RE: I would really love some input

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: I would really love some input

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: I would really love some input

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: I would really love some input - 7/30/2016 3:19:31 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Diamond675
I would suggest educating yourself on the terminology used.

I would say the same to you.

Since consentual slavery is an oxymoron...it means that the definitions within a relationship are up to the people within that relationship. If they're happy with the term "slave" and the relationship is working - it' s none of business what they call each other.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Diamond675)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: I would really love some input - 7/30/2016 3:42:07 PM

WickedsDesire

Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline

Op is a man and well worn sock on here....whence it call itself, creature of utter wretch, women..it gets more replies - they are a simple lot on here and smack of entitlement as their men lie bereft in bed minus a good cock gobbler

woe begone times indeed

< Message edited by WickedsDesire -- 7/30/2016 3:43:31 PM >

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: I would really love some input - 7/31/2016 6:48:37 AM

Diamond675

Posts: 3
Joined: 7/29/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Diamond675
I would suggest educating yourself on the terminology used.

I would say the same to you.

Since consentual slavery is an oxymoron...it means that the definitions within a relationship are up to the people within that relationship. If they're happy with the term "slave" and the relationship is working - it' s none of business what they call each other.

I think you may have mistaken the tone of my message as clearly I finished the message with "Enjoy your journey". You can refer to yourself as what ever you like, "Slave" "Submissive" "Bottom" etc.. It's important to know what the difference is. Whether she chooses to use that term or not is completely as you say.. none of our business, but at least be familiar with the terminology.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: I would really love some input - 7/31/2016 7:18:38 AM

Bhruic

Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: newbiesub1977

my one and only goal is to please Sir. From a submissive's point of view, how do you overcome apprehension / anxiety / fear about trying something that you are unsure about? I want to please him, but feel uncomfortable with the idea of walking around like a dog? it is a complete mindf^ck for me as i do not want to risk making him unhappy when everything has been going so well. Is that sort of thing a dehumanizing exercise or does it invoke respect from a Master? i am afraid of having the discussion because I so want to please Sir, but also want to retain respect?..

Next, may sound stupid, but where is the difference between submissive and slave?

i would appreciate and and all input please

It sounds to me like you have a ways to go yet before you understand what you want, and why it excites you. Both submission and slavery intrinsically require submission and obedience.

Many people derive their pleasure in the fact of being required to do something that makes them uncomfortable. That is what gives them the sense of having submitted, or of being an obedient slave. For some, it would be hard to feel submissive doing only what you already want to do.

You say your only goal is to please Sir... but it sounds like what you really want is that he just be please with whatever you are comfortable with.

I'm not saying what you should do, or be... I'm just saying that it sounds like you have embraced the language and trappings of a particular scene, before knowing what, in fact, you really want.

The way out of that is for both you and your partner to have open, frank, discussion of what you each want and need. No worthwhile Dominant would be offended by that. And if your fear is that you might tell him things he doesn't want to hear... that there are things he wants that you just don't want to do... then better to have that conversation sooner than later, because if you don't, you will disappoint him anyway, but it will be worse if you wait.

In my own relationship, the difference between submission and slavery is that the slave is committed to total obedience. Yes, consensual slavery is a sort of illusion, but it is a very powerful one. The slave trusts that the dominant will not demand something that will go too far and break the relationship, and the Dominant trusts that if they keep to that, the slave will obey all commands.

As you can imagine, for that to work, you have to know each other very well... and that happens only by open communication.

< Message edited by Bhruic -- 7/31/2016 7:29:06 AM >

_____________________________

pronounced "VROOick"

(in reply to newbiesub1977)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: I would really love some input - 7/31/2016 10:08:43 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Diamond675

It's important to know what the difference is.

There is no difference. Just different names for the same thing - a person who voluntarily agrees to become the submissive partner in a relationship. One is not better, one is not deeper, one is not more - regardless of what wanks on the internet would like you to believe. The labels don't matter.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Diamond675)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: I would really love some input - 8/1/2016 1:53:36 AM

Diamond675

Posts: 3
Joined: 7/29/2016
Status: offline

Hmm I can respect your opinion but personally I see a "Bottom" as someone who likes to be dominated in the bedroom only. Submissive who takes the relationship of a D/s outside the bedroom and lives it with their limits. A slave as someone who lives it 24/7 with no limits, consensual non consensual.

< Message edited by Diamond675 -- 8/1/2016 1:55:10 AM >

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: I would really love some input - 8/1/2016 12:48:43 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Diamond675
Hmm I can respect your opinion but personally I see a "Bottom" as someone who likes to be dominated in the bedroom only. Submissive who takes the relationship of a D/s outside the bedroom and lives it with their limits. A slave as someone who lives it 24/7 with no limits, consensual non consensual.

And no one would argue with your right to personally see it that way. Where you go astray is when you assume that everyone else will. In order for that to be true there would need to be some canonical source that defined BDSM terms. Then, we could all measure ourselves against a common reference. In the absence of that, it reminds of what the salesperson said as I was choosing between two kayaks:

"Choose the one that appeals to you more. They are both excellent boats but you'll think the one you visually like better goes faster and turns sharper."

It was great advice.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Diamond675)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: I would really love some input - 8/1/2016 1:00:18 PM

Bhruic

Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: Diamond675
Hmm I can respect your opinion but personally I see a "Bottom" as someone who likes to be dominated in the bedroom only. Submissive who takes the relationship of a D/s outside the bedroom and lives it with their limits. A slave as someone who lives it 24/7 with no limits, consensual non consensual.

And no one would argue with your right to personally see it that way. Where you go astray is when you assume that everyone else will. In order for that to be true there would need to be some canonical source that defined BDSM terms. Then, we could all measure ourselves against a common reference. In the absence of that, it reminds of what the salesperson said as I was choosing between two kayaks:

"Choose the one that appeals to you more. They are both excellent boats but you'll think the one you visually like better goes faster and turns sharper."

It was great advice.

It's true that there is no authoritative source for the meaning of BDSM labels... but I think many people would accept that, for some labels, there is a reasonable consensus of what generally they mean, and signify.

But I'm not sure that the OP's problem is with picking the right label... or rather, it seems to me that the problem is that they picked a label at all, and then tried to define their relationship in relation to it, instead of exploring their relationship, and then applying a label to it later, when they understood well what it is that they both want and need.

In the alternative lifestyle world, I don't find labels especially useful, but they can be downright debilitating when you start off with a label, and then try and force your relationship to fit it. In particular, for those new to the lifestyle.

< Message edited by Bhruic -- 8/1/2016 1:02:28 PM >

_____________________________

pronounced "VROOick"

(in reply to JeffBC)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: I would really love some input - 8/1/2016 1:24:34 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic

In the alternative lifestyle world, I don't find labels especially useful, but they can be downright debilitating when you start off with a label, and then try and force your relationship to fit it. In particular, for those new to the lifestyle.

And I think that's a really good point too. So many people on the internet try to stuff themselves into a label and it doesn't help that the Ubers use the term "slave" like it's a graduate program. They go into a relationship with this fantasy based idea of what the relationship should be...and it destroys the relationship. They haven't figured out what the definitions of that relationship mean to them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Diamond675

Hmm I can respect your opinion but personally I see a "Bottom" as someone who likes to be dominated in the bedroom only. Submissive who takes the relationship of a D/s outside the bedroom and lives it with their limits. A slave as someone who lives it 24/7 with no limits, consensual non consensual.

Well, to blow that theory - I'm a submissive, I've lived in a 24/7 TPE, consentual/non-consent relationship for 17 years. Many of women here are in similar, long term relationships and identify the same way.

And for the record there's no such thing as "no limits". Everyone has limits. Not having to exercise those limits doesn't mean that they don't exist, it just means they don't have to be trotted out everyday.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Bhruic)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: I would really love some input - 8/1/2016 3:04:39 PM

LilJuly76

Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline

pfft on labels, people call themselves what they want in a D/s relationship. One of my relationships I was to always call Lord of Dungarees, he thought it was catchy, as for labels who cares.

Dominants and submissives usually both have limits, I hate the internet fantasy of "I"m a no limit sex slave so he can Dominate me and fuck me with his big dong." it goes a long with my distaste of Gor, using sci fi books and turning it into a BDSM relationship.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: I would really love some input - 8/1/2016 4:20:02 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LilJuly76
I hate the internet fantasy of "I"m a no limit sex slave so he can Dominate me and fuck me with his big dong."

We were at a social, meeting a potential Unicorn and she proudly proclaimed that she was a "no limit slave". M says "Cool! I'll be right back." It turned out he had been helping a friend do some home construction and the tools were still in the trunk. He came back with a small drywall saw, you should have seen her face when he asked her if she was left or right handed.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LilJuly76)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: I would really love some input - 8/2/2016 4:42:01 AM

LilJuly76

Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline

yeah that usually sets up their limits right away.

I have a standard rule with every Dominant I was in a relationship with or just played with, if they respect my limits we will talk, if not goodbye don't let the door hit your butt on the way out.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Profile

Post #: 32