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RE: When someone changes. - 10/19/2015 6:48:28 PM

Greta75

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Actually, the strange thing about life is, change is encouraged to grow personally.

But for me, any change is hard. I don't really see any difference to my thoughts and ideas, from when I am 15 and when I am now.

I don't feel like my life experience has changed my convictions or my views on anything at all. I would say life experience deepened my beliefs on things I've always believed in.

Perhaps since a kid, I've always believed in the possibility of molding your own life. And I still believe it today. I also believe in choices and results. So even if I have failures to achieve what I want, when I analyze the reason, it boils down to, I didn't make it happen. Not enough effort. And perhaps do not want it hard enough.

Perhaps people who were drastically different, only found till later in life to live their authentic self that they have been suppressing, but they were always afraid to be that person and always had to be someone else to be accepted and loved.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 10/19/2015 6:54:11 PM >

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RE: When someone changes. - 10/20/2015 8:14:11 AM

kdsub

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quote:

I'm having some difficulty dealing with some friends who changed.

I think it is best to realize... they did not change... they were always what they are... You just did not know them well enough.

Butch

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RE: When someone changes. - 10/20/2015 8:41:08 AM

LuminousFire

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I do not believe people can change. Ideologically I believe, always have, people can evolve – but that is absurd ( I realise that now)- I have never seen it nor bore witness to it, ever anywhere.

They can be changed by others via misguidance ill conceived perceptions and bad, cherry picked, information. Seems a contradiction that but I know you ish, or certainly your good contributions here over the years, and you know it is not a contradiction.

People can also break free from the designs of others – they don’t actually change they just become who they have always been, minus the shackles of others.

Some people pretend they are someone they are not, but the true self always rises to the surface, sooner or later.

You will know better than me if any of the above happened.

Once someone decides not to see the whole picture (perhaps they can’t or simply do not like it) they become immersed on an idea, state of mind, a blog, a post a dangerous loon.

Accept them as they are, their curious flux, or cast them asunder if nothing can be done for them – of your fixed point of view of them. Charge them 51 muffins regardless as its the decent thing to do

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RE: When someone changes. - 10/20/2015 12:03:05 PM

Awareness

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Question - when someone you know changes, how do you overcome your outdated images of them?

I don't. I just tend to trust my subjective view of reality over theirs.

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RE: When someone changes. - 10/20/2015 1:28:40 PM

cloudboy

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In my relationship I am the Changee or changed. After having a child, I am simply not the same person I was beforehand -- and my secondary partner has had a hard time b/c of it.

I have less energy. I am less sexual. I have less to give. But, I do the best that I can.

In my case, she has had to learn not to take these changes personally, and although she misses the old me, that person is gone.

The one thing that has helped is she understands that fatherhood, caring for an infant, etc. demands much -- and so based on that she understands our relationship is either a "new ballgame" or she'll have to find someone else.

-- Not all is negative -- we have new things to share, more in common, but I'm someone who is less interested in being a sub.

BRASS TAX SUMMATION: You can either stick with a person or not through changes; but if you stick with someone you have to change as well.

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RE: When someone changes. - 10/21/2015 12:26:17 AM

Greta75

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quote:

I have less energy. I am less sexual. I have less to give. But, I do the best that I can.

I don't feel like this is part of changing. But people get naturally tired with increased responsibility.

You might feel everything come back when your schedule is more free and you get more rest. That's not changing, that's just struggling to cope with increased workload.

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RE: When someone changes. - 10/21/2015 10:21:10 AM

LuminousFire

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No one changes, ever. They can become a part of their whole - not always the good part, or some conditioned version off it (that's not change - just that someone blows on those particular embers - or they look for only those that will blow on those embers)

With my health issues I think I am still the same, housebound aside, it limits choice I don't think that is change or adaptation - just that certain bits and bobs must become more prevalent resilient

I was always one for people could evolve - now I am wholly uncertain. I could argue that is a change but perhaps I just never fully realised,

There are no 100% tops or 100% bottoms there is only in-between - why you are having trouble accepting her because she fancies some topping I do not understand.

patient two
perhaps they are becoming all the can ever be - life is a jigsaw - some do it in parts.

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RE: When someone changes. - 10/21/2015 2:26:24 PM

CynthiaWVirginia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

We mourn the loss of the caterpillar even as we celebrate the birth of the butterfly.

This.

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RE: When someone changes. - 10/21/2015 3:58:56 PM

Bhruic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic
People do change...

My hypothesis (which has absolutely no basis in fact, yet), is that they only morph in the direction they were going already.
But, if you can teach an old dog new tricks, I'll be open for proof, as I never had an old dog I needed to change.

Have you seen someone older than, oh, say, 55, change more so than just in a direction they were already going?

Yes, very much so. I've seen people who led a life that led them to rock bottom, pick themselves up, change their worldview and their entire approach to life and find happiness and success. I think going from self destructive to fulfilled and happy is more than just a morph... it's a change.

I don't know what 55 has to do with it though... except that if you aren't happy with who you are, and haven't changed that by 55, then maybe you have given up... or you have believed the common cop out that people resort to, justify their behavior, that "people can't change"... but I've seen people that old radically change who they are, and how they see the world.

But I don't really understand your point. "Morph" is synonymous with "change". It doesn't sound like your hypothesis is that people don't change, rather it sounds like you are actually saying that change is inevitable.

But I would also say that the phrase "the direction they were going already" is sort of meaningless. All manner of totally unforeseeable and unpredictable influences impact "where people are going". It is not always, or even often, a predictable thing.

< Message edited by Bhruic -- 10/21/2015 4:11:18 PM >

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RE: When someone changes. - 10/21/2015 4:01:27 PM

Bhruic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub

quote:

I'm having some difficulty dealing with some friends who changed.

I think it is best to realize... they did not change... they were always what they are... You just did not know them well enough.

Butch

Or they did not know themselves well enough... in the end it sounds like semantics. Whatever you want to call it, people can dramatically change their behavior, and how they see the world and other people.

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RE: When someone changes. - 10/21/2015 4:54:02 PM

kdsub

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I think people see the world through the same eyes and brain all through their lives. How they react to what they see does not change. But what they focus that brain on does. There are things i think of now that I did not imagine 30 years ago... But I believe given the same circumstances and thoughts i would have reacted the same way 30 years ago as today.

Otherwise i do not believe, opinion now, that I will wake up tomorrow and decide to become a woman... If i did it would not be a new thought and i would bet the idea would have been in my mind since when my mind fully developed.

I do believe people can change their actions through necessity but i don't believe they change the way they think of them.

Butch

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RE: When someone changes. - 10/21/2015 5:17:45 PM

FelineRanger

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Maybe I'm unique, but this is something I've never really encountered. Then again, I was raised by parents who had a very amateur theater background so we were accustomed to change and to simply rolling with it. At most, I've actually said to someone that I couldn't believe how much they had changed. But I never allowed their changes to alter how I felt about them unless they started treating me differently. I've changed throughout the course of my life, so who am I to expect them to stagnate?

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