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Watersport- ownership or humiliation? - 8/12/2015 8:08:35 AM

Kayleigh133

Posts: 19
Joined: 8/11/2015
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Hello-

I have been with my Dom for 6 month.
The first 3 were totally vanilla. I had no idea what sub/Dom meant.
He introduced thing slowly. I still didn't get it.
Hand on my throat.
Pinning me down.
A light slap.
All of which I responded to most favorably.he then say me down and had "the conversation"
He's a Dom.
Women call him Master.
He desires to own me...
I never thought of myself as submissive- yet 6 months later here we are.
So... The pee part.
This is important to him.
He wants this and I can't say I'm grossed out. Just confused.
It's not only just the act. He wants more. Me to taste it. Not rinse off immediately. Ect
I'd love to hear your take

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RE: Watersport- ownership or humiliation? - 8/12/2015 10:16:40 AM

spellslave

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From: England
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If you don't like it and it is a hard limit, don't do it.
If you are iffy about it, maybe try it. If you don't like it, don't do it.
If you are iffy about it, maybe try it. If you do like it, go forth!
But most of all, don't be afraid to communicate your uncertainty with him. Be honest, be clear, be succinct. Don't just roll over and accept it just because he is your Dom.

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RE: Watersport- ownership or humiliation? - 8/14/2015 9:48:42 AM

ResidentSadist

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OK, so you aren't grossed out, just confused and looking for insight.

There are several sets of emotional triggers behind it.

For some, it's dirty. Being dirty or doing something that is normally off limits or forbidden makes it kinky to them. Doing something forbidden is hot.

For some, it's not dirty . . . it is erotic. Like all forms of intimate contact, it is yet another way to be intimate. To have the taste, the scent and the feel of the hot fluid from your partner is very intimate. For some, peeing in their mouth is almost orgasmic for both of you. It is very erotic to have all your senses filled with your partner.

For some, it's bonding. Like a dog marking its territory and peeing in a tree, your owner is marking you with their scent. And you are wearing your owners mark, making you their property. A ritual act of bonding.

For some, it's domination and submission. Like the alpha in a wolf pack that sprays piss on subordinates. It is exerting dominance and you submit to that dominance by accepting the act of getting pissed on. You prove your submission in the ritual.

It can be any and/or all of these things combined. I am am sure someone else has something to ad to that list. Nonetheless, watersports can very hot if you get your headspace into it. If you want to do dome research on it, the gay crowd has "Rainmakers" clubs and you might find some interesting reading there.

Have fun.

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RE: Watersport- ownership or humiliation? - 8/14/2015 3:31:23 PM

FrankAr

Posts: 817
Joined: 10/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kayleigh133

Hello-

I have been with my Dom for 6 month.
The first 3 were totally vanilla. I had no idea what sub/Dom meant.
He introduced thing slowly. I still didn't get it.
Hand on my throat.
Pinning me down.
A light slap.
All of which I responded to most favorably.he then say me down and had "the conversation"
He's a Dom.
Women call him Master.
He desires to own me...
I never thought of myself as submissive- yet 6 months later here we are.
So... The pee part.
This is important to him.
He wants this and I can't say I'm grossed out. Just confused.
It's not only just the act. He wants more. Me to taste it. Not rinse off immediately. Ect
I'd love to hear your take

With what I am reading so far by your posting, is that you were never really sat down and had the full communication session. You would have asked about things and if he was experienced, he would have got you to do some reading of some books to see if they did peak your interest in the lifestyle. Then after reading the books and seeing if your desire to explore the world further, then you would have another sit down and talked about limits and desires by both parties to see if you are compatible. Looks like you did not do this, and this is by your post.

If you asked a few questions, you would have found out that you might not like the idea of watersports. Not every relationship will include the watersports theme in it, and so you have to decide whether you want to include the urine in your relationship or not, simple.

Frank Ar.

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RE: Watersport- ownership or humiliation? - 8/14/2015 6:18:08 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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Am I the only one that got the impression the OP is OK watersports and they just want to understand why people do it, the meaning behind it and purpose of it?

I understand the talk it out advice because she said "never thought of myself as submissive" but then she says "yet 6 months later here we are" after mentioning that she liked being slapped, pinned and choked. It seems to me she has accepted her role, likes it and wants to understand how to get into a better headspace for watersports... not talked into renegotiating the terms of her relationship. But what do I know?

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RE: Watersport- ownership or humiliation? - 8/14/2015 6:49:21 PM

UllrsIshtar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Am I the only one that got the impression the OP is OK watersports and they just want to understand why people do it, the meaning behind it and purpose of it?

I understand the talk it out advice because she said "never thought of myself as submissive" but then she says "yet 6 months later here we are" after mentioning that she liked being slapped, pinned and choked. It seems to me she has accepted her role, likes it and wants to understand how to get into a better headspace for watersports... not talked into renegotiating the terms of her relationship. But what do I know?

From the OP in this thread: http://www.collarchat.com/m_4830027/tm.htm

"The day to day lifestyle is more challenging.
I'm mouthy and outgoing.
He's asked to modify my wardrobe.
Warned me about my interaction with other men"

"I like a pain and punishment. I like to feel very protected and loved afterwards.
He does not love inflicting pain on me. He goes white soft.
He wants a sub in the very essence.
Asks his permission to do things.
Obeys
He wants kneeling upon his arrival.
To clean for him. Naked preferable
I admit I struggle with it.
Makes me feel very vulnerable
Embarrassed almost.
I partially feel silly. Like he will laugh. "

Combined with:

"The first 3 were totally vanilla. I had no idea what sub/Dom meant.
He introduced thing slowly. I still didn't get it."

Gives me the impression that she's not sure what she wants yet. And that he's introducting her to his version of what a submissive would be to him, which doesn't always jive with what she desires/wants.

I don't really think that she is able to clearly negotiate a relationship and define what she wants out of it because she has no idea what her options are. I think that current her view on what a 'good submissive' is supposed to be is base on what he feels a good submissive would be to him.
She needs to realize that there are other ways out there than his way, and watersport isn't a given in a BDSM relationship. Nor is service, obedience, asking permission, or having him dictate vanilla things such as wardrobe for that matter.

It's fine if she's cool with him wanting those things after realizing that they aren't mandatory in order to be a bottom/submissive. Not fine if she feels like that's what she ought to be merely because it's what turns him on and thus is presented as the 'universal way submissives are kept in relationships'.

Either way, it's kinda hard to tell from just a few posts where her headspace is, and what it is she's looking for or needs to hear for advice, so I think a lot of people are erring on the side of caution when they explain that she doesn't have to do this if she doesn't want to.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 8/14/2015 6:52:33 PM >

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RE: Watersport- ownership or humiliation? - 8/14/2015 8:38:47 PM

FrankAr

Posts: 817
Joined: 10/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Am I the only one that got the impression the OP is OK watersports and they just want to understand why people do it, the meaning behind it and purpose of it?

I understand the talk it out advice because she said "never thought of myself as submissive" but then she says "yet 6 months later here we are" after mentioning that she liked being slapped, pinned and choked. It seems to me she has accepted her role, likes it and wants to understand how to get into a better headspace for watersports... not talked into renegotiating the terms of her relationship. But what do I know?

The headspace mentality that I got from the op is the same distinctive area of the 70's and 80's type of pimping method that was done. In those days the young females wanted to get out of home and away from it all, catching a bus to a big city. Looking like a lost puppy they were easy prey for the men of those days to latch on and then after a little while these ...men...needed some money or they are being threatened by thugs and the female had to do this because if they did not then they did not love the male. I think you know where the story ends.

The relationship for the op might be in the 6 month faze, but where did she have the communication between two consenting adults about what they both really desire in a relationship, in my eyes they did not. He incorporates events into the relationship as they go along, if they had the talk then the op would not be seeking advice about something that they have talked about and she is ok with it.

Or am I missing something ?

Frank Ar.

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RE: Watersport- ownership or humiliation? - 8/14/2015 8:48:01 PM

FrankAr

Posts: 817
Joined: 10/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Am I the only one that got the impression the OP is OK watersports and they just want to understand why people do it, the meaning behind it and purpose of it?

I understand the talk it out advice because she said "never thought of myself as submissive" but then she says "yet 6 months later here we are" after mentioning that she liked being slapped, pinned and choked. It seems to me she has accepted her role, likes it and wants to understand how to get into a better headspace for watersports... not talked into renegotiating the terms of her relationship. But what do I know?

The headspace mentality that I got from the op is the same distinctive area of the 70's and 80's type of pimping method that was done. In those days the young females wanted to get out of home and away from it all, catching a bus to a big city. Looking like a lost puppy they were easy prey for the men of those days to latch on and then after a little while these ...men...needed some money or they are being threatened by thugs and the female had to do this because if they did not then they did not love the male. I think you know where the story ends.

The relationship for the op might be in the 6 month faze, but where did she have the communication between two consenting adults about what they both really desire in a relationship, in my eyes they did not. He incorporates events into the relationship as they go along, if they had the talk then the op would not be seeking advice about something that they have talked about and she is ok with it.

Or am I missing something ?

Frank Ar.

After reading the link supplied I am missing a shit loads. I think it becomes more clear of the domineering mentality that she is not used to that makes her squirm a bit. She should have asked and not just jumped into the relationship, I just see it as the Mills and Boon with kink mind type of thinking.

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RE: Watersport- ownership or humiliation? - 8/15/2015 3:25:25 AM

ResidentSadist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
.................Either way, it's kinda hard to tell from just a few posts where her headspace is, and what it is she's looking for or needs to hear for advice, so I think a lot of people are erring on the side of caution when they explain that she doesn't have to do this if she doesn't want to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr
......like a lost puppy they were easy prey for the men .......... He incorporates events into the relationship as they go along, if they had the talk then the op would not be seeking advice about something that they have talked about and she is ok with it.

Thanks for the link... I had only read her profile, not her other posts. From her profile she seemed self aware and exploring something she discovered about herself, her "recently discovered my desire to submit". I did't see a victim of sub frenzy or rapture. Looked more like someone that had a modicum of self awareness and is "desperate for friendships/advice with like minded people" as her profile says. Her question seeking "advice" about how we approach watersports seemed intelligent and implies she has some insight as she understands it can be "ownership or humiliation" and it seems like she wanted to understand the headspace better.

But yes, it's "kinda hard to tell from just a few posts".

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RE: Watersport- ownership or humiliation? - 8/15/2015 5:06:13 AM

DesFIP

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In general, the motivation for watersports seems to be either marking property or as humiliation. She would have to ask her dom which of these are his, and if neither, then what his motivation.

Plus she has to decide if she's okay with either of those. Not all of us do humiliation and even in those that do, some things will be erotically humiliating while others will damage the relationship. As far as ownership goes, is their relationship at that level? Is there the level of commitment she needs to accept that?

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RE: Watersport- ownership or humiliation? - 8/16/2015 6:05:36 PM

Kayleigh133

Posts: 19
Joined: 8/11/2015
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First-
Thank you for taking the time to actually give thought to my questions.
In hopes of adding some clarity

I've never been monogamous. Have never remained faithful. I was always looking for more. But couldn't express what it was.
This is why it was.
I thrive on the feeling of being owned.

It's the most complete I've ever felt.

I struggle with what's normal. Not normal
What makes me appear weak or too needy.
I don't know what I like and don't because I've never tried most things.
I don't have hard limits because I have so little experience.
More related to this post.
The Dom I am with had told me of his need and wants to pee on his sub.
At first I was grossed out. Maybe shocked. Them I found myself thinking about it. Wanting to try.
I asked him to elaborate. Tell me stories of what he's done.
He told me a story of needing to use the bathroom and instead of doing so, he grabbed the woman. Peed inside her and on her.
Then while she was naked and wet, he ordered her to changes and clean the sheets. And do it quickly.
I felt bad for her.
But only because of the second part of the story.
I was fine with the Peed on and and peed in.
It was the order to clean and how to do it.
For me, I envision after that act, being led to a hot shower and holding and kissing...
I romanticize it.
And clearly he does not.

Does that make sense?

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RE: Watersport- ownership or humiliation? - 8/16/2015 7:07:11 PM

Kayleigh133

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Joined: 8/11/2015
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Resident sadist:
Very informative.
Thank you!!

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RE: Watersport- ownership or humiliation? - 8/16/2015 10:16:52 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kayleigh133

First-
Thank you for taking the time to actually give thought to my questions.
In hopes of adding some clarity

I've never been monogamous. Have never remained faithful. I was always looking for more. But couldn't express what it was.
This is why it was.
I thrive on the feeling of being owned.

It's the most complete I've ever felt.

I struggle with what's normal. Not normal
What makes me appear weak or too needy.
I don't know what I like and don't because I've never tried most things.
I don't have hard limits because I have so little experience.
More related to this post.
The Dom I am with had told me of his need and wants to pee on his sub.
At first I was grossed out. Maybe shocked. Them I found myself thinking about it. Wanting to try.
I asked him to elaborate. Tell me stories of what he's done.
He told me a story of needing to use the bathroom and instead of doing so, he grabbed the woman. Peed inside her and on her.
Then while she was naked and wet, he ordered her to changes and clean the sheets. And do it quickly.
I felt bad for her.
But only because of the second part of the story.
I was fine with the Peed on and and peed in.
It was the order to clean and how to do it.
For me, I envision after that act, being led to a hot shower and holding and kissing...
I romanticize it.
And clearly he does not.

Does that make sense?

What you seem to describe is something I recognize as "sacrifice". A gift you give your partner out of love and devotion... which is romantic. Anything can be romantic when given in this manner. Although the act may trigger different reactions . . . push different hot buttons for your partner, maybe if you let your partner know this is the manner in which you give it, they will see it in a different light and add a new dimension to it for you both. It can be both kinky hot and romantic.

Good luck... have fun.

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RE: Watersport- ownership or humiliation? - 8/17/2015 7:14:13 PM

louisboy

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I've been reading some of the replies to Kayleigh 133. I'm extremely impressed with the replies urging more communication between she and her master. It sounds like she's getting excellent advice. Now, if you guys could figure out my checking account.........

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