How to get back into the lifestyle with no time or energy. (Full Version)

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PupandKitten -> How to get back into the lifestyle with no time or energy. (1/16/2016 6:36:55 PM)

My husband and I are kinda living vanilla and it's killing us. It's not just sexual I need to serve. I feel lost and worthless.

We are both working our ass off he is working 3 jobs and I'm 4 months pregnant and working part-time we have 2 other children which until now didn't live with us. I love my children and my husband but I don't know how to be vanilla and I hate it.



Greta75 -> RE: How to get back into the lifestyle with no time or energy. (1/16/2016 6:43:12 PM)

I think, you need to communicate with him and work on a plan on how he can exert dominance in your life.

You need to talk to him about how you feel.




PupandKitten -> RE: How to get back into the lifestyle with no time or energy. (1/16/2016 6:55:01 PM)

I have. And we do communicat, there's just no time. We're hoping to find a understanding mistress. But that seems to be impossible.



Greta75 -> RE: How to get back into the lifestyle with no time or energy. (1/16/2016 7:04:11 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PupandKitten

I have. And we do communicat, there's just no time. We're hoping to find a understanding mistress. But that seems to be impossible.

You mean, find a mistress to dominate you instead of him? That's a good solution too. If all parties are okay.

I know there is no time, but you gonna need to think out of the box and figure little ways he can dominate you that does not require too much energy. He is working 3 jobs.

I do not know your schedule as detailedly as you so it's hard for me to give ideas. But there is a will, there is a way!



Wayward5oul -> RE: How to get back into the lifestyle with no time or energy. (1/16/2016 7:11:04 PM)

Has your situation improved any since the last time you inquired about this? Because you got some good advice then, but you seemed to always come up with reasons it wouldn't work for you. Unless that has changed, I don't know that you are going to be able to find what you are looking for.



PupandKitten -> RE: How to get back into the lifestyle with no time or energy. (1/16/2016 7:13:27 PM)

Actually the mistress would be for both of us. His more sub then Dom.

And yes it is hard with all our jobs and children it's totally going to be a challenge but something has to be done.



Greta75 -> RE: How to get back into the lifestyle with no time or energy. (1/16/2016 8:22:15 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PupandKitten

Actually the mistress would be for both of us. His more sub then Dom.

And yes it is hard with all our jobs and children it's totally going to be a challenge but something has to be done.

So mission is the find the right mistress. Takes time. Will happen! Good luck!



Cell -> RE: How to get back into the lifestyle with no time or energy. (1/16/2016 8:30:33 PM)

Well, it may not be the most helpful thing to point out... but you say you need to serve, and yet you married a submissibe guy? You kinda shot your self in the foot there lol. But we all have our issues, it looks like that's what you have to work with so I'll try and start from there. So you need an outlet for your submissiveness... Hmmm, you're not really getting it in the bedroom from your husband? That may be an issue, seeing as the bedroom is probably the only real time and place you'd have to pursue this kind of thing. I suppose you wouldn't want to expose your kids to your kink, so home is pretty much out. And with that many jobs I'd assume you guys are working constantly...

Well there's no doubt about it, you've got a problamo. The only advice I've got is to go sit on the washing machine and read 50 Shades of Grey.
Best of luck, >_<



PupandKitten -> RE: How to get back into the lifestyle with no time or energy. (1/16/2016 8:39:11 PM)

Lmao thanks a lot. And BTW 50 shades is not a turn on after living the lifestyle for over ten years lol



OsideGirl -> RE: How to get back into the lifestyle with no time or energy. (1/16/2016 9:36:00 PM)

You left out that you're pregnant AND on bed rest and don't have the funds to get out of the house. I understand that you're frustrated, but the reality is that real life happens. You should be concentrating on staying healthy, preparing for your baby and keeping your family balanced.



PupandKitten -> RE: How to get back into the lifestyle with no time or energy. (1/17/2016 1:38:55 AM)

I said that I'm pregnant. I'm no longer on bed rest and we both started new jobs. So your wrong.

Also my children have nothing to do with this part of my life, their fine and healthy. I'm going into depression trying to be vanilla...

Honestly I don't know why I'm answering you when I feel like I'm being attacked. Just because someone asked for advice doesn't mean you should put down their way of living.



PupandKitten -> RE: How to get back into the lifestyle with no time or energy. (1/17/2016 1:45:35 AM)

I think people need to stop judging each other. It's great if you live the lifestyle in the bedroom only and everywhere else you're totally vanilla, I'm not. I've been in this lifestyle since before I knew what sex was. And I've always had a real Dom or sub. It turns out my husband is in the bedroom only. (Not by choice) and that's hard to deal with. . .

I'm asking for advice on how to desk with it or how to fix it.
If you have no advice that's fine, please don't attack my life choices if you don't have all the details.



PupandKitten -> RE: How to get back into the lifestyle with no time or energy. (1/17/2016 1:47:24 AM)

Deal not desk sorry



Greta75 -> RE: How to get back into the lifestyle with no time or energy. (1/17/2016 2:16:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PupandKitten

I think people need to stop judging each other. It's great if you live the lifestyle in the bedroom only and everywhere else you're totally vanilla, I'm not. I've been in this lifestyle since before I knew what sex was. And I've always had a real Dom or sub. It turns out my husband is in the bedroom only. (Not by choice) and that's hard to deal with. . .

I'm asking for advice on how to desk with it or how to fix it.
If you have no advice that's fine, please don't attack my life choices if you don't have all the details.

It's quite normal in this forum where if you air your problems, you will get some judgmental responses. Welcome to collarchat! :)

After awhile, you will get used to it! Hopefully within it, you will find some comments that will really help you but Osidegirl is usually one of the less judgmental ones out there I feel and I think she usually say things on a matter of fact ground, after awhile, you will see that she just gives very neutral practical comments.

The other thing is, many people in here with a kinky life also have their own difficulties may or may not be worst than yours which will impact on their response.

But focus on finding that mistress. Just like finding anything good in life, it's not easy. But keep looking for a solution. Something will work out!



PupandKitten -> RE: How to get back into the lifestyle with no time or energy. (1/17/2016 2:22:23 AM)

Thank you. I really appreciate your reply, and I mean no disrespect to anyone I'm just in a really bad place at the moment and trying to look for help is harder then trying to fix or deal with the problem.



Greta75 -> RE: How to get back into the lifestyle with no time or energy. (1/17/2016 2:47:11 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PupandKitten

Thank you. I really appreciate your reply, and I mean no disrespect to anyone I'm just in a really bad place at the moment and trying to look for help is harder then trying to fix or deal with the problem.

Yea I understand the frustration. At least the getting sick of vanilla part of things.
I think your situation is so tough that many probably don't have solutions for you. As what Oside says, your situation sounds like one of those situations that real life gets in the way.

It happens to many kink people I think, and some have to make kink sacrifices if they were in your same situation.

You are hoping for a win-win solution, and I hope you find it!



DarkSteven -> RE: How to get back into the lifestyle with no time or energy. (1/17/2016 4:07:12 AM)

In my opinion, the real issue is lack of time, causes by working all those jobs. Is there any chance of either:

1. Getting higher paying work, to maintain the same income for fewer hours, or
2. Getting by on less income?



LadyPact -> RE: How to get back into the lifestyle with no time or energy. (1/17/2016 7:32:54 AM)

To me, you have three separate issues here. The first is that your preferences for submission aren't working out with your husband. That's a combination of factors. Jobs, kids, and his own disposition. My suggestion on that would be to discuss it with him to work out what can be done in the time you have got. Is he willing to engage in service topping or role playing the Dom position with you? It might not be as often as you want due to the work schedule but it could be a start.

Your energy levels are another issue. Most women who are pregnant and also have two other off-spring in the home are tired. Consider it nature's way of telling you where the priority is for your energy and that is in creating that new little human being. If you are exhausted all of the time, you could always consult with your OB-GYN about your vitamins, diet, and resting cycles.

quote:

ORIGINAL: PupandKitten
I have. And we do communicat, there's just no time. We're hoping to find a understanding mistress. But that seems to be impossible.

OK, this one is an issue. You are already talking about lacking time and energy, which is another way to say you already don't have enough to deal with what is on your plate now. How does this translate into having time and energy to add another person into your lives? It's easy to say "I want," but you have to remember that the other person has wants as well, and that's going to include time and energy from the other party. Somebody coming into your lives is going to come behind your marriage, two off-spring and one on the way, three jobs for your husband, a part time job for you, and just the normal things people need to do (cleaning, laundry, shopping, etc) that come with the household. There's really not enough left for another person.

I'm not saying don't keep looking. You may find someone who will find this a beneficial arrangement but I know I wouldn't want this because there really wouldn't be anything in it for me. I can be off having fun rather than taking less because the other person has too many responsibilities.



CodeOfSilence -> RE: How to get back into the lifestyle with no time or energy. (1/17/2016 11:23:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PupandKitten

My husband and I are kinda living vanilla and it's killing us. It's not just sexual I need to serve. I feel lost and worthless.

We are both working our ass off he is working 3 jobs and I'm 4 months pregnant and working part-time we have 2 other children which until now didn't live with us. I love my children and my husband but I don't know how to be vanilla and I hate it.



The pressures of a massively tilted distribution of wealth is destroying the hopes and dreams and spirit of many people, regardless of what those hopes and dreams are or where their spirit would like to go. Time is obviously a constraint and how well having a third person to serve would work for you I Do not know.

Would it be conceivable for you to partake in some switching between each other? Perhaps if you feel rested one day and the kids are gone you can cook the most amazing meal and then massage him and service him and then during the weekend while you're out doing some shopping or what ever it may be he can prepare something similar, adding what ever tools of the trade you want to the mix.

Just an idea; that is to alternate a bit and seek to please, pleasure and serve each other when there is respite.


With three jobs it's hard to get a day or two off but try to plan a "kink" day when you know the kids will be out for some excursion far ahead of time and maybe your husband will be able to find colleagues to switch with? For a day like this you could also find someone else to partake and dominate you both whether pro or just local. Just plan ahead.


Good luck!



WinsomeDefiance -> RE: How to get back into the lifestyle with no time or energy. (1/17/2016 12:57:26 PM)

When you are limited in resources; time, money, energy - you learn to prioritize and allocate.

Instead of worrying about days or nights, think hours and minutes. Find ways to indulge in kink that are fulfilling and energizing but not time or energy consuming.

Invite female dominants to your home for tea/coffee and have a set time frame to serve them tea, coffee, snacks and then sit down and talk with them. Get to know the local women into BDSM who are willing to make friends. Forming friendships and letting a 'relationship' grow organically can have some amazing rewards.

Rethink what service means. There is no more fulfilling 'service', in my mind, than serving the needs of my family and friends.

Masturbate and fantasize while doing so of whatever BDSM fantasy works for you. A good orgasm can do wonders for your frame of mind :)

Hope some or any of this helps. Take what you can use, leave the rest.

Best wishes for health and prosperity for you and your family.



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