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Humiliation and degradation - 12/30/2015 2:55:11 PM

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I welcome replies from any gender, as all responses are informative, but I'm especially looking for input from the masculine male identifying slaves/subs.

For those of you that crave/live for humiliation and degradation, please enlighten me on what it means to you. What type of humiliation do you need? What exactly is it that you derive from it? Do you want it as a form or pleasure or punishment? Do you need it to be broken down, only to be built back up again by your Dominant...or is there something about it that is pacifying all on its own? Is it a form of play for you, reserved for scenes or is it a necessity for you...something you need in your day to day existence? Please tell me all you can about what it means to you. I realize this is a very individual and personal thing and I am likely to get all sorts of different types of responses. That is wonderful! The more the better.

Thank you for your time.

RE: Humiliation and degradation - 12/31/2015 10:16:32 PM

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Actually, I am curious about how any female or male rationalise their love for humiliation and degradation?

Growing up with alot of real humiliation and degradation from my own parents.

I still struggle to rationalise why even though I do not enjoy it in real life.

But I enjoy it alot in a D/S play where it is with someone whom I trust and love.

There is something soo comforting and reassuring about trusting the one you love to humiliate and degrade you in D/S play, and you enjoying it, feeling completely safe in his hands.

And just the fact that, coming from him, you feel no hurt, no damage, and his enjoying it with you, because you know you mean the world to him.

It's soothing. For me.

(in reply to MaleficentFyre)

RE: Humiliation and degradation - 1/3/2016 2:51:16 PM

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People mean a lot of different things for humiliation / degradation. Some just mean being 'forced' to be naked when others are not. Others mean dirty talk with and edge - being called a dirty slut. Others consider it part of submission/roleplaying - being furniture, a pet, etc. I would say that even most 'vanilla' people get a little kick out of highly sexual humilation

I call these things 'abasement'. It's not quite as hard core as the full degradation. That is much rarer in my experience. Lots of people like being called a dirty slut or small dick. But full debasement is a different and much harder to find.

For full debasement, the humiliation goes beyond the sexual. I have met only a very very few people that like to be called a fat slob, worthless bastard/bitch, etc. People that don't just want to be forced to be sexual in public, but wish to be insulted in public in such a way that no one defends them. Your average Vanilla people generally do not get turned on by this kind of stuff, and often think that's what you mean if you say you are into humiliation (just as the think all BDSM means whips and canes.)

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Humiliation and degradation - 1/4/2016 7:37:51 PM

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Hi Greta

Thanks for your input. I too experienced some negative and damaging degradation in my youth, making it harder for me to fathom the good in doing it to someone. Your tales from the heart are helpful. Why do you feel it so soothing and comforting? Is it partly because you trust that if he were to break you down, he could put you back together again?

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Humiliation and degradation - 1/4/2016 7:40:32 PM

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Thank you for your time StrongSpirit, but as I mentioned in my OP, I am really looking to hear straight from the submissives. I too, could guesstimate from my Dominant's perspective on what makes the submissive tick regarding humiliation, but I'd really prefer to hear it from the source.

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

RE: Humiliation and degradation - 1/4/2016 8:04:04 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MaleficentFyre
Is it partly because you trust that if he were to break you down, he could put you back together again?

I think more like, he would never break me down. Nothing he says or do actually hurts me at all, because I know how much he cares about me in actuality. And he does this out of the joy of the mutual enjoyment of enjoying it with me. I guess because it's consensual.

Real abuse is not consensual, I have no control over what's happening to me. In humiliation and degradation play, that person cares about your feelings and your emotional health and won't cross the line, and you get to define the line.

I don't think I can be put back together if I was broken down. If someone broke me, it would be irrepairable, between me and him, I feel.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 1/4/2016 8:06:45 PM >

(in reply to MaleficentFyre)

RE: Humiliation and degradation - 1/4/2016 8:11:40 PM

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quote:

I have met only a very very few people that like to be called a fat slob, worthless bastard/bitch, etc.

I can deal with worthless, stupid, piece of shit, basically really mean debasement, specifically with my x-dom.

But if there is one thing, I cannot deal with, even in play, is the word "Fat". I exercise so hard and run full marathons easily and not just road marathons, but trail marathons which is massively harder than road. It pisses me off beyond anything I am called fat especially by skinny people who can't out-run me. I will never be with anybody who is capable of even using that word association with me in anyway, even if it's pretend play.

Recently at my work place, they were very cruel. I ordered a medium shirt, they were making free t-shirts for all the staff. And they cancelled my medium and gave me a Large. I was sooo offended because I ordered medium and my skinny male manager even gave a snarky remark about, what if I can't fit into the medium, I can't change into a large later.

I told him, even the freaking medium will be spacious on me! And won't even be tight fitting!
Which it is! And I can't wait to wear it this week, on the day where we all are suppose to wear it together for an event, to show him, how big medium is! I always feel like people always tell me I'm bigger than I actually am, to put me down for my weight for some stupid reasons. It's even shopping for clothes at stores, where I could have medium skirt and still have 2 inch space around my waist, where it falls to my hips and the sales girl will insist on that I am a large. And they always look shock at me when it's still too big.

Perhaps it's because, I know I am not stupid or worthless, so it doesn't bother me.

But I live in a country where zero exercise majority people are 110lbs and below and size 0 is normal and men can be 6 ft but still 140lbs to 150lbs as a norm. My boss is model figure with zero exercise in 3 mths after birth complete flat belly. I always see female celebrities, white ones, struggle so hard to get back in shape, with plentiful of exercise and watching their diet. Over here, women don't do anything but lie in bed, and get serve hand and foot with food. Zero exercise. Eating the fattest food ever, pork knuckle, just a traditional thing, for after birth food and they keep shrinking back naturally. The culture is different here, where after birth, chinese ladies suppose to do nothing but stay in bed for at the very least a month. So not kidding about being completely sedentary. It's also common for us to hire nanny at this stage as the mother should be doing absolutely nothing or exerting herself after birth, which makes it even more amazing, why their tummy shrinks and all the fat just melts away.

So I am super sensitive about the perceived fat thing, as I am not sized like a regular local woman. So I spend my entire life being fat shamed by my parents, teachers, principals, friends, colleagues, even my fellow sports friends. It's endless. I guess because I receive so much fat shaming in my real life relentlessly. I don't need it in my bdsm play as well.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 1/4/2016 8:30:41 PM >

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Humiliation and degradation - 1/5/2016 2:57:26 PM

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Interesting perspective Greta75....thank you. I, like you, don't think someone who broke me could put me back together. I have had too many abusive relationships in my past for that to work for me. It has come to my attention that the only person who can fix me and put me back together again, is ME. But I'm one of many different mindsets. And those were also non D/s relationships and non consensual situations, with people who were not capable of doing the things that we do. :) I have heard several people in loving D/s relationships use the reference of being broken down, or stripped and being rebuilt or molded lovingly by their Dominants and shown in many ways outside of the humiliation play, just how much they're cared for, so they never truly feel worthless. I'm trying to get a good understanding of the many different ways submissives feel about this and react to it. Since many boys do like this kind of play, it's something I'm interested in introducing. I've only dabbled mildly though, as I understand, from my own personal experience, how damaging it can be if not done right.

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Humiliation and degradation - 1/5/2016 3:03:01 PM

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Oh wow! I'm so sorry that you have to go through that. I have battled my size most of my life...definitely all of my adult life, so I can empathize. Body shaming...no matter what size you are...is a cruel and needless thing. I will be routing for you when you show up in that ill fitting shirt and wish I could see the look on his face with you! Give 'em hell!

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Humiliation and degradation - 1/5/2016 6:02:50 PM

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quote:

I have heard several people in loving D/s relationships use the reference of being broken down, or stripped and being rebuilt or molded lovingly by their Dominants and shown in many ways outside of the humiliation play, just how much they're cared for, so they never truly feel worthless.

I can never relate to this.
I wouldn't be with someone who would break me, period. I will only be with someone who will lift me.

And allowing and indulging together with him, with my darkest desires for humiliation and degradation, is something, I see, kinda like sharing something societally unacceptable with someone you deeply trust, and trusting him to execute it without breaking you and also trusting him not to think less of you, because of it.

It bothers me that some dominants who have casually played with subs such degrading humiliating games, the way they speak of them to others, is so disrespectful. That's why, this brings in another, nowadays, alot of dominants like to say submission is not a gift. It's just like vanilla sex, two people mutually fulfilling each other needs. I think it trivializes the level of emotional depth and trust a bdsm relationship could reach.

I think for me, people from abusive background have zero trust in anybody in this world most of the time. And I am overly skittish about people.

And for me, just to be able to feel trust for someone this deeply, is something very special. I am drawn to the deep level of trust required in such play.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 1/5/2016 6:10:36 PM >

(in reply to MaleficentFyre)

RE: Humiliation and degradation - 1/5/2016 6:22:57 PM

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The whole humiliation and degradation deal just isn't my thing. It's too negative. I like to live a more positive life with my slave. I don't share her. Never will. I like to live a more positive and uplifting life. That doesn't mean I control any less. What I say she does. I just don't see any point to tearing her down. she's a perfectly good human being all on her own

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Humiliation and degradation - 1/6/2016 9:59:22 AM

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It's not something I can do. However I've spoken to subs in the past; their comments were that hearing these things from the most important person in their life, and having the relationship strongly continue with him loving and respecting her, made her more able to deal with it from the world at large. If you can live through it from your lover, and it makes the love that much stronger, then a creep of a boss bullying you no longer has any effect on you.

I found that fascinating, and I wish I could do it because the end result is so worth while.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to DrkOneToo)

RE: Humiliation and degradation - 1/6/2016 6:13:25 PM

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quote:

If you can live through it from your lover, and it makes the love that much stronger, then a creep of a boss bullying you no longer has any effect on you.

It certainly does not work that way for me. It doesn't change the difficulty level of my real life bullying. And my biggest bully is my parents. Doesn't make me stronger against them.

With boss, that's different, I always choose my boss. I'm someone who will quit whenever I dislike the boss, as I cannot be happy working for someone I hate. It's not worth the stress everyday. Too bad I can't choose my parents.

I think my whole handicap is, with any other human, I have a choice. With my parents, I have no choice. I am stuck with them as parents for the rest of my life.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Humiliation and degradation - 1/7/2016 6:09:47 AM

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Humiliation and degradation is part of the lifestyle while some slave and sub love it the most when they are been treated..

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Humiliation and degradation - 1/7/2016 9:07:21 AM

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I an alpha type sub. I can deal with the humiliation. And it really depends on how it is played out. Things like being forced to wear woman panties or bra ( and no I do not enjoy it) I see as harmless play. If it turns the Domme on then I am fine with it. I know many Dommes enjoy making a sub do humiliating things. It is a power exchange thing. They get enjoyment from the sub doing something due to their love of the Domme versus their personal enjoyment. There is a line between playful humiliation and hurtful humiliation. I do not agree to any type of hurtful humilation.

Degradation I just do not agree to in any form. I come from a poor family. I worked hard all my life. I put myself through college. I will not go into all the details but all I will say is that it was not an easy journey. I am very successful now. I am very proud of who I am and how I got here. I have a brain, I have an good IQ. My path in life and career all say I have smart decisions in my life and/or I have learned from the bad decisions. No one has the right to tell me I am less of a human being.

< Message edited by DocStrange -- 1/7/2016 10:00:36 AM >

(in reply to MaleficentFyre)

RE: Humiliation and degradation - 1/7/2016 2:27:16 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DrkOneToo

The whole humiliation and degradation deal just isn't my thing. It's too negative. I like to live a more positive life with my slave. I don't share her. Never will. I like to live a more positive and uplifting life. That doesn't mean I control any less. What I say she does. I just don't see any point to tearing her down. she's a perfectly good human being all on her own

I like this answer. I too, like positive affirmations and input, thriving on the recognition. I really don't get the turn on for name calling etc. variety makes the world an interesting place. I'm glad we aren't all the same.
Being degraded or humiliated puts me in a terrible head space. When I go home I love to have a soft peaceful place to fall.

(in reply to DrkOneToo)

RE: Humiliation and degradation - 1/7/2016 9:10:18 PM

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I completely understand about the abusive background and the trust issues. Been there too!

Some very insightful thoughts you've shared here. Thank you for your time and effort put into your replies. :)

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Humiliation and degradation - 1/7/2016 9:16:49 PM

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So, small sacrifices for the pleasure of their Domme. I can relate to that. Interesting. Thank you for sharing DocStrange.

Oh...and kudos to you for working hard and finding your success. :)

(in reply to DocStrange)

RE: Humiliation and degradation - 1/14/2016 5:50:57 AM

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As has been said, different people mean different things when they say "humiliation". Some things that appeal to me as a male sub, that I would consider humiliation are: CFNM, forced exhibitionism, forced feminization, foot worship, being on the receiving end of watersports, being pegged. To me, all of these communicate ownership and complete control. That said, those things do not preclude a genuine relationship with the Domme caring for the sub. In fact, in some ways, it requires more care than a vanilla relationship.

In contrast, I don't get the concepts of "you're a worthless POS" or "you have a tiny dick and could never satisfy me" or stuff like that. That just seems to preclude genuine care. I imagine it's possible, but just doesn't seem logical to me.

(in reply to MaleficentFyre)

RE: Humiliation and degradation - 1/18/2016 4:43:39 AM

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Yes wannapleez, we seem to be on a similar wavelength. I enjoy those things you mentioned too...and I can understand some of the logics behind it. But it's the more hurtful (and usually verbal) degradation that I'm trying to grasp. I really does nothing to turn me on...quite likely because I don't understand it...I don't see how it can benefit either party. I don't know what the end game is with it. And yet there are some guys who desperately crave that kind of treatment! I was really hoping some of those men would respond here and help to explain some of that.

(in reply to wannapleez)

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