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Breaking? Good or Bad? - 7/24/2016 4:23:43 AM

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I`ve recently been asked about breaking a sub & would like your opinions on the subject is it safe etc.

I have always held the opinion that breaking is bad & therefore goes against my views of what is / is not acceptable.

But the sub was told that long periods of edging were a form of breaking.
Since I have never really looked into the hows & whys of sub breaking I`d be interested in hearing your views / methods & of course warnings concerning this subject.
I have NOT said yes to her request, but I did say I would look into it more for her.

Thanks in advance for your answers

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RE: Breaking? Good or Bad? - 7/24/2016 4:40:31 AM

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I think personally that you should understand what she means..Long periods of edging leaves a lot open to negotiation, and deeper exploration of what she imagines it to be for her.
Because "Breaking" to me is something that I wouldnt even consider advising on as My interpretation is a little harsh. (ir using degradation, humiliation, harsh actions to bring a sub to the point of complete malleability. Not something you should attempt until you can build a person back. In my limited experience, far too many people think its just fun to do, without thinking about the ramifications of doing so.
But thats my interpretation.
And Edging is not to me "breaking" its training. so you see its all in the definition
Im sure there will be people along to give you the psychological and physical issues with "breaking" a sub, and their own personal views and stuff, but they like me are NOT in YOUR relationship.
What works for you and the sub is really what matters.
Good luck,for you both.

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RE: Breaking? Good or Bad? - 7/24/2016 4:54:28 AM

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Exactly, I have my notions of what it is which is why I have not really looked into it before or even entertained the idea.
So any & all ideas & thoughts are welcome.
This is not something I`m even entertaining the idea of rushing into.

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RE: Breaking? Good or Bad? - 7/24/2016 5:08:09 AM

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:) Hi, Im sorry I in no way meant you should only take my advice:) Or that you are rushing...
I know that when I started getting into "edgier" stuff, the sub mentioned something and I researched it, and was horrified by what I found....wanted no part of it,
then when we got around to discussing it again, what he was interested in wasnt even close to what I had researched. Panic over.
Miscommunication is a bitch.

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( (> A NASTY
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RE: Breaking? Good or Bad? - 7/24/2016 5:17:05 AM

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:) It`s fine, I had not interpreted your message that way.
I thank you for your input all the same.

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RE: Breaking? Good or Bad? - 7/24/2016 5:27:11 AM

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Dont Hate Love

(in reply to Rogue886)

RE: Breaking? Good or Bad? - 7/24/2016 7:12:59 AM

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Real breaking leaves people with PTSD. I don't recommend it.
And I don't know why they imagine edging is breaking. In my book it isn't even close.

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RE: Breaking? Good or Bad? - 7/24/2016 7:19:09 AM

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your view is the same as mine has been for a long while. It leaves the sub as damaged goods if you will.
but she asked so I said I would research it.
But have made no promises. And if I am not happy with the idea after the research it will not happen.
I have enough respect for her to look into it, but too much to go through with it if it`s going to cause lasting harm.

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RE: Breaking? Good or Bad? - 7/24/2016 10:41:09 AM

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Has she told you what she thinks the benefit of "breaking" is?

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RE: Breaking? Good or Bad? - 7/24/2016 1:28:48 PM

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Nopes, but then that is not a question I`ve thought to ask T.B.H.

It is however a good question & one that will be asked.

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RE: Breaking? Good or Bad? - 7/25/2016 9:52:31 AM

Gauge

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This is a fast reply.

Breaking someone is more than likely not what she wants. If she really wants it, I would personally run for the hills, but that is me.

A few questions to ask her would be:

1. What does "breaking" mean to you?

2. What does "breaking" look like to you? (kind of the same question but this goes into the how she wants it done)

3. Why do you want to be broken?

4. Are you aware of the risks?

That is just off the top of my head with less than a cup of coffee in me.

Communication is the absolute key to a relationship. In BDSM it is essential or you could do serious damage.

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RE: Breaking? Good or Bad? - 9/1/2016 4:17:35 AM

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bReaking is Good or Bad......

If your money is safe then your Breaking is Good....

But if it is not in sAfE...THEN YOUR BREAKING IS baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

ddddddddddddddddddddddd

(in reply to Gauge)

RE: Breaking? Good or Bad? - 8/25/2017 1:27:43 PM

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If you consider the kind of intense training/shaping described in the Marketplace series of books by Laura Antoniou to be "breaking", and that is something that attracts you, then the question becomes whether you think the dominant(s) offering to do it are really able to fulfill their role(s) at that level or not.

At times when I have been unable (unwilling?) to live the submissive role to my own standards much less that of the dominant involved and have been discouraged, I have wished I could just be shipped off somewhere with real pros like those in those books and get this straight once and for all.

Probably not realistic and also putting too much responsibility outside my self, but I've entertained the thought more than once over the years.

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RE: Breaking? Good or Bad? - 8/25/2017 2:41:04 PM

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You realize this thread is a year old?

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RE: Breaking? Good or Bad? - 8/27/2017 8:37:47 AM

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quote:

I have always held the opinion that breaking is bad & therefore goes against my views of what is / is not acceptable.

Question. Who decides what is good or bad for you? I love being pushed hard. If I say it's ok to break me and you don't trust me with it, it just shows a lack of trust IMO. You have your limits, I have mine. Mine just happen to be "In the deep end". If I'm not punished hard, I get away with shit. If I get away with too much shit, I risk hurting people unintentionally. Which is worse? I have a saying and it's a simple one. "Loyalty over morality". I also have "If you can't accept me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best". For me worst would be "Being broken". People break in general. I'm there if I care. Some people broke me in general in the past. Those turned out to be the ones that actually cared the most. Back then it was in the bad/forced way. Now I'm into "Forced" things and being pushed hard. I like it. I take the bad with the good of things. It's needed and wanted. As long as it is established "It's ok to force things and break me because I need to be" then it's fine. Hell, maybe I need someone to do that to know they care enough to look after my needs. Which some people do. There's more detailed and personal reasons but you get the idea.

Now don't misunderstand what I mean by this. I'm me. You're you. we're going to be different. It can be ok to push ME in that way even if it's not ok to push OTHERS (or you). I am NOT others. Others are not you either. Are you perhaps then magically deciding what is acceptable or not for me? Without my consent? Comparing me to others? Others you care about to me? Everyone's different. You do not know what is acceptable or not until you "know" with X person here.

Going to point out the obvious here. Check in. Everyone's different. It's ok to push me hard with trusted company that I know, even if they're very different with most other people. It's not ok for someone else to do that if I don't know or care about them enough for it to happen. That shit needs trust. On both sides. "I need the harsh stuff because it's bad (harsh punishments as an example) AND good (Harsh punishments can lead to intimacy)" is different then "Random stranger forcing just bad stuff on you".

Allow me to explain how "What affects me/you" works. Someone once tried to "Spare my feelings" because they thought they "knew better for me" about how to be "nice" to me. Pro tip: If you're tying to spare my feelings instead of being honest I'm taking issue with it. It was with good intentions but it was HURTING me. Not HELPING. Get it now? Treat me all "Acceptable for most people I know" instead of "Checking in with me" and I'm taking issue with it. That same person stopped sparing my feelings (which I appreciate) and ended up as an owner. "Harshness" was a barrier but hey, no one's perfect and they try. Trying gets results. Now they're good at it "With me". Me. Not "With others". not "Most people". It's acceptable "For us". Even if it's not acceptable for "Them". There's only ever one "between us" between two people. Even if everyone else can be an "us" to someone we know. We are NOT all the same because we're all different. Because everyone's different. And we treat everyone differently wherever we like it or not. Unless you're saying everyone has the same needs. Which of course would be silly.

There's also such a thing as "Treat me in the ways I need and is acceptable for me and I'll treat you in the ways you need which is acceptable to you". Doing the "Acceptable thing" for each other. Harshness for cuddles. Yanking the leash for stroking a cheek. Etc. You don't need to be "the same". You just need to look after each others needs. And trust each other that it's not a "bad" thing to do with each other. That it's even "good" because of the company.

Or you can go "I know better for you. This is not acceptable/wrong period". But where has that ever gotten anyone? Maybe when done to you. But not to me. It's not "wrong" if you do it when I "want" it. It's only "wrong" when you either don't trust me (Because mistrust) or try to force a harsh thing (As in forcing yourself to do it. You need to "want" too).

Also gentle things can be JUST as bad as harsh things. People have tried to force those things too. Never ends well in my experience. Forcing "Gentle" or "Harsh" on others. X has needs, but Y ALSO has needs. Don't drown them in your own stuff alone.

To answer the question, it's safe if someone says it's safe and they're honest about their "breaking point". Which could well be "no line drawn without safe word". You will either TRUST them on that or you will not. Just, you know, find out why either way. I don't know who you know. I can not speak for them. If you don't push hard enough you could be neglecting their needs. Push too hard and it can send them over the edge. Check in. it's safe when you check in often until things are established. Do you need to push "more" or "less"? Or just "in a different way" or "A combination of ways"? All different depending on "Who you ask".

< Message edited by Taramafor -- 8/27/2017 8:59:00 AM >

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RE: Breaking? Good or Bad? - 8/27/2017 1:02:25 PM

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Did you bother to check when the last post of this thread was made? It's been a year, serves little purpose posting.

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RE: Breaking? Good or Bad? - 8/27/2017 1:08:55 PM

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This presumes that you have no triggers. And that you've had sufficient therapy to know where your weak points are and how you'll respond when broken.

If this was true, nobody would get into situations that result in a diagnosis of PTSD.

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RE: Breaking? Good or Bad? - 9/3/2017 7:59:47 AM

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Lucylastic described breaking as 8 understands and experienced it. 8 was broken in a private club in Austria in 1969/70; it took a few months. It was then trained to be what was wanted; training took a year plus. If a totally compliant, skilled property is what is sought breaking is the way to go. The property comes to accept what it is as well as its uses and the protocols it is to follow; it does not question or speak without permission.

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RE: Breaking? Good or Bad? - 9/3/2017 11:25:59 AM

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Nor can it think for itself or handle new situations that might occur without having panic attacks.

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RE: Breaking? Good or Bad? - 9/14/2017 11:01:28 PM

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No.

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