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how can a new dominant can start a relationship with sl... - 1/17/2016 9:55:55 AM

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/16/2015
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Hi,

I am new in bdsm world with no experience as a dominant.

I am saying dominant because I like to dominate slaves/subs and I tested my kinks on bdsmtest also.

can anyone give me idea how to start relationship because all slaves/subs want an experienced dom.

what a newbie will do?

any tips will be helpful.

thanks

RE: how can a new dominant can start a relationship wit... - 1/17/2016 12:54:29 PM

guardianschattel

Posts: 71
Joined: 1/11/2016
Status: offline

Do a runner while you still have a chance!

(in reply to domsl80)

RE: how can a new dominant can start a relationship wit... - 1/17/2016 12:55:38 PM

Posts: 5159
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

The easiest way to get experience is by attending local events and munches. Many groups offer training in various activities from rope to wax to electro play to flogging. My Dom often taught newbies when his health was better. If you make friends with the experienced people who attend these kinds of events you'll find that most are willing to share their experience and skills.

How do you know you enjoy dominating if you have never dominated a submissive or slave? Taking a BDSM online test doesn't tell you anything. According to the online BDSM test I am not even a tiny bit submissive. I am 24/7 with my Dom. I have been collared to him for 10 1/2 years.

_____________________________

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Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to domsl80)

RE: how can a new dominant can start a relationship wit... - 1/17/2016 1:01:52 PM

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Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

ORIGINAL: domsl80

Hi,

I am new in bdsm world with no experience as a dominant.
Welcome!

I am saying dominant because I like to dominate slaves/subs
Generally, it's a good idea to be in a relationship - as you yourself have pointed out. Knowing that you like having a little spice with your sweety is wonderful. "slaves/subs" are generally more interested as being seen as people rather than slot fillers. Just a little FYI for you.

and I tested my kinks on bdsmtest also.
No idea what that means and honestly don't really care. The only test I know of that's worth anything is whether someone's actions gives another person a wetty or a woody. Frankly it's the only test I care about.

can anyone give me idea how to start relationship
Relationships start with, "Hi, I'm so and so..." and you chat, get to know each other, share a cup of coffee, go on a city tour, visit the local museum, go to a basketball game, laugh at a stupid movie, etc. It's you know... a relationship.

because all slaves/subs want an experienced dom.
This is not necessarily true.

what a newbie will do?
Don't be a "newbie". Be a person looking for another person to share your life with (for a day, for a year, for a lifetime - whatever).

any tips will be helpful.
Take the advice that resonates for you and feel free to ignore the rest.

thanks
You are most welcome.

Warmly,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to domsl80)

RE: how can a new dominant can start a relationship wit... - 1/17/2016 1:04:44 PM

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Joined: 4/7/2014
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quote:

ORIGINAL: domsl80

Hi,

I am new in bdsm world with no experience as a dominant.

That's not what your profile says. So either you are lying on that, or you're lying here.

Either way it's not the best way to start as a dominant.

Your submissive will expect you to be as honest with them as they are with you. They need to trust you to do the right thing to the best of your ability, they need to trust you to keep them safe.

So, my advice would be to come clean. Get rid of the lies and start again. Not every submissive cares about your level of experience. I have had relationships with experienced dominants and novice dominants and it hasn't made an iota of difference because at the start of any relationship you are new to each other, learning about each other and building your relationship together.

The advice to get out and about in your local kink community is an excellent one.

Also, read the message boards here and on Fet and figure out what it is you want and get advice on how to get it.

_____________________________

"You are THE MAN!!" - some_random_internet_asshole
"You're not a very nice bunny" - some_random_internet_asshole's_sock

Wanna chocolate raisin?

Previously known as 'myotherself' or simply 'da bunny'

(in reply to domsl80)

RE: how can a new dominant can start a relationship wit... - 1/17/2016 1:57:15 PM

creativemoniker

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Joined: 5/23/2015
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These are all excellent responses but I would like to add my own advise. Begin by working on yourself. Yes skills like flogging and rope work come in handy and basic safety and negotiation skills are a must but since you mentioned relationships I'd say you have to go a step further. If you are planning to make rules for her behavior you better make sure your own behavior is in order. It's difficult to hold onto a submissive that you have been disciplining for her bad attitude and lack of self control, for instance, when she sees you losing your temper and displaying a general lack of self discipline in your own dealings. I don't know you or how much control you have over yourself but I'd say the first step would be to take stock of yourself. Also get clear on what you want. What you want from her and what you want from the relationship. She will be expecting structure and consistency,assuming once again that we are talking about a long term dynamic. You cant put together rules and structure if you don't know what you want.
That's my advise my friend....good luck!

(in reply to Bunnicula)

RE: how can a new dominant can start a relationship wit... - 1/17/2016 1:58:37 PM

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Well now don't I feel like an idiot for actually believing this person. I'd forgotten how lie-y people can be.

Ah well...

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Bunnicula)

RE: how can a new dominant can start a relationship wit... - 1/17/2016 3:12:55 PM

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Joined: 1/14/2016
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Regardless of the OP's lack of integrity, your advice is excellent

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

RE: how can a new dominant can start a relationship wit... - 1/17/2016 3:17:33 PM

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Joined: 6/19/2008
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According to your profile, you had a submissive for 3 years. According to the op, you have no experience. And now after lying to us you want us to help you find a suitable partner. Yea, good luck with that.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to domsl80)

RE: how can a new dominant can start a relationship wit... - 1/17/2016 8:02:57 PM

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Joined: 3/20/2007
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to the OP,....

"Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom...Mastering others is strength, Mastering yourself is true power."

Im luckier than some people, I had mental Mentors in the team sports Ive been in. So Ive had the benefit of being taught critical self-introspection. I learned "ME" and got Myself under control before I started outrightly controlling others,

I remembered & worked hard on this....

I repeat...

"Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom...Mastering others is strength, Mastering yourself is true power."

I don't know anything about you, but there seems to be some conflict in your OP and your profile, you need to clear that up....now

In any case I think you better start with you - not a sub. Until you get a full handle on your self-control and Master who you are,... You will fail yourself and the sub you hurt in the process.

Because being in control of someone else IS a responsibility you are taking on. Plenty more, nothing less.

If you don't think that's real,....then you need to keep your hands off a sub and watch at playparties and talk to Master's at multiple munches until you do.

< Message edited by itsSIRtou -- 1/17/2016 8:25:04 PM >

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What would the internet be like if we couldn't say trump is a moron?

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(in reply to thishereboi)

RE: how can a new dominant can start a relationship wit... - 1/23/2016 11:43:58 AM

Kana

Posts: 6674
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

Forget the BDSMtest.
Forget the rest of the nonsense you hear (Though I love the post above. So true. One should Master self before one seeks to Master another. The key to finding a servant is to be a man worth serving).
Get involved in a local group. Ask a million questions. Learn from experienced people. Find some health care types (There's always a billion nurses in every group I've ever seen), have them teach you what is safe and what is not. Check other peoples shit off of them.
But most of all, find someone and do.
This is one of those things where, at least for me, learning tends to be iterative.

First girl I played with had been a live in 24/ slave for two years. Me? I had years of fantasy.
Everything I ever learned about BDSM I learned from slaves.
They taught me well and I'm exceedingly grateful that they did.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to itsSIRtou)

RE: how can a new dominant can start a relationship wit... - 1/23/2016 2:46:26 PM

theHouseofAvalon

Posts: 87
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domsl80

Hi,

I am new in bdsm world with no experience as a dominant.

I am saying dominant because I like to dominate slaves/subs and I tested my kinks on bdsmtest also.

can anyone give me idea how to start relationship because all slaves/subs want an experienced dom.

what a newbie will do?

any tips will be helpful.

thanks

I will not give you the standard CM forum answer which is likely go to munches and events. You will be a fish way out of water should you jump into munches and events this early in your career. After all, in these dynamics they respect knowledge and experience before anything else and likely you will be disrespected in those and that might destroy your enthusiasm.

So, know at least a little about what you are doing before you expose yourself to the crowd at munches and the local events.

Instead, make Amazon your best friend and read. Start with "The Loving Dominant". That book will teach you the basics in attitude and skills as well as event protocol. That book will actually teach you beginning flogging skills and how to become good at it before even meeting a submissive. With this knowledge and even a decent skill level you are now ready to attend an event or even meet a knowledgeable submissive with enough justifiable confidence to impress her. Speaking of that, I found that knowledgeable submissives , experienced submissives, are attracted to experience but they will be just as attracted to honesty and attitude and great looks, so learn a little, be honest, work out and get in shape and then go get em.

Your attitude and honesty will even work here on CM, on the other side, in attracting local submissives. One final recommendation, get your flogger not at the local sex shop but online from a place that hand crafts fine leather works of art. Nothing says "beginner" more than cheap tools. Cecil WAIN Studios (WAINSTUDIOS.COM) is a great place online, there are others. One more final note, pick up a copy of "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns" from Amazon, it is informative, funny and easy reading. Go get em.

The Master of the House.

< Message edited by theHouseofAvalon -- 1/23/2016 3:18:01 PM >

(in reply to domsl80)

RE: how can a new dominant can start a relationship wit... - 1/23/2016 3:26:13 PM

Kana

Posts: 6674
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

After all, in these dynamics they respect knowledge and experience before anything else and likely you will be disrespected in those and that might destroy your enthusiasm.

In my experience this isn't quite always true...as long as one goes in with the right attitude.
Go in there pretending to be what you are not, have experience you don't, yep, things likely won't go well.
Lots of reasons why, but first and foremost, well, sadists :-)

But start off by saying, Hey, I'm new. I want to learn," have some humility and enthusiasm, yeah, as long as the asker isn't a total asshat, there's almost always at least one person who will be glad to help and usually lots more.
We were all newcomers once.
Some of us remember that.

Besides, every group I've ever seen is like any other volunteer deal, 5% of the people do 95% of the work. Pitch in. Help out. Nine times out of ten they'll welcome you with open arms for that alone. And it's a terrific way to meet new people :-)

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to theHouseofAvalon)

RE: how can a new dominant can start a relationship wit... - 1/23/2016 6:04:03 PM

theHouseofAvalon

Posts: 87
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline

quote:

. Nine times out of ten they'll welcome you with open arms

Such optimism is admirable. I found munches sponsored by event holders or clubs are for the event holder or the club, not the participants.

It's purpose is to scope out new members. It is selective. Very much so. BDSM types tend to be very selective and suspicious.

In recruiting this is how it goes: know somebody and you are in. Submissives especially single women are in. Most couples are in. Single Dom males only if they have some redeeming asset, like good looking and enthusiastic or obviously knowledgeable. You come in a clueless single male Dom and you will leave still clueless.

Above all else know that this is not a social occasion. It is a recruiting effort and you are interviewing for an opening. Go in there clueless and you likely leave clueless. They don't teach things in munches because mostly they are in restaurants.

The Master of The House

(in reply to Kana)

RE: how can a new dominant can start a relationship wit... - 1/24/2016 5:23:06 AM

Posts: 277
Joined: 1/16/2010
Status: offline

1. Do some reading, see Resident Sadists book list.
2. The advice about self-mastery is excellent.
3. Use your head, a little common sense goes a long way.
4. Listen to your instincts.

(in reply to theHouseofAvalon)

RE: how can a new dominant can start a relationship wit... - 1/24/2016 6:07:21 AM

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: theHouseofAvalon

quote:

. Nine times out of ten they'll welcome you with open arms

Such optimism is admirable. I found munches sponsored by event holders or clubs are for the event holder or the club, not the participants.

It's purpose is to scope out new members. It is selective. Very much so. BDSM types tend to be very selective and suspicious.

In recruiting this is how it goes: know somebody and you are in. Submissives especially single women are in. Most couples are in. Single Dom males only if they have some redeeming asset, like good looking and enthusiastic or obviously knowledgeable. You come in a clueless single male Dom and you will leave still clueless.

Above all else know that this is not a social occasion. It is a recruiting effort and you are interviewing for an opening. Go in there clueless and you likely leave clueless. They don't teach things in munches because mostly they are in restaurants.

The Master of The House

I have been to a lot of events and munches in this area and my experiences couldn't be further from what you have described. There was no hidden agenda, just a bunch of like minded people getting together.

And while you may be very selective and suspicious when it comes to meeting new people you shouldn't assume everyone else thinks like you do.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to theHouseofAvalon)

RE: how can a new dominant can start a relationship wit... - 1/28/2016 11:07:09 AM

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Joined: 11/4/2015
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Honest thread, I like that.

Just be yourself *but i have also taken thishereboi first post into account

(in reply to thishereboi)

RE: how can a new dominant can start a relationship wit... - 1/31/2016 4:58:44 PM

Posts: 50
Joined: 12/10/2012
From: USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: itsSIRtou

to the OP,....

"Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom...Mastering others is strength, Mastering yourself is true power."

Im luckier than some people, I had mental Mentors in the team sports Ive been in. So Ive had the benefit of being taught critical self-introspection. I learned "ME" and got Myself under control before I started outrightly controlling others,

I remembered & worked hard on this....

I repeat...

"Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom...Mastering others is strength, Mastering yourself is true power."

I don't know anything about you, but there seems to be some conflict in your OP and your profile, you need to clear that up....now

In any case I think you better start with you - not a sub. Until you get a full handle on your self-control and Master who you are,... You will fail yourself and the sub you hurt in the process.

Because being in control of someone else IS a responsibility you are taking on. Plenty more, nothing less.

If you don't think that's real,....then you need to keep your hands off a sub and watch at playparties and talk to Master's at multiple munches until you do.

Completely agree with this post! :) Just fantastic!

There are also some great books on the topic, you may want to check out. There is a book thread listed under the General Discussion, at the top.

Best of luck!

_____________________________

www.PraisePrincessMika.com

(in reply to itsSIRtou)

RE: how can a new dominant can start a relationship wit... - 2/3/2016 4:04:03 PM

theHouseofAvalon

Posts: 87
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

quote:

ORIGINAL: theHouseofAvalon

quote:

. Nine times out of ten they'll welcome you with open arms

Such optimism is admirable. I found munches sponsored by event holders or clubs are for the event holder or the club, not the participants.

It's purpose is to scope out new members. It is selective. Very much so. BDSM types tend to be very selective and suspicious.

In recruiting this is how it goes: know somebody and you are in. Submissives especially single women are in. Most couples are in. Single Dom males only if they have some redeeming asset, like good looking and enthusiastic or obviously knowledgeable. You come in a clueless single male Dom and you will leave still clueless.

Above all else know that this is not a social occasion. It is a recruiting effort and you are interviewing for an opening. Go in there clueless and you likely leave clueless. They don't teach things in munches because mostly they are in restaurants.

The Master of The House

I have been to a lot of events and munches in this area and my experiences couldn't be further from what you have described. There was no hidden agenda, just a bunch of like minded people getting together.

And while you may be very selective and suspicious when it comes to meeting new people you shouldn't assume everyone else thinks like you do.

Your assumptions about me are unsupported by my comment. But BDSM types tend to be both selective and suspicious in public and public play and by no means is this a negative attribute. You see, little forum poster, one should be selective and one has a right to be suspicious of fakers until they are proven otherwise. Next time at the club, walk up to a Domme you don't know well and start talking to her submissive and see what happens. I wish I could see that. I would enjoy that.

The Master of The House

(in reply to thishereboi)

RE: how can a new dominant can start a relationship wit... - 2/3/2016 5:37:16 PM

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domsl80

Hi,

I am new in bdsm world with no experience as a dominant.

I am saying dominant because I like to dominate slaves/subs and I tested my kinks on bdsmtest also.

Wtf? You have no experience as a dominant but you like to dominate subs and slaves with the zero experience that you have

Fucking dumbshit. I wouldn't be domme by you if the world was on fire and you were the last person on earth.

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to domsl80)

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