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I need help finding a New Sub - 7/15/2016 12:12:18 PM

lessergod3

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/15/2016
Status: offline

I am new to this forum so I apologize if I lack in protocol. But I have a question. I began a relationship with my first sub about 7 months ago and she moved away to another state. That relationship began out of research and an accident, that led to me discovering what kind of Dom I am. Now I do not know how to find a new submissive.

I am very well versed in the difference between a submissive and a slave but I am curious of someone could help me with this. My first Dom/Sub relationship happened on a "happy accident" so to speak because I was researching Dom/Sub play for a possible Ph D program. So you can probably understand why I need guidance.

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RE: I need help finding a New Sub - 7/15/2016 3:29:26 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lessergod3

I am very well versed in the difference between a submissive and a slave

I'll start with this - that statement tells me that you're not. The difference between sub and slave is entirely subjective and the definition of each depends on the people involved in the relationship.

For me personally, I don't believe there is a difference and believe that consentual slavery is an oxymoron.

I would urge you to figure out what it means to you and what is important to you in a power dynamic relationship.

As for finding a submissive: I would highly recommend finding your local community. Attend munches/socials, attend demonstrations and attend the discussion groups. FetLife is actually really good place to see what is happening near you. (And be honest about your experience level)

Welcome to the forums and good luck in your search.

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to lessergod3)

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RE: I need help finding a New Sub - 7/15/2016 3:38:28 PM

lessergod3

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/15/2016
Status: offline

Thank you

(in reply to OsideGirl)

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RE: I need help finding a New Sub - 7/15/2016 3:52:06 PM

LilJuly76

Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline

all good advice from OsideGirl and I'll also stress the be honest point, if you aren't honest about your experience in BDSM than within your local community you're going to get a bad rap and that's the last thing you want. Also study and learn just don't go gun ho to get a submissive, not everyone can be a Dominant.

(in reply to lessergod3)

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RE: I need help finding a New Sub - 7/15/2016 5:27:34 PM

lessergod3

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/15/2016
Status: offline

I learned that the first time around. I was not looking nor expecting the first D/s relationship I had to occur. Also my first sub was a switch as well. So I never learned the conventional means of meeting a submissive.

(in reply to LilJuly76)

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RE: I need help finding a New Sub - 7/16/2016 5:11:46 AM

LilJuly76

Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline

the best way munches, events, maybe BDSM classes, not online.

(in reply to lessergod3)

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RE: I need help finding a New Sub - 7/16/2016 6:22:36 AM

SnarkDom

Posts: 59
Joined: 2/12/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: lessergod3

I am very well versed in the difference between a submissive and a slave

I'll start with this - that statement tells me that you're not. The difference between sub and slave is entirely subjective and the definition of each depends on the people involved in the relationship.

For me personally, I don't believe there is a difference and believe that consentual slavery is an oxymoron.

I would urge you to figure out what it means to you and what is important to you in a power dynamic relationship.

As for finding a submissive: I would highly recommend finding your local community. Attend munches/socials, attend demonstrations and attend the discussion groups. FetLife is actually really good place to see what is happening near you. (And be honest about your experience level)

Welcome to the forums and good luck in your search.

I am in slight agreement with all this - I personally think the only difference between sub and slave is that one has more fucking letters.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

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RE: I need help finding a New Sub - 7/16/2016 7:58:36 AM

WickedsDesire

Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline

Have you looked down the back of the sofa?

I am certain you always ask this question or slightly different variant.

There is a 0% chance you will meet one from here. Bit greater if you were a wench.

Clubs - you could always try them I suppose. They are not hookup joints quite the opposite. But it will broaden your social circle, so to spake, so word will reach you as some hot bint becomes available and you can snaffle her up quickly.
Try munches too Ive no idea what they are like nowadays – probably no more than 30 attend one for all of my country.
Osidegirl says try fetlife – agreed, it has listing for events near you and also as far far more members – so it has numbers and therefore a slight increase in your chances

Possible online – there exists two fetish sites ive never been able to meet anyone from, here and fet…and I used to try, before I found enlightenment with cheap chardonnay and deep conversations with my hoard of cats.

And stick yourself on pof and okc too and use the same profile words – acolyte good word, neophyte is better

The problem online is not the lack of genuine souls looking for relationships….the married and attached and lying about it numbers are now so vast, no matter the site, they dilute them down greatly….fetish sites, swinger sites ( I know) and the mainstream normal dating ones and that does not include the socks and catfish scammers and trolls.

(in reply to SnarkDom)

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RE: I need help finding a New Sub - 7/16/2016 8:11:41 AM

LilJuly76

Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline

be a little nicer to them WD especially if they are relatively new, most won't know that looking online isn't the best way to find a submissive, giving ideas is the best to teach people, some may not know about munches and clubs etc.

heck I just got a newbie rip into me when I told them nicely when you want to address a submissive properly, start off with hello, how are you doing today?

(in reply to WickedsDesire)

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RE: I need help finding a New Sub - 7/16/2016 11:46:32 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Same way you find a new girlfriend. You date compatible people and you talk about what you both want in a relationship.

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RE: I need help finding a New Sub - 7/16/2016 6:28:42 PM

kiwisub22

Posts: 450
Joined: 7/16/2016
Status: offline

I disagree with this. I meet my dominant and my sadist online. You just have to be smart about it. For instance, unless you really want an online relationship, you should probably meet your prospective ______ within a few messages, in a public place. That way, you can tell if there is anything there to build on. My relationships have been wildly successful.

(in reply to LilJuly76)

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Post #: 11