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What's the best way an online/local sub has approached ... - 9/22/2015 9:59:59 AM   
MemphisSubGuy


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/22/2015
Status: offline 		Hey there Mistresses!

I'm brand spankin' new to the BDSM community, looking to get my foot in the door and meet some people with like minds. I realizes there's a couple of puns in that sentence, but let's move on! I'm not really sure how to go about approaching people that I'm interested in, so I'm looking for feedback from more experienced dommes out there.

What's the best way a sub has approached you online? What about it made you interested? Did it lead to a real life meet up or a continued online relationship?

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What's the best way an online/local sub has approac... - 9/22/2015 11:57:38 AM   
OSGRedux


Posts: 21
Joined: 9/17/2015
Status: offline 		I know of a male sub that used to volunteer at socials and parties to be the waiter. He served with grace and dignity. It led to a Mistress becoming interested and they've been together for about 17 years now.

(in reply to MemphisSubGuy)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What's the best way an online/local sub has approac... - 9/22/2015 12:01:59 PM   
LadyBerry


Posts: 39
Joined: 9/7/2015
From: Oregon
Status: offline 		1. They followed all of the instructions about contacting me in my profile.

2. They made it clear that they had read all of my profile AND journal by including some of their interests and pastimes that matched mine (cycling and running and that our tastes in books was similiar) or that they had always wanted to try, and an interest of theirs that I hadn't listed that they thought I might be curious about (mountaineering, and they are correct!) They also commented on a few of my journal entries, which because they were kink oriented was the first time they mentioned kink, and the only time they mentioned kink in the first message.

3. They did not immediately try to get me to chat with them and top them, and have always respected the fact that I really don't like chatting one on one and don't Domme over the internet. If they see me online and I haven't answered their latest message yet, they don't send rapidfire follow up ones asking why.

4. The overarching theme: they are treating me like a PERSON who they want to get to know, instead of as just someone who might help them get their kinky rocks off, who is interchangeable with any other Domme.

I guess a coda would be, in all of our exchanges I get the impression that they are evaluating me for suitability as well, instead of just being so desperate that they would throw themselves at anything with tits and a whip that showed up w/in a 100 mile radius of their city. I like to know that I'm with someone who would rather be alone than in a relationship that did not suit them.

All of the above are for subs looking for LTRs. If someone contacts me for casual play at a club or party, the list is much shorter: 1) polite 2) our kinks match 3) headshot 4) messages indicate someone who I could enjoy talking to when I'm not spanking him.

(in reply to MemphisSubGuy)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What's the best way an online/local sub has approac... - 9/22/2015 12:21:11 PM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline
quote:


... instead of just being so desperate that they would throw themselves at anything with tits and a whip...


Priceless

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to LadyBerry)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What's the best way an online/local sub has approac... - 9/22/2015 3:18:22 PM   
dreamlady


Posts: 737
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBerry

1. They followed all of the instructions about contacting me in my profile.
---
All of the above are for subs looking for LTRs.

I don't have instructions per se, but I am specific about what I'm seeking.

An on-line sub who shows either than he's a) not detail-oriented, or didn't take the time to read through my profile and journal entries, and/or b) evidently doesn't care whether he remotely resembles what I'm looking for, stands a snowball's chance in hell of catching my interest.

I do, however, acknowledge messages where the individual states that he knows he's not. . . within my age range. . . local, or located anywhere nearby. . . or probably isn't what I want for whatever reason, but just wanted to say thus and so about my profile, and doesn't plead for me to give him a chance or to change my mind. (Begging doesn't work within that context, and any man trying to convince me otherwise will have that backfire on him.)

In person, of course, it's different because he will not be forearmed with sufficient knowledge about me ahead of time. There are a lot of men who would get better results by putting themselves out there to make favorable impressions on us ladies. This means taking the time and making the effort to attend local events.

I know an engineer who attended monthly FemDom events on and off for more than 4 years before he finally found a Domme who wanted to take him under consideration whom he felt a strong attraction for. He was also choosy as well, and didn't follow every beckoning finger which presented itself.

I don't do casual, so that part's a moot point.

DreamLady

(in reply to LadyBerry)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What's the best way an online/local sub has approac... - 9/22/2015 8:51:03 PM   
YesmamRuby


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/4/2014
Status: offline 		This question really depends on the Domme, you are looking for specifically. Here is a general rule of thumb. This is coming from a PRO DOMME which means I expect tribute (pay for my time and service).
Most dominants respect being addressed by their chosen name ie Mistress Ruby. Also I do not put information about my expectations or interest on my profile for my own viewing pleasure. It's put on there for subs to do their homework.
Generally you don't just spout out a few cock shots unless requested to do so by your Mistress otherwise you may come off as that creepy guy.
Give information about yourself, not a 5 page essay...just some basic Joe blow likes feet, and would like to learn to serve and be in chastity etc. Be sure to understand if your Mistress will do online only sessions, or real time sessions.
If your Mistress tells you she is pro and wants 100 do not haggle it's rude, if your mistress says she does online only don't request real time again it's rude.

(in reply to dreamlady)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What's the best way an online/local sub has approac... - 9/22/2015 8:54:21 PM   
LadyBerry


Posts: 39
Joined: 9/7/2015
From: Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
In person, of course, it's different because he will not be forearmed with sufficient knowledge about me ahead of time. There are a lot of men who would get better results by putting themselves out there to make favorable impressions on us ladies. This means taking the time and making the effort to attend local events.


+1,000,000

To the OP - if I meet a sub at an IRL event, they automatically have a leg up on the online "competition" because so many people looking online never take any concrete steps to get familiar with their local scene.

EDIT: Also, Dominants in local circles talk to each other. Hell, everyone talks to everyone. I know a sub who found his current LTR through a chain of several mutual acquaintances in the scene. So just because you go to a munch or party or something else and don't see anything you like, don't give up, and be polite and cordial, and get to know people, even if you have no interest in playing with them. The effort will pay dividends.

< Message edited by LadyBerry -- 9/22/2015 8:57:53 PM >

(in reply to dreamlady)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What's the best way an online/local sub has approac... - 9/23/2015 11:39:27 AM   
MemphisSubGuy


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/22/2015
Status: offline 		Thank you all very much for the feedback!

I'm definitely considering getting involved with the local community. But I'm also glad to hear that, at least seemingly, "Be an interesting and normal human being who treats others with dignity and respect and uses commonality to build something genuine" goes a long way.

(in reply to LadyBerry)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What's the best way an online/local sub has approac... - 9/23/2015 5:36:29 PM   
MzWhipplash


Posts: 79
Joined: 3/7/2011
From: Fetlife.com
Status: offline 		Rather than focus online, get known in a positive way in your local Fetish and D/s scene for being useful and helpful.

Meanwhile, educate yourself by talking to more experienced local Submissives who can guide you from their experiences.

Use your manners.
Don't push kink or play

Do be on time
Do be honest, reliable and thoughtful.


<b>Mz.Whipplash </b>

(in reply to MemphisSubGuy)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What's the best way an online/local sub has approac... - 9/23/2015 10:11:39 PM   
Snitch


Posts: 105
Joined: 1/27/2013
Status: offline 		Best approach is not to approach.
Let me approach them.
Suits me fine that way.

(in reply to MzWhipplash)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What's the best way an online/local sub has approac... - 9/23/2015 10:34:59 PM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MemphisSubGuy

Hey there Mistresses!

I'm brand spankin' new to the BDSM community, looking to get my foot in the door and meet some people with like minds. I realizes there's a couple of puns in that sentence, but let's move on! I'm not really sure how to go about approaching people that I'm interested in, so I'm looking for feedback from more experienced dommes out there.

What's the best way a sub has approached you online? What about it made you interested? Did it lead to a real life meet up or a continued online relationship?




I've found the most effective way to approach a domme is to be myself, and focus on the non-kinky stuff --no different than if I was approaching them on match.com or okcupid. I generally refer to something in their profile that makes me want to contact them.

Others have suggested you meet people at local events. That's OK, if you want to, but there are pros and cons to it. If your only goal is to connect with a domme, and you don't particularly want to socialize with people based on a shared interest in kink, you can waste a lot of time going to events where you don't find anyone you really are interested in. Personally, I find munches boring, though I like educational events.

(in reply to MemphisSubGuy)
Profile   Post #: 11
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