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RE: Who seeks Who? - 7/19/2006 9:27:37 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Any women that find themselves interested in me are going to have to hit me over the head with it. I am not even in looking mode and just consider all contact of the "friends" sort. I have no problem sending someone an email of hello. However those emails totally do not mean anything other than a nice friendly....."hello!!" .........unless of course they want it to and hit me over the head with it in a reply.........

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 7/19/2006 9:28:41 AM >

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to desertdancer)

Post #: 21

RE: Who seeks Who? - 7/19/2006 9:30:03 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Do what works for you. Females generally do not have to learn how to be the approachers and so generally get away with being the passive participant.

But there are no rules except the ones which you make for yourself when it comes to first approach.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SavageEu)

Post #: 22

RE: Who seeks Who? - 7/19/2006 9:32:09 AM

losttreasure

Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SavageEu

...Who approaches who on the board? ... If I had to bet I would think that male Doms approach female Subs almost exclusivly...

I can't speak for all submissives, but for me (and others like me), I take rejection pretty hard. As one for whom pleasing and being pleasing means so much, disinterest in who I am and what I have to offer is far too painful to casually risk seeking it out. I'm sure there's plenty of it... disinterest in me, that is... but I don't go looking for it.

Along with that is the fact that too many profiles of doms have too little information in them for me to determine if there's even a remote possibility of our being compatible. I have occasionally searched and browsed through profiles, but honestly it wasn't fruitful and worth my time.

What was worth my time was reading through this forum. The one and only time that I ever initiated a conversation with a dom was after seeing the comments that he made here and being attracted to what I read. About the time I was debating whether or not to take the risk and contact him, his name showed up on my "admirers" list... turns out he had seen me here, as well.

(in reply to SavageEu)

Post #: 23

RE: Who seeks Who? - 7/19/2006 9:34:39 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

fast reply,

From personal experience in vanilla and on sites like cm I have noted that the men I ended up with were not the one's I approached. I am only speaking from personal experience. I am not shy about letting someone know I have found something appealing about them, and I figure if nothing else I may flatter them... no harm in paying someone a compliment. I noted a long time ago though, if I really was interested in someone than a mere passing fancy it was better to wait and see if they contacted me. It just ends up this way, perhaps men like to be the one's to pursue? Im not sure.

Others will have different experiences I suppose

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 7/19/2006 9:36:14 AM >

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 24

RE: Who seeks Who? - 7/19/2006 11:12:42 AM

enthralled

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Nashville, Tn
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Then you have made an excelent start. That approach is typicaly refered to as the 'kneel bitch brigade' and whilst there are maybe a few subs out there who will respond to it... would you want them?

When a girl submits to me, it should be about ME. Not about 'just some muppet with a Dom lable stuck to his chest' but ME, the person who draws the submission from who she is.

As for who contacts who. The girls get WAY more mail.... most of it from total lamebrains and 'kneel bitch brigade' morons. If you don't send any out at all then chances are they may not even notice you regardless of what your profile is like.

I do get some mail, most from people I already correspond with, next comes folks asking questions or advice who have spotted me on the boards here. Occassionaly I've had 'intro' mails from more local girls who also saw something on the forums that caught their interest (One such I came close to collaring. Waves to Mel) and I've had a number of responces direct to my profile (None of those, so far have been compatable)

When sending out mail, just remember what you are doing. You are not going to have her fall at your feet after reading it, all you are doing is seeing if there is enough interest from her side to BEGIN talking. Read her profile, comment on what interested you, if there are things that make you think there is campatability, mention them. A little more about you and sign off. Not war and peace length but enough to catch her interest.

Accept that most won't even get a reply. No reply = no interest. Don't loose heart, don't give up. Eventualy it does happen. Meanwhile use other resources, see what the local scene has to offer, have fun, enjoy the discussions, make friends... the search will plod along in the background of all that quite happily.

I liked this post Raven.... that was very good advice

~enthralled

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(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 25

RE: Who seeks Who? - 7/19/2006 11:35:50 AM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

I'd contact a sub if she interested me of course.
But I think that if a sub is interested in you they can drop a short note just "exploring" the possibility as well.
I recently added to my profile to make it better and criticism of it is welcomed.
I do answer all e-mails because if someone is nice enough to e-mail you, you at the very least owe them the courtessy of a reply.
I've had a few asking if I "switch" The answer is "no."

(in reply to enthralled)

Post #: 26

RE: Who seeks Who? - 7/19/2006 11:42:45 AM

kittensmailbox

Posts: 744
Joined: 1/7/2005
From: Youngstown, Ohio
Status: offline

i wonder this question too... i was trained as a female and as a sub, do not chase, do not call... If someone wants to speak with you they will call... If they are interested in you they will approch....

So i met this really wonderful Mistress, problem is, She was trained the complete oppissit...

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(in reply to SavageEu)

Post #: 27

RE: Who seeks Who? - 7/19/2006 5:51:02 PM

SavageEu

Posts: 197
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline

I think that my project for the evening, after finishing up cooking supper, is to redo my profile. I have a better idea now, thanks to everyone who have responded of what to put in my profile including a picture. Lesson one, responding to forum posts while cooking ravioli is a good way to almost overcook the ravioli.

I was fairly sure that human nature wins out in most cases. But that is ok because its worth it to me to try and find that special someone out there. Plus I'm learning new things which is something you should always try to do.

(in reply to kittensmailbox)

Post #: 28

RE: Who seeks Who? - 7/19/2006 5:54:20 PM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

For people who are looking for a Mistress, they almost always contact me. I do contact others on the site but they are generally not for a relationship but for advice, clarification or friendship.

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-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to SavageEu)

Post #: 29

RE: Who seeks Who? - 7/19/2006 6:14:00 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

I have initiated contact to a few Dominants, but for the most part I have been the one contacted..of course it seems to me that the Dominants in my state very rarely use the forums which I find is an excellent way to get to know them...sighs..ahh well...back to the simply reply mode to e-mails..Tempting

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 30

RE: Who seeks Who? - 7/19/2006 7:28:46 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

I RARELY, if ever, contact a woman to pursue her. I'm a submissive and for reasons my very own, it just doesn't feel right. I know this means I lose out on MASSIVE opportunities that I could probably jump into, but it often feels that I'm trying to convince a woman to do something that she wasn't desiring to do in the first place when I contact her and then try to convince her I'm the one for her. In almost every relationship I've had, it's usually been orchestrated by my future female partner, mainly because that indicates to me that she has use and desire for me. I know there are extreme limitations in this approach, and it bothers me sometimes, but I've never really figured a way around this.

It's not because I'm shy or anything. I used to be. But I'm not anymore. When I tell female friends that I consider myself shy, they laugh out loud because that's the last thing they see. So, it's become a more incorporated feeling of mine. It goes against thousands of years of relationship evolution that has often favored the aggressive male, and I know this. Yet, I keep holding out hope it will work out without me having to feel like I'm pushing a woman into something she wasn't planning on in the first place.

I don't know if this makes any sense. People mistake this often as passive behavior, and that's really not it. It's just being uncomfortable leading a woman into something that I'd so much rather she originate because it's what pleases her. From that point on, things work smashingly, but unfortunately, getting past that first hurdle is often the deal breaking step.

(in reply to SavageEu)

Post #: 31

RE: Who seeks Who? - 7/20/2006 12:25:44 AM

SavageEu

Posts: 197
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline

Interesting, this is what I was wondering, and not to hold you up an example but I see that some subs do infact feel more at peace with the dominant making contact. But it does seem that over all, the females get most of the intiation of contact regaurdless of thier status. If only I could get the message histories of everyone (only showing who sent the first message to who of course) to see if there are patterns. Still, it is a complex dynamic I know. I suppose being a male dom I will do most of the hunting, it is fun selecting prey. But how much more intriguing would it be if the prey just walked up to your doorstep.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 32

RE: Who seeks Who? - 7/20/2006 4:18:04 AM

MyNameisMaam

Posts: 57
Joined: 10/23/2005
Status: offline

When I see a profile that interests me, or that I just admire, I will send a quick note. Almost all of the email I receive seems to come from subs who "want to serve" or "want to be used" by me. I laugh when they are located thousands of miles away, some even overseas. I don't mind answering questions from folks with genuine questions or wanting advice, but when my profile says I am not looking, I expect people to read and understand what that means.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 33

RE: Who seeks Who? - 7/20/2006 5:39:27 AM

wandering4u

Posts: 167
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline

I agree with many, if I see a profile that interests me or a poster in the forums , I drop a line and say "hi". If they respond...great. If not, that's ok too. Have met some great people here that way.

(in reply to MyNameisMaam)

Post #: 34

RE: Who seeks Who? - 7/20/2006 8:21:35 AM

FirmhandKY

Posts: 8948
Joined: 9/21/2004
Status: offline

Savage,

By reading both of your threads, I think you'll do fine by just using your common sense (which really isn't "common" at all, it seems).

Personally, I've generally assumed that I would be the one writing to open contact with a sub, but only after thinking long and hard about each and every profile that I planned on responding to.

In general, I wrote very few email messages in a "intro" context, and when I did, I had a fairly high return reply rate - at least, seemingly compared to a lot of the "why doesn't anyone answer my email" posters/whiners. I did have an occasional woman write to me, and as losttreasure mentioned, she and I were both writing to each other (she is faster than me, apparently

) and I've glad she did.

Most of the women who did write to me, wrote to me because of something I had posted in the forums, and that is how losttreasure and I ended up connecting.

Reading the forums is great. Participating is better. You're off to a good start.

FHky

***ed for grammar

< Message edited by FirmhandKY -- 7/20/2006 8:27:37 AM >

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Some people are just idiots.

(in reply to SavageEu)

Post #: 35

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