Collarchat.com

Join Our Community
Collarchat.com

Home  Login  Search 

Abandoning Pets/Subs?..


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Abandoning Pets/Subs?.. Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Abandoning Pets/Subs?.. - 8/9/2015 6:38:13 AM   
Solsurii


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/9/2015
Status: offline
I was abandoned 3 years ago by my first Master.. now ever since then I haven't sought out another Master because of that bad experience now, with disowning a sub or a pet.. how does that process starts?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Abandoning Pets/Subs?.. - 8/9/2015 8:39:13 AM   
HouseWhiteRose


Posts: 2
Joined: 3/11/2015
Status: offline
Relationships end. There's always some emotional fallout to be expected. The responsibility falls on all involved parties to make sure that each are in a position to move on, move out, and start over. It doesn't always happen that way, which is why it's important to have your own safety net.

(in reply to Solsurii)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Abandoning Pets/Subs?.. - 8/9/2015 9:38:51 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
All relationships, but most especially romantic relationships, take a certain level of emotional health (in BOTH parties) in order for it to be successful.

The master that 'abandoned' you may well have been a pure douchebag - let's say that he was. You still don't get to put all the blame on HIM.

Because you see, you chose him. And that my dear is on you.

Why do I get to talk to you as if I know exactly what I am saying? Because I have made bad relationship choices my own self. As in, got married and had kids with him choices. As in, years of therapy later choices.

And I learned I had to own up to my own shit in all that. I *did* choose him.

HouseWhiteRose advised having a good safety net. The best safety net you can have is to be healthy emotionally so that you make good choices.

It doesn't matter if it's a BDSM relationship -- the same rules apply.









< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 8/9/2015 9:40:27 AM >


_____________________________



(in reply to Solsurii)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Abandoning Pets/Subs?.. - 8/9/2015 9:40:49 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
Welcome to the message boards, HouseWhiteRose. -- It's nice to see a new participant with a clue.

_____________________________



(in reply to HouseWhiteRose)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Abandoning Pets/Subs?.. - 8/9/2015 10:00:33 AM   
HouseWhiteRose


Posts: 2
Joined: 3/11/2015
Status: offline
LOL Thanks Chatte.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Abandoning Pets/Subs?.. - 8/9/2015 6:33:59 PM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
The best safety net you can have is to be healthy emotionally so that you make good choices.


This.

I said to a new dominant the other day, "As the dominant, you are responsible for everything that happens in a relationship with your sub. Because YOU CHOSE THEM."

Similar sentiment.

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Abandoning Pets/Subs?.. - 8/9/2015 6:37:03 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes


quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
The best safety net you can have is to be healthy emotionally so that you make good choices.


This. <snip>

Agreed. I may embroider this on a pillow, actually.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to NookieNotes)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Abandoning Pets/Subs?.. - 8/9/2015 7:28:24 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
Healthy people aren't attracted to and aren't attractive to, unhealthy people.
Healthy people gravitate to other healthy people.

Become someone healthy who other healthy people will want to be in a relationship with.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to dcnovice)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Abandoning Pets/Subs?.. - 8/9/2015 8:40:40 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

We had quite a raucous thread, here, a little while back about the responsibilities of a dominant to a submissive that they wish to release.

I believe that there are certain responsibilities, to be sure but I also believe that a submissive isn't (or shouldn't be) helpless to the rest of the world.

What does Michael mean?

Well, I'm sure there are dominants that want to be as in control of a submissive as is possible. Some don't want their submissives working outside the home and that's fine. However, if I have a submissive that gives up their job, outside the home, it is my responsibility to make sure that they have another job in place before I actually release them.

Here's another however: When I tell that submissive that they have three months to find a job and three months after that to be out of the house, it is NOT my responsibility to take them by the hand to job interviews or look through the want ads for them. Can she ask me for a ride to a job interview because her car is in the shop? Sure. That's different.

I guess, what I'm trying to say is that there are circumstances but there also has to be balance. If I'm releasing a submissive, it might just be because she isn't working, outside the home. In these unstable economic times, that isn't highly likely but there are limits to everything.

Again, there are circumstances. if I find out that my lady is having a "secret relationship" behind my back, she'll be lucky to have a week to get out of my house. That kind of betrayal doesn't engender a sense of continued responsibility (to me, anyway).

As far as "how the process starts"? Well, again; that's going to be different for different people. I had an example, years ago, where a lady with whom I was involved was in a horrendous job that made her so unhappy that it started affecting our relationship. I kept saying: "You need another job" (She's got two Master's Degrees. A career change is not an impossible goal). She kept dragging her feet and dragging her feet and I kept saying that she needed to get on the ball.

The new boss that was making her job miserable eventually set his sights on her (something I'd warned her of, from the start because she had been with the company for so long and this new guy was a control freak that was trying to compartmentalize everything with him, being the only one knowing all the ins and outs, hoping to make himself "unfireable").

Eventually, my mantra changed to: "You need to speak to a labor lawyer and look for a new job."

Months later (seven of them), she was written up (for the first time in 13 years with the company) for one of her people making a mistake on a form on a day when she wasn't even there. The wording of the write up was: "_____________ continues to ..." On a first "offense", the wording was very plain, what they were trying to do.

It was clear that she had been targeted for termination by this asshole but her inaction had left us both exposed. She kept her job and the asshole wound up being fired once she finally stood up for herself to the owner of the company (and hired a lawyer that the company still doesn't know about), but our relationship never recovered.

Her lack of taking direction from me (non-submission) put us in a precarious position and lo and behold, as soon as she did what I had been asking of her, things turned around.

That's what started it for me; lack of submission to a simple suggestion of "find another job" and "talk to a lawyer".



Michael


< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 8/9/2015 8:42:22 PM >


_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Abandoning Pets/Subs?.. - 8/9/2015 9:28:21 PM   
DerangedUnit


Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline
OP I always thought id much rather have someone break it off hard and fast the minute they didn't want me around than let me waste my time on someone that didn't give a shit.

I think id be a lot more annoyed to hear someone kept me around just because they didn't know how id handle it than if they picked me up and set me outside the door without a word.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Abandoning Pets/Subs?.. - 8/10/2015 4:42:51 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
But the point is, the OP (I hope she's still lurking) has abandonment issues three years down the road. She's a young, beautiful girl and deserves better.

But she won't get better unless she does some work on herself.



_____________________________



(in reply to DerangedUnit)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Abandoning Pets/Subs?.. - 8/10/2015 5:03:38 AM   
DerangedUnit


Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline
True. I say look at the positive. Even if she liked him a lot he wasnt the type to stick it out so it's best that she got out while she still has plenty of time to find someone who is....but i guess someone who doesnt form attachments(easily) isnt the one to give advice to those who do.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Abandoning Pets/Subs?.. - 8/10/2015 5:59:24 AM   
ExoticDivergence


Posts: 3
Joined: 4/11/2014
Status: offline
Reminds me of an acquaintance we know. She's a nice girl...traditional, wants to settle down and have a family of her own. ...she has a rare quality to her, and pretty to boot. But, she's been dating this guy for a couple of years and she wants to be his wife, but he has issues. His ex-wife cheated on him and broke his heart. He swore he'd never put himself in that position again. He loves her and she's great with the kids (his kids, from the previous marriage!) but he doesn't want to do it because he's scared it will happen again. So, he's missing out on having the wife he wanted when he married Mrs. Wrong....maybe he'll realize that it's horribly disrespectful to assume that this girl and that all women are whatever words would be appropriate for his ex....especially to assume that of someone you love. ...or maybe he will lose her because she can't wait forever for someone that doesn't want what she wants enough to put themselves on the line and he will die an old lonely man.

Either way, he's cheating himself and her out of a great future. Yea, maybe you will get burned again. In fact, it's likely. ....there are a lot of assholes. But, what if you didn't? What if you pursued your dreams, didn't compromise what you really want and put yourself on the line. ...maybe you never get what you want but you will at least have the satisfaction to know that you tried and never stopped trying. Don't let yourself be one of those sad souls that never risked much or achieved much, doomed to wonder "what if" when it's years too late.

It's worth the sting, just be true to what you really want and remember there is something worse than failure. ...not trying.

(in reply to DerangedUnit)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Abandoning Pets/Subs?.. - 8/10/2015 9:27:17 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
And maybe the reason his ex left him and sought comfort outside the marriage was because he was emotionally closed to begin with. That he refused to do the hard work to be a healthy person to be in a relationship with. And he's just spreading his unhappiness around to another woman, and after she gets fed up and goes, he'll find someone else to do this to.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to ExoticDivergence)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Abandoning Pets/Subs?.. - 8/10/2015 5:14:59 PM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Solsurii

I was abandoned 3 years ago by my first Master.. now ever since then I haven't sought out another Master because of that bad experience now, with disowning a sub or a pet.. how does that process starts?


Accept what it was, the good, and the bad.

Recognize the roles you both took on, and how they guided things to the place they went.

Ask yourself what things you could have done better, and promise yourself that you will do these things the next time around for both yourself and your partner.

Understand what things were missing, and look for the things you needed in the next partner.

Forgive and let go.

you can do this, but more importantly, *only* you can do this. Be honest with yourself. Be kind to yourself. And know that life goes on, there is still time and room enough in your heart.

All the best to you.



_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.


(in reply to Solsurii)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Abandoning Pets/Subs?.. - 8/10/2015 6:27:14 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
I also wonder what was this 'abandonment' like. Did he just leave her at the side of the road like an unwanted puppy? Or did he tell her it wasn't working for him, which was his right.



_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to RemoteUser)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Abandoning Pets/Subs?.. - 8/10/2015 6:59:41 PM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I also wonder what was this 'abandonment' like. Did he just leave her at the side of the road like an unwanted puppy? Or did he tell her it wasn't working for him, which was his right.


Reality rarely bears any impact on how something is perceived, and enforced reality even more rarely addresses how the perception will be translated. Otherwise, psychotherapy would have died out looooooooooooooooong ago.


_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.


(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Abandoning Pets/Subs?.. - 8/10/2015 10:04:30 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

But the point is, the OP (I hope she's still lurking) has abandonment issues three years down the road. She's a young, beautiful girl and deserves better.

But she won't get better unless she does some work on herself.




I know right, Gosh she gorgeous. Id love to have her. Well, for Hubby anyway. But Chatte is right, self worth is important. Im sorry you went through the breakup. I do have a tid bit of advice, dont lump all Dom's in that category. Not saying you are, but just saying.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Abandoning Pets/Subs?.. - 8/15/2015 7:20:35 AM   
WickedestDesires


Posts: 70
Joined: 8/7/2015
Status: offline
I require more details to give you a good answer – an answer that would make you fall to your very knees and weep, and thence, in gratitude, crawl to the shop for a bottle of cheap chardonnay for me - what I am thirsty.

What type of relationship were you in with this Master

Internet – what’s that called virtual malarkey methinks
Long distance
Husband and wife
Forbidden lover

Abandon you – did he drive you to the middle of the countryside and twirl you around and a round and then run for it.


Some details would be nice

(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Abandoning Pets/Subs?.. - 8/24/2015 10:42:57 AM   
brummasters2


Posts: 6
Joined: 6/22/2009
Status: offline
Over the years of being a Dom , I have spoken to many slaves & many Wannabe slaces , somwe of whom pofessed an interest in wanting a 24/7 D/s relationship ........ None have been successful yet !
However , i have always maintained that if a guy was giving me his all , ( as in money proceeds from any property etc etc ) I would set up , or use HIS existing bank account with his card & changing the pin number to store money for him in the event of s split ( amicable or not )
Or my untimely demise
THEN he has SOME money to at least find a place to live ( a note with pin number would be kept in a secure place , so he could find it )
I have heard of people losing everything to a dom/me who kicked them out of the homestead a while after getting everything signed over & moving in a new , much younger slave
It is true what has been said before , we choose them they choose us too !

(in reply to WickedestDesires)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Abandoning Pets/Subs?.. Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2024
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.068