quote:

ORIGINAL: bigjb62

There's some good advise and really bad advice from people on here but the bottom line is if you really want to have the best chance of saving your marriage you need to go to marriage counseling together. Don't go to someone by yourself, because no matter how accurate you try to be you are really only telling someone else your side of the story and you will not get good advise unless both side are presented. I tell you this from experience.
I was married for 28 years and most of those years were great but we hit a rough path and my ex sought advise from friends and family and became convinced that the marriage could not be saved and since her family were rarely around and we had very few friends that we shared the advise came from people who only heard one side of the story. When I found out she wanted a divorce I wanted to go to marriage counseling but because she had been convinced the marriage wasn't savable she wouldn't go.
Going through the divorce was the most difficult thing I have ever had to to deal with and the only winners are the Lawyers and the biggest loser in our case was our son.
It's been almost 3 years now and I'm still not completely over the trauma and may never be. 28 years is a long time and I never considered that I would be alone at 53 and at my age finding someone to date let alone spend the rest of my years with is proving to be difficult.

quote:

I'm not being mean here, but if one partner decides the marriage/relationship doesn't work for him or her anymore, that's it usually, you can often try and patch things up but they don't tend to last.

Sorry that things didn't work out for you, but don't you think if you might have patched it up for another bunch of years it would be even more difficult? I always thought that you have to be happy with yourself first before you can be happy with somebody else, if you just want somebody so that you are not alone, that is making things difficult.

If the OP and her hubby are both happy to find counselling that works for both of them, by all means, but if one half of the relationship is finished with it, that's just it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Confusedsub64

I recently discovered my Dom husband of 25 years who is faithful to me has been secretly being an online bull and is active in cuckold communities online. I don't know what to make of this. He is very jealous and has never wanted to be with another woman or in any kind of three way. But it appears he likes the idea of acting like a cuckhold bull online. Can anyone advise me?

quote:

ORIGINAL: bigjb62
If your in a marriage for a very long time there usually very good reasons for that and for someone to decide to divorce after many years without at least trying to resolve a few problems is very short sighted. Every marriage goes through rough patches and in most cases things can be worked out if both people are willing.
In my business I met a lot of people and after my divorce I spoke to several couples who had been married for a lot more years than me and all of them told me that there were times when they wanted to divorce but stuck it out and in every case once they got through the bad spots they were even happier then before.
I think people are to quick to say get out of the marriage before there is even any professional effort fix some of the problems in the relationship and I think those who are saying otherwise are doing a disservice to the person asking for advice.
If the problems can't be worked out then so be it but at least some real effort should be made to fix things.

quote:

I think her partner has already shown that even though he knows it upsets her, he still does it behind her back.
Whether he promised not to do it or not isn't the problem here - it's the abuse of trust.

quote:

ORIGINAL: bigjb62
If your in a marriage for a very long time there usually very good reasons for that and for someone to decide to divorce after many years without at least trying to resolve a few problems is very short sighted. Every marriage goes through rough patches and in most cases things can be worked out if both people are willing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: bigjb62

quote:

I'm not being mean here, but if one partner decides the marriage/relationship doesn't work for him or her anymore, that's it usually, you can often try and patch things up but they don't tend to last.

Sorry that things didn't work out for you, but don't you think if you might have patched it up for another bunch of years it would be even more difficult? I always thought that you have to be happy with yourself first before you can be happy with somebody else, if you just want somebody so that you are not alone, that is making things difficult.

If the OP and her hubby are both happy to find counselling that works for both of them, by all means, but if one half of the relationship is finished with it, that's just it.

If your in a marriage for a very long time there usually very good reasons for that and for someone to decide to divorce after many years without at least trying to resolve a few problems is very short sighted. Every marriage goes through rough patches and in most cases things can be worked out if both people are willing.
In my business I met a lot of people and after my divorce I spoke to several couples who had been married for a lot more years than me and all of them told me that there were times when they wanted to divorce but stuck it out and in every case once they got through the bad spots they were even happier then before.
I think people are to quick to say get out of the marriage before there is even any professional effort fix some of the problems in the relationship and I think those who are saying otherwise are doing a disservice to the person asking for advice.
If the problems can't be worked out then so be it but at least some real effort should be made to fix things.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Confusedsub64

I recently discovered my Dom husband of 25 years who is faithful to me has been secretly being an online bull and is active in cuckold communities online. I don't know what to make of this. He is very jealous and has never wanted to be with another woman or in any kind of three way. But it appears he likes the idea of acting like a cuckhold bull online. Can anyone advise me?