alien8
Posts: 9
Joined: 4/9/2014
Status: offline
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I agree with most of the other critiques above. On the plus side, I see quite intelligent person with a deep intellectual commitment to submission, which indicates a willingness to work hard at it. On the negative side I see someone who gets a bit carried away by emotions and whose bluster and wordiness indicates a lack of confidence. A very long profile like yours feels like being hit with an avalanche of information that makes two-way conversation almost impossible and probably not worth the effort. It reads as if you are trying to scare away any domme that could make you feel threatened. That's not so attractive; a domme might want a sub or slave is very obedient, but also one that is confident and won't freak out when a problem arises in the relationship. Also, you're very impatient. you've only beenhere a week and yet you're complaining about about people's shortcomings in your profile.
When I read a profile I usually look for 4 pieces of information:
- what sort of relationship is being proposed
- what thing(s) the person craves
- what thing(s) are intolerable to that person
- how the person likes to communicate
So you are looking for a lifestyle/TPE service situation, you crave to provide service in chastity, you can't deal with professional dommes and (apparently) sexual contact, and in order for you to give a total commitment you would like to negotiate as equals in order build trust first. These are all totally reasonable and could be expressed in only a few hundred words. The point of your profile is to arouse interest, not function like a legal contract encapsulating the whole deal; your profile is sooooo long and has so many spelling/grammar errors init that it requires a good deal of someone'valuable time just to read it. You come across like a pushy salesman that won't shut up and uses high-pressure tactics to wear down potential buyers. Nobody likes being on the receiving end of this. It suggests that you are not confident people will like you once you start talking, so you are trying to forcibly persuade them up front.
Also, women hate nude pictures up front. It's sort of creepy, because there are so many men in the world who try to intimidate women by flashing them. And it's not very erotic because you are just giving away to anyone, so you're not giving the opportunity to tell you what they want. I don't see an ethical problem with you including other peoples' pictures, since you clearly identified them as examples of what you would like to do and not pictures of yourself...but your profile should be about you, not about your porn collection. Use your journal or set up a Tumblr page for that stuff, so that people have the option of viewing or ignoring it.
I train dogs and one of the tricky parts of that is getting the dog to be responsive to my commands. A smart dog will often try to anticipate my commands and perform what he expects me to ask for next, because he wants to speed through so that I will throw him another ball or provide another treat or whatever. This is very annoying! If I am giving commands I want the dog to wait on me, not try to show that he knows the routine better than I do. If he tries to get ahead of me, then I'm going to slow things down until he understands that I set the pace as well as the destination. If he starts barking his impatience at me, well now I'm suddenly too busy to play. The rewarding part of training is when a dog is attentive to my commands and to the pace I want to move at.
Keep it short, keep it simple, keep it polite. Do the same with your communications. Don't put out a ton more than is asked (in pictorial or text form), or you won't leave any space for the domme in which to be dominant! Consider clearing out your profile and starting over with something more basic, and then exercising some patience.
Finally, it's true that your profile has a lot of spelling and grammar problems. I noticed some of the errors are very consistent, as if you suffer from dyslexia or some similar problem. If that is so then you should include a short note about that, so people understand it is a minor disability rather than carelessness or indifference.
I hope these suggestions are helpful.
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