I don't understand this.... enlighten me.

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I don't understand this.... enlighten me. - 7/26/2016 6:07:21 PM

angeldmort

Posts: 54
Joined: 4/19/2009
Status: offline

I know that the number one complaint that most Dommes have is "time wasters." Subs that message and want to email back and forth, want to talk about kinks and make plans, but who then either cut off all contact when they are expected to call or show up. Or who make excuse after excuse for why they can't/didn't show up as planned, even just to meet and see if we click.

I need to understand. I need to find out if I'm doing something incredibly wrong that causes them to promise to be somewhere, then just bail without a word. Or come up with wild excuses time after time. Or just blow it off after being SO ardent and SO determined to prove that they are "real."

The one was only requested to contact me at least once a day, even if it was only to say hello. He was long distance, so it's not like he could come do anything for me. I didn't demand money. He wanted "desperately" to be a LIVE IN, 24/7 slave, but couldn't manage something as small as a text message during the day. And this was after 4 months of chatting back and forth and his making big plans to come visit for a weekend.

Today I'm being stood up after talking since May, and he was supposed to drive down and spend a week here. I even took a week's vacation for this. Lots of chit chat, then less, then me writing him to say "hey, haven't heard from you, are we still on?" and him saying "yes, still going to be there" over and over. Now today, he won't respond via any method. Good thing I have plenty to do on my renovations to fill up the week.

One got stomach flu the morning he was supposed to drive over the hour from his town.
I've even had one tell me his grandmother died and he was out of signal range, only to post a long nearly love letter about the Fin. Domme he'd been talking to the whole time. And that was after I'd given him a second chance to show up. He wrote me again and wanted to rant about how it's actually "three strikes and you're out" so I had to give him a third chance (after the Fin Domme stopped talking to him because he couldn't pay.)
One wanted to take us out to lunch asap then killed his account when we were setting up a date to do so.

These are just a few of the more shockingly big examples of the the dozens who got that far in the process. I know every Domme I've met has similar stories, and says it's the most common situation.
I just don't understand. Help me understand why someone would supposedly want something and then sabotage their chance of getting it when they get the chance?

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RE: I don't understand this.... enlighten me. - 7/26/2016 6:35:13 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

Honestly, a lot of people are afraid of having the fantasy becoming real. They're afraid actually doing makes them a bad person, or that it won't live up to the fantasy or are incapable of actually making movement towards any relationship regardless of the dynamic.

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RE: I don't understand this.... enlighten me. - 7/26/2016 7:22:16 PM

ThatDizzyChick

Posts: 5490
Status: offline

Also the chatting about serving is fap fodder for a lot of married guys.

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RE: I don't understand this.... enlighten me. - 7/26/2016 7:25:11 PM

littleladybug

Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline

Yup- lots of people online who have no intention of ever meeting. That's why, when I was looking, I'd always arrange to meet as soon as was practicable. Saved A LOT of wasted time.

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RE: I don't understand this.... enlighten me. - 7/26/2016 11:09:38 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5159
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

I think the best way to set up a first meet is to agree to meet somewhere where you like to be. If they don't show up then it's no big thing if you were doing something you enjoy doing. For example, agree to meet at a coffee shop where you can enjoy a drink. I think munches are great places to set up meetings. If you were going to munch anyway you still get to socialize with the others. If the person actually shows up you can go off to a more private corner.

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RE: I don't understand this.... enlighten me. - 7/27/2016 1:03:17 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Angel, your post here talks about being ghosted. Your profile me tons at least twice about being ghosted.

Remove that stuff. It's not helping. Focus on the winners, not the losers. Start expecting that things will go well.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: I don't understand this.... enlighten me. - 7/27/2016 10:16:45 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

I think munches are great places to set up meetings. If you were going to munch anyway you still get to socialize with the others. If the person actually shows up you can go off to a more private corner.

The problem with that is that if you don't connect with that person, you now have someone at a social event with your friends.

I did that once. The guy was an absolute troll and had lied about pretty much everything. He then followed me around for the rest of the night, kept inserting himself into my conversations and showed up at the next two socials because he knew that I went to them. It eventually took outright rudeness to make him stop trying to get me to change my mind and stop touching me.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 7/27/2016 10:22:37 AM >

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