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UllrsIshtar -> RE: New dominants? (3/3/2016 11:27:36 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SuaveGentleman
How did you go about it in your early days? How do subs / slaves see it now?
It depends on what you're looking for.
If what you (either the sub or the Dominant) want act driven stuff, like a good flogging, or shibari, or electro-play, then yes there's going to be a learning curve to become good at what you want to do.
If I want to do a suspension shibari scene, I'm going to expect the Top to have experience with shibari, and know what he's doing before attempting to do it. Even if it's his first time doing such a scene, I'm going to expect him having the basics of rope-play down before attempting a suspension.
If it's a guy I'm into for other reasons, I'm more than willing to help him get the experience needed to work up to doing suspensions (like with my husband, who was totally inexperienced with rope before we met) but the experience, and slow build up of his skill level, is still going to need to be there, before we get into suspensions.
On the other hand there's the more general 'being the leader' stuff. Things like deciding what the sub eats, when she goes to bed, how the dishes are done. On that type of Dominance, experience isn't really needed, what's needed is you being the type of person who can be a good leader.
Leadership can be honed over time, and you can become better at it with practice, but in the end, it's something you either have, or you don't. As such, being a new Dominant who's never had experience leading another person that way isn't really an indication of whether or not you'd actually be good at it or not. What matters is: are you the type of person worth following?
The way you show that you are a good leader, even if you've never been in charge before, is by setting an example of making good decisions in your own life.
Do you lead yourself well? Do you have a pattern of making the right decisions for yourself, and your own life? Do you have a pattern of thinking through stuff, instead of living on impulse and doing what you feel like without thought to the consequences?
If you can show that you've got your shit together, and lead yourself well first, experience leading another person isn't going to matter when you find a girl who's compatible with you, and your style of leadership.
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