005
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How long have you been in this lifestyle? You are being very specific for someone who is nervous, and I understand being new and nervous. It was not until I met people and went to dungeons and saw things, that I had a realization of who I am and what I could give to someone.
I would redo the profile and start specific with a bisexual profile. Then go from there. My profile is very blunt, but I don't have to have anything right now so when the real thing comes along, it will be.

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan

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RE: picky, scared. what to do? - 7/18/2006 9:20:43 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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A good way to get over being nervous is to stop looking for "THE ONE" and start experimenting and getting involved in some munches or ogranizations as an individual who is interested in these things.

The more you know, the more you'll know what you are interested in and you'll learn how to interact with others simply through trial and error as you attend things.

If there is nothing within travel distance of you on a regular basis, try to use your vacation time to go to a few conventions -- they are all over the place, probably a half dozen or so such events every month in the USA. Don't go to play or have sex, go to learn.

I think the more you learn and the more you interact the less nervous you'd be.

To be blunt, anyone only searching for a partner online who is not nervous about that is silly in my opinion. Any of us could be anyone we want online. It might be a great place to read opinions or connect on a general verbal/written level but I don't think it replaces the face-to-face interactions and the learning potential from these interactions.

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RE: picky, scared. what to do? - 7/18/2006 12:25:06 PM

iliv2servher

Posts: 228
Joined: 5/17/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourdream1

I seem to be so open and ready and yet nothing is happening. I am very picky and very scared.

I am not a femdom, but I would like to jump in here and say this:
Your statement about being ready is very contradictory. If you are ready, then you shouldn't be scared. If you are scared, then you are obviously not ready. Being picky when it comes to choosing who or who not to serve is NOT UNUSUAL. All of us have a choice. This is not the Middle or Dark Ages. It is the age of consent, but let it be informed consent.

quote:

I want to be someone's sub without risking my life on STDs or medieval cruelties.

This makes more sense. You DO have a right to expect that your limits be respected. And sexually-transmitted diseases are a reality. Having said that, there are many femdoms who are not necessarily sadistic, so there is still hope for you.

Since you seem to be a novice, I would suggest that you get in touch with a local BDSM group, because you don't sound like you have any real-life experience in this realm. If it is more of a fantasy for you, it would be to your benefit to contact others in the scene and talk with them about whether or not you should explore this area of interest.

What it is that we do should be safe, sane and consentual. And if someone suggests that it is otherwise, I would run...not walk...but run in the opposite direction.

Good luck!

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