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quote:
ORIGINAL: AAkasha
As a sensual sadistic femdom toppy type with a variety of bondage fetishes, I have narrowed down my own personal nirvana to be this: A man who can display authentic vulnerability. That's my femdom orgasm. I crave it. I need it. It's not always accessible - some men can't get there, others are not good at it.
Don't mistake -- it's not "acting" - it's, if anything, "method acting" or real.
I came across a fascinating article about good actors -- skim most of it, but read about vulnerability. That's what I am talking about:
http://www.slate.com/blogs/quora/2014/09/10/how_do_you_differentiate_good_acting_from_bad_acting.html?wpsrc=fol_tw
And it may explain why I am also really drawn to roles (especially involving bondage, helplessness, pain) where the actor must be totally vulnerable in order to do the role properly. This is not "roleplaying." This is a man enduring very uncomfortable things and being raw for his craft - this is surrender. So good acting in helpless scenarios can push ALL of my buttons.
I am just wondering if other tops are drawn to this. Again, I despise when people dismiss this sort of thing as "roleplaying" -- oh, he's just pretending to be helpless and afraid. No, a good bottom IS helpless and afraid because he's not ashamed of being raw, no matter how uncomfortable it makes him. It's method acting at its purest.
On some level, all bottoming is a form of acting. Deep down, the bottom knows he or she is safe and loved. It's the difference between a boring, stoic, robotic bottom (who just endures) vs. one that EXPERIENCES it so I can see it, that's what I hunger to witness, and be a part of. Many bottoms just sort of are a passenger of the scene, vs. take an active role in participating in real surrender.
Thoughts?
Akasha
Role play or not, acting or not, there are all sorts of situations in "play" in which you are vulnerable.
As a sub I have always liked situations which stretch what I think I can do and which are genuinely a bit scary. As you suggest this is quite different from grinding through something you necessarily really like with a "stoic" attitude. You need to be prepared for the vulnerability this brings out in you and the feeling of being in someone else's hands, rather than having someone do something to you.
For me that is the very essence of submission. You can call it role play in the sense that you are both playing a role, but then I play a role every day when I go to work, which doesn't make what I do any less real, significant or worthwhile.
Sure the differences between "stoical" bottoming and the vulnerability of submission can appear pretty subtle, but the emotional content is quite different. Laying aside the whole thorny issue of topping from the bottom, doing something that is difficult, potentially unpleasant and/or painful because your partner wants to might be very worthy, but being turned on by their excitement and wanting more of that, both for your partner and yourself, brings you to a vulnerable place where you are willing to be led further into something that hurts or scares you in a different way.
I think that is where we get all sorts of disagreements between people about "forced" this and "forced" that, especially where people say quite correctly that you are technically not being "forced" because you have in practice at some level consented. In this regard a sub might say (somewhat manipulatively) they dislike something that is a primary turn on so that a Dom/me will use it as part of a scene "against their will". In theory both parties get the payoff of the role play of resistance and submission, with an underlying positive consent to something they both know turns them on.
Being willing to embrace true vulnerability as a sub however involves submitting to things which are turn-ons for the other person and not for you. The reason that you do that might be to expand your horizons, because you are wired to please, because the scariness or anxiety turns you on, or because you love someone. Whatever way you are consciously agreeing to do something you would not otherwise do, which makes you vulnerable. Just as a actor might do things for a role, they would not do otherwise, you are doing the same, but not to please is an "I'll put up with it" sort of a way, but with genuine vulnerability, tinged with excitement, anxiety and fear.
For my part there are a number of things that have become turn-ons for me through this route, and interestingly, although I know they are going to be hugely horny, some of them still make me feel very vulnerable and I know I could never do them except with the right person, not just because I have to trust the other person for practical reasons, but also because I have to want to do something with them which is at the lease "against my better judgement". That of course is an emotional response and all about the ability and desire to lay yourself open and be vulnerable in the way you suggest in your post.
Apologies if some of this strayed a bit from your original post, but it provoked all these thoughts and more. For what it's worth, I think so much of what we do is acting of some sort, even if it is "method acting at its purest" as you say. There is nothing fake about being "helpless, afraid and raw" as part of play.
Similarly there is nothing more genuine than meeting each other's complex and dark needs and desires through the roles we play. They always have to be roles at some level because we know what we do is somewhat paradoxical in that what we crave is deeply affirming even if it looks to those who don't understand like damage or abuse.
In my experience not all Tops or Dom/mes are drawn to or know what to do with this vulnerability, some just love the act itself or the control. Those who really make the connection and get inside your head (and your soul) do get it completely. And that is all the adjectives at once - good, bad, exciting, dangerous, raw, scary and wonderful.
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The craft of acting (movies etc) and bottoming - 
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