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ORIGINAL: betataster

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ORIGINAL: dreamlady
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A woman contacting a man doesn't make her appear to be any more "real" to him. In fact, a man would be more likely to be question her motives than usual.
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I agree with this for the most part.

My profile has attracted some attention and I have received a fair number of unsolicited contacts from Dominas, especially given my short tenure here. I'm not a person that questions motives much. I rely on my instincts and motives will reveal themselves in time. If it's just about whether or not they're going to ask me for money, that's no big deal. They either reveal that fairly quickly or pick up on the hints I drop that that's not what I'm looking for.

I have more trouble on these unsolicited contacts with discerning if their motive is to feel me out for a relationship or just to have some email chat. This is a bit of an odd dance y'all have here between a submissive male and a dominant woman. And certainly not one that I have figured out. It seems that the dominant woman wants the supposedly submissive male to be a bit aggressive but not too aggressive? The woman is supposed to be dominant but she still wants to be demure? I don't know. But I have enjoyed most of the exchanges I've had with folks here.

Except for one that was distinctly odd. This woman contacted me with a brief message along the lines of "why should I be interested in you?" Okay, I'm game, I thought. I'll give it a shot. So I write her back something and she would give me a very brief reply. This went back and forth but I eventually discovered that getting anywhere close to her would requiring navigating a minefield that might well have no path through it. Eventually, I guess I stepped on one mine too many with her giving me no clues as to which way to go and she blew up. Boom.

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ORIGINAL: betataster
Yes, aggressive was a poor choice of term. Especially in the context of this community. Assertive better conveys what I was intending to communicate. Personally, my feeling is that you take your shot and sometimes you hit and sometimes you miss. Even a good marksman misses from time to time and I don't claim to be any Olympic-class marksman. Just a guy trying to make a connection.

But you do see what I mean about the odd dance? Demure vs. dominant?

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ORIGINAL: betataster
Good points all, as usual.

By "odd dance", I am referring to the Fm Ds dynamic vs the traditional? male dominant stereotype (not wanting to get into a history of matriarchal vs. patriarchal society). One would think that if we are looking at a female-led relationship versus the traditional male-led relationship, we are looking to reverse roles. Yet you make the analogy a few posts above placing the male as the hunter. Or, at least, I assume you mean the male there. Which would then place the woman, the dominant woman, as the prey. Otherwise your hunting analogy makes little sense. That is what makes it an odd dance to me, that, in the midst of this concept of reversing roles, we have the same old roles being played out over again.

Forget the hunting analogy for a moment. It is a state of consciousness, and women can be huntresses also. Catch is not always 'prey,' and you are taking this far too literally. Shopping is a form of hunting - especially when one is shopping for bargains - and yet one does not kill one's purchases. If I were to give you an eBay analogy, it wouldn't mean that people are literally getting sold at auction on the common market (legally) to the highest bidder.

Now, the main point, which does not bear repeating:

F/m IS NOT A ROLE REVERSAL. Dominant women do not turn into men. Submissive men do not turn into women.

It is patently offensive to presume that Dominance is reserved for the male gender exclusively or that it is a masculine trait, and to therefore presume that submissiveness is reserved for the female gender exclusively or that it is a feminine trait.

Dominance and submission have to do with power and authority, and women are fully capable of assuming and wielding feminine power, influence, and feminine authority without having to turn into masculine versions of men.

Watching FemDom porn would lead the porn-contaminated into believing that a woman is incapable of dominating a man unless she does a role reversal to emasculate men, or that FLRs are unnatural, when females have been leading relationships just as often as males have, since the beginning of time.

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ORIGINAL: betataster
As always, DreamLady, I appreciate your insights. Too bad I'm not younger and closer! Believe it or not, I do not consider myself contaminated by femdom fantasies. Which is why I'm not keen on joining the local fetish community. What you describe seems close to what I'm looking for.

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Instead of a hunting analogy, think of it as a queen and a knight. The knight, going out doing great deeds in her name is proactive. He doesn't call himself a lowly worm. He doesn't laze around hoping she'll call him and tell him of an evil dragon.

He goes out and does what needs to be done and brings back the trophy.

But she's still more powerful than him and he willingly obeys her commands.