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why subs think that they shouldn't have consent in rela... - 2/2/2016 11:07:11 PM

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Hi,

I talked to atleast 3 subs and their opinion was they shouldn't have a consent in D/s relationship.

D/s relationship is a consensual one not forced.

Why subs think like this?

what If I tie you to a table and cane your ass so much that you couldn't be able to sit for 1 month. will that be ok?

thanks

RE: why subs think that they shouldn't have consent in ... - 2/2/2016 11:15:30 PM

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as a slave it is my gift of submission that allows the doms to dominate. it is my consent to play and as the slave i have the power to say stop and trust the dom to respect my submission. there are those that have been fed the video crap making them think that doormats are wanted. i have found that the oppisit is true that those that are worthy of my submission want someone that can think for themselves have ideas and opinions able to have discussions.
just my thoughts

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(in reply to domrahul4u)

RE: why subs think that they shouldn't have consent in ... - 2/2/2016 11:50:36 PM

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Talked to them where? On here, you have a lot of fantasists. Many of whom I doubt are real people. In person, you occasionally meet a newbie in the grips of sub frenzy, who doesn't yet realize that relinquishing their right to consent means more than the occasional pleasant surprise.

There's pretty much nothing you can do for the former. The latter, the best thing you can do is try to help them build broader connections. If their dom is the only real experience they have with the lifestyle, there's a good chance that they won't realize that there are other options. Once they're talking to other people and seeing what other options are available, they're in a better place to remove themselves if the relationship winds up not being good for them.

(in reply to littleclip)

RE: why subs think that they shouldn't have consent in ... - 2/3/2016 11:58:00 AM

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Male bottoms who have zero experience and enjoy 'forced' porn. In their fantasies, anything done to them is hot.

Basically be glad they've given away their unrealistic attitude and move on to someone who won't waste your time.

Because forget about caning them, these types couldn't handle a single spanking. They'll be shocked to discover that pain actually hurts.

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(in reply to ReMakeYou)

RE: why subs think that they shouldn't have consent in ... - 2/3/2016 3:06:33 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: domrahul4u

Why subs think like this?

1) Because people have told them that is what REAL submissives expect

or

2) They have a rich fantasy life

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to domrahul4u)

RE: why subs think that they shouldn't have consent in ... - 2/3/2016 3:42:31 PM

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the ones that you have talked to live in a porn fantasy world.

I echo what littleclip said.

(in reply to domrahul4u)

RE: why subs think that they shouldn't have consent in ... - 2/3/2016 5:08:16 PM

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They live in their ouw little world. I an a big believer in SSC accent in this case on the C. I would not waste your rime with them. ind a real girl with a brain. They think forcered it the only way their is. They hav no idea about the real world.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to LilJuly76)

RE: why subs think that they shouldn't have consent in ... - 2/3/2016 6:57:31 PM

WinsomeDefiance

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I had a sadistic friend who loved it when someone told him they had no limits. He'd tell them, "great! Drop your pants and bend over while I go get my bat." Surprisingly enough, they found some limits after all.

(in reply to littleone35)

RE: why subs think that they shouldn't have consent in ... - 2/3/2016 9:43:43 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

I had a sadistic friend who loved it when someone told him they had no limits. He'd tell them, "great! Drop your pants and bend over while I go get my bat." Surprisingly enough, they found some limits after all.

M does something similar: "Fantastic! I have this shark hook that I've been wanting to try!"

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: why subs think that they shouldn't have consent in ... - 2/6/2016 5:26:47 PM

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First and foremost is the false dichotomy that a consensual relationship means that nothing can be forced. This is simply not so. Once hard limits are set, everything else is fair game. And within that "everything else" may be many activities that the sub doesn't directly enjoy (e.g. not something that he would do of his own free will, unsolicited by another person), but he enjoys the submission of having given over control.

This does not mean that he hasn't consented. On the contrary, it means that he has consented more than the average bear; he has given control over to the Domme in all aspects and has put absolute faith in her to use that control wisely, regardless of the minutia of his tastes.

This canard (that consensual cannot mean forced) manifests itself in many ways. Dommes think that "Domme" and "bitch" are synonymous (when, in actuality, the best Dommes often care more for their subs than a woman in a vanilla relationship). And subs think that anything outside of a fully pre-scripted play session (yawn) means having to be a doormat.

Yes, many aspects of porn contribute to these wrong views. But they are most often just riffing off the bogus idea (that's promulgated in many non-porn circles) that consensual and forced are mutually exclusive. That's where the problem starts.

Watch a (kink dot com) video or three. Even the teaser previews include evidence up front and at the end that the sub is fully consenting, but then the actual activities in between those bookends can be very rough and are often clearly forced.

(in reply to domrahul4u)

RE: why subs think that they shouldn't have consent in ... - 2/7/2016 1:32:10 PM

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Consent is vitally important, if I haven't consented then it's abuse.

However, our structure is irrevocable consent. Once I consented to be his slave, no further consent was required, and I cannot, within the rules of our agreement, withdraw consent.

(in reply to domrahul4u)

RE: why subs think that they shouldn't have consent in ... - 2/9/2016 8:19:15 PM

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quote:

Why subs think like this?

Because they are idiots

(in reply to sweetieDA)

RE: why subs think that they shouldn't have consent in ... - 2/10/2016 5:43:52 AM

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Because they spend too much time watching porn. Their fantasy is so strongly derived from what they see in porn that they think fantasy equates reality.

That and a lack of common sense :)

(in reply to domrahul4u)

RE: why subs think that they shouldn't have consent in ... - 2/10/2016 8:14:56 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: domrahul4u

Hi,

I talked to atleast 3 subs and their opinion was they shouldn't have a consent in D/s relationship.

D/s relationship is a consensual one not forced.

My personal thoughts are, they may fantasize about a relationship without consent, but it's a trust thing as well. They are looking to put their lives into someone else's hand and trust him or her to be capable to be making the best decision in their best interest so that they can completely abandon decision making process in their lives.

But I suspect the 3 subs who said that to you, may be inexperience, as if they were already in a relationship where they are happy with no consent, then there should be no friction technically. Whatever their dom wants, they do, technically should make the relationship super easy, unless the dom starts wanting to ask their opinion which then will probably make them unhappy right?

(in reply to domrahul4u)

RE: why subs think that they shouldn't have consent in ... - 2/12/2016 7:28:57 AM

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I'm sorry - this makes perfect sense to me. I am naturally submissive. If I set limits then I am not being submissive but instead I am in control, when the very thing I yearn for is not to be in control and to be used. Yet, as you say, I don't want to be beaten to a pulp - so I have to find someone who wants to do the things to me that I like and not the things that I don't like, without me articulating this as some form of ground rule setting.

I know this sounds a little contradictory, but it is real. I dont want to be beaten, or to have needles pushed through my boobs - but I do want someone who feels that he (or she) could do that to me if they wanted to - they just choose not to because it's not their thing. For me, the real turn on is the surrender of control - because then, the bad things I do are not down to me; someone else takes responsibility and I can still think of myself as "good"

Does this make any sens, or is it just gibberish?

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: why subs think that they shouldn't have consent in ... - 2/12/2016 5:59:57 PM

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From: Western MD
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Joannerabbit
I'm sorry - this makes perfect sense to me. I am naturally submissive. If I set limits then I am not being submissive but instead I am in control, when the very thing I yearn for is not to be in control and to be used. Yet, as you say, I don't want to be beaten to a pulp - so I have to find someone who wants to do the things to me that I like and not the things that I don't like, without me articulating this as some form of ground rule setting.

I know this sounds a little contradictory, but it is real. I dont want to be beaten, or to have needles pushed through my boobs - but I do want someone who feels that he (or she) could do that to me if they wanted to - they just choose not to because it's not their thing. For me, the real turn on is the surrender of control - because then, the bad things I do are not down to me; someone else takes responsibility and I can still think of myself as "good"

Does this make any sens, or is it just gibberish?

At first, I thought you might be a newbie (since this is an almost typical reaction of many newbie subs AND newbie Dominants), but I see you have been on CS/CM for over 4 years. Nevertheless, you might still consider yourself a newbie to the BDSM lifestyle (or else haven't found your ideal D/s match yet).

What you posted reminded me of an "Objectification" thread from a few months ago. http://www.collarchat.com/m_4854308/mpage_1/tm.htm

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressMarie50

What are your thoughts about objectification? What do you like or not like about it?

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

for some, it is the feeling of the absolving of responsibility for their actions, and thereby they escape any guilt. They don't have to think, just do.

DreamLady

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(in reply to Joannerabbit)

RE: why subs think that they shouldn't have consent in ... - 2/13/2016 5:19:26 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Joannerabbit

I'm sorry - this makes perfect sense to me. I am naturally submissive. If I set limits then I am not being submissive but instead I am in control, when the very thing I yearn for is not to be in control and to be used. Yet, as you say, I don't want to be beaten to a pulp - so I have to find someone who wants to do the things to me that I like and not the things that I don't like, without me articulating this as some form of ground rule setting.

I could have written this a few years ago. But now, I read this and I think "So...you have limits, then."

quote:

I know this sounds a little contradictory, but it is real. I dont want to be beaten, or to have needles pushed through my boobs - but I do want someone who feels that he (or she) could do that to me if they wanted to - they just choose not to because it's not their thing. For me, the real turn on is the surrender of control - because then, the bad things I do are not down to me; someone else takes responsibility and I can still think of myself as "good"

Does this make any sens, or is it just gibberish?

I actually find it much more fulfilling if I take full accountability for the "bad" things I do. This, too, has been a progression. It's really kind of hot to say "I know this is absolutely disgusting, but this is what I want and I have no good explanation for it other than it makes me wet." That, to me, is the surrender of control. It's intimidating and scary to open yourself up to judgment like that, whether it's about sex or kink or just an everyday vanilla decision. Being openly, humanly, imperfect before him. But that's the thing - he is judge and jury of whether I'm good or not, not me.

< Message edited by Kaliko -- 2/13/2016 5:21:03 AM >

(in reply to Joannerabbit)

RE: why subs think that they shouldn't have consent in ... - 2/13/2016 5:51:25 AM

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trust goes a long way, I can't agree to a D/s relationship until I know if I can trust a person.

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: why subs think that they shouldn't have consent in ... - 2/13/2016 7:24:52 AM

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Fantasist & bad stereotype are interchangeable – Therefore one basically creates the other and vice versa. My opinion is these places have that to excess, or certainly more than >50% egging each other on.

But as you said you have talked to 3; a limited gene pool, not even a remote snap shot of the whole.

Everyone one above me has made some good points, nods at @Joannerabbit – I tend to concur. But some of us are adaptable - ebb and flow, and I will add in no-one should get their own way all of the time; not even I with cake, Chardonnay – cinnamon ;) – or would love be an exception to that rule.

I am also aware there are some who are anything but bad stereotypes who seek solely to abuse or be abused all of the time.

(in reply to LilJuly76)

RE: why subs think that they shouldn't have consent in ... - 2/13/2016 8:36:34 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WickedsDesire Fantasist & bad stereotype are interchangeable – Therefore one basically creates the other and vice versa. My opinion is these places have that to excess, or certainly more than >50% egging each other on.

But as you said you have talked to 3; a limited gene pool, not even a remote snap shot of the whole. I will add in no-one should get their own way all of the time; not even I with cake, Chardonnay – cinnamon ;) – or would love be an exception to that rule.

How cute you add cinnamon to your Chardonnay now.

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