Is the term "boys" when referring to men offensive? (Full Version)

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AAkasha -> Is the term "boys" when referring to men offensive? (4/3/2016 12:45:24 PM)


From time to time it's pointed out on here and other forums that referring to women as "girls" and men as "boys" is potentially offensive. (of course, in a consensual power exchange situation or an agreed relationship, perhaps either can be used as a term of endearment and understood by both people).

Adult men in professional team sports (I am specifically talking about NHL/hockey but I am sure it does crossover into other sports) call each other "boys," almost to the point of having it in every.single.sentence when talking to their teammates on the bench, lockeroom, etc. They never say, "guys" and they never say "gents" or "gentleman!"

It's "Come on, boys," and "We got this, boys," etc.

Is "boy" a more acceptable term when referring to men, vs. calling a lady "girl"?




LadyPact -> RE: Is the term "boys" when referring to men offensive? (4/3/2016 1:00:16 PM)

For littles, I'd probably say not. The rest is almost a crap shoot. Anymore, I just say better safe than sorry and try to stick to names, if possible.



DesFIP -> RE: Is the term "boys" when referring to men offensive? (4/3/2016 1:03:37 PM)

For members of the group, apparently not. For those who are not part of the group, yes it's likely to be viewed as offensive.



ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Is the term "boys" when referring to men offensive? (4/3/2016 1:19:21 PM)

I don't know, at work I use both "boys" and "girls" all the time as in "What are you boys/girls having?" and nobody bats an eye.



DaddySatyr -> RE: Is the term "boys" when referring to men offensive? (4/3/2016 1:39:43 PM)


I'm a 51 year old college student. I had a young lady refer to me and a (much) younger student as "boys", a couple of months ago.

Interestingly enough, that very day she had missed her bus and needed a ride and I was going in the direction.

After the usual pleasantries ("thanks for giving me a ride", etc.), I told her that I was happy to do so, any time since I wasn't going out of my way by more than a half a mile or so. I also mentioned that I had an ulterior motive. I wanted to speak with her, privately about her use of the word "boy" to describe me.

Instead of an apology, she launched into a defense about how she's older than most college students (she's 25, still half my age and then some). I listened and asked if she thought she was older than I.

I didn't get a direct answer. Realizing I wasn't going to get anywhere, I informed her that she is nearly three years younger than my YOUNGEST son and if she ever called me a "boy", again, I would publicly give her the formula to never viewing me as a "boy", ever again.

Surprisingly, we haven't spoken since.

To the exact point of the post, I believe that a male child stops being a "boy" and a female child stops being a "girl" sometime around their twelfth birthday (maybe earlier). I don't think I've referred to "boys" or "girls" past that age in 20+ years.



Michael



MrRodgers -> RE: Is the term "boys" when referring to men offensive? (4/3/2016 1:39:54 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

For littles, I'd probably say not. The rest is almost a crap shoot. Anymore, I just say better safe than sorry and try to stick to names, if possible.


Yep, I have been roasted for using girl with a woman both on dates and online. I will no more unless she is a teen or very young and only as much as possible...a term of affection.



Lucylastic -> RE: Is the term "boys" when referring to men offensive? (4/3/2016 1:40:30 PM)

i have two boys n a girl, they became my "guys"....hockey, football rugby and soccer teams are my boys....
friends are mostly guys...friendly male submissives...guys and boys, male doms, guys.
people who annoy me get silence or ...cynicism.
When I say "oh you silly boy...", if you arent my submissive, or being "fun" with me...you should probably take it as a slight dig.
But usually if someone takes offence at my inadvertent term, I will apologise and correct it....
offensive, yep im admitting to having used it as a term of derision. but not to someone who has a genuine issue.
continuous use is, offensive in my humble opinion only



freedomdwarf1 -> RE: Is the term "boys" when referring to men offensive? (4/3/2016 1:41:24 PM)

I think it must be more of an American thing.
Of every pub/club/meeting I've ever been at where there aren't any minors, it's usually guy'n'gals or ladies and gents (or gentlemen) over here.

The term boys or girls when refering to adults here tend to be either tongue-in-cheek, sarcasm (which I can never understand), or a slur of some sort.



bounty44 -> RE: Is the term "boys" when referring to men offensive? (4/3/2016 1:57:00 PM)

its generally tough to figure because there isn't homogeneity when it comes to usage...I would have a colleague good naturedly chastise me when I used the term "girl" to refer to females over 18. yet females over 18 frequently refer to themselves in that way.

I can see the gender feminists' argument of addressing adults as "girl" as infantilizing or evidence of subtle patriarchy---but in the academic and even lay literature, one never sees (or at least I haven't) the argument applied to males in the same way.

for my part, its navigated on an individual, one on one basis. to be safe, ive point blank asked students "if i am speaking generically in reference to you, are you a girl or a woman?" for the most part, the pause in answering tells me they haven't given it much thought yet.

lastly, I suppose an awful lot is conveyed by the context and in the manner with which the words are used.



DaddySatyr -> RE: Is the term "boys" when referring to men offensive? (4/3/2016 2:02:28 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: bounty44

for my part, its navigated on an individual, one on one basis. to be safe, ive point blank asked students "if i am speaking generically in reference to you, are you a girl or a woman?" for the most part, the pause in answering tells me they haven't given it much thought yet.



I have an interesting (maybe) side note on this for you, Bounty.

I've had two (not full professors but) instructors that gave a two minute dissertation on why the students should call them "Mr." or "Ms." whatever. In both cases, they were younger than I.

As they were going around the room, taking role for the first time, they asked each of us what we prefer to be called. When it came to me, without missing a beat, I responded: "Mr. C _ _ _ _ _ _ will be fine." One of them took that as "fair dues". One of them didn't. Guess which one was which? I dare ya! LOL



Michael



mnottertail -> RE: Is the term "boys" when referring to men offensive? (4/3/2016 2:13:14 PM)

I dont know how you deal with absolute generalities as absolute specifics. Lets pretend for a moment, that all lesbians do not somehow gie off pheremones that all men can detect. Do they do ok with honey? How you doin, girl? Whassup, bitch?

I am sure there are some males who hae a hard-on for the word boys, I am sure there are some females who have a hardon for the word girls.


I am thinking it is a bell curve, but I am also certain; there are circumstances in THIS work-a-day, dreary world where saying those things is even better than ok.




AAkasha -> RE: Is the term "boys" when referring to men offensive? (4/3/2016 2:16:50 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

I think it must be more of an American thing.
Of every pub/club/meeting I've ever been at where there aren't any minors, it's usually guy'n'gals or ladies and gents (or gentlemen) over here.

The term boys or girls when refering to adults here tend to be either tongue-in-cheek, sarcasm (which I can never understand), or a slur of some sort.




So question here for those in the UK -- what do your big sports teams (ie football/soccer) refer to each other as in their locker rooms, etc? I am sure people have seen behind-the-scenes videos or various documentaries with candid videos from team stuff -- wondering if the UK men call each other "Lads" or something else?

In the US, with hockey at least, "Boys" is probably in almost every sentence it seems when they address their teammates.




PeonForHer -> RE: Is the term "boys" when referring to men offensive? (4/3/2016 2:17:21 PM)

FR

Quick Q: is 'lad' used much, if at all, that side of the pond? Over here it works as a chummy and informal way of referring to men without - I think - any of the possibly diminutive overtones of 'boy'.



mnottertail -> RE: Is the term "boys" when referring to men offensive? (4/3/2016 2:24:37 PM)

Nope. Our most recognizable use of it is "A Shropshire Lad' (oft referred to, never read), other than that laddie buck and all the sheep things for lads, and that not often



PeonForHer -> RE: Is the term "boys" when referring to men offensive? (4/3/2016 3:28:58 PM)

Ah - ta. Strange, in a way, that such an ordinary word didn't work its way from Brit to US English. Whatever: no 'workaround' available in the US with 'lad', then.

I think 'boy' is used amongst team-mates here, just as it in the USA. Fine amongst groups of male friends, just as is 'girl' amongst groups of female friends, but might jar coming from an outsider and especially of the opposite sex.



LilJuly76 -> RE: Is the term "boys" when referring to men offensive? (4/3/2016 3:29:18 PM)

when I'm with a Dominant it doesn't bother me to be called girl, however and I have had this happen many times, many people who identify themselves as Dominant, sending me pm's calling me girl, now that I take offence to.



bounty44 -> RE: Is the term "boys" when referring to men offensive? (4/3/2016 3:44:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr


quote:

ORIGINAL: bounty44

for my part, its navigated on an individual, one on one basis. to be safe, ive point blank asked students "if i am speaking generically in reference to you, are you a girl or a woman?" for the most part, the pause in answering tells me they haven't given it much thought yet.



I have an interesting (maybe) side note on this for you, Bounty.

I've had two (not full professors but) instructors that gave a two minute dissertation on why the students should call them "Mr." or "Ms." whatever. In both cases, they were younger than I.

As they were going around the room, taking role for the first time, they asked each of us what we prefer to be called. When it came to me, without missing a beat, I responded: "Mr. C _ _ _ _ _ _ will be fine." One of them took that as "fair dues". One of them didn't. Guess which one was which? I dare ya! LOL
Michael


that's a good one!

keeping in that vein---id have colleagues insist on being called "dr" so and so but by contrast, I ask my students to call me by my first name if they are comfortable doing so. my colleagues would argue that their position helped keep the professional distance they wanted, and I would say that mine closed the distance which is what I find desirable.

interestingly though, I still cannot, or maybe I just don't want to, call my old teachers or coaches by their first names.



bounty44 -> RE: Is the term "boys" when referring to men offensive? (4/3/2016 3:48:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

FR

Quick Q: is 'lad' used much, if at all, that side of the pond? Over here it works as a chummy and informal way of referring to men without - I think - any of the possibly diminutive overtones of 'boy'.


if it is used at all (and its the same with lasses), its done with the mutual cognition that the speaker is purposely using british English for some special effect.



mnottertail -> RE: Is the term "boys" when referring to men offensive? (4/3/2016 3:55:18 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Ah - ta. Strange, in a way, that such an ordinary word didn't work its way from Brit to US English. Whatever: no 'workaround' available in the US with 'lad', then.

I think 'boy' is used amongst team-mates here, just as it in the USA. Fine amongst groups of male friends, just as is 'girl' amongst groups of female friends, but might jar coming from an outsider and especially of the opposite sex.


we all look to be affronted dont we?



DaddySatyr -> RE: Is the term "boys" when referring to men offensive? (4/3/2016 4:16:24 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: bounty44

if it is used at all (and its the same with lasses), its done with the mutual cognition that the speaker is purposely using british English for some special effect.



Or an Irish brogue, laddie. [:D]

Fuck the Provs!



Michael



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