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a rant about morals and ppl these days - 7/18/2006 9:37:34 PM

subnoconas

Posts: 84
Joined: 1/23/2006
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ok.. here is the deal. i'm soon to be 20 years old but i'm still a vergin. now understand i'm a vergin by choice. i feel that it is wrong for a guy to sleep with god knows how many women because there are so many things that can screw you over(no pun intended)with all the std chances and the pregnency(btw sorry i have very bad spelling) and pluse i don't think its right because a women is looked badly at for the number of men but because a guy is a guy its allright? nope i think its dead wrong but lately i have ben geting so much shit from freinds(even family) about being a vergin i was hopeing to find some one that stayd a vergin untill the found the right person (aka wife or husben) i guss i'm just looking for a little suport sence i haven't any on this side of the screen. (sigh) sorry for ranting i just had to get this out of my head)
thanks for readying and i hope you have a good day

< Message edited by subnoconas -- 7/18/2006 9:40:20 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: a rant about morals and ppl these days - 7/18/2006 9:40:12 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Sounds wonderful, I am glad to see people setting high standards and living up to them. Good for you.

(in reply to subnoconas)

Post #: 2

RE: a rant about morals and ppl these days - 7/18/2006 9:44:42 PM

subnoconas

Posts: 84
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

thank you very much. it has taken alot of self controle

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 3

RE: a rant about morals and ppl these days - 7/18/2006 9:50:23 PM

NeedToUseYou

Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
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Anyone that confuses worth, with how many people they've fucked, isn't worth much. Any judging of sexuality by those that wouldn't directly be involved sexually with you are just being mean, similiarly calling someone a slut because she fucked a few guys is the same thing. It's really nobodies business unless you are involved with them.

Unless of course, you go around preaching about being a high and mighty virgin and spirtually pure, well then you'd be reaping what you've sown.

(in reply to subnoconas)

Post #: 4

RE: a rant about morals and ppl these days - 7/18/2006 9:53:41 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
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I lost my virginity at the age of 19, I've had 10 lovers over the years, one of which was my exhusband. Do I feel guility? No. Do I feel like a slut? No. Do I give a fat rat what other people think? Hell no. This is my life and I don't care what other people think, the only thing that matters to me is my happiness. And oh yes there is a double standard to which I do not adhere nor recognize, it doesn't fit into my world. I have my own set of morals which fit perfectly into my world.

~Lashra
Whipping asses since 1981

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to subnoconas)

Post #: 5

RE: a rant about morals and ppl these days - 7/18/2006 10:46:22 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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Hubby was a virgin when we married, he was 26. Been married 38 yrs now.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to subnoconas)

Post #: 6

RE: a rant about morals and ppl these days - 7/18/2006 11:01:33 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
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I'm wondering what any of this has to do with the title of the thread: "morals and people these days." I don't see what being a virgin has to do with morals. Morality is about not harming people, not being dishonest. Being a virgin has nothing to do with that. It's simply a personal choice. But don't pretend that you're MORE moral than other people because of your personal choice.

< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 7/18/2006 11:02:21 PM >

(in reply to subnoconas)

Post #: 7

RE: a rant about morals and ppl these days - 7/19/2006 12:36:18 AM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

subnoconas;

Morality is a funny thing, you can apply it and it doesn't stick or it applies itself and it won't come off. By not fornicating and reproducing, you run the risk of never reproducing, while people who really have no morals are reproducing like rabbits. I just wish some of them would just have rabbits. By delaying reproducing you run the risk of not contributing to the human race. If everyone did that there would be no more people.

At the other end of the spectrum are the Women on Maury and such who have had 36 paternity tests and still haven't found the Father (maybe that capitalisation was not corect). A child, a boy or a girl, needs input from both sides of the human equation. When this happens they grow up intelligent and an asset to society. At least usually. On the other hand, if not nurtured correctly they do not turn out right and that is it, it starts a process of multiple generations of burdens on society. We know the gestational period within the week usually, and if a baby is premature we can tell how premature, so we are talking the span of a week.

At that, yes the Woman owns her own body and if she is a nymph, well, like a smoker or addict, satisfy yourself. It did not hurt me, but when you EXPECT my tax dollars to feed your gang, that is where the morality stops. It has ceased to exist. So we probably agree somewhat, but while we need to judge people, we need to do it in relation to what they do to us, and their impact on society.

It seems that you're inferring that sex is bad. I admit that I remained a virgin to an almost embarrassing age, and did wait for the right Woman, but then she was the wrong Woman.

There was a situation, even in actual hand to hand combat we were pretty well matched. there would never be a domestic violence call no matter what, but there could've been neighbors complaining. While I don't think we would ever get into a knockdown dragout, I could never feel as though I can trust her. The plan was to move her out of the city and start a new life somewhere, we knew alot of lowlifes.

Now let's move on to the other poster who stated she has had ten lovers since she was nineteen. How do we judge her ? Did she come in here and tell us one of her ten children grew up to mow down a bunch of people with an AK47 in a McDonald's ? If we are to use a metaphor let's go for it, instead of a McDonald's, make it a college library. ( are their lives worth more ?, your call) Also, about the time frame, whaddya think, ten lovers in ten years, or to be on the safe side twenty ?

I like the fact that my old flame had very few lovers, it shows she was picky. That's all.

Responsible adults who have had ten lovers hopefully used protection, ten kids are way too much to handle these days. If they have ten kids I hope they don't turn out to be psychopaths. That's my judgement. It has nothing to do with their morality. That is a seperate issue.

A person can:

Enhance the well being of humanity.

Remain neutral.

Detract from the well being of humanity.

Their choices between these three possibilities is from which judgements as to their morality need to be derived. And what's more, we can't really judge them from the results, there are two many variables. Some of the best laid plans of mice and Men you know . . . .

So be careful not to lay morality where it does not belong. I judge my friends, I have picked up my camera and said "Sit still, I want a picture of the stupidest MF I have ever seen". This was after a particularly stupid decision he had made. But he only hurt himself.

That is a whole different story.

You can have all the sex you want, just take care of the kids. As far as I am concerned you can drive as fast as you want if you never hit anything. Do anything you want as long as you don't hurt anyone and don't burden society with long term consequences.

Doesn't get much simpler than that.

T

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 8

RE: a rant about morals and ppl these days - 7/19/2006 2:47:38 AM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

Just stick to your guns, sweetie. I waited till I was 30 to have sex, and then I wasted it on a moron, oh, do I wish I could take that back....

It's worth waiting for the right one, just be cautious.. because to some... you are a prize, something to try and conquer.. trust me, I know. If you give into that, you will only regret it.

Just be proud of yourself..once you give it up.. you can't take it back.

~Andrea (flutterbi)

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to Termyn8or)

Post #: 9

RE: a rant about morals and ppl these days - 7/19/2006 6:32:37 AM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
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I saved myself for the right person. We'll just say I had a dozen or so practice partners before I found my husband.

Honestly, without the experience (not just sexual, but how to deal with intimate relationships) I'm not sure my husband and I would have worked out. I learned patience, and what makes a relationship good, what makes a relationship work with those other partners. Each time I'd get rid of a guy, it would narrow my search a little more.

I'm not a slut for choosing to have a sexual relationship with more than one man. I made an informed decision. After all, a slut isn't how many people you sleep with: it's how you present and carry yourself, how you arrived in bed with those particular people, what it meant to you, and whether you can remember their names in the morning.

However, I respect the fact that you are saving yourself. It's a rare thing in this day and age. And, like they say, different strokes for different folks. I, personally, have seen more than several similar threads about people on this site thinking they are the only virgins around. It's more rare than not, but it's not unheard of at all.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to subnoconas)

Post #: 10

RE: a rant about morals and ppl these days - 7/19/2006 6:46:50 AM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

I'm touching fifty and if I waited for the right one I'd still be waiting.

Looking back I did the right thing and accepted the first offer that came along and the many others along the way.

I've never worked out the preciousness of this virginity lark. It all seems to be wrapped up in some stupid false religious morality.

Fucking is sooooooooooo goooooooooooood! Just be sensible and take precautions.

(in reply to subnoconas)

Post #: 11

RE: a rant about morals and ppl these days - 7/19/2006 6:51:10 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Sex and morality? Morality is handling the subject responcibly.... not simply keeping your legs crossed!

As for 'saving yourself'.... I'm sure there maybe some out there who get a thrill out of the one shot deal of 'breaking in' a virgin. I don't, I much prefer someone who can discuss with me her likes, her dislikes, her needs and her limits based on experience. I like someone who has at least some idea of what she is doing, even if I'm introducing her to something new, she isn't so damn nervious about the entire thing that she is going to need coaxing through every last detail. She is able to relax and enjoy it too, I am not a big fan of 'starfish'.

Also, whilst sex is an important part of a close relationship it isn't the MOST important part. Someone who has 'saved' themself for 'so long' is going to think of it as a much greater event than I do and I am not about to pretend it is that big a deal. Who she is, the spark of care and dynamic between us is a much bigger deal than the fact we just fucked!

Don't take MY opinion too hard, it is just one PoV, there are others who I am sure your approach is more compatable with.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to subnoconas)

Post #: 12

RE: a rant about morals and ppl these days - 7/19/2006 7:23:00 AM

stanton

Posts: 41
Status: offline

subnoconas- Just don't beat yourself up for your decision. Where did you get the ideas about sex and morality? Family? Church? Who cares about vitginity?

Why suffer? choose a close friend, someone you trust and see what happens. If you wait forever, its making a bigger deal out of it than itis. Sex is a biological function. Just use protection, be responsible and treat a woamn like a lady. (No, you don't have to be a sucker to be decent)
Stanton

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 13

RE: a rant about morals and ppl these days - 7/19/2006 7:29:49 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I judge people by the content of their character which really has little to do with where they stick their body parts, unless they lie about it.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 7/19/2006 7:30:06 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to subnoconas)

Post #: 14

RE: a rant about morals and ppl these days - 7/19/2006 7:49:34 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

You're doing the right thing for yourself. Many don't have the courage to look out for themselves in today's society. They follow the herd. Get used and abused then someone like yourself comes along and will shun them.
Personally virginity was never an issue for me. I gave mine to my first semi-longterm boyfriend on his 18th birthday. We were together 2 year's prior to that...and 3 after. Do I regret it? No, that man still is a very special part of my life today.
We all have our personal preferences. When there is no support we have to think enough about ourselves to stand tall and believe in ourselves.
I think the same way about men too by the way. If a woman is out screwing the world she is a whore. So is a man. If I were seeking a monogamous partner for the rest of my life....I would look beyond those people for fear of some std they may not even know they have.
If you go to the average play party and have any real knowledge about std's you'll know what I am referring to.
Don't sweat it people are going to like you and people will dislike you. Just be true to yourself.

(in reply to subnoconas)

Post #: 15

RE: a rant about morals and ppl these days - 7/19/2006 7:52:11 AM

KennelDeSade2

Posts: 210
Joined: 9/19/2004
Status: offline

I've seen some crazy stuff called "moral" over the years. Not to mention the girls who considered themselves virgin because they limited themselves to oral and anal sex.
I once thought that "experience" gained by having a variety of partners over the years would make one "better" at sex, but found that numbers of former partners have nothing at all to do with how "good" somebody is. I'd even say that past a point, higher numbers tend to indicate a lower degree of skill.
So, if you want to wait, good deal. But keep in mind that you may be waiting for the earth to move when you find "the one" and if that doesn't happen, don't be too bummed. If you find somebody you want to be with, great. Then what are you saving it for if not them?
Just be smart, don't hurt others, and be responsible. It would seem to me that would be about as moral as you can be.

_____________________________

Rules? Just one: I say, she does.
Everything else, is just details.

(in reply to subnoconas)

Post #: 16

RE: a rant about morals and ppl these days - 7/27/2006 5:00:44 AM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

Hi

There's really only one thing I'd like to say on the subject - sex with someone you love is wonderful, but sex with someone you dont is not! Thats not to say that you have to married to them mind, and in any case sex before marriage is a good thing as a means of moving towards that state gradually, just as any relationship that is going to last has to move gradually along a path of growing intimacy. How would it be to follow certain religious advice and find out only on your wedding night that the two of you dont work well together sexually?

That said, there is no Mr or Ms Right out there for any of us, despite the myth. Relationships are about compromise, and the one you marry or partner through will also require compromise. The difference is, a couple who stay together are able to accept the degree of mutual compromise required for the relationship to survive. Couples unable to accept the requisite degree of compromise dont survive. Long term relationships also require continuous new compromise, because life goes on and things change.

My advice would be to get out there and find yourself a partner, get to know them and love them over a time, and have sex only if and when you are both ready for it. Somehow, you'll both know when this is by the way! Whatever you do, dont just jump in bed with someone for the sake of "proving" yourself - I dont know where you are writing from, but here in UK we have a problem right now with young people doing this after a night out drinking, and chlamydia (an STD) is rife as a result - but STDs are only part of the problem, the other part is that sex as an act of love is being devalued, and thats a shame. Its not a moral issue as such, but if one reduces sex to the same level as any other bodily function, and divorces it from love, then one devalues oneself, one's partner and any offspring - and that is not beneficial or even neutral to anyone.

Overall, dont feel pressured by anyone into doing anything. Being over the age of consent means we can do a lot of things, but it doesnt mean we have to do them, unless we want to. Also remember that being 16 or whatever is a legal definition of when we are ready for adult life - in reality, we all develop at different rates in different areas of being. People who give you a hard time over being a virgin are clearly not as socially developed as you, for example.

Its also important to remember, that most young men and young women will be feeling exactly the same anxieties about the whole sex thing. Many will say that they're not virgins, when they are, as a way of coping with peer pressure and anxiety and trying to establish "street cred". If only I'd realised this when I was your age! The majority will probably not have had sex at your age, so dont worry too much about it OK? Get out there, be confident about your self worth and have fun, and you will get much further than you will by worrying about it all, I promise.

regards
E

(in reply to KennelDeSade2)

Post #: 17

RE: a rant about morals and ppl these days - 7/27/2006 5:32:51 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Morality is pretty well just what you make then to be.. Long ago I refused to have the Judeo/Christian morality forced up on me by society. That is just wrong. I have strong sence of right and wrong according to my standards and beliefs. I will state here that I am "A-Moral" my morals are my own and that is what I live by....

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 18

RE: a rant about morals and ppl these days - 7/27/2006 8:06:18 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

At first reading, I thought this was from a female. Then I checked your profile and saw you are a male submissive. I had to rethink my response.

Both responses would have been “it’s nobody’s business what your sexual status is”.
I’m from a different generation and I’m sorry to say to this, but we used up all the fun in the 60’s-70’s. Sorry about all the new diseases- our bad.

While a female could just “not do it” and get a saintly nod from the world and a drool from the males. It’s not the same for a guy.

Then I wondered “should I advise him NOT to go telling anyone he’s a virgin” and just have people guess and give them a sly smile? Nope. The first time he drops trauw to “do it”, it will be obvious. I understand the pressure on guys to perform expertly the first time and that is unfair and unrealistic. So don’t cave to it.

Everyone’s first time is memorable- either for the horror or the hilarity- don’t expect too much. It is going to be over SO FAST you will wonder what the fuss was about. I know my first time was followed with a tear and a “that’s IT?!” feeling.

You starting out as a submissive male does put you in an environment that will teach you the things about a woman you need to know. Provided a domme with some smarts and know how takes you on. OR- even a new one that has the attitude “I’m new too, let’s work it out together”. You and she can always pickup the roles later.

That’s my 2 cents- It’s one of those coming of age things.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to subnoconas)

Post #: 19

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