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Cheating Dom? - 9/27/2015 6:27:47 PM

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/27/2015
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This may seem obvious. I met my Dom on here and found this past January he was sexting other girls while we were dating. Were trying to work things out but he still gets on here. I feel it's time I should leave him. I'm done with games, I want something serious. I don't want to question everything he does.

Advice?

RE: Cheating Dom? - 9/27/2015 6:42:23 PM

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If you need/want exclusivity and are sure he isn't exclusive then break it off.

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(in reply to Rosemary120)

RE: Cheating Dom? - 9/27/2015 6:45:27 PM

JVoV

Posts: 3227
Joined: 3/9/2015
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Define 'dating'. Was there a conversation regarding both of you being exclusive? Does it matter that he's been tallking to other chicks? Is there anything in his profile indicating that he's looking for polyamory?

(in reply to Rosemary120)

RE: Cheating Dom? - 9/28/2015 11:18:53 PM

Posts: 9968
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I would not be comfortable with a dominant who is sexting other women. Personally for me, I would not tolerate it and dump him.

But I think in your case, if this disturbs you. You should bring up the issue to him to see his responses. Give him a chance to address it. If his all defensive and uninterested in your feelings of the matter, then dump him.

(in reply to Rosemary120)

RE: Cheating Dom? - 9/29/2015 12:07:04 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

(sighs) I'm really starting to believe in the fluoride in the water conspiracy.

There are a million and one reasons to sign on to CM (I'm the #1 reason) - we have no idea why he is doing it.
If you aren't happy, don't trust him and feel like you need to get while the getting is good - do it.

We aren't the Psychic network.

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Cheating Dom? - 9/30/2015 4:47:25 PM

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/27/2015
Status: offline

Thank you for your responses everyone. Yes, we did have talks that we were exclusive. And we only text and see each other probably once a month. I feel were at a moot point. Oh well. I've been planning to live on my own, and take care of myself. I'd like to live this lifestyle, but for now it seems being on my own is the option I'm dealt with.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

RE: Cheating Dom? - 9/30/2015 4:59:33 PM

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

You need to be able to trust this man with your life. Do you? If the answer is "No", then you probably need to end it.

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Rosemary120)

RE: Cheating Dom? - 10/2/2015 2:02:50 PM

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Joined: 4/9/2014
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OP you should dump him, but there's no reason to think you'll be forever alone. There are lots of people out there who will both respect your boundaries and admire your ability to set and articulate them - indeed that will make you more attractive to a lot of people. Of course you feel pessimistic under these circumstances, but don't give up - you can do better!

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Cheating Dom? - 10/2/2015 3:45:41 PM

Posts: 129
Joined: 4/3/2015
Status: offline

Dump him. Move on. Once a cheat, always a cheat.

(in reply to Rosemary120)

RE: Cheating Dom? - 10/7/2015 7:13:53 PM

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/29/2015
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I know that Collar Space has been referred to as a "dating site," but, in effect, it's one of the best places to meet people in the BDSM lifestyle. Some Doms and subs have been together years and never had a traditional date. Having a Dom or sub is not exactly the same as dating, and the rules must necessarily change. "Cheating" is what you may call it, but someone else may refer to it as a Dom taking his natural rights. I think it goes beyond "discussing it," which is, of course, essential in any close relationship. But we are talking here about a model of a lifestyle, which has rules of its own.

I am not defending disloyalty, and the way you feel about it of course counts. But there are certain values built in to BDSM, and a person finding nuances to make the lifestyle resemble a traditional boy-girl relationship has to ask herself if she is really meant to be a sub under those circumstances. BDSM is edgy by definition; you can't even mention it openly with a loud voice in a Starbucks. So I think we have to define not only what it means for us, but what it means within the context of traditions and mores that have been established for years.

(in reply to sweetieDA)

RE: Cheating Dom? - 10/7/2015 8:45:37 PM

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Joined: 7/18/2012
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Wow. In a cesspool of stupid posts lately, that one rises to the very top like curdled shit.

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(in reply to RelaxItsMe)

RE: Cheating Dom? - 10/7/2015 9:09:34 PM

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

Yup, a complete load of crap. D/s BDSM relationships are just relationships. The only people that get to decide what is acceptable in that relationship are the people in that relationship. If it's not acceptable to you, you have the right to ask that it doesn't happen. He doesn't have to agree, but if he doesn't agree, you don't have to tolerate it. You have the right to end the relationship and go looking for someone who shares your values.

This is why I say it's so important to get to know each other and negotiate before engaging in a power dynamic.

Thinking that BDSM and D/s changes the fact that it's a relationship is why so many BDSM D/s relationships fail.

Oh....M and I dated before we made the decision to engage in a power dynamic.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

RE: Cheating Dom? - 10/7/2015 9:49:19 PM

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rosemary120

This may seem obvious. I met my Dom on here and found this past January he was sexting other girls while we were dating. Were trying to work things out but he still gets on here. I feel it's time I should leave him. I'm done with games, I want something serious. I don't want to question everything he does.

Advice?

If you found out in January, then why is it taking you this long to figure out what to do?

_____________________________

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I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
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(in reply to Rosemary120)

RE: Cheating Dom? - 10/7/2015 10:28:44 PM

Posts: 420
Joined: 4/7/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RelaxItsMe

Having a Dom or sub is not exactly the same as dating, and the rules must necessarily change.

But there are certain values built in to BDSM, and a person finding nuances to make the lifestyle resemble a traditional boy-girl relationship has to ask herself if she is really meant to be a sub under those circumstances.

I read this, I thought about it deeply, then...

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(in reply to RelaxItsMe)

RE: Cheating Dom? - 10/7/2015 10:40:39 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

Wow. In a cesspool of stupid posts lately, that one rises to the very top like curdled shit.

The stupidity bar has been set pretty high the past week, he might deserve a ribbon or a trophy for this. I think alpha and bull need to step up their game if they want to compete.

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(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

RE: Cheating Dom? - 10/8/2015 2:39:15 PM

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/27/2015
Status: offline

I've dumped him. Time to move on

(in reply to stef)

RE: Cheating Dom? - 10/8/2015 2:40:47 PM

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/27/2015
Status: offline

@UllrsIshtar. We were on and off again, but it's final now.

(in reply to Rosemary120)

RE: Cheating Dom? - 10/8/2015 7:05:40 PM

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/29/2015
Status: offline

I don't think it's fair to attack the person who posts as opposed to the post itself. A couple deciding on a BDSM relationship cannot possibly discuss every aspect of their intended relationship before entering into it. So there will be times when they disagree. We all know that many BDSM relationships come to an end because the couple has differences on how it should play out. That's all I am saying. Is this how you welcome a new member, posting for the first time, onto the message boards?

(in reply to Rosemary120)

RE: Cheating Dom? - 10/8/2015 7:46:44 PM

Posts: 3315
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RelaxItsMe

I don't think it's fair to attack the person who posts as opposed to the post itself. A couple deciding on a BDSM relationship cannot possibly discuss every aspect of their intended relationship before entering into it. So there will be times when they disagree. We all know that many BDSM relationships come to an end because the couple has differences on how it should play out. That's all I am saying. Is this how you welcome a new member, posting for the first time, onto the message boards?

First, you were not attacked; the content of the post was. And second, your "recap" here of the substantive content of your previous post is bullshit, bearing no resemblance to what you did say in that post.

Very few people on this forum are stupid enough to fall for the crap you are pulling on here. And you will be called on it, by whatever posters don't put the rest of your offerings on hide.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to RelaxItsMe)

RE: Cheating Dom? - 10/8/2015 7:47:15 PM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bunnicula

quote:

ORIGINAL: RelaxItsMe

Having a Dom or sub is not exactly the same as dating, and the rules must necessarily change.

But there are certain values built in to BDSM, and a person finding nuances to make the lifestyle resemble a traditional boy-girl relationship has to ask herself if she is really meant to be a sub under those circumstances.

I read this, I thought about it deeply, then...

(in reply to Bunnicula)

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