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Is "online" even worth the time or effort any... - 4/30/2016 6:23:38 PM   
aturwhimx


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/25/2016
Status: offline 		OK... so here's the situation
-------------------------------------

I am in my early 30's, living in the UK

I do not have any long term commitments such as a job or vanilla relationship (Not really in need of one just now)

I still consider myself to have limited experience although I did have a very deep emotional and spiritual connection with my mistress that lasted over a period 2 years (who sadly has since retired from life itself due to a long standing battle against cancer)

I have since been out of the BDSM field and life style for well over 3 and half years now.

I find myself somewhat longing to have the same level of connection which I truly doubt I will ever have again.

I sometimes attend Munchies within Edinburgh & Glasgow but find that nothing quite compares to the 24/7 lifestyle I once had.

I have since reestablished dialogue with my unwitting family who thought I was abroad the whole time I was living my secrete lifestyle down in London.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So my questions are:
----------------------------

1. I was first, properly initiated into S&M by my partner who I met through ZOOSK and then continued to build up legitimate dialogue via a site called Fetlife.com, it seems to me now as though we where only lucky to "hit it of" well enough to actually make these arrangements and meet how and when we did?

2. There has since been many occasion I've found myself back to square #1 in which I initially began (call it nostalgia) just a couple of years ago and where these services are still running or available online today, but I can't seem to fain the same or if any interest in having a conducive discussion with those said methods, and as I am already well aware... Many if not most of those who have interacted via these online services such as FL,Zoosk, CS... Are already in some kind of sub/dom relationship anyways, which leaves me baffled as to what their point in being there actually is? (perhaps it's just for the lolz with familiars)

3. Whatever the case, it's all becomes rather discouraging and I have reached the point of asking myself whether or not putting any more effort into seeking online is even worth the while anymore or should I just hire a professional lifestyle mistress instead like my mistress once was for a brief period?

I would also appreciate some constructive criticism on my profile as I have never written one before until recently...

Thank you for reading

Warm Regards,
aturwhimx
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Is "online" even worth the time or effort... - 4/30/2016 7:02:16 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5159
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		As to your profile, it's all negativity. I certainly wouldn't want to get to know someone who only writes about negative things.

As to whether you should keep trying, well that is up to you. It all depends on how much you want a BDSM type relationship. If the effort is more than you are willing to put out, then obviously you don't want that kind of relationship all that much.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to aturwhimx)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Is "online" even worth the time or effort... - 4/30/2016 7:23:22 PM   
aturwhimx


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/25/2016
Status: offline 		In what regard is it negative exactly? besides the blatant obvious? The spamming here is ridiculous, so I prefer people only take the time to come up with genuine original conversation, is that negative or is that not just pragmatic? I asked for "CONSTRUCTIVE" criticism, not just easy slander =S

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Is "online" even worth the time or effort... - 4/30/2016 7:43:44 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aturwhimx

In what regard is it negative exactly? besides the blatant obvious? The spamming here is ridiculous, so I prefer people only take the time to come up with genuine original conversation, is that negative or is that not just pragmatic? I asked for "CONSTRUCTIVE" criticism, not just easy slander =S


"No spammers and a bunch of negativity first" =

Spammers ignore everything you don't want and mail you anyways

AND

Real profile see your first paragraph, are turned off, don't finish reading your profile and don't mail you

The only thing you're doing is discouraging real people from writing you.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to aturwhimx)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Is "online" even worth the time or effort... - 4/30/2016 7:46:15 PM   
aturwhimx


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/25/2016
Status: offline 		ok, a fair point taken and noted... thanks

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Is "online" even worth the time or effort... - 4/30/2016 8:01:53 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline 		There is nothing you can do to discourage those you don't want writing you from writing you anyways. Any line in your profile you dedicate to what you don't want to do online (pay for stuff, send out your email, skype) is going to get ignored by all the people you're not interested in.

So, what you need to do is make a profile that will make somebody who you WOULD want to write you be interested enough in you to want to write you.

Take a look at your profile again, and try to picture it from the perspective of a woman or trans woman you're interested in...

- What does it say about you?
- What makes you stand out from the crowd?
- What kind of person are you?
- Why should they care to talk to you?
- What peeks their interest in a conversation in you?
- What in your profile gives them an opening to start a conversation with you?
- How are you compatible with them?
- What does it say about what you ARE looking for, and how can they tell if that applies to them personally (how can they tell if they are a match for you)?

You are up against insurmountable odds. This site, overall, sucks ass for guys like you because of all the scammers you have to deal with anyways.
On top of that there simple aren't that many Dominant women available, so even if suddenly by magic all the scammers would go away, you would still have a very very hard time finding a woman who was interested in starting a conversation with you. Those who would be interested in you (if they knew you existed) have literally hundred of other submissive men available to them whom they ALSO might be interested in.

So off all of the available actual non-scammer women, you're only 1 fish in -for them- a rather small well stocked pond (not a lot of scammers) with very many fish (lot of available male subs); your pond on the other hand is huge, only has a couple real fish, and for the rest is littered with garbage.

You need to fine tune your fishing lure to be AS appealing as possible to the few fish out there. What you're embarking up is a journey of frustration, endless waiting, and lots of garbage catching which is going to waste your time.

Try to perfect your profile such that if you find that 1 woman which is the one for you, she'll read it, and instantly know that you're a guy of interest to her. If she really is the right one for you, everything, such as not wanting easily exchange emails, not wanting to readily skype, etc, will fall into place. She will understand. You do not need to tell her these things before talking to her. Before there is an interest in getting to know you.

What you need to do is figure out a way that makes her want to get to know you. This won't be easy. She has many many options available to her. You will have to figure out a way to be exceptional, in your own personal unique way, in a way that will make your dream woman be instantly drawn to you.

I don't envy your position. It's though one. But I wish you all the good luck in the world.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to aturwhimx)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Is "online" even worth the time or effort... - 4/30/2016 9:46:00 PM   
ThatDizzyChick


Posts: 5490
Status: offline
quote:

it seems to me now as though we where only lucky to "hit it of" well enough to actually make these arrangements and meet how and when we did?

Yes, and so was anybody who ever managed to find somebody with whom they clicked in a meaningful way. It is and always has been a crap shoot.
quote:

which leaves me baffled as to what their point in being there actually is? (perhaps it's just for the lolz with familiars)

The discussion forums.
quote:

whether or not putting any more effort into seeking online is even worth the while anymore or should I just hire a professional lifestyle mistress instead like my mistress once was for a brief period?

Only you can answer thaT.
quote:

I would also appreciate some constructive criticism on my profile as I have never written one before until recently...

It's very negative, it is basically saying "If you are reading this you are a scammer"
It's full of what you won't do, nothing about what you will do
The pictures are just random pics from online that objectify the mistress.


_____________________________

Not your average bimbo.

(in reply to aturwhimx)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Is "online" even worth the time or effort... - 4/30/2016 10:00:19 PM   
Blank101


Posts: 130
Joined: 9/15/2011
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Finding someone online is worth as much time and effort as you want to put in.

In my case, I can tell you that there are very few dommes to begin with in Portland, let alone ones that I feel we would mesh well together. But you know what? I still log on everyday in hopes of someone new popping up (instead of those damn toilet dommes). It sounds like you've had one meaningful relationship already, so you should know that the opportunities exist. Stay hopeful.

< Message edited by Blank101 -- 4/30/2016 10:21:15 PM >

(in reply to ThatDizzyChick)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Is "online" even worth the time or effort... - 5/1/2016 10:54:25 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

1. I was first, properly initiated into S&M by my partner who I met through ZOOSK and then continued to build up legitimate dialogue via a site called Fetlife.com, it seems to me now as though we where only lucky to "hit it of" well enough to actually make these arrangements and meet how and when we did?

I'm not sure exactly what you are asking here. Did you luck out when it happened before? I'd probably say yes. I tend to see the online thing as a crap shoot. It can happen for some people and for other people, it won't. For all of the wonderful success stories, there are just as many people that it turned out horribly. I can't say anything about the odds.

quote:

2. There has since been many occasion I've found myself back to square #1 in which I initially began (call it nostalgia) just a couple of years ago and where these services are still running or available online today, but I can't seem to fain the same or if any interest in having a conducive discussion with those said methods, and as I am already well aware... Many if not most of those who have interacted via these online services such as FL,Zoosk, CS... Are already in some kind of sub/dom relationship anyways, which leaves me baffled as to what their point in being there actually is? (perhaps it's just for the lolz with familiars)

Fet is almost the necessary evil now for those of us who engage in munches, parties, clubs, etc. Most pubic events (meaning not private house parties) are advertised on Fet via an event page. All of the private parties (meaning the invite only type) that I've attended in the past year, the host has contacted me on Fet.

I'm more than willing to step up to the plate and say that Fet is also 'kinky Facebook' for me. I don't have a Facebook account, don't do twitter, or any of that other stuff. If people I know want to contact me, the best method is on Fet.

quote:

3. Whatever the case, it's all becomes rather discouraging and I have reached the point of asking myself whether or not putting any more effort into seeking online is even worth the while anymore or should I just hire a professional lifestyle mistress instead like my mistress once was for a brief period?

If I was "seeking online" and this site was my method, I'd probably sell the kink toy collection off. I'd at least put a little more faith in Fet because a very high majority of folks willing to hit munches and such are more often found there. It also allows you to know what events they attend and who they actively interact with. This isn't everybody's method BUT, if you're really talking about going to a pro to get your kinky itch scratched, I don't see why the method is any different than the top/bottom thing that happens when one engages in pick up play. It's not going to be relationship oriented, which the chances of you turning a business arrangement into, anyway.

quote:

I would also appreciate some constructive criticism on my profile as I have never written one before until recently...

Thank you for reading

Warm Regards,
aturwhimx

I see you erased the profile. I happen to think a blank profile is a BAD idea. If you really want to see some results, you're not going to get them with a blank page. Would you answer an ad that was blank?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Blank101)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Is "online" even worth the time or effort... - 5/2/2016 10:41:33 AM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline 		“Lifestyle” now equates to: mechanism for cheating, to lie, to extort cash, to be a grotesque caricature, existence - and their army of enablers…their kindred. I have been brief with descriptors. And last attended a Scottish club 11 years ago

You are entitled to believe there are 80-95% bad. Only the deluded and enablers, of suspect characters, would slobber other wise, less they be expelled from their niche, cliques of abhorrent malarkey. I opted along time ago to play no part in it and speak out about it or what actual reality is these days

Still, it does leave some decent people..Concentrate on them.


< Message edited by WickedsDesire -- 5/2/2016 10:42:14 AM >

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Is "online" even worth the time or effort... - 5/2/2016 11:06:21 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14415
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aturwhimx
I asked for "CONSTRUCTIVE" criticism, not just easy slander =S


It was constructive and it's not "slander" Slander is making a false statement that damages your reputation. It wasn't false and it didn't harm your reputation.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to aturwhimx)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Is "online" even worth the time or effort... - 5/2/2016 1:44:15 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5159
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aturwhimx

In what regard is it negative exactly? besides the blatant obvious? The spamming here is ridiculous, so I prefer people only take the time to come up with genuine original conversation, is that negative or is that not just pragmatic? I asked for "CONSTRUCTIVE" criticism, not just easy slander =S


I would give you examples, but you deleted your profile. I am not sure how I slandered you. Did I say something that was not true?

For an example that is not part of your profile, your post here is negative whether feel it is or not.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to aturwhimx)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Is "online" even worth the time or effort... - 5/18/2016 3:44:12 PM   
aturwhimx


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/25/2016
Status: offline 		Thanks

(in reply to Blank101)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Is "online" even worth the time or effort... - 5/30/2016 10:24:57 AM   
BraceletMe


Posts: 23
Joined: 3/9/2004
Status: offline 		I wouldn't give up but try to keep a bit of balance. Make an effort and be reasonably positive in your interactions with others but at the same time don't get your hopes up or spend time looking at profiles everyday.

The above said, not that looking online for a dominant woman was ever fantastic to begin with, I think it was better or "easier" years ago.

In the early days of the internet, all of a sudden there was a new pool of dominant women that you could introduce yourself to and possibly meet. The novelty was exciting for everyone. But that lessened over time as women met their eventual partners, whether on or offline.

So, the pool diminishes and the ones that remain become more jaded over time. Of course, there are new "dominant women" that appear also but the percentage of these that are scammers seems to be abnormally high.

The other thing is looking online is more difficult. In the beginning it was mostly ALT and CollarMe. Now, ALT is a complete waste of time and CollarMe has been massively diluted by people going to other sites like FL and (I presume) Facebook. And FL isn't really designed for one-to-one interaction (which I prefer) as much as it is for listing various meetups. Years ago, when I lived in NYC, I used to go to the clubs and occasional munches but felt there was even less of a chance of connecting with someone that way.

I'm older now, so that makes things more difficult for me. At least you have your age going for you. Good luck!

(in reply to aturwhimx)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Is "online" even worth the time or effort... - 5/30/2016 11:06:38 AM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		In a word: No.
I never did or ever wanted "online".
Nothing beats the real thing; skin-on-skin.
Online is only ever of use as a stop-gap until you get to meet and that should be a temporary thing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BraceletMe
I wouldn't give up but try to keep a bit of balance. Make an effort and be reasonably positive in your interactions with others but at the same time don't get your hopes up or spend time looking at profiles everyday.

Only desperate people and HNG's spend their time looking at profiles daily.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BraceletMe
The above said, not that looking online for a dominant woman was ever fantastic to begin with, I think it was better or "easier" years ago.

I think it wasn't so much 'easier' in the old days but more that there weren't so many HNG's or desperate do-me-subs as there are currently.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BraceletMe
In the early days of the internet, all of a sudden there was a new pool of dominant women that you could introduce yourself to and possibly meet. The novelty was exciting for everyone. But that lessened over time as women met their eventual partners, whether on or offline.

See above. The women just got wiser.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BraceletMe
So, the pool diminishes and the ones that remain become more jaded over time. Of course, there are new "dominant women" that appear also but the percentage of these that are scammers seems to be abnormally high.

The internet got better and more popular and the scammers see easy pickings.
There are waay too many stoopid guys willing to open their wallets on a remote promise.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BraceletMe
The other thing is looking online is more difficult.

Really?? What rock have you been living under for the last 10+ years??
The internet is awash with kinky sites and means of contact.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BraceletMe
In the beginning it was mostly ALT and CollarMe. Now, ALT is a complete waste of time and CollarMe has been massively diluted by people going to other sites like FL and (I presume) Facebook. And FL isn't really designed for one-to-one interaction (which I prefer) as much as it is for listing various meetups. Years ago, when I lived in NYC, I used to go to the clubs and occasional munches but felt there was even less of a chance of connecting with someone that way.

You've got it all ass-backwards.
Munches are by far the best way to meet people for one-on-one encounters.
There are many groups, websites and places to contact right on your doorstep in Tucson so there's no excuse!

BTW: my most recent exploits have been from Alt and nothing from CollarSpace or FL.
Aaannd... I am 5 years older than you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BraceletMe
I'm older now, so that makes things more difficult for me. At least you have your age going for you. Good luck!

See above.


_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”
George Orwell, 1903-1950


(in reply to BraceletMe)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Is "online" even worth the time or effort... - 5/30/2016 2:36:48 PM   
BraceletMe


Posts: 23
Joined: 3/9/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1
See above. The women just got wiser.


What are HNG's?

quote:

Really?? What rock have you been living under for the last 10+ years??
The internet is awash with kinky sites and means of contact.


Please name some examples other than what I've listed and I'll check them out.

quote:

You've got it all ass-backwards.
Munches are by far the best way to meet people for one-on-one encounters.
There are many groups, websites and places to contact right on your doorstep in Tucson so there's no excuse!


I didn't find that to be the case in New York. As far as what's in Tucson, where are you getting all of this info? FL?


(in reply to freedomdwarf1)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Is "online" even worth the time or effort... - 5/30/2016 5:20:54 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5159
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		I have been to Desert Dominion several times. Really nice group of kinky people. They are friendly. Desert Dominion is a group in Tucson. They even have their own dungeon which makes dungeon parties a weekly thing.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to BraceletMe)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Is "online" even worth the time or effort... - 5/30/2016 5:26:58 PM   
ThatDizzyChick


Posts: 5490
Status: offline
quote:

What are HNG's?

Horny Net Geeks

_____________________________

Not your average bimbo.

(in reply to BraceletMe)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Is "online" even worth the time or effort... - 5/31/2016 3:54:11 PM   
AtUrCervix


Posts: 2111
Joined: 1/15/2016
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aturwhimx

OK... so here's the situation
-------------------------------------

I am in my early 30's, living in the UK

I do not have any long term commitments such as a job or vanilla relationship (Not really in need of one just now)

I still consider myself to have limited experience although I did have a very deep emotional and spiritual connection with my mistress that lasted over a period 2 years (who sadly has since retired from life itself due to a long standing battle against cancer)

I have since been out of the BDSM field and life style for well over 3 and half years now.

I find myself somewhat longing to have the same level of connection which I truly doubt I will ever have again.

I sometimes attend Munchies within Edinburgh & Glasgow but find that nothing quite compares to the 24/7 lifestyle I once had.

I have since reestablished dialogue with my unwitting family who thought I was abroad the whole time I was living my secrete lifestyle down in London.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So my questions are:
----------------------------

1. I was first, properly initiated into S&M by my partner who I met through ZOOSK and then continued to build up legitimate dialogue via a site called Fetlife.com, it seems to me now as though we where only lucky to "hit it of" well enough to actually make these arrangements and meet how and when we did?

2. There has since been many occasion I've found myself back to square #1 in which I initially began (call it nostalgia) just a couple of years ago and where these services are still running or available online today, but I can't seem to fain the same or if any interest in having a conducive discussion with those said methods, and as I am already well aware... Many if not most of those who have interacted via these online services such as FL,Zoosk, CS... Are already in some kind of sub/dom relationship anyways, which leaves me baffled as to what their point in being there actually is? (perhaps it's just for the lolz with familiars)

3. Whatever the case, it's all becomes rather discouraging and I have reached the point of asking myself whether or not putting any more effort into seeking online is even worth the while anymore or should I just hire a professional lifestyle mistress instead like my mistress once was for a brief period?

I would also appreciate some constructive criticism on my profile as I have never written one before until recently...

Thank you for reading

Warm Regards,
aturwhimx



I'm not gunna read your profile bud.

Do what the chics say.

Over.

(in reply to aturwhimx)
Profile   Post #: 19
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