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help with angry male sub - 4/9/2016 1:39:31 PM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		I am a female sub but trying to help a couple i know they have recently started a domme/sub relationship. I was wondering how you cope with a male sub who gets angry as a result of PTSD from the army. he does not get aggressive but does get angry and how would you deal with it if he was yours. sorry if this is not an appropriate question to ask here not sure where to ask.
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RE: help with angry male sub - 4/9/2016 1:42:55 PM   
DaddySatyr


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I wouldn't deal with PTSD. I'd have a mental health professional do so.



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RE: help with angry male sub - 4/9/2016 1:47:23 PM   
ReMakeYou


Posts: 147
Joined: 1/20/2012
Status: offline 		Does the domme happen to have training as a mental health professional?

If not, there's nothing wrong or un-domly about realizing a problem is too big for you to fix single handedly. She can help him find a therapist to help him work through this, and she can be supportive when he's having a rough patch. But ultimately you can't help someone if they're not going to put work into it on their own, and some problems are big enough that you need to turn to professional help.

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RE: help with angry male sub - 4/9/2016 1:52:29 PM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		they are married and she has dealt with him with it before but its different now. heis under therapy but the therapist is not kink friendly they posed some questions to find out so have not explored it with the therapist . He knows he flies of the handle at times and is beginning to be more aware and the domme/sub has helped a lot for both of them and built their relationship to a much stronger palce. jsut after anyone else who is in teh situation

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RE: help with angry male sub - 4/10/2016 7:30:02 AM   
littleclip


Posts: 869
Joined: 5/31/2012
Status: offline 		a professional would be the best but he may not be willing to go. so finding the basis for the anger is needed. getting his heart rate up like on a elliptical or similar. need to get the heart rate up to about 90% of max that is 220 - his age gives a maximum hr. get the hr up and keep it there for about 2 min when he is starting to breath hard. then ask why he is angry what is causing the frustration. this will give a good place to start on the anger and encourage him to seek the help needed.

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RE: help with angry male sub - 4/10/2016 8:12:36 AM   
Cinnamongirl67


Posts: 854
Status: offline 		I am not a mistress.
You may have very good intentions by trying to help. In all actuality though, you are probably doing more harm then good.
Although it's good to get advice at times, many times to much advice just makes things worse.
This sounds like an issue between a husband and wife, that should be the main focus, not an issue between Domme and sub.
The trauma should be treated and kink taken off the table. It shouldn't matter if the therapist is kink friendly or not.
Since you are looking for advice, I can think of two common sense things I'd recommend.
1) wife/Domme should not engage during a rage or give orders to someone under mental pressure. Just because he hasn't became violent doesn't mean he won't if pushed to far.
2) you can be a friend and listen, but I would avoid meddling in a couples relationship with well intended, but possibly harmful advice.

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RE: help with angry male sub - 4/10/2016 2:47:57 PM   
OsideGirl


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From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cinnamongirl67


The trauma should be treated and kink taken off the table. It shouldn't matter if the therapist is kink friendly or not.



^^^ This


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RE: help with angry male sub - 4/10/2016 3:10:21 PM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: Cinnamongirl67


The trauma should be treated and kink taken off the table. It shouldn't matter if the therapist is kink friendly or not.



^^^ This


Cant say I disagree in the slightest...unless the dynamic or rather the lack of it IS part of the anger?
that part would definitely be better discussed with kink friendly therapy.
I obviously dont know the couple or their dynamic, or the cause of his or her issues, but Ive seen frustration and anger when the dynamic is failing on some part, from over expectation and, or under expectation.
We dont know when the "anger" builds or why...he is in therapy for PTSD, maybe he gets frustrated and feels she is overly supportive...if their dynamic was heavily D/s.
Im just throwing out random thoughts. But normally postponing the kink during a traumatic time is a good idea.

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RE: help with angry male sub - 4/10/2016 3:10:33 PM   
SimranTemptress


Posts: 10
Joined: 4/10/2016
Status: offline 		stay away from creeps.

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RE: help with angry male sub - 4/27/2016 2:59:36 PM   
MsHoney2you


Posts: 42
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		I vote take the S&M off the table if you see that is the initiator of the anger. There are many other ways you two can connect, he can serve you, let him. Show him his efforts are appreciated and his value has not diminished because the play changes. You don't have to do what he wants (if that is the S&M) but he should NOT give you a bad time because you wish his support in a different way. Keeping him in therapy is great. As a Dominant we know there are many emotions that surface when in and out of play. If you KNOW you are NOT Qualified to help him with his problem, please do not pretend... just let him know he is loved and you are there.
Sincerely,
Ms Honey

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RE: help with angry male sub - 4/27/2016 4:46:57 PM   
crumpets


Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
Status: offline 		FR...

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RE: help with angry male sub - 4/27/2016 6:59:01 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixmoonn13

I am a female sub but trying to help a couple i know they have recently started a domme/sub relationship. I was wondering how you cope with a male sub who gets angry as a result of PTSD from the army. he does not get aggressive but does get angry and how would you deal with it if he was yours. sorry if this is not an appropriate question to ask here not sure where to ask.


Send him to VA to see the mental heath professionals there. This is WAY out of our range of expertise.

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RE: help with angry male sub - 4/27/2016 7:07:53 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo


Send him to VA to see the mental heath professionals there. This is WAY out of our range of expertise.


You make getting a pysch appointment with the VA sound way easier than it is. It took my brother a year to even get on the list to make an appointment, then the appointment was over a month away.


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RE: help with angry male sub - 4/27/2016 7:48:02 PM   
FelineRanger


Posts: 658
Joined: 9/4/2012
Status: offline 		If the therapist isn't kink-friendly, I would strongly suggest checking the Kink Aware Professionals Directory available through the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. Otherwise, treat the PTSD and its underlying causes first before resuming BDSM activities.

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RE: help with angry male sub - 4/30/2016 11:44:41 AM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline 		Have you tried bombarding him with gamma rays what could possibly go wrong

It is unlikely that which is broke can ever be fixed, managed perhaps a little, never fully..but one should always try for a time, not an eternity.

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